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Boris · **01-07-2020, 09:23 AM**

"Tri!
Dva!
Jeden!"

Perhaps I filled out the wrong application blin. I was told I was professional wrestler. Yet, since I have come to Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers, I have been in boat race, shot put competition, and War Tug. Cyka, this is not wrestle company, this is track & field!

Aye, but money is money blin, and I could not let great opportunity like this go away. The chance to make history for Slavs everywhere? Ah ha, of course Boris is in!

There is one problem, comrades - I do not know shot put. Aye, but not to worry, because I hire coach! Not just any coach blin, but a coach with Olympic experience.

Mikuláš Konopka!

He is tough! He is fearless! He is one of the greatest Slav track stars of all time!

...he is also banned from the sport for life because of steroids, but who is Boris to judge?

Mikuláš and I, we work day and night to make me strongest Slav superstar in the world. I can not lose to these Western spies. It would bring much shame to my people. Most importantly, it would bring much shame to Boris.

Mikuláš counts down, and I throw the shot put high into the air! The stone ball soars like eagle blin! It is so beautiful comrades! It brings tear to my Slav eye, as the ball flies out of sight...

"Six meters"

Cyka.

So I have long ways to go, but no fear! I still have plenty of time. Mikuláš will get me into shape between now and Warfare, which is on Janu 8th.

Wait, what day is it?

...cyka blyat.

Is no problem. I bet those Western spies do not even have coach. They don't even own tracksuit. It is literally suit for track! I can not lose blin!

Cousin Antoli grabs the shot put and brings it to me. Devil is like a dog. I throw, he grabs. I look over to coach, nods.

"Sprav to znovu!"

Just like that, I throw my shot put high into the air! This is the one blin! This is the shot put that will prove...

"Five meters."

Hlúpy matka kurva!

Ok, so it has not been easy comrades, but I promise I will win this competition. I can not let down all the young Slav boys and girls...and everyone else (Boris is progressive, you know).

Boris will do all he can blin. I will throw that stone ball as far as it can be thrown. Slavs have never won a gold medal in shot put, unless you count Russia...which of course, I do not. This victory will be about more than Boris. It will be about a whole generation of sports heroes!

Oppa! See you in Scotland, Western spies!

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