Jackie Peppers, still bedecked in bondage mask with only a sealed off straw as his only means of breathing and under the full and dangerous effects of a concussion, is standing outside in the heat. It's a hot day. Muggy, the air heavy, the sun beating through a haze, Jackie's chest heaving as he upchucks again due to the nausea from the concussion.

P-Please, Angus, I need a doctor...

Nay, lad, nay! Scott St. Pierre is a danger to ye! Ye need ta treen, an' treen har'.

Angus pours the last of his whiskey into his gullet. He swallows heartily, holds the base of his belly with his right hand, makes a surprised face, and belches. He then guffaws and looks at Jackie.

A'reet, breek taim. Feck aff fer a minut.

Angus turns to the house boat and immediately faceplants into the gravel. Bob Whiskey waddles out of the house boat wearing an apron and gym shorts, his massive man boobs jiggling around to the nth degree. It's nowhere near as epic as the last time we saw boobs jiggling in a Jackie Peppers promo. Bob approaches Jackie and puts an arm around him.

Look, I know he's being hard, but, well, life's hard.

Bob smiles blankly at Jackie.

Mmmph.

Bob's jaw drops as his hands reach for the back of Jackie's mask. After loosening, Jackie swats at it aimlessly. Bob pulls it off.

Have yourself a good breath.

Jackie vomits.

Bob, I need to see a fucking doctor. I need help.

Bob looks around, worriedly.

I can't. Angus said so.

Angus is a fuck.

Angus turns and grimmaces at Jackie, pisses himself, then rolls over again, snoring loudly. His bare ass is shown to the world. Cragged, abused, worn, weathered, and old. Man ass.

Nowhere near as cool as the jiggling boobs before.

Jackie looks at Bob intently.

Look, I need a phone for an ambulance, Bob. Can you get an ambulance?

Bob looks incredibly worried, then looks at Angus in terror.

I can't. No ambulance.

Bob, this is serious, I need help...

Bob grunts. As he does, he scoops Jackie Peppers over his shoulders.

BOB! NOT NOW!

No! I can't call an ambulance or a doctor, but I can pick you up and...

Jackie passes out as Bob hustles, making great strides and ground for a man as fat as he is. With a great sense of urgency on his face Bob leaps the hood of a moving car, kicks through a fence and keeps running, and leaps off a twenty foot bridge to get to an emergency room. Samwise Gamgee style.

Some time later...

We see Jackie Peppers holed up in a hospital room. He seems complacent, looking at a screen while munching on some pudding. Steve Sayors is sitting next to him.

Jackie Peppers, you had a match last Wednesday in which you clearly didn't look like you were in it at the end, do you care to comment?

I, uh, I wasn't, Steve. I lost my head, I was out cold on my feet at the end.

I did it to myself. Water wizardry didn't have a hand in it. I can only blame one person, and that's the only person I'm accountable to, Steve. Me.

Jackie takes another spoonful of pudding.

So, Jackie, do you feel like you'll be a hundred percent for Warfare?

Jackie chuckles.

Do I even have a choice?

Steve looks quizzically at the camera.

What do you mean, Mr. Peppers?

Call me Jackie.

Okay, what do you mean when you ask if you even have a choice, Jackie?

Jackie takes another spoonful of tapioca pudding. The plastic cup it came in is empty. He sets it and the plastic spoon on the plastic table set up in front of him and he slides the table out of his way, allowing his whole body to be seen in the hospital gown he's wearing.

Well, what I mean is...

As he speaks, Angus walks in with Bob. Bob waves gleefully at Jackie, who waves back, in friendly fashion but with much less vigor. Jackie then looks at Angus, who is scowling.

Lad, tis tiem fer treenin...

Angus pulls a bottle of whisky out from under his kilt. He unscrews the cap and takes a swig. Jackie smiles at him.

I agree.

Jackie presses a button on his bed. In seconds, two nurses show up.


As soon as they get in the room, they start making out. They turn to Jackie.

Oh, Mr. Peppers...

That's right.

Is it time for your bath? We love your work in the XWF. We're some of your biggest fans!

Yes, we can't get enough of seeing you in the ring, the battles you fought so far, you poor darling.

So pretty, how can you damage a face like that?

They can't.

Jackie chuckles as the girls giggle. Angus looks furious as Bob looks damned proud of Jackie.

Lewk, lad, nay time fer fancyin' aroun' wit leedies! Ye need ta be trainin'!

The girls giggle as Jackie glances at Angus for a moment, then back at the girls. He waves with a single hand.

Angus, just watch and learn.

One nurse turns and reaches into a cabinet.


The other nurse bends over and monitors Jackie's vitals from the opposite side of the bed. She unzips her top a little bit to help her reach.


Jackie buries his face in the cleavage of the nurse, who moans with antagonizing pleasure. The other nurse comes back from the cabinet with a rubber glove and snaps it on, looking JUST like the cover of that one Blink 182 album with the hot nurse.


Even if her boobs aren't super huge, the pic is.

As the hot nurse from the Blink 182 album approaches Jackie, his vitals go crazy! Bob and Angus rush the bed, looking horror stricken! The nurses look completely and utterly visibly shaken! Steve Sayors is crying! For a moment, it looks like Jackie Peppers is stepping into a white light. Instead, we fade in to see Jackie Peppers waking up in a hospital bed. His nurse looks quite frumpy, some 5'2", shaped like a yam, sporting half a mustache and looking stinky. Angus and Bob are in the room, Angus still furious and Bob super happy to see Jackie is up. He waves vigorously at Jackie. Jackie blinks.

Where's Steve?