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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (11-06-2017)

I sat there, shackled by my own fear. What evil had I unleashed onto the world? I was a fool to think that I could thoughtlessly dabble into the dark arts without consequence. The dark things that I pulled into this world were shrieking and scratching just outside of the door of this old rickety cabin. I had no idea how to right this wrong, no clue how I could undo my mistakes, much less get out of this cabin alive.

A loud bang in the door, followed by another. I know that it's only a matter of time before the frame gives way and I meet my demise at my own hands. As the wolf like beast rammed his head through the door all I could manage to do was curl up in the corner and wish that I'd never touched that damn cursed thing!

Suddenly the beast broke through as the door splintered into a million pieces. It charged straight for me and clenched it's powerful Jaws around my throat.

In a moment of sheer terror, I let out a blood curdling scream and fly up to a sitting position. I'm drenched in sweat and completely confused as to what's going on. I look around the darkened room frantically, but find no sign of danger. That's when it hits me, it was just a dream. One of numerous nightmares that I've been suffering from lately.

I take a deep breath, still trying to calm myself as I step off of my bed and flick on the lamp. I cautiously walk over to the dresser located to the foot of my bed, just waiting for one of the monsters from my nightmare to come rushing into the room and finish the job it started in my dream. Needless to say, these nightmares are beginning to take a toll on me.

I take another deep breath and slowly exhale as I look around the room to ensure that I'm truly alone. Satisfied with the answer, I slowly pull open the top drawer and pull out an apple sized item wrapped in a white cloth. I pull the cloth back revealing the shimmering golden metal beneath.

The golden potato. A rare relic that was once upon a time actually up for sale in the XWF. The price of course was far too steep for anyone to actually make a bid at buying it, and eventually it just disappeared all together. So how did it come into my possession you ask?

Funny story actually.

::FLASHBACK::

Behind a Seven Eleven we find Micheal Graves, in that full skeletor get up that he was wearing over the summer and talking to an unknown man, around the age of 50. He's overweight and dressed very poorly. Raggedy jeans, a faded out t-shirt that reads Tennessee Lottery 1998, and a plain black ball cap. They are standing at the rear of a rusted out white van. The double doors in the back are open, and it seems as if some sort of deal is going down.

Do you have the money?

Of course. Mind if I see the merchandise?

I'd rather not flash this stuff around. Just trust me, it's top quality.

Micheal thinks for a second. No, not because this could very well be a set up and land his ass in jail, but because he's reluctant to purchase whatever illicit goods he came here to get without first knowing exactly what he's getting.

I'd feel more comfortable seeing it before paying. I'm sure you can understand that.

The man hesitates for a moment before begrudgingly agreeing.

Fine, just make it quick!

Micheal leans into the van and opens the flaps on a rather large cardboard box. He pulls out a VHS tape that's clearly marked “Susie and mommy 2004”. The other guy quickly snatches the tape out of his hand and tosses it back into the box.

What are you doing!?! I'm not trying to get busted with this shit! Now do you want it or not?

He exclaimed in an authoritative, yet secret keeping whisper of a tone. Micheal didn't respond however. Instead he considered it for a moment before finally reaching deep into the crotch of his tights and pulling out a wad of cash.

You sir, have got a deal!

He said as he stuffed the messy wad of bills into the guy's hand and then quickly grabbed the cardboard box and went on his way.

::LATER THAT EVENING::

“Mommy, why are you putting peanut butter on my pee pee?”

Micheal's head blocks most of the image on the TV, but you see the face of an innocent girl, the back of what appears to be her mother, and the family dog. Micheal hits the stop button on his ancient VHS player before things get any worse. He then turns around and starts digging through the box from earlier as he mutters to himself.

I don't want to see some dog getting down with a three year old! There better be some better shit in this box!

Micheal digs and digs. Quickly reading the handwritten titles on the tapes before tossing them to the side. Eventually he comes across something unexpected.

What is this?

He ask as he pulls a golden potato shaped object out of the box.

What is that indeed?

Micheal jumps, startled by the voice of whoever it is that's invaded his home. Micheal turns to see who it is, only to find himself in an even greater state of shock.

Shane?

Sure enough, standing in a clouded mist is non other than Shane

.

You have stumbled upon quite the artifact. Many have tried to seize the power of the golden potato and all have failed.

Micheal looks at the object known as the golden potato with a confused look.

This thing has some sort of power?

Indeed it does, and now that power is yours to command, should you be able to control it.

Micheal looks up to his uninvited, possibly paranormal guest.

What does it do exactly?

Shane smiles an ornery smile. Before suddenly shifting his form into that of a vampire bat and flapping his way out the window.

The power of the golden potato is unknown to all, and for you to figure out.

He says as he disappears into the darkness. Micheal stares deep into his reflection in the egg, pondering just what this thing can do.

::PRESENT TIME::

How is Micheal suddenly “sane” again? How has he been able to perform magical feats such as conjuring a dragon, or raising an army of dead cheerleaders to life?

Maybe it's the potato?

And maybe he has yet to so much as scratch the surface of its true power.

But does that power come at a cost?

It would seem that something evil is fueling the potato, and in turn Graves.

TBC...

Chasm.

I hadn't heard that name in over a decade.

Then suddenly, he's back in the XWF to do… well, whatever it is that a large hole of endless suck does.

Lose mostly.

You know, I find it funny that I made my return to the XWF last year, and suddenly all of these old names from way back started popping up again.

Did they see what I was doing, and thought that they could capture a little bit of that nostalgic glory for themselves?

James Raven managed to do so.

He came into the XWF after a seven year hiatus and took the place by storm.

First defeating Doctor Louis D’Ville, then going in to win the Universal Championship in his 100th match. It was quite impressive actually. Of course he then quickly fizzled out and disappeared once again after dropping the belt to Robbie Bourbon, but for a fleeting moment, James Raven was as good as he ever was.

Killjoy is another relic of a bygone era that decided to pop back up shortly after I did. Unlike James Raven, he never did do anything to remind the people just how good he used to be. The fact was, he wasn't that good anymore. Blame it on an old broken down body or a spirit that just didn't have any fight left in it. Whatever the excuse, Killjoy did nothing but tarnish the legacy that he had built back in the day.

Which brings me to Chasm. Chasm came out of the woodwork a few months back to challenge Barney Green to a one on one match that would mark his return to the XWF after a five year hiatus.

Once again we had a guy who thought that he could capture lighting in a bottle and give the fans an encore showing of the “great” career that he had during his first run. The problem with that was that Chasm was never great to begin with.

He wasn't going to win the highest ranked title in the XWF like James Raven did. That was never in the cards. No, the best that Chasm could hope for was to be featured heavily on the mid card and milk what little his name was still worth before riding off into the sunset one last time. The problem with that was, he just can't win a match outside of picking on other broken down veterans like Barney Green and maybe the occasional curtain jerker here and there.

So here we are, Warfare, roughly one year after I signed that dotted line to make my return to the XWF, and I'm challenged by Chasm.

He claims that he wants to wrestle me one last time because I was his first opponent when he was starting out. You know, I'd have respect for that if it weren't for the fact that I know full well that that's just a bunch of bullshit!

The fact is, Chasm is desperately looking for a way to get whatever's left of his career back on track, and outside of the obviously easy win over Peter Gilmour, he thinks I'm his best shot.

Well, news flash bud, I'm nowhere near the end of my career! Just last week I challenged Neville Sinclair for the Television title. One of the brightest rising stars in this business today, and even though I may not have walked out of that match with the belt, I left it with both the respect of my opponent, and the respect of all of these fans. Why? Because unlike you in pretty much any match since returning, I gave it my all and left it all in the ring afterwards. I was competitive, and I nearly walked away with the victory. That's the difference between you and I Chasm. You came back to collect a check and try to live off of your past accomplishments. Me, I'm training every day, pushing myself to the limit, trying to improve, trying to keep up with men half my age. Father time came knocking on my door a long time ago, yet here I stand, still able to give even the best in this business a run for their money. You on the other hand, you can't even fit into your old gear anymore. You're an embarrassment to this company man! You don't even have the drive to get into the gym and work that pudgy gut down. How can you possibly expect to hang in the ring with a guy like me, huh? On top of that, this match is X-Treme rules. You do know what that means right?

No, you probably think that it means you actually have a chance at pulling out the victory. Let me guess, you're just banking on that one good chair shot, right? Catch me off guard and hit me so hard that I can't remember my name. Then slide in for the easy pinfall. That sound about right? Well Chasm, I've got some bad news for ya. First of all, it'll take a hell of a lot more than a chair shot, or six, to take me out of this match. Furthermore, you needn't think about whatever advantage that you perceive yourself to have in this match, and instead realize just how fucked you really are.

Think about it for a minute. Think about who I am, what I've done. Think about all of the carnage that I bring with me each and every match. Now think about the fact that whatever sick torture my twisted mind can come up with to inflict onto you, it's all gravy. There are no rules Chasm, nobody to save you from me. The only person that you can rely on to get you out of this match in one piece is yourself, and you've done nothing but prove just how unreliable you are.

You are not the best.

Not even close.

And you never were. Even in your glory days, you were just a bit player. I was a World Champion! Of course, that boast doesn't quite mean as much today with guys like Barney Green and Killjoy also holding the same accomplishment. So instead of trying to live in the past, let's look at what I have done in the last year.

I've helped form one of the biggest stables that the XWF has seen in years, causing the Kings to take notice and effectively rejuvenating the tag team division.

I was involved with what was arguably the hottest feud of the year when I went after Dolly Waters.

I managed to capture both the Trio's and the Xtreme title.

And most recently, I rid the XWF of one if it's biggest cancers, Chris Chaos!

What have you done since your return?

Micheal places his index finger on his chin in sarcastic deep thought.

Well, you did beat Barney Green… At least I assume that you did. Honestly, you've been so unimpressive that I haven't really paid you any attention whatsoever. So for all I know, Barney wiped the mat with you and made you look like an even bigger joke than you already were.

Chasm.

A deep fissure in the earth, rock, or another surface.

Come Warfare, we gonna add another definition to that word.

Chasm.

A black hole of talent that fails to realize just how FUBARed he really is.

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