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**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · (10-26-2019)

Oh man............ So here I am. Balls deep in the fold. I'm booked in my first Lethal Lottery tournament and I'm going to be the man with the largest bi's and tri's in the entire freaking thing! For those of you who haven't heard of the XWF 's Lethal Lottery before, it's just a way for them to say they're randomly throwing people together without any rhyme or reason and just seeing what the fuck happens. It's a way to get people excited about things being messy as fuck, bruh. It's like when I went to Burger King the other day and they had the whole "Slippery Bathroom Lotto" special which is supposed to get you all excited when you hear it but it's just to cover up the fact that someone shit all over the bathroom and nobody felt like mopping. I mean bro, you're gonna be slipping and sliding around in there like you're at the slopes but you won't be coming back covered in any lotto winnings.

I'll tell ya, it ain't easy being the hottest fucking dude alive. They asked me the other day if I want to hire a camera crew and special effects for my promos and all that, and I was like what the fuck? I'll just stick with the notion that the 100% natural mounds of meat on this screen are sexier than any special effects I could add to my stupid ass promo. And a camera crew? I was all like "bitch you fucks don't provide that shit?" and she was all up in my face like "don't you be waving that thing around in here or I'll cut you!" and it was just a whole big thing. Fuck. Police and everything with this bitch because she couldn't keep her eyes up here.

So yeah I eventually get my answer out of the fuckin' ho bag and it turns out I had a contract with XWF a long time ago where I just agreed to dumb shit so they'd pay me but I didn't do anything I said I'd do. Man, I remember doing a lot of fucking drugs with the boys back then. We were always messing with each other and getting each other to do stupid shit. Apparently I had a match with some dumb fuckin' bimbo with a stipulation that if I lose the match I'll get a sex change... well guess what! Woopdie fuckin' do, guess who lost the match! Of course it was me... so could I go a single goddamn day without being bothered about it? Fuck no! It's one thing when I have the owners calling me up asking when I want to schedule my dick to be chopped off on camera but I even had my own friends and family hounding me about it. Fuck I'd even stop at the deli and they'd ask me if I wanna just come behind the counter and take care of it right there to save money. Bitch I'm there to pick meat up not chop it the fuck off!

But yeah that's largely what my last XWF run consisted of, just a bunch of stupid shit with me signing meaningless forms and agreeing to whatever. Eventually I just stopped showing up and I guess there was someone who got mad about that too, so now I get all the shittiest treatment this time around. This is why they're asking me earlier if I wanna buy a camera crew, but you know damn well a big name like Tommy Wish has cameras on him 24/7 so why the hell I am gonna pay jack shit? I'll just do like today and hold my phone in my hand and record! Bro, right now my phone isn't even in my hand, it's just hanging off my belt while I make this meatloaf and talk to you guys. Pretty sick, right? Right about now all of you are probably like "dude you're making meatloaf?" and the truth of the matter is I could be butt naked in a room full of little kids but you'd never know because my phone's just dangling off my belt focused on whatever! I'm supposed to pay a dick to film me? Nah, you can just look at whatever my phone looks at while I go about my day!

Those words were put right to the test too, weren't they? I know you caught a glimpse of those rubber gloves and those spoons just now but we're not even gonna go there. You can hear the heavy thud of my keys bouncing against my jeans as I start to run down a long walkway and then there's a loud crash while everything is distorted.......... "HEY YOU FUCKS! GET AWAY FROM THOSE LINKS!"

...:::LIFE IS:::...

Life is about change. Life is about keeping everything and everyone guessing at all times. Life is about confusing the fuck out of people so they don't know if you're coming or going. Sometimes life is about skipping ahead and forgetting the questions you had because you know the future has a bad memory anyway. I hear a lot of mindless sayings about life because I've spent a lot of time hanging with people who are barely clinging to it. The guy crawling up out of the sewer tugging at your pant leg for a bite of your chicken wing can probably tell you all about how to master this life. The reason I tell you this is because you'll find clues about life anywhere you look... you don't have to just wait for some guy to crawl out of the sewer and yank you. Take my match coming up in Round 1 of the Lethal Lotto tournament, for example. I'm gonna ask the promo people to stick a little graphic here while I'm talking so you can see how my match is listed...

"Vicious" Vita Valenteen & Amjetkun Socio
- vs -
"The" Tristan Slater & Jim Jimson
Exorcism Match
Standard Tag Rules
So someone released a demon! Oops!
At random a competitor will be taken control of by the demon and receive supernatural strength and powers

And assuming they didn't ask me for my credit card to add the graphic, you probably see it now. See how there are clues and advice about life EVEN under my match listing? They're everywhere! So now since I know to always look for these kinds of things, I have an advantage over anyone else in the match because they're going to be coming in clueless. What about me, though? I'll be coming in knowing damn well THIS IS A STEROID MATCH!

Yeah!

That whole "a demon will give you super strength for a few moments" line doesn't fool a guy like me for one minute!

I'm coming into this match already primed and prepped to be "taken control of" WINK WINK! I don't know how I can shout my WINKS any louder!

You hear me, Tristan Slater and Jim Jackson? I cracked the code to our "exorcism match" and I'll tell you both right now as soon as that needle comes around my way Saturday night I'm going to unload into you fucks like you were a couple of punching bags! I'm gonna break you in half!

Now let's go track down this tag team partner of mine.............

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Steroid Match vs Slater and Jimson
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