Somewhere some time ago, lived a rather basic boy named Johnny.

Johnny had never really accomplished much in his life, though he probably felt he'd like to someday. But life for the most part had already passed Johnny by.

Johnny had slept his way through school never striving for academic acclaim, nor did Johnny dabble with athletics. Johnny didn't really make any friends either his entire life, he usually just stayed inside playing video games and eating snack cakes to the point of borderline obesity.

Johnny had no real talent at anything he tried- and probably thought for some reason that he would one day stumble upon something that he was naturally gifted at for which he could cash in on, but that never happened either.

Johnny played around with many fantasies for which he would ascend into a grander state of being; being an acclaimed author, being a radio personality, being a television personality, being a book to screenplay adapter in Hollywood, being a professional wrestler, being a famous musician, being President of the United States and many other things of that nature.

But Johnny put forth no effort to see any of these yearly dreams through.

So Johnny grew up.

Johnny got a basic job.

Johnny bought a basic car.

Johnny rented a basic apartment.

Johnny's life basically sucked.

One day Johnny left his basic job to go home to his basic apartment where he had some basic roleplay adventure video game waiting for him to get lost inside of. This excited Johnny, who for all of his lacking attributes, did have a rather fluid imagination. But once Johnny got home, he began to procrastinate even the most basic aspiration of creating a fictional 3D character in a video game. He instead opted to pop in an old XWF DVD, one he had probably already watched several dozens of times and ordered a basic pepperoni pizza from Papa Johns- the most basic of pizza delivery joints.

Johnny's pizza arrived and Johnny, being a fairly hefty and acne covered nobody with no aspirations of ever trying to woo a female asides from the girls he talks to in online video game chats, devoured the entire pie and fell fast asleep. It was only ten o'clock.

Several hours later, Johnny awakes on his futon to the sound of the looping XWF DVD menu screen on his TV. Johnny looks to the clock on the wall, it's now three a.m. and thus another basic day in Johnny's basic life had basically passed him by without him accomplishing anything. Johnny buried his face into his hands and began weeping. His cries are obnoxiously normal. No added emotion at all.

“Don’t be a bitch”

A voice chimed out from a darkened distance,

“Who’s there?”

Johnny cried out,

“I’m your ticket out of this mess, Johnny”

The voice replies,

“I’m calling the police!”

Johnny replies while getting up and tumbling towards his door, tripping over a few basic items,

“Damnit Johnny stop! I’m here to fix you.”

Johnny scrambled up to his feet and goes again for the door, but he was suddenly consumed by a basic type of black abyss- like seriously the most basic ass shit black mass shit you’ve ever seen. And now Johnny stood in the midst of a vast nothingness, where only he and the voice remained...

“What is this? What do you want from me?!”

Johnny yelled out,

“You dense fuck! I told you I’m here to fix you.”

“Fix me how?! What about me needs to be fixed?!”

Johnny angrily replies,

“Well it’s funny you ask- because the answer is very little actually. You’re the perfect mold of basic bitch to become everything you’ve ever desired.”

“What are you talking about?”

Johnny asks,

“Damnit son, even your narrator is basic as fuck!”

Ahem.

“Johnny what if told you there was a way in which the most basic, most undesirable piece of worthlessness with a fith grade imagination could literally make up and become everything they’ve always imagined was cool and become successful beyond their wildest dreams?”

“I’d say you were crazy!”

“Ahh! Now that’s just the type of basic ass response that works perfectly for what I’m purposing to you.”

Suddenly out of the basic mist manifests a piece of white paper. Johnny picks it up and looks it over.

"This is an XWF Roster Application!"

Johnny proclaims,

"MY WORD! YOU'RE A GODDAMN GENIUS, JOHNNY!"

"But I don't know how to wrestle."

"Buddy boy, we are going to make you the most basic, most prototypical wrestler of all time, and you my friend are going to be the best basic bitch that ever entered the squared circle. All we've got to do is fill out that piece of paper."

To be continued.