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John Rogan · (04-15-2019)

Winston Churchill said it best 'success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.' Ever since Wednesday Night Warfare I've found myself repeating that quote. It's a nice way of saying 'pick yourself up by your boot straps.' I'm finding it gets harder to do so, when things won't go your way.

Fifteen years ago. I stood on the top of a cage after winning my first world championship. I remember signalling for a microphone, because I thought 'surely one would come descending from the rafters of this building in Boston.' To my surprise, famous Quarterback Tom Brady was in the audience, and GWA officials let him throw that mic up to me.

I was so proud that night. I went on to defend that title, and when I lost, heartbreak set in, but I was still involved in some legendary matches, with some of the greatest superstars of that era, of that region.

The pride I feel each time I think of my glory days brings overwhelming happiness, yet overwhelming bitterness. Why can't I be that guy anymore?

[I look at myself in the cracked mirror on the wall.]

It's still me. The same six foot, seven, three hundred pound beast I used to be, Yet, things have changed.

The swiftness I had as a twenty something year old man is long gone, the ability to bounce back from an injury is also gone. I noticed last night I lose my wind a lot quicker then I used to. Is it age? Has Father time caught up with me, like it does to everybody eventually?

[A scowl creeps over my face, making the wrinkles on my forehead, and crow's feet around my eyes more prominent.]

It's weird what two losses can do to a man's psyche. One day he's on top of the world ready to take on kids half his age for an XWF title and win. The show comes around and you find yourself asking 'hey what's going on? Why is this so difficult?' You could overlook it though. You rationalize that it's a battle royal. John Rogan has never been good at battle royal's...but what about last night?

[I bite my lip turning away from the mirror, attempting successfully to hold back tears of anger.]

I guess Winston Churchill was right. After all, the admiration in the eyes of Notorious Ned Kaye meant a lot when he shook my hand in the ring, bid me congratulations on our match.

[A dark thought crosses my mind.]

Maybe, it was pity, maybe he meant I had a good match for my age.

[I feel my body begin to shake with anger.]

What did those punks know anyway? I've forgotten more about this wrestling business then most of those guys will ever know.

I walk across my home built gym, to the treadmill. A nice jog will do me some good, and turn the speed up to five miles an hour with a 2.0 slope.

This will get the old heart pumping. What's the use of being a Debbie Downer. I got Kuda next week.

---THIRTY MINUTES LATER---

Well here we are again. Kuda your worst nightmare has come true.

[I lower my voice for dramatic effect.]

You have to once again step in the ring with me. This time it's not a battle royal, or an attack where Chubby Fletcher can pull me off of you. This is one on one. You and I in a match until a winner is decisively chosen.

Now, you may believe that winner's going to be you, but we both know better don't we Kuda?

[I stop my monologue long enough to stare into the soul of my opponent.]

We both know that luck only strikes once, and that one time has passed for you.

[A smile creeps across my face echoing the feeling of joy that can only be accomplished with the fear I'm sending into the heart of Kuda.]

Now, you may think that you've seen the worst I have to offer. You believe you've seen the depths of my callousness. On April 18th, at the Mohegan Sun Arena in Lucasville, CT your theories will be put to rest.

[I allow another moment of silence pass, knowing that Kuda's drinking in every word.]

You will witness what it's like to face a man with nothing to lose, but all to gain.

You see Kuda, I may not have another ten or twenty years left in this business, but what I do have is my experience, my heart, my goals, and my determination. When I set out to achieve something I do it Kuda. I go full force!

[I feel my blood pressure rising, the adrenaline in my body spiking. The old excitement running through my veins.]

I will rise to the pinnacle of this sport; which I love, one more time. I'm setting out right now Kuda for that Anarchy Internet Championship, and I won't let anybody step in my way!

[I breath heavily, the competition burning inside of me again.]

You're going to want to stop me Kuda. You're going to think you have all the answers, but you have no answers Kuda. There ARE NO ANSWERS for killing a dream.

My dream, this goal can't be crushed. Like, I said I will kick, punch, scratch, claw, and slam my way to the top of Anarchy. I will be the best, and you with your homophobic slurs, your ignorant ten year old's mind can't stop me.

[I give off a smile that some would describe as psychotic.]

So, in closing Kuda. I want you to turn on your little phone, point that camera towards you, try to take your big muscles, flex them. Talk all the trash you want, tell me how you feel I fuck guys, tell me how bad I suck, do everything in your power to psyche me out, to make me doubt myself, and do everything to make the XWF and it's fans think you're the better man.

All that matters is on April 18th, when we stand in the ring. Every insult you hurl my way, every skill you have in your body won't matter, when I'm making you my first rung on my ladder of Anarchy success.

[I close my eyes drawing in a long breath as the scene fades to black.]

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Am I still good enough? You bet your ass I am.
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