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Shawn Warstein · (01-17-2020)

“Wait so what the fuck are we doing?”

Noah snaps his head towards me and pats me on the shoulder.

“We’re playing superheroes. You know where you pretend to be a superhero. We are playing with Vita and Ruby.”

I slightly adjust the mask on my face. I don’t want to play this stupid fucking game, but Noah seems interested so I guess I’ll just go along with it.

“Fine, so what do I do now?”

“It’s simple. Just pretend you’re a hero and go.”

“Ok but what powers do I have? Like can I fly?”

“Not without a pterodactyl suit.”

“X-Ray vision.”

“Sick… but no.”

“Super strength?”

“Not really. You’re just you. Behind a mask.”

“So I’m fucking Batman? A weak powerless asshole that somehow someway defeats REAL superheroes?”

“Well he’s got the bat cave, the car, the jet, and all the tools, but sure cunt you’re like Batman.”

I take a moment to compose myself. I take a deep breath and then grab the Go-Pro from Noah.

“Listen here, these streets aren’t like they once were….”

“Wait why are you talking like that?”

“Talking like what?”

Noah shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t know. You talking like you’ve got a fucking magic bullet in your throat grinding up rocks.”

“Oh, that’s my superhero voice… I take it you don’t like it?”

“Obviously… if you’re not going to take this seriously….”

“No, I am. Just give me another chance.”

Noah gestures forward, as I walk towards a desk and chair in the room. I quickly sit down, and spin the chair so the back is facing Noah.

“Has the threat been located?”

I said in a menacing tone.

“NOAH! I said…”

Noah coughs loudly, as I spin the chair around.

“What’s the problem?”

“It’s actually the Coont. That’s my super name.”

“I take it I have a code name as well?” As I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, they are calling you Fintch…”

“What does that even mean? Whatever reset.”

I swivel the chair around and take a deep breath.

“Have the threats been located? Coont have Ruby and the Mist been found? Coont…. Coont?”

I once again swivel around as Noah is checking his phone for what I assume to be a wallaby contractor for the one match at Cuntfest.

“Whatever I’ll do it myself.”

I stand up from the desk and walk around.

“Coont… do you know what this city is missing? It’s missing a proper Super Team to lead it from the shadows of rape and murder. It needs people to stand up for truth, justice, and the American Way. What it doesn’t need is a couple of bitches…”

“Hold up…”

“Don’t stop me, I’m in character. A couple of bitches running around thinking they are getting something done. They aren’t cleansing the streets of villains. They are taking out poorly named puns. Wait? Noah are we the bad guys?”

“Probably.”

“Makes sense. What about Vita?”

“I dunno.”

“Well that makes what I’m about to say that much easier. You see Ruby and Vita, it was just a few months ago that I stood across from you in the ring. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t worried. I was confident. I saw the two of you for what you actually were…”

I take a deep breath, and exhale it slowly.

“I saw you as the two people that might stop me, but couldn’t. One of you for your connection to this young man right here. He’s your kryptonite. You see him and get all mushy. Like in the Chamber… what the fuck was up there? Didn’t want to lay a hand on your precious? How cute. No offense Noah, if you were across from me I’m not holding anything back. I wouldn’t expect him to hold back either. That’s the difference between us Vita. You talk about wanting everything. You talk about being the best, yet all anyone has to do, is get to him. That…. that is a weakness that can be exploited.”

Noah looks up from his phone, and smiles.

“He didn’t hear a word. That brings me to the temporary Anarchy Champion. The bestest superhero around. Well, every hero needs a villain, and you know what? I fit the bill perfectly. For every Justice League there is a Darksied. For every Avenger there is a Thanos. I’m not them. They were all flawed in some way that caused their downfall, plus none of them had a pretty briefcase that allowed them to skip to the ending. I do. I’m not saying your wrong on any of your accusations, but they are baseless and false. Do I look like the kind of guy that would get butt hurt over Twitter? Nah kiddo, that’s not me. Your grasp of things you know nothing about is you teachings you don’t know what to say about me, so you go to the twitter and see what’s happening. Cool. You could’ve brought up everything I’ve accomplished, but you didn’t because your list looks minuscule in comparison. You said I was a great wrestler, and there is no fault there. But I’m not a wrestler. I’m a fighter. I’m a survivor. I’m someone who does what needs to be done. You don’t have the knowledge or the wherewithal to do the things I have done. So compliment me all you want. I won’t return the favor. Ruby and Vita, Anarchy isn’t going to be any fun for you. This isn’t a game. This isn’t a joke. I’m going to break you and show you that there is a new dominant species tracking you down.”

With that Noah breaks out of his trance from his phone, and see me all seriously staring into the camera.

“You okay Dad?”

“Never been better.”

“Okay, well I’m bored now. Let’s grab a few VB’s and call it a night.”

“You got it son.”

Noah smiles widely as we walk past the camera switching it off as the feed quickly cuts to black.

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