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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
08-25-2019, 07:46 PM

K-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK-AH!

The sound of mechanical breathing.

K-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK-AH!

Deeply through a filter.

K-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK-AH!

A figure wearing a puffy yellow suit of plastic, the head covered in white, with a visor of plastic to show red eyes.

K-SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK-AH!

Hands in blue latex reach up to the head and remove the visor before letting it drop to the ground. They reach up and gently pull off the white plastic to fully reveal the set of red eyes, along with the pale white face, high cheekbones, and pouting lips of Sarah Grey-Lacklan.

“For fuck’s SAKE that took a LONG time!”

She throws the hood to the ground in exasperation.

“Sers legit! It took me THIRTY GODDAMN MINUTES to put this stupid suit on! THIRTY! That is a BIG chunk of my time! Just THINK of how much I could have got accomplished in that time! I could have pinned yet ANOTHER XWF roster member! I could have made yet ANOTHER ‘legend’ look stupid by simply pointing to my record and championship victories when they’re all ‘DER HUR ALL YOU DO IS TALK.’ Noah could have said “CUNT!” 44 times during that thirty minutes! Corey could have cut three inconsistent promotional videos! Duke could have impregnated ANOTHER one of his cousins in some Connecticut hay stack! Yet ANOTHER six or seen legends could have shown up, flipped a BITCH on the boards, and quit! That is a LOT of time!”

She pulls at the fingers of the latex gloves on her hands, her severe face scrunched up in annoyance, until they come free with a snap.

“But still! STILL! I MUST spend this STUPID extra 30 minutes putting on this STUPID Hazmat suit for our match. I have to take ALL this time hiding my INSANELY hot body with skin the color of moonlight gently laying upon the forest floor called ‘home’ by a unicorn. I have to ROB the BAJILLION Fang Gangers in Minnesota of the sheer AMAZEBALLSNESS of my wrestling gear...probs the new blue and tan one that makes Kenzi wetter than the Penobscott River...by wearing this dumb thing. And why? WHY?! Because I refuse...REFUSE...to catch your stupid, Zane!”

Sarah growls in anger as she starts to pull down on the shoulders of the suit.

“I spend a LOT of time researching opponents, right? I drives fucktards who don’t understand how to win matches...like Noah...nuts because I FORCE them to take responsibility for their shortcomings, right? Because I FORCE them to look in the mirror and see that, for all of their bluster and bullshit, they’re just stepping stones and marks in record books for their superiors. And in all my research, in looking at EVERYONE in this company throughout God’s year of 2019, there are FEW people who can match what I have done. And while SOME people would rather just make up random shit and hope that no one notices that what they said is literally lies that five seconds of research would prove false...like Fuzz...I am ONLY focused on the truth! I am ONLY focused on what REALLY happened! And BECAUSE of that, BECAUSE I focus on REALITY, it was a REAL head-scratcher when I looked at what YOU have been doing! How in the FUCK have YOU won seventy-five percent of your matches with THREE fucking title wins?!”

She shakes her head as she starts to push the suit downward far enough to show the well-shaded tattoo of a fearsome white mask covering her shoulder.

“Like, I get it, ya know? ‘ERMAHGERD ZOMBIE’ Yeah, yeah. Just like how Corey’s a sniper from the future, Donovan is Superman...though probs thinks he’s Zod...Drezdin passed English, Mastermind has credibility, and Noah is a ‘good’ guy. You’ve got super strength, are undead, having regenerative properties to make Wolverine fall onto his face and cry tears of the deepest covetousness. AND bang a hot piece of tail.”

Sarah looks up at the camera.

“And don’t me wrong: Frankie IS a hot piece of tail!”

She goes back to pushing down the Hazmat suit.

“And JUST like the people I mentioned above, I KNOW that your success has NOTHING to do with ANY of the fantastical bullshit you spew forth. Corey’s just a dude who is dying to be a chick...and is supes jealous of my Drezdin Money Shoes...and the only brains you eat are those weird jelly things in monkey skulls from Temple of Doom. Donovan employs carny trickery and you stock up on makeup at Spirit Halloween every year. Noah does a somewhat funny scenario, follows it with just-above-shitty analysis, and cries behind locked doors about being pinned clean in the middle for a title he went through a tournament to get a shot at on PPV, and you spend about 10% of your time at work thinking about your match. So, if you AREN’T playing the role of Julie’s R from Warm Bodies...how DID you win all those matches?”

The yellow suit falls to her feet.

“Best I can figure? You are afflicted with such an advanced case of the stupids that it axly SPREADS to the people you touch. I mean, how ELSE did you beat people like Azrael, Drezdin, Mastermind, NAZI, War Piggie, and-”

She trails off as her eyes go wide.

“Oh! THAT’S how you have such a great record! Because you beat up jobbers and losers! NOW I understand!”

She gives an exaggerated wink.

“But! Just in case. JUST IN CASE! In case your acute condition of stupid IS contagious…”

She motions down to the Hazmat suit at her feet.

“I’ll be wearing this in the ring on Thursday. Because I am YOUR Anarchy Champion and I am NOT letting you touch ANY of this porcelain skin. After all, I’ll have a REAL match for my championship once Vita finally puts on that pair of Big Girl Panties I sent her. But you?”

She shakes her head and then blows a kiss.

“Win number sixteen.”

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[-] The following 6 users Like Lacklan's post:
(08-27-2019), "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (08-26-2019), Barney Green (08-25-2019), drezdin5788 (08-26-2019), Mastermind (08-25-2019), Zane Norrison (08-27-2019)




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