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JimCaedus · (12-27-2017)

"Try Hard"
(p.1 based on true recent events)

--PHELAN•CA•DECEMBER 25 2017•12:12 AM--

The gate and fencing the older couple had squared around their 2 acre property years ago is composed of simple chain link with spools of razor wire atop, secured at the entrance with the frequently seen cheaper model Master Lock padlock.

The two men experience little difficulty popping the locking mechanism open with a plastic zip-tie. They'd learned how from a "Bosnian Bill" youtube video.

The older couple's dog, a purebred snow white great dane, is of course an extremely large and intimidating hound they tend to keep outside and this early morning is no different. He detects the faint squeal of the gate as it swings open and trots over, growling. Despite the guard status, a few kissing calls elicit tail wagging.

While one of the men distracts the dog, coercing him off the property and into the dusty dirt road, the other slides up behind and swiftly cuts the animal's throat. They drag the body into the greasewood shrubs on the opposite side of the road then return to their stolen '02 BMW X/5 SUV and collect their firearms.

The average American normally only sees or hears fully automatic assault rifles in films or in media reports held in the hands of terrorists hopefully far as fuck away.

Once they cross the expanse between front gate and front door, one of the men pops off three rounds at the large front room window of the older couple's large single story home, shattering it to gain entry. His partner follows him in.

Julie Fish, 55 years old, isn't expecting to find two Hispanic males representing the Sureños, a gang with ties to La Eme rebounding off 67 recent convictions during San Bernadino law enforcement's Operation Bad Blood in her family room when she exits the master bedroom to investigate what she thought were local douchebag youth setting off M-80s.

Rueben Velasquez cracks Julie's skull open at the hairline above her left eye with the butt of his illegally modified to fully automatic .223 Smith & Wesson M&P 15 while his partner Carlos Gonzalez heads into the bedroom to collect her husband Roger, 58.

Julie regains consciousness to find herself and Roger, beaten bloody, secured with duct tape to two of their padded, wooden dining room chairs, their wrists behind their backs.

Rueben fires off three more rounds into the ceiling, nearly deafening the couple. He then levels the barrel at Roger's face and demands to know where they keep their valuables. Assumed to have been about ten minutes later, Rueben and Carlos, after cutting the landlines, finish three trips to and from their stolen SUV relieving the Fish's of their jewelry, electronics including the smart phones, around five grand in cash and depart, one of the men behind the wheel of the Fish's Mercedes. They even abscond with the collection of wrapped gifts beneath the couple's Christmas tree.

45 minutes later, the couple, having freed themselves only minutes following the men's escape, arrive on foot at the Arco in town to alert the authorities.

--CASTLE CAEDUS•2:33 PM•SAME DAY--

I stare unblinking as the lyrics of "In Disarray" play out, knowing I'd let my anger get the best of me on Sunday, inadvertently pissing off my brothers Drew and Main...and most likely everyone else for that matter...with my indiscriminate release of anguished venom.

Christmas had arrived anyway, whether I wanted it to or not.

::BVVT::

I check the notification.

So...'Pig responded.

I view...then, in light of Floyd spending Christmas with his family, ready my phone for promo, not having the energy to take it into the studio.

"How's it goin' Chimpigzee? Christmas stocking and anus fully packed with Waller's Best slop-pops and Chiquita bananas? Yes? That's wonderful, ya primitive tool usin' jarheaded hooved hooker, happy holidays.

Oh, what, the "chimpigzee" thing? 'Ey, you're the one who said you were gonna come at me like a chimp, Private Joker Toker, all I did was combine the two. And if it's that easy for me to adapt and roll with your _linguistic_ punches...perhaps you need to recall what happened the last time we met in the ring in singles competition for my, at the time, Uni strap and safely assume I'll be bringing twice the intensity. The kinda intensity that legitimately brings the "swinging of another human being as a weapon" like you were threatening into the picture. Been there, done that, against Nate Higgers April 29th on Savage and uh, "you heard it from the" _perpetrator's_ mouth. As usual I'm two steps, another half a brain and seven inches ahead o' you with that party favor boom stick, chubby. I love you have that term in use btw, "boom stick"? How appropriately monosyllabic for a grunt.

Oh, I'm your arch enemy now?"

I scoff.

"Not sure if that's all that accurate. I mean yeah, your stable, the one currently at war with wives, children and quality, is very much the target of Apex. But you and I? What was it that did it? That Gay Pale

preview during War Games? Does somebody want a sequel trailer for Anarchy? Oh you didn't know there was a sequel? Yeah man, you creampied your father's bunghole before death, remember? Well...it took, dude's pregnant with your ass child now. I smell incesty fraaaaaanchiiiiiiiiise. And if there _was_ such a thing, guaranteed it'd be more dependable than you.

"Consistent and thorough" you claim? Consistently inconsistent and thoroughly disappointing you mean? Let's not pretend you aren't a name known for up and evacuating without warning, while I just completed an unbroken year of action.

Truth is, I'll be kickin' off between your uprights so fuckin' hard your balls'll hit maximum velocity and blow your skull apart on the way out, ya silly sailorboy's cock-locker."

::BVVVVVVT::

Recording ends automatically. An incoming call from Phelan of all places interrupts.

I answer...and find it difficult to believe what I'm being told on the other end moments later......

TBC

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