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Boris · (09-15-2019)

Hello! This is Boris, and if you are watching for first time, welcome! Today, I show you my boat. And it is not just any boat blin, no no, it is the Slav Cruiser 9000.

What we do first is take ordinary fan boat I purchase from crazy man name Dave from Baton Rouge. He call me immigrant and say something about Trump deporting me, but he only charge 50 Euro, so it's ok.

Next, I paint the boat, because I don't want boat looking like rust bucket floating on water. No blin, we paint boat blue and red, the colors of greatest country on Earth, Slovakia. For true Slav experience, we paint three white stripes down both sides of boat. Now that is a boat that says "A true Slav owns this boat!"

Next, we replace old, broken fan, for the Slav Cruise 9000 does not operate using old fashioned air. No blin, we install DB Turbo Thruster II, with slight modification my friend Antoli make. Instead of using diesel fuel, this is powered by vodka and mayonez. Is a little unstable, but is alright.

I know what you must be thinking. "Ay, Boris, isn't vodka jet thruster against the rules?" And to that I say, "I do not know", for Boris did not read rules. What I do know, though, is that the Slav Cruiser 9000 will be first boat to cross finish line, and I will leave all Western spies in my wake. Oppa! Glory to Slovakia!

Now, for the important cyka. Back of boat usually has seating for many guests. But blin, I do not need many seats for many guests, just one for me, and perhaps one for Antoli. So, I replace seats and add subwoofer. This way, no matter where I am in race, all the crowd can party to hardbass.

So we have thruster, we have seat for Captain Boris and First Antoli, we have it painted to look 100% Slav. We are only missing one thing... industrial sized cooler! Welded into boat, and full of vodka and high quality mayonez! Some for boat, some for Boris.

One last, very important addition that is needed. The swamp is filled with dangerous creatures - crocodiles, poisonous snakes, Western spies - so Boris brings the one thing he can not leave behind - his Dragunov rifle. Ah blin, no one will mess with me and the Slav Cruiser 9000!

And there you have, the Slav Cruiser 9000! If you want closer look, stand at finish line. See you in the swamp!

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