Thunder Knuckles is with Jimmy at XWF video archives researching Centurion. Thunder Knuckles always hates this part of the job. He’d rather shoot a badass promo video of him shooting guns and drinking booze. Thunder Knuckles knows that would only get him so far though.


Thunder Knuckles before we start today I just want to congratulate you.

For what?

Well, you eliminated Peter Gilmour from the fatal four-way elimination match.

Yeah, Elimination matches are like battle royales to me. You see, you don't just become North-western Ohio’s only five-time back to back hide and go seek champion, by getting caught up in all the bullshit. I could have done more, but why?


Jimmy looking ready to move on from this conversation already.


Are you ready Thunder Knuckles?

As I’ll ever be Jimmy, your not going to be a long-winded fuck bag are you?


Jimmy looks dejected and hopes Thunder Knuckles is taking this seriously. Jimmy doesn’t understand sometimes that Thunder Knuckles doesn’t want fame or glory.


Thunder Knuckles you're going for the Hart Championship, of course, I'm going to talk for a long time.

Great.

Cent…

Jimmy pauses before finishing Centurion's name because he doesn't know if Thunder Knuckles has changed it or not.

Centurion…

Jimmy pauses again, everything seems to be fine.

He…


Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy in the face.


What was that for Thunder Knuckles?

That's for wasting my fucking time Jimmy, his name is Centurion

Well, how was I supposed to know that? You didn't change his name?


Thunder Knuckles looks niggardly at Jimmy.


Remember Peter Fucking Gilmour?

Yes.

Did I change his name?

No.


Thunder Knuckles still looking daggers into Jimmy.


Okay, you catching on?

Not really.


Thunder Knuckles sighs.


Centurion is a legend, Jimmy. You don't just change legends names.

You do! You do all the time!


Jimmy looking surprised


Well, this is different.

Why?


Jimmy doesn't grasp why Thunder Knuckles, is why he is.


Because I can't think of anything worse than a Buick!

I see what you did there, that's clever.

No, seriously they break down all the fucking time they’re worthless really.

Well, that reminds me Thunder Knuckles, Centurions last loss on Warfare was 06/05/19 because his knees gave out and he tapped to Tony Santos!

See, he is a fucking Buick.


Jimmy is starting to figure out quickly that Thunder Knuckles is planning on changing Centurion's name to Buick.


Well, Bui…


Thunder Knuckles slaps the taste out of Jimmy’s mouth this time.


The fuck did I just tell you!

You made that Buick joke more than once I thought you were gonna start calling him that.

I said that joke twice cause it was fucking funny Jimmy comedy come in threes, and you saying it ruined my fucking joke! I noticed his knees went out during his match with Tony Santos, that we watched earlier.

I'm sorry Thunder Knuckles. Your right! I'm glad you do pay attention sometimes.

You should be Jimmy, about being sorry!


Jimmy pauses for a minute and flenches as Thunder Knuckles scratches his face.


Well as I said, that was the last time he lost on Warfare but that's not the last time he lost.

Oh yeah, when did he lose last?

XX.

Where?


Thunder Knuckles starts looking around for a dirty magazine.


What are you doing?

Looking for that porno magazine you were talking about.


Jimmy chuckles to himself.


What? No. XX was a pay per view event before you came into XWF.

Ohhhhh, I knew that!


Jimmy tried not to show a smile because he knows Thunder Knuckles didn't understand. Jimmy also doesn't want to be slapped again.


Anyways, He lost to Shane and K Money.

Shane now that's a man of business, right there.

Shane is the man that pinned Centurion’s partner Maverick.


Thunder Knuckles brushes aways Jimmy's last comment.


That does not surprise me at all Jimmy.


Jimmy looks condescending at Thunder Knuckles.


Oh yeah, why is that?

Well, Shane is a fucking beast! He’s always looking out for everyone in the locker room, well the ones worth a fuck. I mean, he was/is the only man looking into this whole footage tampering shit going on. I WON THAT FUCKING RACE!

I know you did Thunder Knuckles! I can say that Centurion never expected you to get here, let alone use your opportunity for yourself for a change.


Thunder Knuckles looking full of himself.


Yeah, sometimes you gotta shake things up to make the bigger xbux.


Jimmy shakes his head in disapproval.


Oh, you’ll see Jimmy you think Ol’ Thunder Knuckles didn't have a plan? Your fucking mental Jimmy, if you thought that!


Jimmy sarcastically says…


Oh yeah, Then what's the plan?


Jimmy knowing that whatever plan Thunder Knuckles came up with on his own was bound to be one of the dumbest things he's ever heard.


Easy Jimmy I'm going to wait for him to try that FABULA NOVA CRYSTALLIS on me because he uses all his energy with it. Literally all of it. He will gas himself and I’ll strike! BOOM THUNDER STRIKE, the best move in all of ‘rasslin.


Jimmy looks at Thunder Knuckles in amazement.


That's not your plan, is it?

Sure it is, I’m tough enough to take it, I think...one time, but one time is all it takes.


Jimmy trying not to feed Thunder Knuckles's ego.


What about the Fall of Rome or even the 1000 Mile Slam? Fall of Rome especially because it’s an I quit match.

Come on Jimmy, if I can take the big one, I can take the pain and keep myself from blacking out from the other two for sure they don't take nearly as much energy for him to use.

You do know this is an I quit match, right? The Thunder Strike knocks people out.


Thunder Knuckles looks unconcerned at Jimmy and says…


I’ll just use the COCKEL CLUTCH after Centurion is weak, really sink that bitch in, make even Mr. XWF a little jealous. Hell, even if he doesn’t use his ultimate finisher, the COCKEL CLUTCH should be the move I use to beat him with. That way he knows what I truly did to him.


Jimmy can’t believe Thunder Knuckles is that naive. Thunder Knuckles thinking he can take Centurion’s ultimate finisher. However, Jimmy respects that Thunder Knuckles shouted out the five-time bigga dirty dick nigga himself, Mr. XWF.


Not a smart plan but you're going to be the guy in the ring, I guess. Have I told you where he’s from?


Thunder Knuckles interject immediately.


Ohio?!


Thunder Knuckles says hoping he gets to share the ring with some real talent.


Nope! Atlantic City, New Jersey!


A downcast look paints Thunder Knuckles's hopeful appearance.


Figures!

What figures?

Well, Centurion “the rich kid” is from Atlantic City. Have you ever been to Atlantic City Jimmy?


Jimmy shakes his head “no”.


Well, it's fucking dirty! All those bullshit little shops on the boardwalk, they all look like a traveling carnival. Just fucking trashy. The food vendors all look gross and those annoying ass buggy pushers! Fuck them, especially, fuck them. I once took a ride in one of those buggies from one end of the boardwalk, by what is now an empty building, but it was Trump Taj Mahal, to the Boardwalk Hall. Just to watch Bernard Hopkins fight Sergy Kovalev for three out of four major world titles. By the way, Kovalev won in case you're interested.


Jimmy doesn’t give to shit or piss about boxing but Thunder Knuckles loves it.


Those buggy pushers are a rip-off, mother fuckers, charged me twenty fucking dollars for a half a mile. FUCK THEM! My point being, Centurion is trash, albeit high-end trash, but trash nonetheless.


Jimmy is looking bewildered by Thunder Knuckles calling Centurion the man who beat Tony Santos. Tony Santos was one hell of a Hart Champion.


I watched his match against MasterMind and the promos leading up to it.

I did too. MasterMind didn’t earn his shot at Centurion, I did. Centurion’s promo work will have to be better than what he put out for MasterMind for me. Cause I plan on entertaining the shit out of XWF fans.


Jimmy looks astonished that Thunder Knuckles did some of his own homework on Centurion.


Well, Centurion's weapon of choice is a golf club.

What’s with these fucking guys? Weapon of choice...the fuck is that? I pick up anything around me and use it. I better not use this chair because my weapon of choice is my fucking golf club. Fucking dumb, I just so happen to bring with me...or not...but it's there. Give me a fucking break!


Thunder Knuckles hates weapons of choice people because anything is a weapon if you try hard enough. Jimmy chimes in.

I looked into his Ethnicity like you asked Thunder Knuckles! He’s 50% Nordic, 25% Gre…


Thunder Knuckles cuts off Jimmy.


This fucking guy got onto ancestry.com and just beat the fuck off, didn't he?

Honestly, it sounds that way.

Tug at your balls, ya fucking loser. You're a Heinz fifty-seven fuck boy! Just like most other Americans. That’s what makes our nation GREAT! Speaking of this great country.


Thunder Knuckles bursts into a serious yet calming tone. He’s pointing at the camera with his thumb like former President of the United States, Barack Obama.





Vote Drezdin for President of the United States of America. He’ll call it, as he sees it, folks. How could that go wrong?


Jimmy starts to cut off Thunder Knuckles but Thunder Knuckles punches Jimmy in the nose and causes it to bleed heavily.


As I was saying, He also has announced his running mate! That’s right! Good Ol’ Thunder Knuckles himself.

So, on your ballet, it should read. Drezdin/Knuckles 2020. If it doesn’t write in Drezdin/Knuckles.

Everyday Drezdin helps his local community by gambling on himself to lose matches. Drezdin donates his winnings of those bets to the American Redcross. What a true American!


Thunder Knuckles says the next thing in a deep voice yet fast as fuck.


The National Illiteracy Awareness Organization fund is responsible for the contents of this ad. Paid for by NIAO fund and not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee.


Thunder Knuckles breaks out of the voice and talks normal again.


Anyone can be president with funding and awareness. Isn’t that right Centurion?

Damn, Thunder Knuckles.


Thunder Knuckles grins and Jimmy tries to get things back on topic. Jimmy has a rolled-up paper towel in his nose to help stop the bleeding. You know, in case you're actually paying attention to the story. The narrator explains to the fucking pricks who don’t care.


So while you were doing your thing talking about Drezdin…


Thunder Knuckles tries to cut off Jimmy. Jimmy, however, stays firm and continues to talk.


I GOT my nose to stop bleeding. I also looked up your win-loss record. Turns out, you have something in common with Centurion.

HE HAS ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY WINS, JIMMY!


Jimmy smiles at Thunder Knuckles, who knows as much about math as a fourth-grader.


And you have FOUR!

Yeah, four is smaller than one hundred and fifty.

Okay but sixty-eight and sixty-four hundredths percent of the time Centurion wins and your win/loss percentage is fifty-seven and fourteen hundredths. You stand a real chance here, you both are just over half when you think about it.


Thunder Knuckles shrugs his shoulder like he doesn’t give a fuck what Jimmy is talking about.


You don't understand Thunder Knuckles. You take dives for money. Imagine a world where you don’t. You could be something, damn it!

An xbux broke somebody who has to ‘rassle as long as Centurion. No thanks.


Jimmy is mad as hell. He can’t put Thunder Knuckles in his place, in fear of what would happen if he tried. So Jimmy changes the subject.


Did you happen to see Centurion’s first promo?

No, but I'm sure he did what everyone tries to do. Xbux are stupid blah blah blah. Just throwing out chum for a shark, right? It’s so predictable it’s almost sad. I will yet again remind everyone on the roster why they're here. TO GET FUCKING PAID! Even the fucking jerkoffs, excluding my fans, at home know that. I also know that he asked Anthony the Joke how


When Thunder Knuckles said “excluding my fans” he winked and gave a thumbs up to the camera.

I do know what he said about me in his first promo for Savage.

You do?

Hell yeah, I mean I wasn’t doing much it gave me time to do some studying of my own. Centurion asked Anthony the Joke, how his client, could mess up in a match against Peter Gilmour and Ol’ Thunder Knuckles.


Thunder Knuckles looks into the camera and says…


You're about to find out first hand Centurion, you just haven’t realized it yet.


Thunder Knuckles looks back to Jimmy.


Well, Centurion said he doesn’t know what xbux is.


Thunder Knuckles looks dumbfounded.


So you're telling me, This dumb mother fucker’s been in this business for how long? He doesn’t understand what xbux is.

Well, he said that and almost immediately explained what xbux is. So, your guess is as good as mine.

What a fucking moron. He should be ashamed now, for sure. He doesn't know he was supposed to get paid. Rich kids living off mom and dad's money. Poor bastard doesn’t know how life works.



Thunder Knuckles begins to chuckle at the thought of Centurion working for damn near free for so long. Jimmy is afraid to tell Thunder Knuckles the last part of this promo.


He also said…



Thunder Knuckles cuts off Jimmy.


Just fucking say it.

He thinks you think you're a good wrestler underneath your gimmick.



Thunder Knuckles begins laughing hysterically.


I got off the couch, came here, and keep winning. I wouldn't say I'm a good 'rassler by any stretch of the imagination. I know I'm not the worst either. This fucking guy. Someone needs to get him checked for old-timers.

Alzheimer's.

That's what I said. Plus, didn't you say that math shit says, Centurion isn't "as good" as he thinks he is.

Yeah, I suppose I did.


Thunder Knuckles wipes a tear from his eye from where he’d been laughing so hard.


Maybe he won't take long to put up promos like your recent opponents.

I doubt it, Jimmy, they all think, if they wait till the last minute. They'll stand a better chance. They don't realize I come up with this shit on the spot. No need for tweaks and whatnot.





I think, I just leveled up Jimmy.

I think so too.

With that said, I’m out of here Jimmy. Clean up this fucking mess before you go home.


Thunder Knuckles points to all his beer cans and chip bags.


Sure thing Thunder Knuckles.


Thunder Knuckles leaves the room and Jimmy starts cleaning. The camera catches Jimmy picking something up out of the trash, just before it fades to black.