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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
Big D vs The Super Dick
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B.O.B. D Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
01-25-2020, 12:10 PM

There was something about Adult Shops that gave me the creeps. While I understood the fun of bringing toys into the bedroom, I did NOT enjoy purchasing such items from a place that had rooms for lonely guys to go jack off in. Nevertheless, it was my only option to get what I was looking for on such short notice. While ordering online may have been the better, and more discreet, option, it certainly wasn't the fastest.

So there I was, browsing around the ole sex shop. I perused through the immense selection of DVDs, seeing a video for just about every member of the roster. There were vintage ones from the 80's for Vinnie Lane, starring girls with bushes the size of shrubbery. There was also interracial lesbian ass licking for the Grey-Lacklans; and, of course, chicks with dicks for Barney Green. Despite having some compelling movies for sale(with titles such as 'Three's Definitely NOT Company' and 'Gilly Takes 20 Dicks in An Hour'), they were not the reason for my being there. I walked away from what had to have been thousands of hours of porn; wondering why a business would waste so much money on something everyone had access to for free. Thanks internet!

I made my way over to the toy section, and I wasn't talking about the stuff you'd find at your local EB Games. This store had an item for just about anything you could imagine. Whips, chains, gags, vibrators, handcuffs, anal beads, butt plugs, tails, pumps......... though each of these had their own individual purpose, they were not the object of my desire.

Finally, as I reached the end of the toy section, I came across exactly what I was looking for: dildos. They had big ones and small ones, short ones and tall ones. Some were veiny, others were slick. Though there was a wide variety of colors, none of them fit the perfect description of the one I was looking for........ SUPER.

While I observed the wall of dicks, I noticed someone approaching me from behind. My Big D Senses kicked in and I immediately turned around in order to protect myself from any potential anal rape. It was a good thing I did, because standing there was a very peculiar looking fellow. He was very short with a crooked, almost hump-like shoulder, had zits and moles all over his greasy face, and looked way too eager to be there. The man looked as if Igor and Frodo came together, had a child, and then beat it with the biggest branch from anxiety tree they could find. As I observed this strange individual, who just stood there wheezing, I noticed he had a nametag on that ironically read 'Gil.' It figured the person running this place would be some fat little perv as opposed to some exotic woman with a sex addiction.

"Can I help you find something?" Chester inquired as if he was working in a Walmart.

Unfortunately, he could, and with a bit of hesitation, I spoke with a shaky voice. "I'm looking for a.............. for a particular dil-dildo.........."

His face brightened up like a used car salesman with a potential client. "Oh? Well you've come to the right place." He just HAD to emphasize the word 'come,' like he was some witty genius, and NOT acting like a 6 year old who found the word 'ass' in the dictionary.

He continued, running his hand along all the hanging dicks. "We've got all kinds of sizes here!" As he went on, he pointed to each individual penis he was trying to sell. "There's the Tiny Tim, it's good for rookies who need a little loosenin' up. Made in Japan, of course." He let out a chuckle and nudged me. Ugh, who knows where that elbow has been? "If you're looking for something in between that's not gonna tear you up, but still be enough for you to know it's there, I'd suggest the Peter." He slapped his hand on a plain, white one that was about six inches long.

The color was right, but the size just wasn't enough. I felt like Goldy Locks searching for the perfect porridge and bed, only I was looking for a fake dick. Without saying a word, I looked at Gil and shook my head. This seemed to excite him even more, as he skipped down to the last row and grabbed a big, black dildo and brought it over.

"THIS is the Shaq," he said, holding it out for me to see. On the packaging was a knockoff picture of a cracked out Shaquille O'Neal, with a toothless grin and crossed eyes. It had a slogan that said 'Dunk on their ass with the Shaq!' and, honestly, it made me want to buy it just for that. Although this one was the Shaq was the largest out of all the ones I'd seen(by FAR), it STILL wasn't the Super Dick of Legend's past.

"Do you not have ANYTHING bigger?" I asked, disappointed that I might have to settle for crack dick Shaq. His eyes widened at my request, almost as if he got pleasure out of it. He took a step towards me, causing me to move back.

"Are you looking for the............ SUPER dick?" he asked, leaning forward with a whisper.

My heart stopped and my body shook. "Y-yes......."

He smiled and motioned for me to follow him, which I was hesitant to do. As I did, I told myself not to go into a corner, or an empty too. We ended up at the cash register, where he went behind the counter and searched for something underneath it. Eventually, he let out an "A-ha!" before coming back up with a box so big, he could barely hold it in his arms.

"Here it is........" he announced, presenting it with pride. "The Super Dick."

The box was similar to it's smaller counterpart, The Shaq, in it's branding with a knockoff character. Rather than a cracked out retired basketball player, however, this one had a ripoff of Peter Gilmour on it. It showed a dopey looking fucker wearing similar tights as Gilly, with an overexaggerated bulge in the crotch. He had a word bubble coming from his mouth that read 'SUPER DICK, BABAYYYYY!!!!!" It was exactly what I had been looking for.

"How much?" I asked, pulling out my wallet.

"$569."

I let out a sigh, grabbing my MasterCard from its pouch and handing it over to Gil. "I'll take it."

He scanned the product as I looked over at a group of novelties on the counter. There was one in particular that caught my eye, so I grabbed it and set it down. "I'll take this, as well."

Gil put my items into an oversized grocery bag and handed it to me, before taking my card. He swiped it and printed off a receipt for me to sign. I obliged and handed it back, before turning to walk away. As I went to leave the store, the employee called out to me.

"So, you wanna go in a private room and test that bad boy out?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, unnerved by the sick proposition he had made. Normally I would've gone back and smashed this guy's face against the register, but I'd been trying to be alot nicer lately and that would only kill any progress I'd made. So with that said, I politely declined and headed out the door for my car.



As I pulled into my driveway, I could see my wife finishing up shoveling the sidewalk path leading up to our house. I put the car in park and got out, heading over to Krystal. She didn't look too thrilled.

"Oh good," she said sarcastically as she stuck the shovel in the ground. "Just in time to NOT help me shovel......" Her eyes went from me to the large bag in my hands, widening with excitement as she saw where it was from. "What'd you get?"

I reached into the sack and pulled out the giant dildo I'd bought, causing her excitement to change to horror. "Uhhhhhhhh," she said in an elongated breath.

"Don't worry," I assured her. "It's not for you."

She looked at me blankly, as if I was gonna cheat on her or something. "What have you and Ned been talking about on that secret phone of yours?" she asked skeptically.

I let out a laugh. "Can't tell you, honey, wouldn't wanna incriminate you." She glared at me as I kissed her on the cheek, before peeking inside the bag and seeing my last minute novelty purchase.

"Is THAT for me?" she asked with hope.

"Nope," I replied, heading for the garage. I could feel the disappointment radiating off of her as I entered and closed the door behind me.

It was pretty much the same setup as usual, with my replica belts still lining the walls like the dildos at the Adult Shop. The big difference today, however, was the man shaped punching dummy in the center. This was going to help me prepare for Sunday, as the dummy would work as a stand in for Gilly............ there was just one thing missing.

I held up the 'Super Dick' box and ripped into it like a kid on Christmas. Once the dildo was out, I walked over to the fake Peter Gilmour and suctioned the schlong onto it's lower half. Where this dummy was lacking in legs it made up for in dick. Now that all the pieces were in place, it was time for my training to begin.




Some people might not see the point in sparring with an opponent who can't fight back, but considering facing Peter Gilmour was essentially the same thing, it only seemed fitting. I started off by kicking the Super Dick, causing it to bounce around like one of those springs that protrudes from the wall. It was weird to think that I had to prepare for a dick in a wrestling match, but with Peter's recent addition to his movement, I didn't have any choice. They always say to take out your opponent's biggest weapon and, unfortunately, this was it. I could just imagine the joy on Noah's face come Cuntfest, getting the dick stomping he'd so desperately wanted Theo to give him.

Being the intelligent fighter I was, I knew I couldn't win this fight on kicks alone. As if I were Rocky Balboa himself, I began to beat that dick like it was a speedbag. Every punch I threw sent the dildo flying back and forth, coming at me with force upon each swing. As my fists smacked the sex toy, I thought about this war with Shane and his goons. Being aligned with the likes of Robert Main and Chris Page was no joke, and our enemies were no slouches either(except for May Gilly). This was my opportunity to finally be taken seriously, to show the world I deserved the spotlight that was being shown on me. Once I put Peter Gilmour away, everyone will know I'm an equal to my allies and not just a tag along. Our enemies can try to hold us back, but in the end we will prevail and prosper. Come Cuntfest, we're not only gonna win the battle, we're gonna win the WAR! By the time Sunday night is over, every single person who associates with Shane will be a loser....... moreso than they already were. Him, Gilly, Tristan Slater; hell, even the Universal Champion is gonna get put in his place by the time the curtain falls on Cuntfest.

This training regimen may have seemed ridiculous, but I felt it was necessary. I'd grown sick and tired of losing, being looked at as the guy who needs to be a mid-carder for a while before taking the next step. That was bullshit. My association with major stars like Main and Page, as well as the future face of the company, Ned Kaye, was proof of that. The fact that I'm against a former Universal Champion, an accolade I have yet to achieve, tells you I'm right there. This match was a test and it wasn't gonna be enough to pass, I was gonna have to get an A+ in order to make any REAL progress. If I was to shake XWF to it's core, I was gonna have to make a statement SO loud, it couldn't possibly be ignored.


BAM!!!!!!!


In the midst of my deep thinking, I took my attention from the Super Dick to the dummy's head. With all of my pent up frustration, the urge to be more than everyone in the company saw me as, I ended up punching it so hard, the head broke off and went flying into some of my Title belts. I wasn't upset(hell, I'd done much worse to them before), but rather, I felt ready to go.

"Gilly thinks I'm gonna spout on about how I'm gonna fuck him up, but it's really not necessary because everyone already KNOWS that's gonna happen. It's exactly why he has to hang around trash like and company, because nobody else wants him! Hell, even Unknown Soldier abandoned him(along with the company) the moment he realized how much Gilly sucks! He's the type of person who has to like his own Facebook and Twitter posts because nobody wants to be his friend......... well, except for Shane 's clowns, but like I said: NOBODY!......"

I walked away from the broken dummy and over to the Adult Shop bag that housed, my yet to be revealed, novelty.

"The whole reason Shane and Lux's Yeerk keep Gilly around is BECAUSE of how much he sucks! It's the exact reason they brought Tristan Slater over to the dark side. Those two coward's need grunts to do their dirty work because they're too scared to handle it themselves! It's why Shane has to hide behind a parody of a C-list actor against two of the greatest competitors this business has to offer! And it's also why that parasite of a Universal Champion is hiding behind the 'challenge' of Robbie Bourbon instead of having someone who already took them to the limit like ME!!!!.......... or someone they LOST TO like Sarah Lacklan......."

I paused for a moment, looking down into the bag. My eyes saw a ridiculous joke of a punchline for the end of my promo, but my mind was on a different path. This match WAS the big time. If I lose at Cuntfest, I'll let everyone down. Guys like Chris Page and Ned, who genuinely believe in me for the first time in my career. I could tell Robert was skeptical about me being involved in something of such a large scale, and losing would only make him right in that thinking. I want to be that guy to get the job done and earn a little respect in the process. It might just be Gilly, but it was something much more. Even bigger than a Title. This was about my confidence and the way others viewed me from here on out. I don't want to EVER be called a mid-carder again, and I'm gonna do whatever's necessary to ensure that DOESN'T happen.

After some deep thinking, I decided it was time for that punchline; after all, it'd be a shame to let that money go to waste. I slowly reached in and pulled out a lollipop in the shape of a penis. With a grin on my face, I spoke my final words.

"This is for you, Gilly......... because everybody knows you suck! It'll make for some good practice in preparation for Shane, after all, you probably suck at sucking!"

I let out a chuckle.

"It'll also come in handy after I knock out all of your teeth Sunday night. Because I may not be KNOWN for being extreme, but that doesn't mean I can't go there. I've got so much to prove and so little time, I can't afford to slip on my climb to the top this time. After I'm finished with Gilly, NOBODY will be calling me a mid-carder EVER again!!!!! And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!!!!!"

I dropped the sucker behind me, causing it to shatter on the concrete floor. I could only see it as a sign of things to come, the collapse of Gilly as we know it. He's had a Uni run, countless Xtreme Championships, the Lifetime Achievement Award, AND future Hall of Famer.............. much like Thaddeus Duke, this could be another career to end at the hands of Big D. Now THAT would be a statement...............

June 2019 XWF Superstar of the Month
2019 Relentless Fishing Contest Winner
1x XWF World Heavyweight Champion
1x bWo World Heavyweight Champion [despite what Miss Furry or James J. Dildo says]
1x NWF World Heavyweight Champion
2x XWF Xtreme Champion [current]
2x XWF TV Champion
1x XWF Internet Champion
1x NWF World Tag Team Champion (w/Slim)
1x NWF Xtreme Champion
1x NLCW Slamfest Champion
1x LCW Hardcore Champion
3x WWF X-Division Champion
1x WWF World Tag Team Champion (w/Seth Flash)
1x WWF Dark Champion
1x WWF TV Champion
1x EGW Fury Champion
3x XWF Federweight Champion
4x XWF Heavymetalweight Champion
1x 420* Cruiserweight Champion
2x CMW Hardcore Champion
1x XHW T.V. Champion
1x WXC Hardcore Champion
1x XPW U.S. Champion
1x WLFC Tag Team Champion w/Chance
1x WWC T.V. Champion
1x WWC European Champion
1x WWF 24/7Hardcore Champion
2x WLFC 24/7 Hardcore Champion


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