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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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#HLPD
Author Message
Kuda Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
Traditionalists

(has an old school wrestling mentality; no nonsense; less appealing to some younger fans)


#1
05-01-2019, 02:39 PM

[Image: 10373356-mature-doctor-smiling-in-lab-co...-room-.jpg]

"Does your vagina look like a woodchuck that just stepped on a landmine? You may be suffering from a rare condition known as Horrendous Looking Pussy Disorder, or HLPD. And you're not alone, while it might be embarrassing to look at it and sometimes smell like a rotting wedge of gruyere, hundreds of women suffer along with you."

The camera cuts to a short blonde woman wearing a Tony Santos t-shirt (she fuckin' gets it).

"I've suffered from HLPD for years, and up until recently I thought my unsavory clunge was something that I had to deal with by myself. It wasn't until I realized that my second favorite wrestler Sarah Lacklan also suffers from a decayed lovebox, that I finally accepted myself and learned to love my disgusting vagina."

The camera cuts to Kuda wearing a wig and a sheer top with two apricots wedged in at the chest, and his manager Raj--wearing a blonde wig and a Lacklan signature 'Firestarter' dress, with a $4.99 price tag from Walmart still attached.

"For years I have lived with HLPD. When I was just a young girl I would look down and wonder 'why does it look like an inside-out marsupial?' In school after phys-ed, I had to slink away when it was time for the showers because I was just too ashamed of what the other girls might see. In love and relationships? It was always hard trying to scissor the small number of girls who could get past my horrendous personality, and when it came time to grind--well, they just couldn't see past it. One girl said it looked like a loofa covered in chunks of molding roast beef. That hurt.

It hurt so much that I briefly turned to men, but the same thing kept happening: They would put a paper bag over my face, spread my legs and vomit. One guy even told me that because my vagina looked like necrotic tissue, he was afraid that if he went any further that he would be labled a necrophiliac. I attempted debridement by covering my vagina in maggots, but even they wouldn't chow my stomach-churning quim.

And then I found Kenzie. She was able to see past it."


Raj smiles and places a hand on Kuda's shoulder. Not being about that weird bullshit, Kuda instinctively smashes and elbow in Raj's face, sending him flying off camera. Kuda turns back to the camera and composes himself.

"I like it nasty."

Click.

"I cannot STAND this bitch, oh my god. Guarantee she has a fucking LinkedIn page."

"She looks like the type of bitch that spitroasts herself with a couple Johnsonville summer sausages while reading the diluted ramblings on a long since abandoned Xanga page of a 14 year old emo girl from Winnipeg. Every single time I see that annoying cunt on tv or hear that shrill voice of hers I honestly wonder if a sulfuric acid enema would be any less painful. I would literally cheer on a dissolving agent running through my bowels if it meant I never had to sit and suffer through another one of her pointless fucking rants about whatever basic white bitch topic that one of her seven brain cells cooked up that day.They should make a Candyman sequel featuring Lacklan except instead of the mirror spawning a hook handed serial killer, out pops Braindead Barbie and she literally annoys everyone to fucking death."

"At least your classic narcissist has -something- to be bragging about, but holy shit I could tip over a Starbucks dumpster and 3-4 of those generic little shits will scurry away like cockroaches caught in the light. Leave it to a nondescript little white girl to blanket herself in privilege and angst in lieu of developing some semblance of a personality. This bitch is just a palette swap of any random LA girl with a bleached asshole and daddy issues. I had a dream the other night that I died and went to Hell, and you know what was waiting for me? I had to wear one of those cheap dresses she has stitched together by Cantonese children and had to watch an endless loop of that vapid, half-witted babbling that she tortures everyone with. And I had to do it seated on an unlubed mold of Peter Gilmour's super dick, quite frankly that was the least terrible part."

"You know how fucked up I was waking up from THAt kind of hellish nightmare? I walked my ass straight to church to the morning and started singing Amazing Grace with a tear in my eye and faith in my heart. I put an entire week's pay in the collection plate. I found the priest after the sermon and offered to suck his dick. He didn't like that that much so I offered to bring my nephew Dinesh and some Tylenol PM's with us next week. He seemed more receptive to that."

"I would literally let a Catholic priest buttfuck my 9-year-old nephew just on the off chance that a trip to Hell would mean an eternity of being tortured by that screeching sow's inconsequential bullshit."

"At Anarchy I'm going to need you to pry apart those overworked jowls, pull out her uvula, tie it around her monstrous clit and strum her like a fucking harp. This overrated cow has gotten a free pass off the backs of some seriously over-matched competition, and that's not a testament to what she can do--it's about how lucky she's gotten. Come Thursday, her luck runs out and you turn her into a string instrument. You two are going to make such beautiful music together."

[Image: MWS6ceE.png]
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[-] The following 4 users Like Kuda's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (05-01-2019), Atticus Gold (05-01-2019), Corey Smith (05-01-2019), Ned Kaye (05-01-2019)




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