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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "C*nt Fest" RP Board
BIG PP TIME IS HERE!
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Phantom Panzer Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



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#1
01-19-2020, 12:00 AM



Phantom Panzer floats in his bright white negative space. Practically coughing up a lung. Coughing so hard a bit of phlegm and blood comes out from between red lips and soon, a literal fucking lung shoots out of his mouth. He then manifests a giant cough drop looking "candy" if those fuckers can be called, flips it up into the negative space, calls it back down while shrinking it down to a normal size, beginning to suck on it while he notices his Tardigrade sized camera that can some-fucking-how produce that HD shit up to 4K.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? It's time for your Intergalactic Savior to come back and have a little fun. I have no fucking clue who any of these fuckfaces are except you."

He points at the camera, and somehow, some way, McBride knew Panzer was talking about him.

"Fuckin' Irish bastard. How ya doin'? Ye bein' seein' any fahkin' leprechauns yet? Or are you still wondering why you're facing me? Would you believe I pulled some made believe strings of Lady Luck by eating her and she was like "OH FUCK! YES PP! I'LL INSPIRE THEM TO PUT YOU IN THE MATCH WITH MCBRIDE! HERE I COME!" and boom. I get a load of lady cum and we're here. Oh, Lady Luck, she tastes like spite, copper and a hint of cherry."

He wipes his lips, not looking at the lung, ignoring it as the red comes off his lips

"Y'know what? I think it was a hate mouth fuck. That's why. You can guess why she tasted like the last two."

He laughed loudly, before smirking.

"Anyway, you're the only one I know of, and the only one I'll be rooting for in our fight. Even if it means a thousand of Me appears in the crowd with signs and shit, chanting 'HEY HO! MCBRIDE LET'S GO! HEY HO! MCBRIDE LET'S GO!' And the signs'll be like 'MCBRIDE NEEDS TO GO' and another 'KICK THEIR ASS!' right next to each other. It'd be fun, won't it? Seriously though, can't wait to meet you out there in the ring. Bring enough whiskey and I'll fuckin' blow you."

He then manifested some Jameson, however, it wasn't modern. It was part of the first batch ever created, back in the 1780s.

"Just fucking with you. I've already got some."

He then poured it out into the white space he exists in, disappearing into the ether.

"Aww, wouldn't ya know it? It's gone. Because the Irish make piss water."

The camera moved as did his head, and somehow, in some way, Geri Miller knew he was talking to her as the blurb spoken about him is set up against black and her words in white

Quote:"This man, I guess he is, is literally a clown. Isn't this schtick played out in wrestling? Oh no guys here is a killer clown. Fucking moronic. Panzer? More like pansy. You are not a threat you are a speed bump at best to try and slow the action down. You are comic relief and a fucking bad one at that. You are like a washed up stand up comedian attempting to regain some fame. You are past your time. Many are over looking me but at least they look in my direction. No one even knows you exist and you have been with the company since May of 2017. You are forgettable. You are of no importance to anyone and that is why you are here. You are here to make the winner, me, look even better than I already do."


"Let's talk about this for a second. You're new to me. So I'mma tell ya something about me. I'm a fucking God. Literally a goddamn deity. I choose to have fun and play with you fucks, because I might as well deal with the people I'm protecting on a daily goddamn basis. I'm the reason why cosmic entities don't try and find you fucks like it's the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Thanos is coming this blue-green marble called Earth. I protect you fucks and none of you suck my dick or give me offerings.

But, it's cool. I don't do that shit in order for you to get on your knees and offer your lives. That's Yahweh. I'm not that much of a narcissistic asshole as that amorphous blob is. You think I'm comic relief? Good. Think I'm bad at it? Fuck you. I think I'm goddamn funny at this shit. Here's a joke for you: What did the chicken say when it crossed the road to come see our match?"


He then clapped his hands and out of the same ether the liquid poured, did a gigantic fucking chicken that is the same size of Godzilla.

"I say who the fuck are these little bitches? I mean, Panzer ain't good either, but fuck you, ya fuckin' crack whore lookin' cunt. Come at me, bro!"

He grabbed the chicken's beak, and let out a soft chuckle

"Sorry about that. He's a bit ornery. Probably horny too. And he's a chicken. He's a fucking being I literally created. I'll make a female chicken into a male if I goddamn please you stupid bitch. His pronouns are also he/him. So if you call him anything but that, you're a transphobe and you should be a-goddamn-shamed of yourself."

He snapped his fingers and that chicken disappeared from existence. The camera changed once more in its placement, looking at it and soon, Michael Archer Jr. could tell he was being talked to by the clown

"Onto you. Michael Scott Junior. I tell people I am some kind of superior being, because I FUCKING AM AND YOU WILL NOT DENY MY CLOWNY PENIS AND IT'S GODDAMN NUT BRA THAT NEEDS TO HOLD THE SIZE OF TWO EARTH SUNS! Also, yes. I did get between dimensions. For someone who wants to deny what I can do and it's goofy shit, you seem to understand and somehow comprehend what I fucking do. I saw the rise in the XWF and was like 'Meh, let the ants play' as I fucking fought tooth and nail keeping you fucking ingrates safe. I don't give two Lincoln shots to the dome about money. I don't understand how you people don't see me as an actual wrestler. Is it the makeup? Is it because I act silly? Is it because I like to tie my dick around like I'm making a balloon sword? I mean, probably. Fuck if I know. Just know, that I am a legit wrestler and I WILL BE THE WRECKER OF YOUR SHIT if you don't fucking take me seriously. If anything, ya'll gonna get dunked on by me, literally. My teabags are with the same force of a Shaquille O'Neal dunk from his youth. I will break your goddamn jaw like they're the same density of a gobstopper. So how about you fucking look at me and realize that a clown is going to fuck on the whole lot of you."

The camera began to move side to side a couple times and shrugged his shoulders

"No clue who the fuck the others are, nor do I give a shit until they give me something to talk to them about. For now, they're cool. We'll see once the match comes though."

He floated around in his pocket dimension, yawning now, tuckered out from chewing out those two and saying hi to an old face.

"Cammy, why don't you go to my opponents, give them a moment to talk. I'd rather you do their interviews. I want to be able to see them as if they're right fucking here in front of me, speaking to my face. Even if they choose to not use you, still record everything. I want them here speaking to me, face to face."

[Image: hvu6R0Z.png?2]
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[-] The following 5 users Like Phantom Panzer's post:
(01-19-2020), Corey Smith (01-19-2020), michaelarcherjr (01-19-2020), red-x (01-22-2020), Vita Frickin Valenteen (01-19-2020)
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