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JimCaedus · (10-13-2017)

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"Do Go Fuck Yourself"

We open with me in bed (because why not when two o' my "hard" promos in a row began the same?) with a woman this time in a room (where in the world is the room? who cares?) and the room has windows. Oh! And sunlight peeking through, can't forget the sunlight! We've all seen this set up a thousand times before and you CAN'T NOT have the intrusive romantic sunlight unless it's the ol' "wake with a start in a cold sweat" cliché. I guess I shouldn't use the word ol' by the way. Who talks like that with the exception of hundreds of thousands? What are accents? What are dialects? For that matter, what are foreign languages? We must all speak the same, robotically, as if we're typin' this all out and lack the mental ability to connect how people talk in real life with how to write people talking while under the impression it represents video footage of people talking in real life. Anyway, I'm an idiot. Also, like I narrated, I'm in bed.

Naturally, the sheets of this bed are strategically askew in such an "organic" fashion as to make this perfect 10 next to me (who but those who tell the truth ever display or speak of women they frolic with being anything less, am I right? Deceptive Douche-hi-five!!) tease the fuck outta my demo but also to give me a chance to get all romance novelist and not hardcore sexual with the concept seeing as this ho is just an actress, I'm so so gay and I need to let my back up of estrogen flow. By the way, this is as "brilliant" and "detailed" as I get with the exposition (unless this is a Jim Caedus promo which means he's gonna fuck me sideways INTO a glory hole to create the first ever real-flesh-feel double-ended anal and oral Glory Joel Living Cumdumpster. Yahtzee).

::Jim rolls over to face the camera::

"Oh Christ..."

"Can-it, Floyd."

::Jim, like Tala, is nude but ALSO strategically draped perfectly in sheets except for that which swings between his legs and cannot be contained...so...NOT strategically draped perfectly in sheets at ALL really. "Masterpieces" (not A masterpiece) "can't always be perfect though" a-hyuck! Gimme a gold star! I'm arrogant and sorta witty!::

"Well hi there, Danny Imperial, how's it hangin' over there at Generic Studios? Boy, you sure dropped the hell outta that "voices" gimmick after I shit-canned it, didn't you?"

'He sure did, the little limp dick dancing puppet. Like how he halted the poetry because you brought it up and would also destroy him with a new diss track.'

"Ok, technically, like Engy did with his "next genius move from dullard to professor", you went ahead and left your very legitimate psychological character-enhancer problem hangin' for now 'cause you're too good at this. And you tied it all up with a neat little cliffhanger "for a rainy day or next convenient usage, by the way I have problems with commitment" boyfriend-bow with Jackson (that whole relationship far too much like Thaddeus and right hand man Jim's protective buddy/big brother/underling angle to ignore) and the one-dimensionally-tossing-out-default-supportive-comments cunt at your side. Truly a dramatic tour de force you genius you. It's all so convenient too, reminds me of Maddy & Engy instantly shruggin' off the "drug hallucination" in favor of "now it's semi-comatose delusions"...or Dolly claiming she didn't fuck up her own age in promo by forgetting the birth date she chose to put on her application and personally uploaded, instead crying "no, someone else did it, it wasn't me, it isn't MY mistake"...or like YOU deciding the way you were portraying yourself before wasn't good enough so you decided to break kayfabe, like Engy, and start acting and talking like other people with greater success.

Poser.

Fake.

Hack."

"Jesus, Jim, easy."

'Really though.'

"Oh no...no "easy, Jim". Danny has this comin' and I'm playin' the "Caedus is angry" card with a "sly" bit of "Spoof me? Nah, spoof YOU!" and a speck o' "How's _this_ for smartass!?" now so back off!"

"A'ight."

'Much like Danny's gimmicks: And awaaaaaaay we goooooo!'

::Mental POOF::

::BVVVT::

"Oh...we all know what THAT means kids...it's a text notification!!"

from I Keep Trying to Beat Full-Throttle Caedus With His Own Devices

You're on a downward spiral...even though you've been putting in some of your best promo work yet.

"A downward spiral, huh? Well, why don't I just run away for months on end and come back swingin' other people's styles? Hey Danny, go fuck yourself."

÷÷÷÷÷÷

We cut jarringly and without warning to me on a beach (because why not after I cut from bedroom to beach in both my first two promos ((even if I added a gay breakfast nook tidbit between them the second time around)) just like I kicked both promos off with bedroom scenes to begin with. Duh) riding the Pacific. No specifics, just as generally randomly tropical and portrayed with as little effort (like how I play my racial background) as it can get because I'm better than you and I deserve to win. 'Cause fuck trying and those who do so, ESPECIALLY those with any amount of talent. I'm a douchebag like that.

I want everyone to note that I'm choosing to respond to my opponent's grand, colorful efforts with the typical ho-hum hotel resort and beach settings I just described and you now see here. Then I'm gonna go ahead and summon the balls to claim un-creative on ANYTHING my opponents upload that is not the norm (or AS standard as my own at times but with actual energy spent towards providing details to make it interesting for those who care and are actually looking to be entertained as opposed to those simply carrying out duties who want it as meh and quick as possible and would therefore hypothetically remove all incentive to be creative in a creative environment).

ANYWAY...

Currently I'm not simply lying on this aforementioned very vague beach, that's too lazy even by my standards. No, I go ahead and nudge it up a quarter-notch from "provided-pro-wrestling-promo-101 template" (add a pinch of "I'm popular with the girls too") to "another one of those vignettes"...and then, FUCK IT, quarter-notch THAT up to TWO chicks with me on the beach and NEITHER are "my sister-dearest"!

::Floyd pulls back to take in...

...Jessica Rabbit and the blonde bitch from the movie Cool World. Jim looks to the lens innocently::

"What? Tala said it's ok 'cause they're animated. Now, cartoon bitches, one of you massage me as a hot bitch massaging the male wrestler protagonist is not in any way a cliché notion and the other help segue me into my trash talk afterwhich I may or may not then criticize Danny for doing the same after he criticized me of doing the same."

"What," Jessica asks?

"Ok, YOU massage me Jess while...what's your name?"

"Holli Would."

"Holli huh? That's unfortunate. Hadda have the dead cheatin' ex-wife's name... Oh well, Holli, you segue for me."

"What's segue?"

"Sweet. Ok, the two o' you just stand there and look slightly slutty.

That's some diss game you got there Danny, what with spelling out me "reincarnating as a clown" instead o' sayin' somethin' halfway clever like Pantywaste to play off Pantywise. Panty-sniffer? That's it? What're you a 12- uh, I mean _13_ year old girl? I guess that's what makes me better at this than you. I'm actually a source o' creativity while you ain't shit but a "monkey see monkey do" mongrel forever sucklin' at the dick o' your rivals for some thick, salty, sampled filling. Reincarnate? Nah...I'll leave shit like that up to hyperactive ADD losers like you who seem to have an issue with completion and can't handle adaptation without goin' AWOL. You watch...guy like you's already proven that when things aren't alignin' juuuuust right for your spoiled ass, when you start seein' less success than you believe you deserve, you'll take off for a nice chunk o' time then waltz back in refreshed and ready for another temporary amount o' time. You know who sticks around, takes the hard times and works through 'em? Me. That's why I've accrued what I have in less than a year's time. I don't give up. You do. A fair weather contender like you ain't got the heart to snatch that 24/7 briefcase away from a guy like me."

"You know what Danny said about a guy like you, Jim?"

"Helluva recover off their fumble, Floyd. See, animated hookers, THIS is how you segue.

No, Floyd, what's Danny have to say about a guy like me? Do we have playback?"

"We do."

"Dope, let's hear it."

"You were supposed to be the man with the forked tongue, but lord if I hear another “O’” I might just have shoot Chaos through the skull. Enunciate, stress your consonants."

"No, Fanny Dimples "King o' the Assless Jammies", I will _not_ stress the consonant "f" in "of" all the time like some

golden-ruler-up-the-ass diction coach. YOU learn how to speak _outright_ asshole. Can't you put a sentence together with that well-stretched-like-Steve-Tyler-but-not-from-singing-from-fellating mouth o' _uh_ yours? "I might just have shoot Chaos through the skull"? No, "you might just have shoot _yourself_ through the skull" for so spectacularly receiving that foot-in-mouth "negative karmic" reaction smackin' you in the temple with twelve inches o' that philosophical rod. We always look the most hardcore when we fuck up a punchline by not speakin' clearly, ain't that right

? But then, if you did things the right way you wouldn't say in promo that you're half Polynesian after maintaining you're half Fijian and half Hindu like it says on your profile on the official site. All it takes is a cursory investigation, or a personal history with a whole lotta Samoans and Tongans, to discover that as far as Polynesian genetics go, Fijian are of substantially mixed blood including much non-Polynesian genetics. That'd make you a lot less than half Polynesian. How don't you know your own ancestry like Scully don't know his own name, Dolly don't know her own age and Engy don't know that to play stupid you hafta consistently SOUND stupid? Oh, right, fuck the details, devotion, BRAINS and research. "Is that really the peak of your ability?": hackneyed angles, refried settings, a few flacid insults and arrogance WHILST you accuse others of everything you yourself are an example of? Dipshit. Hire an editor or a ghostwriter, Meek Weak Mills, you sound like an imbecile."

::80s Cobra Commander enters frame rolling by in a Cobra Buzzsaw::

"Ssssssnap! How'ssssssss that for "forked tongue"? Call Zartan, thissssss guy'ssssss got sssssssssome ssssssseriousssssss shade!"

::And off he goes in pursuit of his Cobra Commanderly aims of demanding handsome ransoms from the world's governments with plans we all wanna see pan out::

"Well, it wasn't as good as Imperial's hilarious "leprechaun that escaped the IRA" haymaker but it'll do."

"Niiiiice. Shit, Danny, even Floyd's gettin' one in on you."

"I can't help it. He's so...so...unlikeable."

"I know, right? You see it, yeah?"

"I do see it."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, definitely. Hard to miss. His arrogance is only rivaled by the likes of Dolly Waters or Michael Bey."

"Apt as fuck right there. Cocky as a Chaos supper too (he eats dicks), him missin' the fact I predicted the subject of waaaay back meth use would come up in my opening vignette, squashed it, and he came at me with an old hat Level 1 meth insult anyway? As if his inability to, as exhibited earlier, string together a cogent statement don't speak to somethin' a tad more current and pervasive with HIM like a possible bath salts addiction." I look to the lens. "How's that avenue of attack comin' along, oh master o' _uh_ linguistic disaster? More importantly, how's my dick taste?"

"You know what I don't get?"

"What's that, segue?"

"How Danny tried cutting down your Promo of the Month nominated idea of using a cartoon character by saying something as self-revealing as it's useful in attracting child victims."

"That _was_ a bit sketchy wasn't it? Especially in a promotion where a 12 year old, oh I'm sorry, we're officially goin' with the lie, a _13 year old_ little girl is on the roster mixing with a pedophile in the past in this very same promotion. It's like Danny shares the same creepy mind with whomever thought _that_ was a good decision."

"The kinda mind that struggles with the concepts of fantasy and providing cartoon cameos for nostalgic purposes, arriving only at the conclusion that it must be pedophiIiac in nature?"

"The very same, Floyd. Thank you. While on the subject of that particular promo and how horrendously inaccurately Little Brown Sambo bitched about it, what was it he said Floyd?"

"He said it was a line by line dissection of his previous promos."

"Hm...that's odd. Besides my pointing out a couple mistakes he made in a couple lines in my diss rap, there ain't a single piece of evidence to support his claim. But, that's what you do when you're Dolly or Maddy & Engy or Danny Imperial, you botch like a fuckin' champ. If he wants surgical dissection, that's how I came at Chaos. You know what though Floyd, fuck's it matter if and when I use that tactic? I don't give a shit if Peter Gilmour, Dr. Psycho and Super Mario do that, I don't care if _Psycho Pete, Super Gilmour and Dr. Mario_ do it, I'll do what I do when I wanna do it and that's paid off for me pretty well thus far. Definitely a helluva lot better than Danny's first and second incarnations. Hell, the blow for blow approach (despised only by those who make enough mistakes that it becomes a useful strategy against them, losers) has been used by MANY names...includin' Dolly Waters in those build-up promos to the LL4 final, so cram that bird of paradise up your headhuntin' ass, fob. You ain't makin' me the exception you conformist suck-up, last I heard the XWF was still about freedom of expression. Go fuck yourself, nazi."

÷÷÷÷÷÷

Again, because I'm as uninspired as a pic of dogshit with the caption "Oh, poo!" attached and as lazy (and hypocritical) as an accusing-others-of-a-lack-of-creativity Danny Imperial back-to-back releasing promos with back-to-back bedroom fade ins and beachside cuts with the ham-handedness of a first year film student, we shockingly cut outta nowhere to me with my hair up in a super-sayan-esque fireball blowout, a navy blue gi and a big chain around my neck adorned with the red severed balls of my many victims. Not Pikachu heads because doing anything Pokémon related via not insults but _actions_ (like wearing anything related) at a grown adult age is beyond gay, making Danny, who already wears makeup to compete, a massive

who probably uses Pokémon as a way to attract dim-witted pot-bellied brown boys to his Tiki-Touchy hut 'cause referencing cartoons is pedo shit, remember?

I don't try to stifle any giggling because this concept isn't funny it's just too damn easy and sad but I'm the mighty Danny Imperial and I really do think grown men will find me amusing. Again, I'm VERY confused with my sexuality.

"Akuma beats Dhalsim. Mindless marionette...yes, do as I say brown servant, do as the white man orders. Jump, bitch. Dance, ho. Twerk your

ass outta that costume and get back to emptyin' out my loads in your mouth then spittin' it all back out like it's your own. I wanna see you as Ghandi next time. Do it! Do like Engy did and transform into a more Caedus-like persona with the speech patterns, the drugs and the crazy. Do like Dolly did and adopt my own pseudo-alliteration to use against me. Don't be you, Danny. There IS no real you. You're a pathetic sociopath who takes his act-right cues from those around him. You ain't shit but what any of us makes you. We own you. _I_ own you Danny."

::Scooby Doo meanders into frame::

"Romeone rust rot rucked rup rhe rass!"

"Indeed Scoob', 'cause the only joke in this match is Danny Imperial and the same punchline Dolly Waters was pushin' her entire stint from beginning to end: He's somehow "the best" for a few wins and before he's ever even held the fuckin' Uni strap like the four of us he deigns so "aptly" to jealously insult, the never-was sack o' shit. You'll never be a name like Jim Caedus, Danny, deal with it. I'd tell you if you wanna change that, "go hit up whatever it is you do to get your creative juices" flowing but at this point my cock's raw from the constant suction, punkass penis parasite. Go fuck yourself."

÷÷÷÷÷÷

::Spastic cut to Jim at a urinal::

"Sorry, I have to piss.

Hey Dan, instead o' doin' what you did with your "I camp the fuck out like a pussy to gather ammo then demand to know why I'm being kinda ignored in my opponent's promos so this is the part where I left off before viewing Jim's second promo and while I was building up trash talk" bridging maneuver...you could've _not_ waited like a bitchmade motherfucker OR instead tried disguising that obvious left-to-your-own-museless-devices camper's-bridge with a simple idea like this.

When you eventually kick rocks (like Dolly) again because somethin' came up that requires your departure, for example any substantial amount of losses, and you see yourself as another failed expirement, don't forget the guy you hate to love and love to hate that earned so much of your devoted attention."

÷÷÷÷÷÷

The scratching of what more than likely will turn out to be imperfectly delivered insults and obscenities into desktops. The ramblings of some fatheaded hack. "The flick of a lighter to light to probably light a cigarette" because Danny's narration said it and he tries so hard to impress the cool kids... It's pitiable he can't script out slick narrative lines without stumbling through them like a Chaos-stuttering buffoon but he's also an asshole so I'll definitely call him on it. Hasty, nervous fuck-up.

Yeah, fuck you Danny. You ruined "Little Green _Back_" (not Bag, that was an example of mass stupidity through the mondegreen phenomenon and everyone just went along with the fuck-up, like how you, Dolly and Engy ignore fucking up and roll with it via flimsy "updates" and denial) and Reservoir Dogs with that smegma and shit slathered still-born you thought was a scathing parody-of-using-parody in your second "hard" vignette. Wayta ruin it for those of us who could handle such an homage, amateur. Die.

Anyhoo...

Five heads arrive late for detention on this particular Saturday. We'll call them:

The Eat Shit Club...

...though many have taken to nicknamin' them...

The Hack Pack

2 are chicks but we don't need to point out which ones as Jim Caedus already established one weeks ago and the other he labelled first in these Leap of Faith vignettes and pushed it again in the second. Also, Danny (as ONLY the 3rd or 4th to do so out of the six of us but hey, he loooooves to follow suit) mentioned it as well.

To continue, one of the dudes is a limey. He's lazy, timid and knows his role is to sit back and let the big boys, the Americans, get to battling until he decides he needs to say something, ANYTHING to achieve phone-it-in status.

The second of the dudes looks just like Opie from Sons of Anarchy.

"And I'll go out like Opie too! I'm a pissy little sore loser who overreacts to competition with rash actions like dipping out with my clit between my legs for a good long while or ending a brotherhood with a guy who has been patiently waiting for some time to either tag with me or beat my sassy ass into the mat! I deserve to have my skull crushed," he hollers!

The Opie guy, so clearly in awe of and inspired by his until-now hero Jim Caedus through his appearance (wait for the avatar change, wait for iiiiiiit...or not) and the majority of his past actions and words, is also overrated as FAWK, and every bit as sucky as he wants to assume his yesterday-hero is. Finally, this default-angry-setting unwashed bag of fleas, participation awards and shattered dreams seemed to miss the part where Caedus actually went easy on him the first time around because Jim assumed, correctly, the guy was half

and felt bad about getting too harsh with him. This time Jim knows better. This time Jim DID get harsh with the half-

.

The third dude is really just a double-sided creature of lore, like a really stinky coin; one side: the disembodied cavernous bunghole of Danny Imperial. It pinches out whatever few nuggets of pyrite it thinks are gold then gapes awaiting any man, woman, beast or magically animated inanimate object to penetrate it but ALSO awaits anything it hears to suck in like air and fart back out. The other side of the coin is the disembodied blown out vagina of Danny Imperial. It also sucks in what it hears like air and belts it back out with a wicked queef but it also accepts the seed of more talented dicks then hocks up failed clone abortions like bloody loogies.

::The one Dino-Rider atop a T-Rex and Chaka riding Grumpy, both from Sid & Marty Kroft's Land of the Lost, crash through the wall of the detention room rumbling into frame with a banner stretched between them reading-

IF YOU'RE GONNA GO FOR IT, THEN GO FOR IT YOU FUCKING WIMP!!

Chaka tosses out a "Sahasa meesa töpa, Dammy!" which we can all assume translates to "Suck my coarsely-pelted ape-man nutsack, Danny." before the kick-ass prehistoric foursome wander back outta frame, smashing through the opposite wall. From his Principal's Office in Hell, Paul Gleason screams "GodDAMMIT!"::

There's a fourth dude in the back, the outsider here. He was already waiting when the tardy

arrived. He's the cliché and obvious choice for use as the badass of this story. Guys like Danny criticize this kinda choice and the choice of parody to begin with because they don't have the energy for anything other than swagger jacking, bed-to-beach set-ups, a whole lotta botching of line delivery and running away over failed gimmicks and losses. Shit...all of them but the limey of all people seem to be guilty of the last one in fact.

So anyhow...

Some bullshit ensues with the Hack Pack, they irritate the outsider, he pulls out a machete and lops off each head in turn before chopping the Danny Imperial Anus-Muff creature into itty bitty pieces and packaging it for sale as 3rd World surf & turf diced ham and clam.

Then the outsider rolls the corpses, pockets the money, puts on the stolen jewelry, walks off with someone's briefcase and triumphantly stalks across the football field thrusting his monstrously stiff cock to the heavens, tickling God's tootsies in the clouds, in victory.

::FREEZE FRAME::

::FADE TO BLACK::

"HAH! What, did you think I’d waste all your precious time with some weird analogy where all the characters are actually your opponents?"

"HAH! You don't have the TALENT to do so ACCURATELY, HACK and you ain't got the BALLS to TRY. But ain't that just like you: slap up somethin' popular, ruin it for everyone else, then FAIL at utilizing it correctly. Takes a real amateur to pull that off.

And no, Danny, I KNEW you wouldn't do something entertaining on such a grand scale but I DID think you'd actually put forth the same amount o' effort as I did in whatever dump you'd poop out. But you didn't. Instead you hastily threw together some mistake-and-cliché laden garbage that people who dislike me, like Main and Theo, approve of, and it hurts my feelings sooooo much too that they do too. Meh material that innocent parties who simply enjoy a smartass back and forth, like my boy Gilly, laugh at. Your C minus attempts may garner you some attention but you don't fool me and I ain't the guy who's gonna sit back and tell you "oh good job, Danny, goooood jooooob" like some dipshit parent encouraging his terrible son to crash and burn in an American Idol tryout when clearly you fuck your own shit up, you flat out copy other people's styles and you don't deserve a goddamn thing but a rude awakening in context with your ego like EVERYONE ELSE who AIN'T a King has to suffer."

"What is it you call that…. Creativity?"

"No, Danny, I call using a nickname like "The King of the Jungle" and utilizing the oldest metaphors in human history, recycled a hundred million times over, of "I'm a lion, or a tiger, and you're my prey or inferior rival" creativity. I call opening two promos in a row in a bedroom creativity. I call secondary beach scenes in two promos in a row creativity. I call you bein" "FIJIAN/HINDU" but CHOOSING to play it American made, you IMBECILE, creativity. I call LITERALLY havin' a big box of crayons at your fingertips but you insist on coloring with grey and that's it, creativity. I call dropping a persona and style to run away and return months later sounding like other people creativity.

Danny Imperial...you wouldn't know creativity if it dove between your spread asscheeks wearing brass knuckles and knocked some sense into you from the inside.

You're a wealthy pro-wrestler on a beach with chicks in promos. That's almost as bad as the predatory animal metaphors on the concept of un-creatively cliché. I'm creative enough to at least make scenes interesting then sew in some cartoony/spoofy/dramatic/full on diss rappy shit to kick it up a notch. Fuck have you done? Nothing but the typical with an oversaturation of snippets o' you and usually your gay crush Leo makin' faces as if we ain't already watchin' you on video making those same faces you complete moron. Are you legit fuckin'

? Oh, and let's not forget your latest incarnation of "creativity" with the multiple gifs o' middle-fingerage like that's "cool and edgy" and NOT a talentless, bitter ever-middle school runt's wet dream. It's pathetic."

"What, are we in the business of parody film making?"

"No, most of us are in the business of sports entertainment and...uh...last I checked, parody falls under the category. You, Danny, like Dolly, you're in the business of "the world revolves around me" and everyone else sucks. You're in the business of copying others then accidentally copying YOURSELF with two back-to-back bedroom-to-beach promos. You're in the business of trolling because you're a sad little loser. Oh and by the way...keep talkin' shit on parody as The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror series ain't highly anticipated every year and both Family Guy and South Park definitely never wield the concept to applause. Do you think before you speak Danny? No, of course not, you're not a fuckin' ignorant player hater copycat dunce, you're right about everything. Dumbass."

"How many fucking identical promos am I going to have to watch where you're the bully, or Chaos is the bully-"

"I don't know Dan, how many fucking identical set ups of bed to beach am I gonna hafta watch in just YOUR promos for the one match? Relating to multiple people's promos, as you were, how many fucking identical beachside pro-wrestling promos are every. Single. Fan. And. Competitor. gonna hafta watch in their LIFETIME? Please continue, hypocrite..."

"-where you’re the bully, or Chaos is the bully, I’m some little kid itching to get his manly parts fondled?"

"There you go again Dan, bringin' up gay pedophilia apparently as if it's on your mind 24/7. You really are just a boiling brown pot of criminal faggish ain't you? Piece o' shit...

And for the record, generalizing my horror film parody role with "bully" is asinine. It's October, jackass, and of course I'll be playing the coolest part in a horror picture. Nice cut on Phantom Panzer, that's creativity in action right there. Why not drop a diss on Gilly next 'cause targeting Oz, GT, PP and Gilly are things NO ONE does in the XWF. GotDAMN you a follower ass, TRUE BULLY, tryin' to impress, fuckin' copycat poser loser. Go fuck yourself."

÷÷÷÷÷÷

When the p.o.v FADES IN I'm standing atop my warehouse in Palm Springs wherein I've established many times since April that my employees grow ludicrous amounts of high grade medical marijuana, a much cooler and more creative "I'm rich and I got a bid'ness" concept than Danny Imperial's bullshit hotel located on some random island on the map but technically nowhere on the map because remember, Danny don't give a damn about details, reality and effort. Danny don't give a shit about the fans and has no respect for others who work at it. Danny uses concepts like his "racial background" and "owning a hotel" as paper thin veneer to satisfy the bare requirements needed (a body, a name and a persona) to just get to the trashing of others and calling THEM un-creative.

"Is it entirely safe that we're up here, Jim? The ceiling won't cave in beneath us or anything, right?"

"No Floyd, the only people who run the risk o' fallin' to their deaths are the five fucksticks darin' to join me high above the ring in the rafters at Leap of Faith. Oh and I suppose, since _I'm_ not allowed to guarantee victory, so do I."

"You gonna cover what Danny said about Tala, Jim?"

"You mean the hard-hitting everyone-says-the-same-shit multiple insults of her bein' a whore and stupid...STUPID...when Danny's own stable o' sluts are heard to speak like this-"

"I came back to rescue your name, our name, not watch as you to allow the all these past editions of sports illustrated come in and spit all over his memory."

"Holy fuckin' shit...what??

And you call _Tala_ brainless, Danny? Wow. I guess it's lucky you don't script for your ancillary cast members or you'd look like a mushmouth stuttering nervous half-wit a lot like Chris Chaos... Wait, you DO look like a dummy who can't help but stumble over his words when you talk JUST like Chris Chaos. I've already shown examples in fact. And the two o' you both thought this whole match was about you as well... Shit, Dan, like Dolly the deeper she gets in debate with Caedus, the more you say the more ironically insipid you sound.

Know who else you remind of?

You remind me of a pathetic no life having semi-juiced-in hack who lies, lacks the ability to argue like an adult, copies off rostermates (like he's daring them to call him out on it, the fuckin' entrapping pig) and whatever else he thinks is cool material/styling yet thinks he's so much better than everyone else (especially those he mimics) to the point that he snubs his nose at any kind of attention, honor and respect others get with his belief only HE and those he sucks up to deserve it. Unless it's him versus those people and then, of course, he deserves it solely but he'd DARE NOT say it to their faces. A douchebag who don't deserve respect because he shows none, a dick who severely needs his fuckin' bones beaten to fracture far removed from the ring and out on the streets o' real life. The type o' pussy ass player hater who would be ENABLED to act like that, rewarded and supported by other juiced-in loser

who do such things while continually makin' it apparent this entire promotion is all about THEM. Which would mean, in whole, this world and all the people haphazardly traipsing in and signin' on that dotted line believing it to contain LEGITIMACY all exist to placate these few assholes as if OUR lives, dreams and desires don't matter. Funny...the person you remind me of brought these same feelings of corruption outta me in the finals of Lethal Lottery 4. Go figure and Danny...that ain't good. You also remind me of the same asshat who repeatedly drops names like Steve Davids (when he's not around) and Madison Dyson (and thinks no one not in the know is smart enough to notice the connection), THEORETICALLY sucks up to names ending in Pryce and Duke, talks shit on names like Samuels and Maddy behind their backs then most assuredly kisses their asses in person because you're THEORETICALLY a shady, behind the back shit talking, faking, trap setting twat. The kind o' coward who lies about "Ok hold up, I'll start sending you ideas" then goes ahead and uploads two vignettes behind the waiting back anyway and doesn't get punished for it. "Miscommunication" my maggoty mother, dickwad. What was there to misunderstand in "I'll start sending you ideas"? The fact that it was a complete lie to begin with? Then yeah, there was a miscommunication over me believing you.

Yeah...you remind me of all that, Danny Imperial, Mr. Fijian/Hindu-for-a-dash-of-flavor but Mr. conveniently New York born-because-you-either-can't-handle-the-pure-racial-complexity-and-/-or-are-too-fucking-lazy-to-try. I don't give a shit what your opinion is of the strategies I utilize in promo; promos don't win matches as one of your Gods Theo Pryce would say, and I wouldn't give a shit if they DO and things _I_ say, ways I go about word warfare or my targeting is seen as "unfair" "bad karma" or a "low blow" when I deal with nothin' BUT from my opponents, some of which, like you and Engy, are patted on the back for doing so. Double standard ass bully bullshittery's what _that_ is. People like you, Danny, don't deserve, don't earn, success...you steal it like cinema, film and it's equipment were all stolen from hardworking truly creative and inventive minds and hands before pictures went color. You don't deserve applause because you pick and choose what you five-finger discount in style off others then bash what you didn't decide to sample like quirks in the vein of " o' " and other ways someone like me decides to convey differentiating speech where others don't, making me, what you despise, unique and different. Nah Danny...you don't deserve success, status, titles, victory...you deserve to get short-booted back in time with a Las Vegas Musical Festival ticket, a serious jones for Jason Aldean and a case of amnesia. Too soon? I don't give a shit. I'm a villain, cocksucker. I'm Jim Caedus. You stab at me, I launch shells at you. You cry to the heavens you're the best because you ain't. I'm better than you, Danny. Hate on my shit all you want while you offer naught but the standard and old hat. You say you wanna be the one to send me packing? Christ I pity you and those like you. Kill yourself, it's much quicker than a drawn out life of preying on others like a power hungry control freak troll. Go fuck yourself."

"See? Even my usage of internet shit beats yours straight to hell and I can say that because I ain't some punk pussywhipped wuss like you who probably pathetically pays for random bitches' drinks at bars and empties his bank account at Cons 'cause the hot hooker bait by the more expensive booths drew your weakminded ass in. Be a fuckin' man, geek, I ain't impressed with your Elias Douchecooze play and you ain't gangsta or edgy. You ain't shit but a watered-down version o' those you worship. Now BOW DOWN and pay homage to one of 'em, peasant. Caramel-skinned shit-serf. Bring in my crop and pay me your "hard-earned" coins, you've rented my style long enough and I demand compensation before I decide to repo the air outta your lungs and flush your fishy dubious ass down the toilet like your slut's heavy flow discarded tampons. You ain't stoppin' me from claimin' that 24/7 briefcase, no one is. You've had your little "rebirth" spectacle...now's the time to move aside, right off the side o' the rafters, while I collect. Don't like it? Don't care. Oh and please, do go fuck yourself."

Roll.

Credits.

::STATIC::

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode PlaceMarker Thought I Was Done With You Danny?
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