Scully and Natalie had recently decided that maybe they should get a pet or pretty much Scully was told they were having one. Natalie thought little Aston would like a pet in the house and left it up to Scully to make a decision. This wasn't his sort of thing, in fact he didn't have a clue, all he knew is that Natalie hated snakes and he didn't like spiders. He also knew that she was quite adamant that she didn't want a dog or even a cat. Skull wasn't sure what the hell she wanted but whatever it was would probably be expensive. He had a few animals in mind, a turtle maybe? He actually liked the idea of that. Fish of some sort? Not a battered Cod obviously but maybe a Goldfish or some tropical fish? Maybe a rabbit or a guinea pig? Or some sort of rodent? A dirty old rat? Could call him Ratouille or they could call him Pat the rat? Or maybe a little mouse and call him Stuart Little? The options were endless but Scully had made a decision, something that he wanted when he was younger and seeing he was left in charge to make that decision, that is what he would do.
Natalie had taken Aston to her mothers, grannies house. Scully had to get the pet by himself, he would also have to buy the cage, whatever it needed and all that jazz. Skull had a look on Google to see where the best place to go would be. He did his usual research and after checking reviews decided to go 'Animal Crackers' located at 280 NE 2nd St, Miami, FL 33132. Scully had just found a parking space out front and then exited the vehicle. He goes into the busy pet store and thought he would have a wonder, a nose, a look around. Scully looks at various animals, rabbits, guinea pig's, some funny faced fish. He looks at a Bearded Dragon, he always wondered whether to get one of those. 'Hmmmmmm' he thought. After toying with the idea, he decides against it and goes to look at what he had in mind in the first place. The reason he went to the pet shop, was in order to buy himself an exotic bird. Scully walks up to an assistant and gets his attention.
"You know I've had a number of birds in my life but I'm now looking for something really special. A pet bird that is, on this occasion. Have you got anything I might like?"
The shop assistant chuckles at Scully's joke about the birds.
He then tells Scully simply,"Follow me."
Scully follows behind the shop assistant as he takes him to the variety of birds in store. Scully has a look at the various coloured cockatiels, the love birds and the cockatoos and then explains what he's looking for.
"I always wanted a parrot but one that is unique or just has something about him or her?"
The shop assistant thinks for a moment, suddenly the light is on and he holds his index finger up.
Shop Assistant: ""I have a South American parrot rumored to have a vocabulary of over 400 words. He can talk about the weather, about sports and about politics. But I might add, he is very expensive."
"Can I see him?"
One moment sir."
The assistant goes into the back room and brings out an exquisite greenbird with bright feathers and a dark, golden beak.
Shop Assistant: "Do you mind if I just serve this lady and you can have a minute with the parrot? We're short staffed today, Bryan rang in sick, again."
"That's cool."
The shop assistant sets the bird on a perch and excuses himself to take care of another customer in another part of the shop.
Scully looks at the bird and starts talking to it in the usual way, "Pretty bird, pretty bird, Polly want a cracker? I don't have any but nevermind."
The bird replies in such beautiful English Scully can hardly believe his ears.
Parrot: "Please call me Jasper. I am a boy, not a girl."
"Jasper hey? Jasper Parrot?! So Jasp, I was wondering if you like football?"
Jasper Parrot: "I do. I like the New England Patriots. They have a great history."
Scully is dumbfounded. He then explains, "That's not what I meant. I meant real football."
Jasper Parrot: "You mean soccer? I actually support Boca Juniors aswell as Brasil obviously. But I do like Chelsea from England. You?"
Scully stares at the parrot, shocked, "Yeah I support Astonvilla."
Jasper Parrot: "You have great history, I don't think you'll be promoted this season but next, definitely."
The shop assistant is on his way back over when Scully shouts, "I'll take him, I'll take him home with me today. Right now!" Scully says excitedly.
Shop Assistant:]"Very good, sir."
Scully and the shop assistant go to the till. He then gets a shock.
Shop Assistant: "All together, that is a total of $4, 215 please?"
"How much?!" Scully asks loudly. He calms himself down before speaking again.
"Okay... I guess. Thank you."
Shop Assistant: "Thank you."
They conclude the transaction, Scully shakes the hand of the assistant seemingly thrilled with his purchase. Skull walks out with the parrot on his shoulder, the cage with it's accessories in hand and food of course. Whilst driving back, Jasper sits quietly but as soon as they get to Scully's home, the bird goes into a loud tirade of profanity. One four-letter word after another. On and
on without end.
"Look, bird, you didn't do any of this in the shop. I have guests coming over tonight, my future mother-in-law and her partner. Don't you dare embarrass me with this kind of language."
The bird continues on and on with the profane cursing.
Skull gets fed up and throws the parrot into his freezer. That will quiet him down, thinks Scully. He hopes.
Sure enough, within a minute or two, Jasper has gone completely silent. Scully opens the freezer and the bird takes a deep bow.
Jasper Parrot: "Forgive me sir, I will never talk like that again. I just do not know what got it to me."
Scully sighs and nods his head. It seems he is satisfied and motions for the bird to perch on his shoulder and Skull goes about his business.
A few minutes later the Jasper leans over to his ear and asks quietly, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Uh, what exactly did the chicken do?"
Scully can't help himself as he bursts out laughing at the parrots comical side. Scully
"Okay Jasper, we need to set some ground rules. When it's just me and you, if you're not getting on my nerves, you can swear but I need you to be your polite self when anyone else is around, especially my son. "
Jasper Parrot: "Very well sir. Understood. Anyway master are you some sort of bodybuilder?"
"No, I'm a wrestler. I'm a company called the Xtreme Wrestling Federation."
Jasper seems very thrilled with this, "Wow, my owner is a wrestler?"
"Indeed. Let me show you my opponent at the next Pay-per-view."
Scully gets up some pictures of Danny Imperial and shows the parrot, believe it or not, his opponent at Lethal Lottery.
Jasper Parrot: "What a bellend!"
Scully bursts out laughing.
Jasper Parrot: "He looks like a Prick, I want to peck his fucking eyes out!"
"Keep going, you're hilarious. Hahahaha."
Jasper Parrot: "What's his name?
"Danny Imperial."
Jasper Parrot: "Imperial? Nothing Imperial about this guy. Imperial Leather soap is used to wash yourself, this Twat looks like he hasn't washed for years. Dirty DICK."
Scully laughs even more advanced he finds it hard to stop laughing.
Jasper Parrot: "Imperial Mints are meant to freshen your breath, I bet his smells like shit. Danny's breath is so bad, we don't know if he needs gum or toilet paper."
Scully laughs hard. His new pet was funny. Jasper pecks the image of Danny on Scully's phone. Skull moves it away incase he accidentally cracks it.
Jasper Parrot: "Danny Imperial.. Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin' bottle."
Skull continues to laugh immensely until the key in the front door can be heard unlocking. Skull quickly looks at Jasper and tells him, "Time to behave, okay?"
The door opens, Skull and Jasper go to greeted Natalie and Aston at the front door. Aston runs up to his daddy until he see's Jasper perched on Skulls shoulder, now he isn't so sure. Natalie isn't sure either as she shuts the door behind her. Skull kneels down with Jasper.
"Aston, this is Jasper, our new pet."
Jasper Parrot: "How do you do, young man?"
Aston smiles instantly at Jasper and slowly strokes his head as Daddy tells him to be gentle.
Natalie seems impressed too, "Wow, he speaks pretty good."
Scully stands up with Jasper still perched on his shoulder. Jasper then cheekily says to Natalie, "Hello beautiful."
Natalie is chuffed and she strokes the new family pet, who has made a good impression in the family.
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