The shot is zoomed in on someone holding up a picture of Outlaw Brian Harris.

Madison: So does anyone here know this extremely homosexual biker? Anyone? He has a very loose asshole from lots of anal sex, and talks like he huffs the exhaust straight from his Harley.

We open inside a gay bar. You can tell it's gay because the guys are all wearing really tight pants, it's impeccably clean, and nobody is drinking a Bud Light or any of those other American shit beers. Gay dudes have class, y'all.

Anyone?

Some of the gay guys standing closest to Madison shrug and return to their drinks and/or boyfriend's jocks. Madison sits back down at her table next to Engy and Milo Yiannopoulos.

Milo: Yeah sorry, I had him pegged as a catcher. Pun deffo intended.

Engy: Why are we here?! I hate this place! Everyone is looking at my ass!

Nobody's looking at your ass.

Eh well, it was a safe assumption to make Milo. I mean, that leather jacket. Those crotch hugging jeans. That sneer that just screams, “I'm trying to look like a badass, but I'm really just a bitchy weekend queen with a penchant for excess rouge.

So the guy's not even a Gay. We wasted our time. I could have been praying to dread lord Aiwass!

Okay, first off the Aiwass shit is getting' weird. Second off, we didn't waste our time. We just made Brian Harris gay.

....huh?

I mean, even if he isn't gay, which...heh....just LOOK at the guy, just by questioning his sexuality we made the implicit assumption that he might be.

Look, I know I'm usually confused by shit but that shit is even more confusing than your regular shit.

It's the world we live in now Engy. Facts are arbitrary and completely in the eye of the beholder. There is no objective truth anymore. Anything anyone says, if repeated often and emphatically enough, will become some people's truth. For example, climate change. There are reams of scientists saying it's real. But lots of people chose to believe it's not. For them, that's reality. And so long as lots of people say it, that reality stays a reality.

Engy just blinks twice stupidly.

Look Engy, it's a tough concept to understand so just repeat after me: “Brian Harris is gay.”

Oh, hahahahaha! BRIAN HARRIS IS GAY!

We're gonna make this shit a reality.

Madison pulls out her phone and her fingers dance over the keys.

There, I just tweeted my millions of followers that Brian Harris is gay. I guarantee that shit is gonna hit TMZ within the hour.

So it's that easy?!

Well yeah, so long as enough people repeat it and believe....

I'M BANGING JENNY MYST!

That's not...you know what, sure you can have that one.

Engy pumps his fist.

Fuck yeah!

Welp, I'm gonna go start sucking lots of cock and telling them I'm Brian Harris. See you guys later.

Toodles.

Madison turns to the camera.

So yeah Brian, if you weren't gay before you definitely are now. And the more you try to deny it the more people will suspect you're lying. Welcome to the modern age. And you can't say you haven't earned this what with how you continue to waste our time with shitty ass promo's you cobbled together in the time it took you to have a wank to Peter North's earlier work (hint: it's the gay stuff). The only good thing that's come of this is that we don't have to try to come up with a bunch of naval gazing backstory bullshit to try to keep up. I mean Jesus, when even a comedy character like Danny Sex needs to come up with some mental breakdown angle just to try to stay relevant you know your fed has hit the most pretentious wall possible at mach 6.

I like the 12 year old who stole his dad's army. That's really real, right?

Hmmmmmmm

Also of note, you're such a badass you need to bleep out your cuss words. I guess we can't let the kiddies hear that brand of naughtiness as your painted on jeans cut the full outline of the sock you stuffed in your tighties.

So lets get one thing clear sweety. The only half of your team that's doing anything right is your partner Kim Jong Ugh, and even then it's because she's keeping her fucking mouth shut. You guys are gonna lose. Repeat after me because this is really real reality too: YOU GUYS ARE GONNA LOSE.

The fact that you don't even have insight enough into how shitty you are that you can say you're going to win this thing with a straight face tells me you are probably suffering some kind of profound Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Your eyes DO look awfully far apart now that I mention it. Actually, hold on a sec.

Madison busts out her phone again and punches something in.

There, in a couple minutes you're going to have fetal alcohol syndrome too.

But Madison, if Brian is saying he's gonna win doesn't that make it reality too?

Nope! Because like I said, for something to become reality lots of people need to repeat it and believe it and hahahahahaha, lets be real here NOBODY else is thinking, saying, or believing that we're gonna lose this thing. Our match is the most in the bag match on the card.

Well, I guess that's that then.

Ayyyup.

But I think I would like to try one of those big backstory thingy's sometime.

If you must. But could you PLEASE not do some tired “my daddy and I have issues” shit, because honestly it feels like that's all I've been watching all goddamn week.

I think I'm gonna be a spaceman.

Go for it. I'll retweet it a couple hundred times and make it true.

We cut to the interior of the bathroom where Milo is servicing some beefy guy in the stall. The beefy guy is looking like he's about to cum.

Beefy Guy: Uhhhhhh...oh yeah, mmmmmm....oh yeah, oh yeah, OH YEAH...OH BRIAN!

Sploodge.