LORD THURSTON NOT HERE. HE SAY HE HAVE TO GET SOMETHING FOR EDWARD THAT HELP EDWARD BECOME EVEN BETTER WARRIOR. THAT MEAN EDWARD HAVE NO ONE TO TELL HIM WHAT TO DO. SO EDWARD DECIDE TO USE TV TIME THAT XWF MAKE EDWARD USE TO DO SOMETHING BETTER THAN YELL AT UNWORTHY WARRIOR.

EDWARD PRESENT NEW SHOW...









Aaaaaaand que the title card!





























































After a few seconds of the title card displaying, we fade into Edward who is standing in Lord Thurstons back yard and now wearing one of those weird chef hats.

HELLO AND WELCOME TO COOKING WITH EDWARD, I HOST, EDWARD.

ON THIS SHOW, EDWARD TEACH YOU TO COOK LIKE REAL WARRIOR AND LEAVE FANCY MACHINES BEHIND.

TODAY, EDWARD SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FEW DISHES TO KEEP BELLY FULL BETWEEN HUNTS AND FIGHTS.

Edward walks off screen for a moment. Some rustling can be heard off camera, followed by the sound of something being dragged. Edward walks back into frame dragging a member of the film crew by the ankle.

FOR ALL OF TODAY'S DISHES, YOU WILL NEED PUNY MAN. EDWARD USE MAN WHO ALWAYS WAVE METAL STICK AT EDWARD (boom mic) BUT YOU CAN USE ANY MAN WHO NOT FIT TO PROTECT VILLAGE OR HUNT FOR FOOD. THAT MEAN YOU SHOULD SELECT MEAT FROM MAN WHO EITHER LAZY, FAT, OR DUMB. EDWARD EAT A LOT OF DUMB MEAT ON ISLAND AND KNOW THAT IT VERY TOUGH IF NOT PREPARED CORRECTLY.

Edward begins stripping the man of his clothes as he continues.

FIRST THING YOU DO AFTER SELECTING MEAT IS SKIN IT. SOMETIME YOU HAVE TO REMOVE CLOTHES FIRST.

Edward finishes removing all of the man's clothes and walks off camera.

AFTER REMOVING CLOTHES, EDWARD FIND BEST WAY TO SKIN HUMAN IS TO DO SO AFTER YOU GET CUT OF MEAT.

Edward walks back into view, now with a hatchet that consist of a wooden handle, stone blade, and some unknown twine.

EDWARD IN THE MOOD FOR THIGH!

Edward swings down quick and on point! The hatchet slices about a third of the way through the man's thigh on the first swing. A few more swings of that hatchet and the job is complete.

TO SKIN, JUST CUT STRAIGHT LINE DOWN THIGH AND RIP AWAY SKIN.

Edward cuts down the thigh just as he explained and removes the skin with one quick tug.

AND THAT IT, ENJOY THIGH MEAT!

Edward takes a big bloody bite of the thigh and chews it a few times before spitting it out in disgust!

THIS MEAT NOT GOOD! SOMETIME MEAT IS COLD AND SLIMY BECAUSE SOURCE IS CHEATING COWARD WHO ALL OTHER WARRIORS LAUGH AT. WELL EDWARD NOT SUGGEST EVER EAT SUCH MEAT. THAT WHY EDWARD NOT LOOK FORWARD TO BITING NOAH DURING MATCH. BAD MEAT JUST BAD MEAT, BUT MAYBE IT COLD NIGHT AND YOU WANT SOMETHING WARM TO FILL BELLY, OR MAYBE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE AND MUST EAT BAD MEAT OR DIE?

IN CASE LIKE THIS YOU NEED BUILD FIRE.

Edward walks off screen again and returns with a flat rock that almost resembles a plate.

FIRST STEP OF BUILDING FIRE, DIG HOLE SIZE OF HAND TO ELBOW.

Edward gets to work digging his hole.

ONCE HOLD DUG. YOU NEED MAKE FIRE.

Edward walks off screen and when he returns, it's with an arm full of wood. Unfortunately for Lord Thurston, it looks like the wood may have been harvested from various pieces of furniture. Edward drops the wood into the hold he just dug and spreads it around evenly.

NOW THIS PART COULD BE HARD, BUT EDWARD CHEAT AND USE FIRE STARTER.

Edward strikes a Bic lighter, holds in under a smaller piece of wood, and waits for it to catch.

IT MAY TAKE WHILE TO START FIRE. EDWARD SUGGEST YOU NEVER LET FIRE BURN OUT UNLESS YOU HAVE A FIRE STARTER LIKE EDWARD.

The flames takes to the wood. Edward gently blows oxygen at the flame as he moves the wood around to spread the flames.

NOW PUT STICK IN SIDES OF MEAT TO HOLD ABOVE FIRE.

Edward shoves a total of four sticks, two on each side, into the thigh that he chopped off earlier.

NOW PLACE ON FIRE AND WAIT TILL COOKED AS DARK AS YOU LIKE. EDWARD LIKE MEAT COOKED VERY DARK.

An unknown amount of time is edited from the video. Suddenly, the thigh meat is transformed into a hunk of blackened dry meat.

THAT IT, NOW ENJOY!

Edward takes a big bite of the thigh and chews it, quick at first, but then slower, and slower, as a disgusted look comes across his face. Edward once again spits out the meat.

MEAT STILL NOT GOOD!?!

IF MEAT SO BAD THAT FIRE NOT MAKE TASTE BETTER, THEN ALL THAT LEFT TO DO IS THIS.

Edward grabs the man that he killed earlier by his remaining leg and drags him into the fire pit that he dug.

DESTROY BODY SO YOU NOT HAVE TO SMELL THE ROT, THEN GO BACK OUT AND FIND WORTHY MEAT.

Suddenly the one legged man begins to flail around and scream as his hair and skin ignite. Seems he wasn't actually dead.

"Uh..AH...AHHHHHH! HEEEELP...AHHHHHH!"

Edward smiles awkwardly as he slowly turns his head to look at the burning man. Edward then slowly turns back and continues to grimace as he tries his best to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

"URRRRK.... Uhhhhh.....hhhh.....h......."

Edward reaches off camera and grabs his spear. He then chucks it at the burning man, where it stabs into his chest and he lefts out one final whimper.

ALSO GOOD TIP. THE LOUDER THEY CRY, THE WORSE THEY TASTE.

GOODBYE AND KEEP HUNTING!

Edward waves as the scene fades back out to the title card.