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TheBigKahuna · (09-25-2017)

The Big Kahuna is leaving out the back of the arena in near dead of night Chicago as he hops into a large black SUV. The driver is none other than Dustin Diamondberg. They start the drive to the airport to catch a plane to Winnipeg, where Wednesday Night Warfare takes place this week. Big Kahuna has his phone pulled out and is seen almost continuously swiping right on his phone. With each swipe, a small "ding" is heard.

The Big Kahuna: When you're as good looking as me, there is no shortage of women looking to crawl into the sack. Chicago has been great but I'm trying to get a jump on the lovely Canadian snow bunnies! But see, I'm a busy man. I'm already the sexiest and most hard working wrestler in the XWF, just two weeks in! So when I need a little female company, one woman at a time just won't do. Time is money! And with my talent and good looks, every second of the day is a ticking opportunity. So my rule is AT LEAST two women at a time, most days. How else am I supposed to sample all of what this world has to offer, if I'm not bangin two chicks at once on the regular? I guess what I'm trying to say, Mark Brooks and Ravenhill, is I know how to handle two pussies at once.

I don't want you two to be concerned or worried that I won't spread the ass beatings around equally. Because I am again going to show my fans and the entire XWF universe why I am the biggest rising star this federation has ever seen! I continue to outwork and embarrass the scrubs that get set in front of me. How nice of the XWF to save me time, to have you two losers available for me to pin in one convenient match. I promise, with my experience handling two bitches at once, I'll dispose of you both quickly. My skills and stamina are beyond what you can imagine in a single man! This won't be some travesty of a match like the threeway Bombshell Championship match, with a disgraced former champion like Miss Michelle.

Oh, yes, Mark, how is the Mrs.? Send her my best, would you?

Kahuna rolls his eyes.

Kahuna: She fucked it all up for herself and for you Mark. She just had to stay silent and ignore The Big Kahuna...She wouldn't let me ref one damn match! Madison will get what's coming to her for that day, but I don't feel sorry for Michelle in the slightest. She got what she deserved and on Wednesday, you will too! Just like your old lady, I'll put you in the hospital bed next to her!

Diamondberg slowly rolls into a local coffee-tea house and orders and Arnold Palmer drink for Kahuna. After getting the order, he passes the drink back. Kahuna takes a few sips and places it in the cup-holder to his right.

Kahuna: What you two don't understand is that for me...This match is more than a shot at the Hart Title. This match is where I plant my flag as the definitive young superstar of the XWF. And you two sons uh bitches will have to kneel in awe of my ability...What have you two even been doing this past month? One win each? That's it? We came into this federation within days of each other and I'm the one with the first title shot. Gold on the line, not just a shot at gold at some future date. I'll just have to carry your sorry asses in that ring until I get bored. Don't worry, the fans will get their money's worth.

It's just such a shame...There's a rash of mediocrity that's spread through this federation. If it's not literal mental patients, it's wrestlers with one foot out of the ring. Two flailing careers have already been stomped out - and two more will be crushed before they even got started.

And as for you Ravenhill, I don't know what your deal is. You may have talent, but I can already tell you're one of these sick freaks - getting your rocks off experimenting medically on people. Whatever the fuck you think you are - a zombie, some undead ghoul, vampire - what matters most is what you can do on Wednesday night in that ring. And sickos like you can only succeed against the weak. Well fucker, I'm your biggest baddest challenge yet. Let's see how you fare against a grown ass man...

They reach the airport and Diamondberg pulls up to the curb. Kahuna jumps out and grabs his bag from the trunk.

Kahuna: Alright Double D, catch up with you there!

Diamondberg pulls out and goes to return the rental car. He'll catch up later, on a public flight.

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