Jimmy, I need you to pick me up you better bring your truck.


Jimmy’s voice can be heard over Thunder Knuckles’s phone.


Okay, I’ll be there soon.


Thunder Knuckles quickly runs to the garage and grabs a bag of grass seed a shovel and roll of carpet. He places them outside waiting on Jimmy. When Thunder Knuckles finally notices the cameraman as he turns around.


Holy fucking shit! You fucking bastards are everywhere you know that? Since your here. Follow me.


Thunder Knuckles walks the cameraman into the kitchen.


Are you hungry?


The cameraman shakes his head “no”.


Too fucking bad eat this.


Thunder Knuckles slides a can of tuna that isn’t dolphin-safe.


Well, mother fucker?


The cameraman sits down the camera and eats the tuna.


With that taken care of…


Thunder Knuckles's attention is broke when he hears Jimmy pull up.



Alright! Fuckin’... JIMMY!



Thunder Knuckles walks back outside to meet Jimmy.


Hey, Thunder Knuckles. What’s so important?! Well, you sounded like whatever you needed was important.

My dog died.

Man, that sucks.


Jimmy pats Thunder Knuckles on the back to console him.


The fuck? The fuck are you doing?


Thunder Knuckles looks at Jimmy bewildered.


Well, I was trying to make you feel better and…

I’m not sad Jimmy one less mouth to feed. The fucking dog just ate and shit all day. Fucking thing. I just need to go bury it before it starts to stink.

Oh…

Well, come the fuck on I don’t have all day.

It’s a good thing a cameraman is here. Thunder Knuckles. I know who your next opponent is and we have to get to work right away if you want to win! It’s Mad… Shock-value Word-salad…

I’m getting tired of that name for her.

Oh yeah? Too long?

Well, yeah. That’s why I shortened it to Shock-value, but that’s not the reason.

Doesn’t roll off the tongue?

Nope, just bored with it.

Got something else in mind?


Thunder Knuckles and Jimmy are packing up the truck while talking.


Sure do!

Let’s hear it!

Not yet. When the time's right.

No time better than the present, Thunder Knuckles.

The dumb bitch gets her chance to pay like everyone else Jimmy. Just because she’s one of those "fame and glory", fucks. Who probably isn’t going to pay because of pride or some bullshit. It doesn’t mean I can afford to not give her the opportunity. Opportunity is what ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is about!


Thunder Knuckles picks up a toolbox.


See this toolbox, Jimmy?

Yeah.

I got this off the ring crew after the Battle For The Bahamas. This is THE toolbox the nameless one hit me with.

You got it off the ring crew…

Yeah.

That doesn’t seem weird to you?

Why would it?


Thunder Knuckles puts the toolbox in the truck bed.


I don’t know... Nevermind it’s not important.

No! How the fuck is that crazy!?

Well, I mean, that's what effectively took you out of the match.


Thunder Knuckles stops and looks into the camera.


That’s not what took me out, Jimmy.


Thunder Knuckles looks back at Jimmy and begins to work again.


I wasn’t clear enough about my vision. Oh, and ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles has a vision. One that will change XWF forever. THE POWER OF XBUX BABY!


Thunder Knuckles puts his arms out to his sides and spins.


Yep, you’re losing it.

If you think I'm losing it, huh? Then it doesn’t matter that I say this. Pick up that end of the carpet.


Jimmy picks up the other end and struggles with it.


What?

I hope she doesn’t pay.


Jimmy is silent for a moment and fumbles the carpet and his end hits the ground.


What?

I hope she doesn’t pay and we get to fight. I want to talk about how her precious Engy is back and now she’s relevant again. Now pick up that end of the carpet.


Jimmy picks up his end again and they both continue to the truck.


Then we gotta get to work!!!

Right after we bury my dog.

Oh yeah.


Thunder Knuckles starts to say something and you can hear Jimmy lowly and pitifully say…


Damn dog.

What was that Jimmy?

Nothing. I said Damn fog.

It’s a clear ass day Jimmy. Fuck!


Thunder Knuckles begins to think about how epic this promo could be with a meteorologist thing in the upper right-hand corner. It is indeed a clear day. Still really warm for this time of year. The midday rays shining down from the cloudless sky. It’s simply beautiful outside. Thunder Knuckles begins to take it a step further in his mind. Have an actual meteorologist in my fucking promos. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I'M A GENUS!


Jimmy!


Jimmy jumps because Thunder Knuckles shouted his name.


What is it, Thunder Knuckles?

I need to hire a meteorologist for my promos. On the count of three.

1.

2.

3.


Both men lift the carpet into the back of the truck.


No.

No, what?

No meteorologist!

Come on! My promos will become epic!

No.

Peter Fucking Gilmour has epic promos why can’t I?

Peter Fucking Gi…


Thunder Knuckles cuts off Jimmy.


Legend.

Why are you being like this today? At least you got your toolbox.

Goddamn right!

I mean, I didn't tell you what kind of match it is, did I?

No.

It’s a weapons match.

Of course, it is. Why is it every time I fight this bitch? Does it always have to be a completely bloody affair?

Honestly, would you have it another way?

I guess, your right Jimmy. Fuck that cunt.


Thunder Knuckles looks around and realized he forgot the lye. He quickly grabs it and throws it in the truck bed.


Jimmy grabs that twenty-two-foot ladder and let's go!

Where are we headed?

A little town called Willard. A lot of farmland.

Alright, Cameraman hope in the back of the truck.


Jimmy puts the ladder in the truck bed and ties it down.


Don’t we have to hit the highway?


Thunder Knuckles looks at the cameraman and then back at Jimmy.


He’ll be fine.


Thunder Knuckles looks back at the cameraman.


Won’t ya.


The cameraman shakes his head “no”.


Don't be a pussy get in the back.


The cameraman gets in the back of the truck and they begin their voyage to Willard. After a longer drive than originally thought. They pull into a barren cornfield in the middle of nowhere. Jimmy and Thunder Knuckles exit the truck and grab some shoves and start digging a hole.


How far down do you think we have to go?

Twelve feet.

HOLY SHIT, THUNDER KNUCKLES! Why so deep?


Jimmy says as strong as a coward can.


I don't want anything to get to my dog man.

I don't think anything would get to it at four feet

I just want it to be twelve feet.

Whatever.


The two men work in silence for a good while.


Grandma Lemon Tits.

That’s your blockbuster name for her? It’s still long.


Thunder Knuckles lets out a singular chuckle.


Yeah, I know… But every time I have to fight her I can say. “Just givin’ Grandma Lemon Tits a squeeze.”


Jimmy smiles.


Lemonade dispenser.

See, you get it. Goddamnit, Jimmy, square up your corners! I don't want walls to fall in on us!


Thunder Knuckles walks up to Jimmy and shows him how to square up his corners. The two men work in silence again.


Alright, Jimmy, it looks like I'm going to have to boost you up to get that ladder.


Thunder Knuckles boosts Jimmy out of the hole and waits for Jimmy to put the ladder down. Once Jimmy puts the ladder down the hole both men start back on the task at hand.


You know what Jimmy I noticed that these champs around here don't have to get their facts straight.

They have the advantage of being champs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Thunder Knuckles waves off Jimmy.


Well, it got me thinking.

This should be a treat.

It is! I've been working on a Champion's version of a Drezdin/Knuckles 2020 campaign ad. Want to hear it?

Sure it’ll help pass the time while we dig. Why are you calling it a Champion’s version?

Oh, you’ll see you might have to read between the lines.



Thunder Knuckles's voice becomes serious.


Drezdin has a face.

He’s a person who’s hand gestures aren’t considered weird.

Drezdins advisers have told us that pictures of his parents with him proves his human origins.


Thunder Knuckles breaks out of the strong voice.


This is where I'd show machines sparking in the foreground as I toured one of the very few places we manufacture things.

That would be pretty cool.

Yeah and then I have a bunch of different people of all races and match with career signifiers like a hard hat, firefighter suit, McDonald's worker, or hell even a stethoscope. Just one the off chance that the voter can identify with one of them and vote Drezdin/Knuckles 2020.


Oh and don’t forget to tell the American people where your favorite place to go!


Thunder Knuckles enter his strong confident voice again.


One of my favorite places to visit is a local dinner. Because it makes white people feel safe to poll.

I’m not a racist either…


Thunder Knuckles break out of the voice to explain to Jimmy.


This is where I'd show a picture of a Hispanic and Black family that doesn't mind being associated with this campaign.


Thunder Knuckles enters the strong, confident, and pleasing voice again.


If your thinking about retiring like a lot of the XWF roster should. Here are some pictures of old people smiling and enjoying modern American life.


Thunder Knuckles break out of the voice again to explain to Jimmy.


That’s…

I get it.

Okay.


Thunder Knuckles enter the voice yet again.


Thank God! They’re still alive to vote.

Drezdin/Knuckles 2020 likes nice weather but our opposition doesn't. They like hurricanes.

There is a lot to worry about right now. Like healthcare, taxes, foreign policy, and hurricanes.

Much like everything I've just said. Families, the economy, faith, education, all things I address in non-specific ways.

Drezdin and ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles's records show that we can construct a narrative while keeping the details pretty vague.


Thunder Knuckles exits the voice he uses for campaigning.


Jimmy this would be my favorite part! I would put in big words on the TV screen.

























Because those words always draw applause at rallies. Then I’d flash a crowd clapping.


Thunder Knuckles enters this campaign voice.





You can’t deny that these people are clapping.

Did I mention that Drezdin is super capable! He can shake hands. He can stand behind a podium and he can stare out a window looking concerned. He can even pose for selfies! Most importantly he can make his family hug him. What American doesn’t like hugs.

Right now is a critical time in this great nation because of the past, the future, and the American flag.





Remember! Drezdin is the candidate for President and I’m his running mate Thunder Knuckles. I support this message.


Thunder Knuckles breaks out of this campaign voice.


I saw what you did in your first promo, Thunder Knuckles.

Yeah, Grandma Lemon Tits said she’d pay ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND xbux. She still can but you can’t rely on her memory. She is getting older after all.

Thunder Knuckles, how much further down?

I can’t believe this old bitch though, Jimmy!


Jimmy knows he was ignored but says nothing in fear of being slapped with Thunder Knuckles's fast hands.


She probably thought you were bullshitting or she thinks you can be bullshitted as Theo Pryce did to you.


Thunder Knuckles looks pissed at Jimmy.


Theo Pryce what a waste. Just made it to where management can’t bid on anything I put up for auction that's all and shows they can’t be trusted.


Thunder Knuckles shrugs his shoulders.


Who gives a fuck about liars who don't pay when they say they will. If they can’t back up what they say, it shows that they are just dick riders. Whos careers are just shadows of other people.


Thunder Knuckles looks at Jimmy like he hasn’t been paying attention.


Think about it…

Theo Pryce said he’d pay.

Right.

Rode James Madison’s dick.


Jimmy puts his head down.


Damn it. You’ve been listening to Shane again, haven't you?


Thunder Knuckles flashes a smile.


Then you have Grandma Lemon Tits.

Okay.

She rode the Engineers dick.

Anyone who doesn’t pay what they say they would are dick riding liars. Power does come to those who suck the hardest right guys?


Jimmy trying to change the subject. Jimmy doesn’t want Thunder Knuckles to be judged anymore poorly than he has already in his last to championship title shots.


Think we’ve gone far enough down?


Thunder Knuckles looks up at the hole that they had created.


Yeah, I think this is fair enough.

Thank God!


Thunder Knuckles climbs the ladder first with ease. Jimmy, on the other hand, follows behind struggling not to fall off the ladder with both shovels in hand.


Come on, Jimmy! We don't have all day! God damn!


Jimmy finally makes it out of the grave breathing heavily.


Okay, now what.


Jimmy said as he collapses onto the ground.


Well, now you grab the carpet from the back of the truck.


Jimmy looks tired and confused.


Thunder Knuckles it took both of us to carry and put it in the truck bed!

I know that Jimmy but you just have to drag it over here! Jesus! Quit being a bitch!


Jimmy defeatedly walks over to the truck. He starts to slowly drag the carpet to the hole. Meanwhile, Thunder Knuckles cracks open an ice-cold Bud Light in a blatant display of product placement.

Ahh, now that's refreshing!


Jimmy mumbles to himself.


All you have to do is drag it over.

What was that, Jimmy?


Jimmy speaks up.


Nothing! Just saying, man, I can't wait till this is over!

Yeah, it’s been a pretty long day.


JImmy finally get the carpet by the hole.


So are we just dropping the carpet in the hole?


Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy so quick that Manny Pacquiao would be jealous of his hand speed.


FUCK NO, JIMMY!


Jimmy nursing the side of his face.


Okay.

Now quit fucking complaining! That's the last time I'm telling you, Jimmy! Now roll out the dog and let's fill in this hole!


Jimmy rolls out the carpet but Thunder Knuckles stand in front of the camera.


WHAT THE FUCK!

Jimmy calm down.

FUCK NO!

Shhhh! Cameraman, fuck off to the truck for a minute!


The cameraman walks over to the truck. But Jimmy and thunder Knuckles can still be heard pretty clearly.


That’s not a fucking dog Thunder Knuckles that's a fucking person!

Yeah, I know but I can't say over the phone. Hey, Jimmy help me get rid of this body now can I?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THUNDER KNUCKLES!!!!

Calm down, It’s just a cameraman who refused to eat the tuna. We dug the hole deeper than Ohio state law allows law enforcement to dig for a body on someone's land.

Not this again and how the hell do you know that?


Thunder Knuckles looks puzzled.


You didn't know that? Anyway, we must kill off all dolphin assassins sent by the dolphin king, Jimmy! It’s the Jim “the Jim” Jimson way!

You're going to have to fill this hole yourself! I'm going to the truck. I can't believe this, Thunder Knuckles!

Oh, fucking cry me a river, Jimmy. We're going to have to burn this carpet you know.


Thunder Knuckles waves back over the cameraman and begins filling in the hole.


Make sure your shot is on me and not my poor dead dog, in this beautifully dug grave, cameraman.

Grandma Lemon Tits, don’t get yourself banned from buying things at an auction as management has. You never know ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles might have something you want one day. I mean, It’s happened before and that’s undeniable. Think about it. You still have time.


Thunder Knuckles winks at the camera.


Alright, I'm going to finish burying my dog like I did the dick riders. How about you wait for me in the back of the truck and shut off the camera.


The scene fades to black as Thunder Knuckles fills in the grave.