Okaaaay, just keep the blindfold on a little bit longer!

Madison leads a blindfolded Jenny Myst up to a nondescript metal door and opens it with a flourish. Jenny, judging by the deep frown tugging at her lacquered lips, does not seem amused.

Remind me again why I needed to wear this stupid thing?

The location of the war room is top secret.

I peeked when we pulled in the lot and saw the Fox News HQ sign.

Well, goddamnit, you might as well take it off now!

Jenny removes the blindfold and sees a room straight out of Dr. Strangelove. A lit up world map consumes one of the massive walls. An almost as large table, complete with VIP seats and microphones, is in the center of the room. Monitors adorn another wall, and finally, a tech center lies in the corner ready for round the clock updates from across the world.

I figured it would put us right in the strategizing mindset we need.

Jenny turns towards Madison, holding up two fingers.

Two points. Number one: I'm taking a big risk by trusting you. Hell, I took a big risk with the stupid blindfold and walking into a Fox News building. I could have been groped countless times.

I TOTALLY appreciate all the trust your putting in me. Really, I do. As far as getting groped, the only one I let in your immediate vacinity as we walked in was Shepherd Smith, and, well, you know...

Madison makes a limp wristed hand gesture.

Number two, why do we even need to strategize against two rumps like Reno and Blumpkinz?

Ohhhh, hahahahahahaha! Oh, goodness no, this is not for them. This, is for sizing up the competition in the women's division. Here, have a seat, I've prepared something.

Fine, but I swear to God if O'Reilly walks in here...

Still not looking totally sold on the whole thing, Jenny takes a seat at the table, and swings one of the chairs out to face the monitors. Madison takes hold of a remote from a nearby table and points it at the screens.

If we're gonna beat all these bitches, we need to do a good accurate threat assessment. Really break them down and decide who we're going to focus on and why. You know, “know thy enemy” and all that shit.

Mmmmm, kind of like how I did with you?

Jenny shoots Madison a cheeky smile.

No fighting in the war room!*

*All credit to Mr. Kubrick.

But I'm serious though. We may be awesome, but there's only two of us. And lately bitches have been rushing the XWF doors like its BOGO weekend at Macy's.

Hey, I didn't say this was a bad idea. Continue!

Madison smiles and turns towards the screens. She hits a button on the remote and up pops a picture of Abigail.

So, first we have Abigail....

Wow, you know her name?

Yeah, I did research for this shit and everything. Plus she's, uh, booked this week on the same card we are so.....CHEATING! But yeah, kind of an “X” factor. Apparently has been around a while but just popped back up on the radar...

...like a Herpes sore that won't go away. We should file that one under “watch and wait”. See how she does against Tommy Wish.

Fair enough.

Madison clicks the remote again and Ezariaha shows up on screen.

Ezariaha. Curvy jail bait. Possible Jew.

File under “hasn't done shit, won't be shit.”

Agreed!

Madison looks at the camera like she's hearing a protest from Ezariaha.

What bitch? You suck. NEXT!

Hera XXTreme Version 9.5 appears on the screens.

Who the....?

Hmmmmm, yes. From what I gather she is some kind of robot militant lesbian from the future who is stronger than all men and has a thing for **ahem** period blood.

Period blood?

Yes she flies around in a casket full of it and it's all over her clothes when she wrestles. She must smell just awful.

This is the worst gimmick ever.

Indeed. But I slipped her Peter Gilmour's phone number and wrote “A good dickin' will cure what ails ya” on it so whether she's interested or not I figure we all win.

I honestly don't know what the fuck to do with this one.

Ehhhhh, file under “Bad Hipster performance art?”

Works for me! But “ bad” and “hipster” is kinda redundant.

Another click and it's Wren Silverphoenix.

Well, you faced her, so you're the resident expert.

Whaddya want me to say? “She sucks, but not as bad as Ezariaha?” Because that's all I got.

She has experience.

Did it help you?

Madison grumbles and flips Jenny off. Jenny chuckles.

Alright, last one....

Nemesis appears on the screen. Jenny sits up a little straighter.

Hate to say it toots, but Tyler Perry in “Medea does Wrestling” here seems to have your number.

Jenny's face screws up in annoyance.

Yeah, in AMBUSHES. From behind. This big ugly bitch won't fare as well when she has to face me like a real woman.

Ahhhh, yes, Jenny-San. But take it from a woman who has faced down her fair share of big ugly mean giants. You can't out wrestle them.

Jenny leans forward, like she's about to protest and Madison holds up a hand.

Hold on and just let me drop some wisdom on ya. It is an anatomical fact that girls like you and I will NEVER outpower THAT. Don't let your ego get in the way of that fact. I once fought a 7 foot tall adolescent wank fantasy named Caitlin. I shit you not, each of her tits weighed like 30 pounds. Take a wild guess how many times I hit my finisher on her? Because if you guessed “none” you win the cheap Chinese knock off fidget spinner at the fair. No way in hell I could even get her up in it, and the sooner I accepted that the better off I was. What I did do was outsmart her.

So, in other words, you cheated?

Oh, repeatedly!

Far be it from me to bag on somebody for bending the rules till they break. But if people keep shitting on me for being weak and inexperienced, how to I counteract that by beating this Nemesis dirty?

You don't. And honestly, who gives a fuck? History is written by the victors girl. And who the hell focuses on how those victories were won? Nerds, that's who. Nerds and liberals. You'll beat Nemesis, any which way you can, and bury her in obscurity. You'll blow past her, and in time the masses won't even remember or care how your legacy was crafted. All that will remain, in time, is that you HAVE a legacy. And boring mush-mouth bullies like Nemesis will be cast adrift in your wake.

My, my....how very Republican of you.

Damn right. Oh, and before, I kinda lied. There's one more threat on our radar.

Madison gives the remote yet another click, and Roxy Cotton appears. Jenny leans in, a devious smile crossing her features.

Don't think I've forgotten that one for a second.

Good. Because she's gonna fuck with you, and me by association, endlessly. I've seen her type time and again. Hell, I AM her type.

Yeah, but you can only deny what's right in front of your face up until the point of it ripping your nose off. And if she is going to be head of this division, even she can't ignore an avalanche of wins forever. And if she does....we remove the problem.

Yeah, plus she dress like a ho.

**snrkt**

Ok, that's it for realsies this time.

All the screens go black.

Think we should say something about the....”competition” on Savage?

Aside from the fact that I will absolutely be contacting maintenance to remove every handicap accessible amenity in the building before hand to fuck with Bilbo....?

Jenny puts her thumb to her chin as though musing.

I'm trying to remember if I ever dumped a disabled person out of their wheel chair?

Oooomph, I did once. This bitch was getting all uppity with me in the parking lot at Giovanni's...”blah, blah you don't have a handicap tag....blah...blah....won a purple heart” so I popped the breaks on her chair when she was on an incline and saved myself a few steps to the door.

Jenny laughs.

You are a Godforsaken fucking awful cunt. This just might work out after all.

I sure hope so. If it doesn't I'll have to go back to spending time with Engy and he is just the HUGEST latchkey kid....

By the way, if you try to put that blindfold on me again....

I won't, I won't. Just watch out for Tucker, he might try to sneak up on you and ask you to paddle his ass raw.

Hmpf. Sounds like a good time.

Madison shuts out the lights as they both get up to leave. The war room is solely illuminated by the light from the hallway before that too is extinguished. A few moments pass and the lights suddenly snap back on. Engy is crouched down next to Jenny Myst's chair. He presses his face into the seat and drags in a huge whiff.

Ahhhhhh, that's goin' in the ol' spank bank.

And thus we bring this latest edition of Masterpiece Theatre to a close.