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BostonBruiser02128 · (05-25-2019)

The camera comes to life. The Boston Bruiser is standing in the middle of the Stalingrad Battlefield in Volograd, Russia. Behind the Boston Bruiser the view of the empty field stretches for miles. The camera zooms in on the Boston Bruiser as he begins to speak.

The bloodiest battle known to ma[/b]n took place right where I'm standing. From July 1942 to February of 1943, over 2 million lives were lost on this battlefield alone. Historians call it the turning point of the war. The Germans were defeated by what the Russians called "General Winter." To this day they are still digging up the skeletal remains of Germans and Russians as well as bullets and shell fragments from the various weapons that were used during the fight. If Hitler had just done his homework and paid attention to history he could have easily beat the Russians. However, instead of leading with intelligence, it was Hitler's ego that lead a million Germans to their death. All Hitler had to do was crack open a history book and read about a tiny little man named Napoleon. Napoleon, unlike Hitler, actually captured Moscow but because of the war of attrition that the Russian soldiers were carrying out and because of the harsh Russian Winter, eventually Napoleon would end up retreating back to Poland and eventually France.

Ironically enough, tomorrow night's PPV is titled "War games." And like the famous battle of Stalingrad, War Games is going to be a bloody fight to the finish. There will be carnage, there will be bodies laid out all over the Luzhniki stadium, people are going to get hurt, we might even see the end of a couple careers. It's going to get ugly, I'm talking 4 way between Rain, his sister, his mother, and Jo their hairy transsexual mail MANish ugly.

I got a call yesterday from our esteemed leader Vinnie Lane. Apparently they found a spot for me on the War Games card. He told me to get on the next flight to Moscow ASAP. Little does he know I was already on my way here. I came into the XWF like a gay pride parade, loud and proud. I apparently broke protocol by challenging 3 different champions and making myself heard around the locker room of the XWF. It upset many of the talent, and I do use the word "talent" loosely. However, just like I made it known over the last couple of weeks, I am not going to just sit around twiddling my thumbs and whistling Dixie. I refuse to be a spectator. That's why I went after Lux like I did. That's why I went after Ed and John Rogan. I'm out to make a statement. I had planned on making a statement match or no match this weekend, it looks like I'll have that opportunity twice.

Now getting back to history, a majority of the wrestlers in the XWF fly by the seat of their pants, they're running their mouth, and yet when it comes down to put up or shut up time they all end up looking as useless as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. They don't put any effort into studying their opponent, they're not watching the game film so to speak, they're going in like Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller's love child.

This is what separates me from the herd. If anybody had the right to be cocky and arrogant it would be me. I'm 6'7 400 lbs, I could just go into the match and wing it, and 9 out of 10 times my size might get me through. However, eventually my laziness would catch up to me. I would start to get sloppy in the ring. I could be caught by surprise and then I end up with a losing streak as bad as Noah Jackson's. It's this fear that pushes me to continually hit the gym, train in the ring, watch the matches of my opponents, read up on who they are and where they are coming from, and discover their weaknesses so that when I actually do face them in the ring I'm 5 steps ahead of them during the entire contest. I can exploit their weaknesses and before you know it they're tapping out or down for the 3 count.

Now, unlike a majority of the stuperstars going into War Games, I have a slight disadvantage. Every body else knows who their opponent is going to be but I don't. Now, I am not complaining. I am use to being treated unfairly. I am use to others being given what they don't deserve (cough cough Lacklan). Fortunately for me, I have been watching the tapes of every man and woman who will compete in War Games. I have been researching their history, their losses, their pitfalls, and their mistakes, I know what makes them tick, I discovered how to get under their skin, and I plan on using it against whoever I end up facing at War Games.

Here's what I discovered on some major players who will be active at War Games.
Centurion-Here we have a washed up fired CEO who couldn't even manage to be successful in the urine bowl of the United States which is Atlantic City. How pathetic do you have to be to fail at anything in that cesspool? His nightly routine involves getting drunk and playing hooker roulette, where his big prayer every night is "Please help her to not have a penis." His body is about as broke as his bank account. He's so badly bruised and injured not even the AARP will sponsor his geriatric behind. You don't stand a chance against me. I'll do what the leadership should have done years ago and put you out to the pasture . Sorry Ole Yeller your time has come and gone like 20 years ago. There is no way your fragile feeble body can take the beating I will give it. You're 1 jackknife away from sucking apple sauce through a straw. Go ahead and try smart bombing me, your spine will shatter like broken glass.

Peter Gilmour- The man is always telling people to suck his dick. It would be easier for Ray Charles to find Waldo in a room that's pitch black than it would be for anybody to find your dick. Maybe that's why your wife left you. You're life seems to be a giant guide on "How to be a worthless failure." If Atlantic City is America's urinal then that would make Los Angeles America's septic tank. Nothing but sleazy con men, crackheads, and whores and that just describes you. You and your Harry Potter reject manager Valerie . She's threatening to cast spells on me? Really? Does she have to start every spell with the phrase "Hocus Pocus"? Does she have a spell for male pattern baldness? That's a spell I could definitely use. If I end up in the ring with you two tell her there's a 400 pound house that's going to come crashing down on her. I might not be able to turn her into a frog but like a frog she will definitely croak. From the Oscar Award winning movie "Monty Python", What do we do with witches? BURN THEM! Peter, there's no way you're carrying out your Samoan drop against me. Your drop kick will be useless. I'm going to leave you beat down, hopeless, and miserable.

Mastermind- You're a regular Quantum Leap with all the time traveling you do in your promos. I don't know if you're in the 90's, early two thousands or current day. One thing is clear though, you apparently have mommy issues. My mom abandoned me when I was just a child, I built a bridge and got over it, maybe you should do the same. You have a losing streak longer than the Cleveland Browns and you just thinks that so unfair. I think Little wittle Mastermind just needs himself a time out. And don't even think you're going to make me tap out. There's no way you're getting me in that position at all. While you sit around complaining and whining I'm putting in the hard work to make sure I don't end up like you the XWF jobber.

Robbie Bourbon- You're cartoon image looks a lot different than your image from the Youtube video you put out in January of 2017. From that video it's visible that the only gym you're hitting is the Slim Jim. You've been around for a long time and just like Centurion you are broken, injured, and frail. Go ahead and step in the ring with me, this will be the worst disaster you've faced since your dojo burned down in 2015. I wish you would put out an honest representation of yourself instead of that cartoon. I've seen more muscles in a Kansas City Seafood Diner than I saw on you in that video.

Robert Main- what a sad state of affairs when your wrestling promotion's Universal Champion is a man bun wearing Latte drinking social justice warrior. I bet you're the kind of guy that freely volunteers to get pedicures with your love interest. Hands that soft tell me you've put in no hard work to get where you are. This promotion seems to have a history of giving people titles that don't deserve it. If you can find some spare time between protesting global warming and the murder of defenseless cows I'll gladly volunteer to take that Universal Championship off your shoulders. I'll make quick work of your metrosexual self. Then the XWF can finally have a champion they can be proud of.

Vinnie Lane- There's a saying that goes "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" and as much as I appreciate your help Vinnie, if you even think about getting in my way I'll kick your butt back to he 80's where it belongs. Vinnie, you're like the poster child for venereal diseases. The rumors are you would hump anything with lady parts. Where's your "I went to Alaska and all I came back with is crabs" t-shirt? You might be what 150 pounds soaking wet. I'll just swing you around by your lice infested hair right out of the arena. Forget what Nazareth said, you're going to be singing
Boston Bruiser hurts
Boston Bruiser scars
Boston Bruiser wounds and marks.... you get the point.

Lacklan- ole Jinga Legs herself. She represents everything that is wrong with this younger generation. She's the one you love to see fail and you get tired of listening to. Lacklan, one perfectly delivered Boston Crab and it's beep beep rolling around in the Walmart scooter for you. "Oh I don't offer any offense, I just stand there and let them come to me because of my daddy's training I know how to counter most moves." That's the problem, you're use to standing around and doing nothing and letting everybody else do the work for you. For someone as ignorant as you, you sure do use the word "genius" a lot. Didn't anybody tell you not to use big words you don't know the meaning of? Marketing Genius...what market is it exactly that your the genius of? The Dollar Tree? You better pray to Plutus that you don't end up facing me. I'll put the full force of my weight on your ankles till I hear SNAP and leave you crawling around the ring like a crippled Chinese orphan. I'll then grab you by those broken ankles, pick you up and swing you into ever metal object I can find. It will be so brutal, ugly, and sad Clint Eastwood will direct your life movie. From Hillary Swank to Ratchet Skank.

Edward- I can't decide if you're from the stone ages or just stoned. I absolutely embarrassed you at the last event. "Ed got his butt kicked. Ed was in severe pain. Ed should learn to no mess with big angry man. Ed, should retire, and become a poet because Ed is good with words." I guarantee you that you haven't even overcome the injuries I caused you last time. Go ahead and try for round 2, I'll send you flying back to whatever rock you crawled out from.

Tommy Gun- Knowing is half the battle G.I. Joe! Look at you playing dress up that's cute. Unlike what you faced in the Middle East, I'm not some turban wearing goat humper. After 5 minutes in the ring with me you'll wish you were back at Fort Brag running through an obstacle course in 100 degree humidity. Try me and it will be you we commemorate on Memorial Day. None of your training prepared you for the abuse that you will suffer at my hands. Your career will end up being as big as a failure as your father's NFL career.

Ned Kaye- With wrestling moves as lousy as the New York Yankees I don't expect any competition from you. From what I learned about you from watching your tapes, you don't know how to handle the big guys. I am your kryponite. Your moves are designed to take down guys half my size. You don't possess the ability to beat me. You're like Batman without his utility belt or Kanye without the Kardashians. A kick in the gut, a monstah slam, and a wicked pissah should finish you off no problem.

And for those of you who I didn't mention, don't think for one second I'm dismissing you. I'm prepared. I've done my homework. I am ready for War Games. I am ready to shut the mouths of those who have come at me. I am ready to get a win under my belt. I will do whatever it takes to win. I'll drag in tables, chairs, and whatever I can get my hands on. Even more important to me than winning is making sure I hurt my opponent. I don't just want a pin I want to break some bones. I want to make somebody suffer. I'm ready for War Games. I've studied the history and unlike Napoleon or Hitler, I will be victorious in Moscow.

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