The Motherfuckers, Robbie Bourbon and Bearded War Pig, have taken on the task of infiltrating North Korea and finding out the details surrounding the death of an American visiting that country.

I'm sure this will go covertly...

GREETINGS FROM PYONGYANG

We open to see the exterior of the Yanggakdo International Hotel in Pyongyang. A small car pulls up and two figures exit, escorted by two North Korean officials in uniform. Robbie Bourbon and Bearded War Pig, the Motherfuckers, are dressed incognito, wearing their standard attire but with luau shirts, fedoras, and sunglasses, trying to look like tourists.

Remember our cover. We're just two American tourists here to see the beauty of North Korea, not the Motherfuckers here to kick a little ass and figure out what the government here did to that boy. We find a high ranking official, slip him some of this truth serum the CIA gave us, record his confession, then get the hell out. In the mean time, I'm Philo Beddoe, and you're Thomas Highway. Just try to act casual, even though these jokers are going to be following us around an awful lot.

Bourbon doesn't whisper a single word of this to his partner and brother, BWP.

"Fuck I'm hungry, all the food places are written in some fancy symbol bullshit! Top it off with some Korean cocktail on my cock fro, MAKIN ME FEEL LIKE I HAVE ANTS IN MY PANTS!"

Thomas Highway porn extraordinare nudges one of the N. Korean officials and smiles all goofily and drunk like.

"So I hope the girls we are going to be discussing doing business with don't have whatever Kung Po Shrimp or whatever the fuck that slanted pussied hoebag's name was."

Thomas Highway slowly backs away after getting a slight death stare from the official. Before anyone else can say or do anything Thomas Highway or the Motherfuckers own Bearded War Pig's undercover cameo quickly slides both his pants quickly pretending to scratch away almost Animaniacally, to give the illusion he had caught something from a local night walker before this precise occasion. Sometimes perception can be a sneaky queen. Perfect example in reality Mr. Highway is really grasping ahold of two, forty caliber, automatic Smith and Wesson pistols with extended magazines. Twenty seven rounds each. Plus additional magazines loaded with ammo all secretly attached to Thomas Highway's naked hairy body. Yes, invluding his dong and butt cheeks. Thomas Highway stays calm but prepared just incase the kamikaze personalities of Koreans shows to be true and they attack.

One of the officials steps forward.

"You do understand we speak perfect English, right?"

Beddoe and Highway, a.k.a. Bourbon and Pig, a.k.a., the Motherfuckers, turn to each other and shrug.

Well, bro, I guess covert ops just isn't our strong suit.

A brigade of North Korean soldiers run out, weapons drawn.

Get behind me!

Bourbon hops in front of BWP and flips off the soldiers. Their CO barks something at them in Korean, and then turns to the Motherfuckers.

"Yankee pigs, surrender! You are under arrest for entering the country under false pretenses!"

Fuck you!

"I said surrender, or we will fire."

Fuck your mother!

"This is your last chance, come peacefully!"

Fuck Kim Jong-Un up his ass!

"Fire!"

The soldiers unleash all their lead at Bourbon and BWP, with Bourbon standing like a living tank and absorbing every shot the North Koreans muster. Their weapons empty, and they stand in awe of the bulletproof Robbie Bourbon. As soon as their fire ends, BWP swings from behind the big man, both pistols drawn, and mows down the Korean forces. Their commander stands in shock, and prepares to radio in, but as he does, Robbie Bourbon rushes him and tackles him. He drags him to a car as BWP covers both of them. Bourbon slings him in the back seat as BWP hops in the rear with him, and Bourbon jumps into the driver's seat. He twists the key in the ignition, throws the car in gear, and peels out of the parking lot of the massive hotel. He tosses a syringe back to BWP.

Stick him with this. It's the truth serum.

The commander is terrified, a combination of losing all his men and the demonic driving style of Robbie Bourbon. Bourbon swerves between all manner of traffic, mostly on foot, mostly impoverished. Even though they're in hostile territory, Bourbon seems wide eyed and driven to avoid killing any of the civilians of Pyongyang. BWP reloads his pistols as the North Korean commander looks on in disbelief that these Yankee Motherfuckers are being so American on Korean soil. BWP lights up a joint as Bourbon pulls a hot dog out and starts to eat while doing sixty-five through a heavily populated urban area in a stick shift.

Simmer down, dude, I'm a Virginian, we invented NASCAR. He's from Michigan. They invented the muscle car.

The commander goes silent. BWP sticks him with the truth serum. Bourbon tosses a device to BWP.

Here's a translator. Most likely when he starts spilling the beans he'll do it in Korean.

Within seconds, the commander speaks in Korean and the translator replies, giving us the meaning in English.

"You Motherfuckers know how to shoot and drive!"

Well, we're American, we usually do it while drunk or fucked up, and I'm sober.

"Y'all Motherfuckers are bad ass. They're going to kill me for letting you do this."

Well, shit, come to America with us. Land of the free, home of the brave, you just gotta tell our people why Otto Warmbier died.

"But, my family will be killed."

Bourbon looks less than pleased.

Yo, Pig, we got time for a pit stop to scoop this guy's wife and kids?

"Fuck yeah we have time. Honestly I was going to ask you if maybe we would have time..."

Just as BWP is mid sentence a bullet penetrates through the back window of the get away vehicle. Whistling past the right side of the commander and just too the left of Pig's head.

Snap.

Crack.

The unexpected sound of the round impacting so close brings to life memories of war. Suddenly Pig's eyes light up and frost over in cold darkness like freshly tempered steel. The north Korean commander soils himself a little from sheer fear, while Robbie Bourbon chuckles watching the incident from the rearview mirror. Pig begins having a WARGASM, his body begins pulsating and veins emerge, imprinting through his skin all over. Grunts slowly begin to rumble from his throat and mouth while he pops his head out the window along with his whole torso. His fingers squeeze both triggers of the freshly reloaded forty caliber machine pistols. Every single round shredding the windshield and front tires, sending any survivors in the Korean military jeep spiraling out of control. Eventually the bare rims snag into the road and flip the jeep up into the air revealing the gas tank. BWP not much for leaving any survivors, especially when someone comes close to harming him or anyone he cares about fires a single shot. The round pierces the tank causing a small leak, BWP takes a final drag on his joint and flicks it toward the leaking gasoline. The wet trail ignites and the flames travel straight up into the tank...

Kaboom!

Like in most action movies an over exaggerated explosion occurs shredding the jeep and it's occupants into slices of burning metal and flesh. The commander almost shits himself as the head of one of his soldiers lands on the hood of the Motherfuckers get away vehicle. Pig slides back inside from the window with a disturbed smile, he licks his upper lip before speaking again.

"Damn that fuckers facial expression is almost identical as his bitch ass commanders. Fuck what I was going to say before lets just get this family and get the hell out of this shit hole!"

Where they live?

The commander gives directions to Bourbon as he swerves throughout the busy streets of Pyongyang. They come to a simple looking but tall building. Robbie honks the horn, and everybody who lives there looks outside. The commander sticks his head out of a window and waves, and a group of people disappear inside while the rest look shocked. In a moment, about 20 people pour out of the apartment building.

Fuck. This car isn't big enough.

"Over there."

The commander points to a bus. Bourbon and BWP exit the car and make their way to it, followed by the would-be refugees. Bourbon steps inside first as BWP and the rest wait outside. The body of a man is thrown out into the street as the crowded vehicle empties in a panic. BWP leads the commander and his extended family aboard the bus.

Okay, next stop, home.

As Robbie speaks, a tank turns the corner. Both he and BWP leave the bus and march towards it. The tank fires, nailing Bourbon, and BWP fires his pistols at it.

Let's rock it, we only have an hour.

"I got it."

BWP sticks his torso out of the bus as Bourbon drives, firing at the North Korean forces. Bourbon swerves the bus left and right, until a massive balloon deploys from it. Within moments, a plane scoops the massive vehicle, lifting it from the ground. As it does, most of the passengers are shocked, save Bourbon and BWP, who look relieved.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

Our next stop will be the United States of America, where bitches like Kim Jong, Bilbo Brommer Smackins, and other power-mad fucks really don't mean shit whatsoever. You will be able to build a home and a life for yourselves, even though you'll have to ignore stupid cunts who want to oppress you on the daily.

We thank you for flying Freedom Airlines. My co-Patriot, Mr. Bearded War Pig, will be handing you burgers, beer, condoms, and translating headphones for the film Gladiator, followed by Netflix access on our subscriptions, though we recommend the 80's classics Red Dawn and the Breakfast Club. This is Robbie Bourbon, Motherfucker speaking, and welcome to Motherfucker air, Bearded War Pig on flight to make sure your freedom is not questioned.

Welcome home.