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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » High Stakes (May 25th) PPV RP Archive
Support Group.
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John Samuels Offline
Whatever you are, be a good one.



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#1
05-25-2013, 10:50 AM

Snakes.

Sharks.

Demons.

Aliens.


The scene opens to a group of people seated in a circle. Each person is visibly shaking and twitching, most have dark bags under their eyes and have their hands firmly clutched around coffee mugs. At one point in the circle a sharp dressed man sits holding a clipboard, relaxed, and nodding along as the neurotic looking group each list their personal fears. A sign at the door reads ‘Sleep deprivation support group.’ The man with the clipboard leans forward, revealing a name tag with a smiley face sticker and the word ‘Mark’ written next to it.

Mark: Those aren’t irrational fears at all. I think your nightmares are caused by a deeper, less obvious reason. Have you been suffering any additional stressors in your everyday life lately? Stress is often the culprit in episodes such as the one you’re having.

A shaky man leans forward, slightly nodding. His nametag reads ‘Omar.’

Omar: Well... I guess work has been kind of--

Before Omar can finish, a large man leaps into the middle of the circle. He is wearing blood stained overalls and a rather generic looking hockey mask. He swings a large machete, covered in what appears to be blood, around. He lets out a large, guttural growl as the members of the support group jump and shriek, sending their hot coffee flying all over each other. Several members of the support group run straight for the door, while some are too shocked to pry themselves from their chairs. The man stops and eerily turns his head toward Mark, who appears uneasy yet unimpressed at the same time. The man in the mask slowly turns his entire body towards Mark, who never breaks his gaze. The masked man slowly puts the machete under his chin and lifts the mask off his face using the blade, revealing a panting, yet smiling John Samuels.

Samuels: Hi! I’m John and I have a Nightmare problem.

Mark: Do you really think that was the best way to introduce yourself? This is supposed to be a fear free zone where we can come together to discuss what keeps us awake at night.

Samuels: Sue me, I’m a wrestler. We make big entrances.

Mark: Waving a fake machete at people who are already terrified is not a proper introduction. A nice handshake would suffice.

Samuels: Fake?

Samuels looks at the blade and throws it to the ground. The blade sticks into the wooden floor, sending a shiver up Mark’s spine. Samuels chucks and walks over to Omar and extends his hand to Omar. Dropping his head to stare at the floor, Omar extends a shaky hand to Samuels. As the two hands meet, Samuels smiles and grips it tightly, pulling Omar to his feet and face-to-face with Samuels. Samuels laughs in Omar’s terrified face. He pushes Omar away, sending the man running toward the door. Samuels grabs Omar’s chair and places it in the middle of the circle, directly across from Mark. Samuels sits in the chair and crosses his leg.

Samuels: So... Mark, is it? Let’s chat. I seem to have a problem with a particular Nightmare and I would like your expert opinion.

Mark: I don’t think I’ll be able to help--

Samuels: So this isn’t your typical nightmare. This isn’t one of those cute little dreams where you imagine you’re standing in the middle of the capitol building wearing nothing but black socks and your ex-wife’s favorite nightgown. No, this one is much less terrifying. This one is a giant brute of a man, with the IQ of half eaten baby possum. And this man is going to try to tear me limb from limb tonight. I know what you’re thinking: How is that not as bad? Well firstly, my ex-wife had terrible nightgown patterns. Tulips. Seriously, tulips. No wonder I hired all my staffers from the local strip joint--if you catch my drift. But secondly, I know for a fact that this particular Nightmare can’t do anything to me. And frankly, I don’t see why I should be afraid.

Mark: So what’s the problem?

Samuels: Well, the problem is one of morality.

Mark: I highly doubt that, but continue.

Samuels: How can I justify beating up a poor, obviously man? I mean, I’m half tempted to just not show up tonight.

Mark: You mean not sleep? I don’t recommend that.

Samuels: Oh no, I’ll sleep just beautifully. My bed cost more than your car I’m willing to bet. This isn’t fancy queer-speak, Mark, this Nightmare is a real man, not a dream. And I feel bad for even thinking that I could beat and batter one of the members of society who has so obviously fallen through the cracks... but then I think, so what? It’s not my fault this mongoloid picked this profession, or that he chose me of all people to target in cowardly sneak attacks. And then all that moral mumbo jumbo goes right out the window. Why shouldn’t it? I have a title to defend, and or no , I’m going to protect what’s mine when I get the chance. So actually, I think I just answered my own question. Hell, maybe I should start doing your job Mark, I’m clearly better at it. How much do you get paid?

Mark: I volunteer my time.

Samuels: Of course you do. This is what I’m talking about, I’m just too smart. Too crafty to fall for this giant wall licker’s tricks once more. I’m the smartest champion the XWF has ever seen, and I’m going to show that to everyone, especially Nightmare, tonight. I’m going to beat the giant potato with the only muscle of mine that’s bigger than his: My brain. Unless the penis is a muscle. Is it? Because then I have two muscles bigger and better than him. But I won’t be using that one unless his mother jumps in the cage and tries to help him out. But I digress. I’m too smart, I have too much guile. I just don’t see how I could possibly lose this match!

Mark: I just don’t see how you could possibly gain anything from being here. Did you just come here to promote a wrestling match?

Samuels: Pretty much.

Mark: Get out.

Samuels: Fair enough.

Samuels stands and walks out, smiling. The rest of the group focuses on the machete still planted firmly into the floor as the camera fades to black.

[Image: WWF-JBL_1506347856131-768x431.jpg]

1X - GOAT.
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