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B.O.B. D · (08-29-2019)

I feel bad for not inviting Vinnie Lane to my wedding, considering the gift he's given me. Not only am I near the top of the card for my first ever Anarchy match, I'm also facing the best the show has to offer. Which, quite honestly, isn't saying much considering guys like EDWARD and Mini Morbid are mainstays of this third rate brand. Don't get me wrong, the show has a few positives like being graced by one of XWF's best in Sarah Lacklan, and Vinnie's commentary; but other than my arrival, that's IT.

Some people might say I'm being too harsh on my opponents, after all, one of them was competing for the Anarchy Championship not too long ago. While that is a fact I can't deny, I also can't say that means a while hell of alot. Sure, Noah Jackson won a tournament for the right to face Lacklan in a match for the Title, but who did he beat for that honor? I mean, even when a couple kids on the short bus get in a fight, SOMEONE is bound to win! The only real name that sticks out to me is Ned Kaye, and even then, that was in a Triple Threat match, so it's not like he beat him single handedly.

Speaking of single, that's how I would describe the vocabulary of Noah Jackson. Cunt this, cunt that; he acts like a child who just discovered the word 'vagina' in the dictionary for the first time. Noah could argue his vocab is broader than I'm making it out to be, but adding 'cunt' in front of, or after, other words doesn't make him any less of a............ well, cunt, I suppose.

And speaking of cunt, that's brings me to my next opponent: Rebel Star. She reminds me of a from one of those cam sites Barney Green loves so much. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised to find out he jacked it to her a time or two. I bet when Rebel heard this match was a Four Way she got REALLY excited to participate. Too bad for her, it's not the kind of Four Way she's used to, otherwise she might actually have a chance to win! Ugh, the thought of getting an STD from giving her the Dan Slam terrifies me more than her wrestling ability, that's for sure. I'd say I'm gonna dominate her, but given her extra curricular activities, she might like that too much. Since this match is Elimination style(no, Rebel, that's NOT a sex position), maybe I'll let Noah or Mercury deal with her. My wife will thank me for it.

And then there's Mercury who, since I've been here, I haven't seen or heard of EVER. For fuck sake, did AGK add a fourth WWE reject to their group of has-beens in Joey Mercury, or is the referee gonna break a thermometer, like Joey's nose, and expect the rest of us to roll around in it? Maybe we're wrestling on the planet itself, I don't know, I haven't got much to go off of. The only thing I DO know is that I won't let a reject, element, or planet keep me from being successful.

Anyone who wants to bet on ANY of my three opponents might as well do what I did last Savage and burn their fuckin' money. OR, if you're smart, place a big bet on Big D and prepare to roll in the dough. I didn't agree to compete on Anarchy just so I could lose, I came here because I intend on being the next face of the brand. Noah had his chance to dethrone the Queen and he showed the world he's nothing more than her fucking jester. Rebel and Mercury have been nowhere near any sort of Title picture, so they're just the lowly peasants. And me? Well, one could argue I haven't had much success as of late, but I beg to differ.

Leap of Faith was a fluke, a stupid match based purely on luck. Ned didn't pin me, he didn't pin ANYBODY. Had circumstances been different and that contract placed in a different briefcase, people would be raving about me or Mastermind and questioning if NED has what it takes.

But Leap of Faith aside, what else have I done? Well, I held two Championships at the same fucking time. And while most people would shame me for bragging about winning two 24/7 Titles, those same people probably hold the Xtreme Title in high regard, despite it being no different. Noah's dad might say it is because THOSE belts aren't ever defended in the ring, but history says otherwise. I remember seeing Kuda win a Battle Royal for the Federweight Championship, as well as EDWARD defend his shiny on that same card. So if y'all want to discredit me for that, then I suggest they make the Championships fuckin' defunct if they don't mean anything!

I'm a former XWF Double Champion, whether you like it or not, and they're gonna be calling it Thursday Night DANarchy once I'm done running through my opponents tomorrow night. Sarah Lacklan better keep that throne warm for me, because I'm about to knock her off of it and it all starts by making a statement. You went at it with Noah Jackson for what seemed like days(not THAT way, Rebel!!!), but I'm about to destroy him in less than 10 minutes. Like a veterinarian to an old dog, I'm gonna put Noah down along with his sick puppies, Mercury and Rebel. I'm gonna prove that I deserve to sit at the Queen's Court and after that, I'm gonna become the KING of XWF. And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!!!!

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