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**08-09-2019, 03:42 AM**

Someone recently asked me, they said "Afton, what's it like being a cocksucking n*gger?". Bananas right? Despite the colorful use of language the person actually didn't mean offense by it. You see here in Birmingham, Alabama which is ground zero for intolerance and inbreeding yours truly the Queen of Mean has been able to for the most part fly under the radar. You see here in Alabama there are only two things people care about. Crimson Tide football, Roll Tide, and stringing up coons. So naturally you would think that me being not just black but also gay that would make me public enemy numero uno for all the beta males living here but somehow, someway I've managed to escape it. Maybe because my best friend who also happens to be gay is white. Or because I have two white parents named Leslie and Shawn. Shawn is my mom by the way, Leslie my pops. Or maybe it's because I do such a God damn good job cutting everyone's hair.

See some years ago my my life long friend Frederic Saltzman and I decided to go into business together. He had graduated from school with his certification in massage therapy and I had finished cosmetology school. The world was our Oyster and instead of opening up our own shops in the same shitty strip mall outside of town we decided to join forces and open up Salt and Pepper's Massage Parlor and Hair Salon right in the middle of downtown Birmingham. Within a year we were able to drive out every single competing barber and massage parlor in the area. Except for the oddly placed Asian Rub and Tug which took up residence only 50 feet from the local Kindergarten.

Now here we stand the biggest cocks on the block. Literally and metaphorically of course. One day I am going to get into me and Salt's history and how we came to be what we are today. The real nuts and bolts of it all but in the meantime I want to talk a little bit about Salt and Pepper the tag team. See me and Salt we got off to a bit of a rough start a few weeks ago losing our debut match. Now I'm not one of those cunts who can't give credit where credit is due. That Noah Jackson fella, despite his questionable use of language and his unyielding body odor, he's a pretty damn good wrestler. Good enough that he was able to carry the carcass of El Principe to victory over me and Salt. It happens. As great as we are we aren't perfect. We lost our first match but we've moved past it.

Onward and upward they say. Tomorrow night your favorite tag team of ALL TIME will be taking on The New Trolls. Which I guess are somehow different from The Old Trolls? I don't really know exactly what their schtick is. I have yet to see them cut any promotional video's or wrestle any matches or really do anything at all except exist. Which I guess is the new American Dream right? Do absolutely nothing and get paid? These guys should consider rebranding themselves as The New Welfare Queens at least that would be somewhat applicable. But The New Trolls? Who exactly are these guys trolling except themselves? I want to say more but why should I give these basic bitches more airtime than they are willing to give themselves?

Here's the long and short of it. Me and Salt are going to do on Saturday what we failed to do a few weeks ago and that's win. We are going to win and advance to the second round of the tag team tournament. And then we are going to win again and again and again until the tag team titles are resting comfortably around our waists. That's not a prediction, it's a promise. Don't say I didn't warn ya. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Weave to attend to.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Queen Of Mean Speaks Again
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