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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » WAR GAMES 2017 RP BOARD
Vote Archyle! Man of the People!
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Drew Archyle Offline
Apex's Weakest Link duh



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#1
12-22-2017, 07:07 PM




Chicago



Fuck it's cold out here!


As the scene fades in we see Drew Archyle, Robert Main and Jim Caedus huddled around a modest camp fire in the middle of what appears to be a makeshift town for the cities homeless. There's probably a dozen or so tents, most of which are surrounding old rusty metal barrels that are being used as a heat source as orange and red flames can be seen rising above the top rim of each barrel.


What are we doing out here anyway bro?

We are connecting with the people. These people. My people.

You live here?

Sure do. That's my place over there. Drew says as he points to two large boxes held together by duct tape and placed up against the inner wall so as to be shielded from the elements on at least one side. It's two refrigerator boxes tapped together. It's very spacious. And it has all the amenities of any major hotel chain.

I don't understand how that's even possible!

You haven't lived Robert until you've lived the double wide box life. It's the best. I don't think I'll ever leave.

I honestly can't tell if you're joking man or dead serious.

Serious as a heart attack. Besides the town is holding a vote tomorrow night for a new mayor and i'm on the ballot.

Wait a second, this little area is a town and it has a mayor? And people vote? No...

Yes. Vote for Archyle! Man of the People!

What's your platform?

I promised not to increase taxes.

And they bought that?

Look Robert I know it's hard for you to understand this because you were born with a million dollars to your name but poor people, homeless people, they aren't too bright. Take Jim for example.

Hey fuck you!

What I'm just saying..you're a modern day success story. In fact, you should stump for me as a reformed homeless, heroine addict. That could probably get me the druggy vote.

I thought you said the vote was tomorrow bro? Might be a little too late for that.

It's never too late. These people they don't sleep. Especially crack alley over there. Get to work Jim. The people need to hear your story. They deserve to hear your story.


Reluctant but sensing that it's probably just easier if he does what Drew wants than to further try and argue with him, Jim get's up from his warm seat by the fire and starts stumping for Drew.


You don't have to do this Drew. I already invited you to Christmas. Even my sister asked if you'd be there.

Yeah about that. I think I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

You're gonna what?!?

Geez Rob, tell me how you really feel. I was kidding by the way. But now seeing as how you just freaked out over the mere mention of a proposal I now feel obligated to make it happen.

Drew what will it take to get you out of here? You're better than this. You don't have to live like this. Jim offered his place, you know you have an open invitation to stay with me. Why are you doing this?

This is who I am now Bob. Champion of the forgotten man. And soon to be Mayor of Tent City Alpha. This is my redemption and this is where it starts.

This little mini shanty town has a name?

Well that's one of the things on my platform. To give it a name. Who knows, maybe I can even get it incorporated. The sky is the limit, Roberto!

Assuming you win.

Oh I'll win.

I like your confidence.

It's not confidence. It's a fact. I'm running unopposed.

You are? Then why did you tell Jim to go out there and campaign for you?

Just to see if he would do it. I'll go get him in a minute but before I do I wanted to ask you, how you feeling about this match?

Robert hesitates for a few seconds glancing around the town of tents when he notices a man sitting on the steps to his left. The man dosesn't move one muscle he continues to stare aimlessly! The man would have been white if it were not for all of the grime covering his face! His hair was a perfect fit for a mop. His old fuchsia t-shirt was inadequate, but on him, it was like his big brother's shirt, close-fitting in a cringy way where it shouldn't and hanging in a droopy way. The concrete steps were dank and wet from the evening snowfall, but the man didn't seem to care as he sat there like it was a summer evening. The frigid water had to be seeping into his clothes. Surely the man could sense the freezing cold water seeping in. Robert watched as the man took his arms wrapping them tightly around his knees that shuttered from the sheer cold. Robert continued staring at the man, looking at his face for as long as he could. Robert takes off his leather jacket handing it to the man.


Here take it!


the man smiles at Robert thanking him quickly putting on the leather jacket


This right here is insane! It's a shame, a travesty! Someone should be out here giving these people a hand! Not all of these people deserve to be out here on the streets! People go through hard times! I'll do whatever I can to help!


Robert rubs his eyes for a few moments staring at the ground


Engy, James Raven did, in fact, say Robbie Bourbon was not good enough to be Universal Champion! He's said it, I've said it, Jimmy here has said it! Jenny Myst, Chris Chaos, the list runs far and wide! Anyone who knows one damn thing about wrestling, or about who Robbie is knows he isn't good enough to be Universal Champion! What has he done since gaining the Championship? Beat Gilmour? That right there doesn't count as a defense! That's an easy way out! Engy, James Raven lost the title because he wanted to. He handed it over to Robbie Bourbon! Everyone knows Robbie did nothing to obtain that belt but show up! It was handed over to him like everything else in his career has been! Stop pretending Robbie had an epic match to gain that gold because Engy that didn't happen! Maybe if you were not so busy looking over your shoulder worried about that X-Treem Championship you would have seen the truth by now! Engy, War Games isn't going to be like defending that belt you love so dearly! To win your going to have to put in way more effort than what you are because if this is it! These piss pour promos, we are going to be picking the bones clean once that cage door shuts! Your not just going to kick out of this! We are going to come in and beat the holy living fuck out of you three! Engy, I pick up where I left off with you! I am the one man that made you say "this could be the night"! It was me! No one has come as close as I did! You pulled one over on me last time! Won't happen a second time around! Oh, and in case you haven't forgotten there Engy! You get pinned in this match, you lose that belt! From the outside looking in it would appear as you have much more to lose than your stable mates!


Then Engy you threaten James Fucking Raven? Really? Do you know what James Raven would do to you? Huh? You little shit you! He would tie you up like a pretzel and laugh! If we beat The Mother Fuckers! Engy, let me correct you! When we beat the Mother Fuckers! There will be no astric next to our names in the record books! It will be a win! That's how things are recorded! Wins are wins and losses are losses! Nothing in between! You sound like Chris Chaos! What next? How we screwed you? Engy you screwed Engy when you Joined the Mother Fuckers! You picked a losing horse in the race!



Robert lights a cigar before moving forward


Hey BWB! You said something along the lines of firing a warning shot! Tell me what the hell is that supposed to mean? Haven't you just been firing warning shots all along? Because everything that you have said or even come out with has been utter shot piles of stinking pig shit nothing to them! Warning shots are something you have done your whole career here in XWF! The only thing that you are firing off is blanks pal! Your used to that though am I right? Your entire career here in the XWF is nothing more than a blank! Remind me of anything that you have done in the past here in the XWF that means jack shit?


Robert pauses


Oh, right nothing besides that Television Championship win! You've been sitting idle so fucking long it's unreal! You want to talk to the three of us like you are this major threat! Like you are going to come into this match and actually do something? Please! I take shits that are more of a threat than the bearded war pig! What a joke! What's next? Some more war stories that either didn't happen at all or they are so fabricated it's unreal! After War Games, you'll have one hell of a war story to tell if you survive the match! You can tell the story of how the superhero marine, tucked his tail so far up his pussy and cried like a bitch from the beating he received! There will be one and only one story that can be told after this battle! Pig you will tell the story of how APEX walked into this match and made three of the biggest manliest men beg for mercy! How we rolled The Mother Fuckers like there were not even in the match! How we shook you three to your cores and broke each of you! James Raven or not we are going to walk out of this match as the winners! We are the better team! We have and always will work as a unit unlike the three of you! We are brothers! There are no rats in APEX no backstabbers! We have rolled together since the beginning. Just look at our promos! We worked together, working as one! As a unit! As a team! We didn't rush out one by one and throw around shit just to see if we could get some to stick! No! Unlike the three of you! We worked together, and together we will destroy THE MOTHER FUCKERS!

Geez. When I asked you for your thoughts I thought you'd say something funny like "fuck em" or "Robbie's fat", because that never gets old even though I don't agree with fat shamming. Side note, I do it all the time. But damn did you really have a lot to say. I was tempted to ask Jim for his thoughts too but after hearing how much you had to say I'm kind of afraid to ask that wordy mofo. Dude is like the energizer talker on a cocaine and Red Bull cocktail. Ahh fuck it. I got nothing else to do. Let's go get the big grizzly bear.


Drew and Robert get up from their comfortable seats around the warm fire in search of their partner. As Drew passes a few of the other tent town residents he encourages them to go by the fire for warmth as they continue their search for Jim. It takes about 5 minutes before the pair come across Jim doing exactly what Drew asked him to do, get the druggy vote. Jim is as is typically the case in the midst of a verbal stroll down memory lane regaling the crowd with his tales of his battle with heroine addiction and how he overcame it thank's to friends and God. Ok that last part was total shit. God doesn't give a shit about drug addicts but friendships, they definitely help and Jim had a friend in Robert Main.


Hey Jimbo, how about you let these guys and gals get back to whatever it is they were doing and you come with us. Drew says as he taps Jim on the back, startling him for a moment. And don't forget friends. Vote for Archyle. Polls open up whenever I start coming around collecting votes. And if you don't know how to read or write fear not, I'll be able to help you out.

That seems legit.

You don't even know the half of it.

What's he talking about Drew?

Him? Nothing. He's just cranky because I told him I was going to propose to his sister.

Really? No shit? Congratulations man.

Don't encourage him.

What? Why not?

Yeah Robert. Why not?


Awkward silence.


Just like the awkward silence that follows another one of Bearded War Pig's world renowned 15 second sexual escapades with an Asian Street Woman.


Anyway Jim thanks for doing that for me. I think the druggy vote is going to be the difference maker for me tomorrow. Now before you two fine fellas treat me to a nice warm meal I was wondering what your thoughts are on the Motherfuckers! I want your real deep honest thoughts here. Please don't hold back. Drew says as he deftly places two small ear plugs in his ears.


Ha! When do I EVER hold back? Ironically, that _ain't_ a rhetorical question for once. I've held back a few times here and there...Barney Green, Tommy Wish...and why? 'Cause I ain't a prideless bastard like The Motherfuckers who wouldn't even THINK to hesitate or flinch at the notion of betrayal or ruthlessly victimizing another who can't truly defend his or herself. Like Robbie stabbing Raven in the back, Engy attacking Theo Pryce's WIFE or Pig assaulting competitors during or after matches he ain't even involved in. And speakin' o' the pissant pork chop...

Pig...did I hear you correctly? You ACTUALLY told James. Raven. he shoulda stayed gone? Yeah that's the ticket, twat, let's usher my bro on out, lofty heights of the top 50 Legend that he is, a man who draws the masses and millions along with 'em, two time Uni champ among a staggering plethora of other accolades...then we can all rest assured in the knowledge we still have Bearded War Pig on the roster until he decides to randomly squeal off again. What a trade. Main event for enhancement talent. Entertainment in exchange for kids watching you "fuck" and turning the pages in a comic book. You...don't HONESTLY put stock in that do you? Like your team seems to put stock in the idea James Raven as ref portends some hidden villainous shade in Apex, you clearly ain't been filling that jarhead with anything remotely approaching truth and I blame Engy for that...you ain't smart enough to do a damn thing without receiving an order to do so you pawnsy sailor's slut. Not smart enough to get a poorly aimed point across without Freudian-slipping all over the pig nut you spray in describing James Raven as a...what was it? Oh yes, you said, "tight ripped fuck boy body." Wow. And you advise the people not to let RAVEN fool them in context with emotions boiling beneath the surface? Christ, the more you play at hetero the more it becomes painfully obvious field-fucking your fellow male Marines was a gay priority for you overseas. Don't ask don't tell...well, no one asked but you DAMN sure been tellin' us without blatantly stating it, Andy Blandy Dick. Oh I'm sorry, you had some words for ME specifically? Let's hear 'em, tough guy. Floyd?"



"Jim Caedus the man who claims he is going to hang up and skin the meanest, horniest, and baddest hog to ever graze the XWF. Funny thing about skinning your game, you must hunt, and kill it before you even begin that process."


Well ladeefuckinda, dipshit, you DO realize you just compared yourself to a grazing beast, yes? You DO realize you've defined yourself as prey to a man in a stable named APEX...as in predators, correct? Funny thing about having to catch an animal to skin it, that's about as goes-without-saying a phrase as it gets, gayrod, fuck kinda wisdom are you tryin' to impart here? And "ALMER" Fudd? L-M-A-O...good ol' Almer Fudd outta _Las_ Angeles, right, you irredeemably fuck-up? There's something poetic in the fact you can't even recall the correct name of the most inept character in Looney Tunes. You ain't no Wild'n Motherfucker, Joshua, you're the Dumbass Motherfucker. Quite literally the dumbest Motherfucker I've ever come across in 21 years in the business. How. HOW...does a 28 year old American not know how to pronounce LOS Angeles or ELMER Fudd? How have you NEVER heard those two spoken or READ THE GODDAMN NAMES!? You illiterate limp dick deaf dullard. Go ahead and echo the words of Engy echoing the words of Theo Pryce 'cause Engy ain't had an original thought in his life...go ahead and tell me there AIN'T no correlation between how STUPID you are and how OFTEN you lose. I dare you. Idiots. And yet...what did Pig say after that, Floyd?"


"Didn’t mean to make you look stupid but it is too easy."


"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Oh my LORD, yes, yes that's what happened there, Almer Fudd from Las Angeles who was also too fuckin' dense to comprehend my dropping the words "BORDERLINE pedophilia" allude to you having a 13 YEAR OLD BOY WATCHING YOU FUCK A BITCH, yes, YOU made ME look stupid. Point blank, here's the truth:

Your team doesn't like you and don't give a fuck about you. If they did, they wouldn't let you embarrass the dick outta yourself every time you upload a promo. Furthermore, your team don't give a shit how THEY look as a whole for the same damn reason. Yet you keep on talkin' Pig. Just to talk, not to make yourself look better or anything of the sort, just to further illustrate how incredibly easy it is to consistently make you look like a dumbass. Take my advice: shut the fuck up before you do your team further harm in the cred department and just focus on showing us all how "good" you are in the ring. ...Hey Floyd, did ROBBIE try to come at me again?"



"Jimbo, where's that work ethic at? Where's that consistency, week in, week out, beating everybody's asses like it was going out of style?"


Jim laughs. Wait, that's it? Where's my work ethic and consistency beating ass week in week out? Where should I start, the overwhelming amount of effort me and my brothers in Apex put forth in collaborative hype videos these past two weeks or the fact I haven't lost a match since Leap of Faith back in October? That what you mean? Yeah, and where, pray tell, is the ol' Big Bad Big Bad of Big Bads? I see the King of the J0bbers but I don't see the man who caught MY attention with the skill when I signed up last year nor a man who can in any way be defined as consistent with the work ethic. I'd say those months you did fuck all and rested up pretty much equal out with the flurry of low-rent promos you've done for War Games. Like Pig, all you're doing is talking just to talk. Levying criticisms and accusations that hold as much water as a sieve would ain't effort, it's suicide. But again...bullshit, right? The talent of professional wrestlers on the mic has NEVER translated to the ring and the correlation between sucking on the mic and failing in the ring is simply some colossal coincidence that never stops coinciding. Aint that right, _Engy_?

Or...or is the truth that here in the XWF talent is talent in regards to BOTH platforms in promo and physical combat? You stupid pricks wanna keep pushing that tongue-in-cheek weak ass beartrap with a straight face? Fine by me. I'll issue the same challenge I made to Theo in response months and MONTHS ago when the concept was actually fresh: stop hyping your end of the match. Stop. In fact, remove all your promotional videos. Do it, I've had enough of this pathetic ploy and brainless claim. Lead by example Engy, asshole, let's see how far you get because that's the ONLY way making such statements could possibly pay off and uh...hate to admit it...but as much as you hacks love playing pretend, it's my side of the argument that holds ALL the validity through precedent. Shut the fuck up with your FRANTICALLY clogging up the XWF airwaves with nigh TWENTY uninspired promo videos altogether, because "promos don't win matches, that's why we won't stop uploading them as if they DO hold SOME amount of bearing on success in the match and this promotion as a whole". Moron. And by the way...

AWWWWWWWWWWWW, did we piss mistew Dextew Bwight off with our Splooge collaboration? That what saw you SUDDENLY responding faster than you have these last two weeks with a hasty and botch filled load o' shit aimed purely at me? And you predicted _I'd_ be angry? Engy...I WISH you coulda been a fly on the wall when Apex watched it together, you'd have seen, and they'll back it up, Jim Caedus LAUGHING, ECSTATIC that you thought to make this is as easy for me as Pig has been. I'll repeat what I said in Splooge: you're done. Done impressing in comparison to Caedus. Done smiling that shiteating grin believing you're better than not just me but everyone else. Done intimidating the rest of the roster like you NEVER intimidated me. Yeah, you pissed me off before...but you ain't done it since, shitbrick...now I'M the one pissin YOU off. And it's gonna remain that way far beyond Apex not only crushing your stable but going on to win War Games outright. You have plans for me? What a coinkydink...I have plans for you. Let's see who comes out on top you pissy poser punkass. But fuck all that for now...let's see if The Motherfuckers actually have what it takes to shut down Apex."


Hey Jim I got a question for you and don't take offense to this but have you ever considered taking switching to decaf? Drew asks as he nonchalantly removes his ear plugs without anyone noticing.

Haha real funny! So what are we eating? Caedus responds with a half forced smile.

Well since you guys are paying I should at least do is pick the restaurant for you. Wouldn't want you guys to have to do everything. That's just rude.

How thoughtful!

You know me. Always thinking about my fellow man. But not in a gay way, not that there's anything wrong with that but you know how Pig get's his thong in a twist if you mention anything gay. Even though he does so ad nauseam.

You see his latest rant bro? He had plenty to say about you?

I did in fact. It was really nice of him to take some time out of his busy schedule shit talking a guy whose only involvement in the match is as a ref to address the guys he's actually facing. But I'll get to that later. I found it utterly fascinating that Pig went on diatribe in which he got all pissy because I supposedly disrespected his platoon mates. Which was interesting because the only time I ever even brought those folks up was when I said tongue in cheek mind you that he and his buddies gave each other hummers in actual hummers and the only way to really take offense to that is if you have some sort of issue with homosexual acts. Which, obviously Pig does. We've been over that repeatedly. And I could go the tried and true route of mentioning how the people often most vocal about gays are in fact people living in the closet themselves but I won't go that route. And not because I don't think Pig is a closeted homosexual, he definitely is by the way. No I won't go down that road because I have absolutely no issue with gays, or lesbians or bi sexuals or whatever else is on the spectrum these days. I'm all for love of any kind. Straight love. Gay love. Or in Pig's case animal love as it were. As it happens I got a friend who has a huge pig named Taco, I have a feeling he and lil Ms. Piggy would hit it off. So let me know if you want me to make an introduction Josh.

But back to the point and here's the important thing Pig, if you want to say things like you hope my in ring skills are better than my burns, intimating that my burns suck, or that my words aren't worth your time and energy, then it would be best if you don't say all of that while in the midst of a long winded rant in which you are getting red faced every passing second as you talk about my not so sick burns and my worthless words. Try not to talk out of both sides of your mouth you dumb ditty. Otherwise your promos start becoming even more unwatchable than they already are. Seriously, I feel like I need to take LSD just to try and understand that bullshit that you are spewing.

I'm sure guys like Robbie give you a light little pat on the ass and an "atta boy" telling you how great you did but the truth is all your nonsensical bullshit has done nothing but earn you our match's official participation trophy. I'm sure your mom will be thrilled to death to display it on her fridge.


So dinner? Where we going?

Oh sure you guys get to rant for what feels like an eternity but I say 15 words and suddenly you guys wanna push the conversation along. That has to be some sort of discrimination.

I'm just saying I'm kinda hungry!

Just follow me. I can walk and talk. Unlike you two.


The trio exit the small tent city and head down a small alleyway towards the downtown part of the city.


You know what I find most intriguing about how things have played out recently? Aside from the fact that the big tough guy Robbie has basically acted like I'm a foot note in this match. Guy can barely let me name slip through his lips. Especially lately. It's ridiculous. At best he's making a grave mistake in underestimating me. At worst he's too much of a bitch to come at me directly and instead he'd prefer to play pussy ass head games and try to get the last word in as if it will make a damn bit of difference in how things shake down. He might think he's sneaky but people paying attention, they know. They always know. But back to what really matters. The most intriguing thing about this match is that ever since it was announced that the old fossil James Raven was going to be the ref of our match all three Motherfuckers shifted their attention off of us and directly on him. Their eyes as wide as Robbie's Bourbon's poop-shoot as they go on and on about how he is going to ruin the match. How his involvement shifts the tides. Actually let me take that back. Only Pig and Engy felt that Raven's being involved was some kind of difference maker. Robbie with is infinite hubris played it down. But not before cutting a few promos talking about how much of a non factor Raven is. But the other two, you could hear the pee hitting the floor as they talked about Raven like he were some ace up our sleeve. James Raven may be one of the best wrestlers to ever walk the Earth. Though he did lose the title to Robbie, a title he only earned because he beat a woman in the first place, so maybe his greatness is a little overstated to begin with. But regardless of that and this can not be made any more clear to these guys than what I am about to say right now.

James Raven...



















Is...














































The













































Ref!

That's it. One of you guys are acting like James Raven is no big deal while the other two act like he is the big bad wolf hell bent on destroying the Mother Fuckers. I've said it before but apparently you guys don't listen, but it would really help your guys cause if you got on the same page. You haven't done it all week and that is going to make the difference come War Games. While Apex has spent almost the entire week getting better acquainted with each other in and out of the the ring the three of you have been doing your own thing. It has never been more clear than now how much Apex is like a brotherhood and the Motherfuckers are three guys with diverging agendas. Maybe if you three spent some time with each other the three of you combined could have come to the same conclusion that anyone with even half of a brain already has and that's that James Raven is the most irrelevant part of this match. Literally not worth your time and effort and yet you guys have devoted far more time to trying to dress him down than he deserves. Let me repeat myself. James Raven is the ref. One guy. Focusing on him while ignoring us is the stupidest thing you three have done during two weeks in which you guys have committed mistakes as often as I take a crap. Which is twice a day everyday. I'm pretty regular like that. James is going to do what he is going to do but it can be absolutely mitigated if you three put your empty skulls together and thought about it. But since I am 100% convinced that you three are not only too stupid to come up with any ideas on your own and too chickenshit to act on them even if you did I'll give you some free advice. If James is such a big deal then take him out. Throw him a beating in the parking lot or the dressing room or at the airport. Maybe take him out during the match. You know what happens when a ref gets knocked out mid match? They just send another one in. Easy peasy. So simple you'd think a guy named The Engineer could have figured it out. Must have gotten his degree from the same place the Basic Bitch Doctor got his PhD. Anyway that's all I really have to say. I feel like I've already said too much.

Alright we're here.



The trio look up to see "La Scarola" restaurant.


Looks expensive!

I wouldn't know. When you don't have any money you don't really spend any time thinking about it.


Drew stands there and waits a moment for Jim to get the hint and open the door which he eventually does. Drew is the first person inside followed by Robert with Jim bringing up the rear.




OOC: Been a fun week rping against all of you guys. Thank you.


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Former:

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w/ Robert "The Omega" Main and and James Raven "Apex" Longest reigning tag team champions in XWF history at 241 days.
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February 2018 Superstar Of The Month
March 2019 RPOTM For Captain Americhyle - The First Apexvenger
Winning Team War Games 2017 w/Apex
XWF Federweight Champion
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(12-22-2017), "The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler (12-22-2017), JimCaedus (12-22-2017), The Engineer (12-22-2017)




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