From Ruby’s Go-Pro…

Ruby ran across the rooftops. A blur of banana and lime, Anarchy’s resident superhero kept her vigilant eye trained on the people down below. Her cape whipped behind her in the wind, with a backpack rattling mysteriously underneath. Her feet pushed off on the rooftop’s edges on the beat of the song she was humming, ducking underneath literal clotheslines and hopping over chimney exhausts.

Ruby: “Super-Ruby-Fragi-Listic-Expi-A-Li-Do-Cious! Yes I know the sound of it is quite flip-pin’ fero-cious! Bobbi may think she can rhyme but her words are a-tro-cious! Super-Ruby-Fragi-Listic-Expi-Flippin’-Do-Cious!”

She landed on both feet on the last syllable, her eye catching a mischief causing miscreant. It didn’t look like much, but she was a trainer spotter. The weird handshakes, the suspicious body language and twitches in his neck to try and spot law enforcement, the way he leaned against the wall to try and make it look like he was up to nothing… Yup, she’d spotted a drug peddler for sure!

Ruby:”Why, that flippin’ fiend!”

She immediately dropped down, laying flat on her front and took off her backpack in one smooth motion. She retrieved a special gadget: superhero goggles that allowed her to zoom in… yes, binoculars… on the criminal. There was no doubt. Another customer, or should we say victim, walked past, repeating the same ritual.

Ruby: “Right in broad flippin’ daylight too! The cheek on that miscreant!”

She put her binoculars back in her backpack and shook her head. Time to intervene! She leaped off the roof and manoeuvred past a few fire escapes to get to the position she needed to be in: right above the dealer. He looked scraggy and underfed. Ruby felt a pang of guilt for what she was about to do. After all ,this guy was certainly not in this for the fun of it, and he must’ve had a rough life. Still, everybody had a choice. He’d made the wrong one, and it was time for some justice! She jumped down, right on top of him, her knees drilling into his shoulders and her elbows pointed downward, knocking him out with a humongous, near skull-shattering blow. Not lethal of course.

Ruby: “Right then! Time to teach you a lesson, bud!”

Dead people don’t learn lessons, after all. She tied him up with that OTHER phenomenal superhero gadget she had in her backpack… a piece of string… and dragged him off to a spot in a back alley where they would remain unseen.

And then waited… and waited… Luckily she had some sudoku puzzles in her backpack. And a pencil! Yes, she ALWAYS came prepared.

Just as she finished a puzzle (three stars!) the villain regained consciousness. She put her puzzles away and stood up, leaning forward and resting her hands on her knees so she was looking him right in the eyes. He was gagged of course, but his eyes grew large as he saw the little banana-lime Canadian standing in front of him.

Ruby: “Why hulloooooo thar! Not the sight you expected, eh? You’re not the first. But… you do know why you’re in this position, right?”

Inaudible mumbling was her answer. Of course. Ruby put a finger on her lips to indicate he’d have to keep his voice down. The villain nodded. He seemed too scared not to agree.

Miscreant: “Who are you? Please let me go! I didn’t do anyth-…”

Ruby slapped him on the cheek.

Ruby: “I’ll have none of your flippin’ lies, bud! I saw you selling drugs! But don’t worry, I washed them down the sewer and your money will go to a homeless shelter. But that’s not why I’m here! I(ll show you that it’s MUCH more fun to give people actual TASTY treats, instead of drugs. And they feel sooooo good! Check it!”

Ruby took her backpack again and took the mysteriously rattling object.













Ruby: “TA-DAAAA! Ruby-Oh’s! A taste of these and you’ll forsake a life of crime forever! Open up, bud!”

Miscreant: “…what?”

Ruby: “You heard me! Have a taste!”

She pinched the villain’s nose, forcing him to open his mouth. But as he gasped for air, he begged.

Miscreant: “No, please! I’m diabetic! I can’t have sugary goods!”

Ruby: “Sugary? Why, I’m offended! Ruby-Ohs have ALL the sweetness, none of the calories! Sweetened with stevia and erythritol, my guy! Now open!”

She pinched again and poured a healthy serving down his mouth. As the criminal chewed and crunched away to avoid choking, Ruby put the box down and took the GoPro off her head, aiming it at her own masked face.

Ruby: “See? Much better than a life of CRIME! Much better than a life of Anarchy! Which is why I’ll be forced to put down Ned Kaye this coming week. Now Neddy my dude, don’t get me wrong. You ain’t on my bad side or anything, but unless you wanna end up like mister miscreant here, I suggest you stay there. I know you’re a hard worker, and you’re FAR from some other villainous types I’ve encountered in XWF. But whether your name is Lacklan, London or Kaye, the only way to bring true order to Anarchy is THROUGH you! So don’t think about causing any mischief, mister, because there are plenty more servings of Ruby-Ohs to go round! So let’s enjoy the match, and you can congratulate me on my victory after. I’ll give you a free box of Ruby-Ohs for your pleasure!”

The criminal next to her gasped for air as he swallowed the last of the cereal. Ruby grinned.

Ruby: “Tidy! All finished. I gotta go bud. Someone will free you soon. You can have a box too. On the house! See y’all, my flippies!”

A hand moves towards the Go-Pro’s power button and the camera cuts to static.