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Cadryn Tiberius · **03-02-2017, 08:26 AM**

What was in that pipe..

Cadryn: Christ. I'm hot, I'm cold, I've pissed on myself three times and I still feel like I could run a marathon. I need to call Gravy, maybe he can take me to the hospital..

Cadryn: Oh wait, I threw my phone in the trash..

Cadryn sits up in the bed in his hotel room contemplating his entire existence..

[Image: 5715cef7-9e9b-4df0-a411-047d92e4053f.jpg]

Cadryn: Why did I call that number? Why did I let her shove that pipe in my mouth? I need to go find Gravy, so many things need to be said. I mean, I could potentially be pregnant. Robbie Bourbon was nice enough to give me some advice, but even in all of his infinite wisdom, he seemed a bit perplexed. Regardless, I need to figure this out before my match tomorrow on Anarchy.

Cadryn gets dressed and exits his hotel room. He makes his way down the hall to Micheal Graves room and barges in without even so much as a knock.

Cadryn: GRAVY, SOMEONE STUCK SOMETHING IN MY MOUTH AND NOW I DON'T FEEL GOOD, AND RANDOM IS TRYING TO FIGHT ME, AND I COULD BE PREGNANT, AND I JUST REALLY NEED YOU RIGHT NOW..KAY’?

Micheal is laying on his bed, eyes closed, listening to a set of Bose Quietcomfort 35's. Needless to say, he didn't hear a word that Cadryn said.

Cadryn runs over and begins jumping on the bed and screaming, startling Gravy.

Cadryn: LIL HELP. LIL HELP NOW..

Micheal, shocked by the sudden intrusion flies up out of bed ready for a fight. Guard up, he realizes that it's just Cadryn. Micheal sighs and pulls off his headphones.

Graves: Dude, what the Hell?

Cadryn:METH-SMOKEDIT-CANTSTOPMOVING-RANDOM-PREGNANT-HELP.

And a single eyebrow raises...

Graves: No way I heard that right. You smoked meth and got Random pregnant?

Cadryn takes a moment to slow himself down. Heart racing, blood pumping, he manages to explain the situation as best he can at the moment.

Cadryn: MEEP..

Graves just shakes his head…

Graves: Okay, let me try to decipher all this. You smoked meth, and… dude, I've got nothing.

Cadryn: I SMOKED MEEEEEEEEETH. AND I THINK I KIND OF LIKE IT….AND RANDOM WANTS TO FIGHT MEEEEE.

Graves: Okay, first point, WHY ARE YOU SMOKING METH!?

Cadryn: JENNY SHOVED A PIPE IN MY MOUTH AND THEN HELD MY NOSE SO THAT I WAS FORCED TO INHALE..

Graves: Wait, who's Jenny?

Cadryn: I DON'T KNOW, I GOT HER NUMBER OFF THE WAAAAAALL.

Graves: Jesus Christ…

Cadryn: IT SAID FOR A GOOD TIME CALL..

Graves: ...And what did you learn?..

Cadryn: ...That I like meth?

Graves just shakes his head in disbelief.

Cadryn: ...Also…

Graves: I'm waiting…

Cadryn scrunches down and gets a goofy, yet sinister look on his face.

Cadryn: I'M A DEMON!

Graves: That's the meth, you're not a demon.

Cadryn: I AM TOO. WATCH!

Suddenly Cadryn lunges forward, fist balled up, looking to strike Graves. I'd like to think that when you're on meth things are mentally slowed down, so that Cadryn could relish the fact that Graves side steps him, and he face plants into the AC unit below the window.

Graves: Yeah, that'll leave a mark… So anyway, did you say that you're facing Random again?

Cadryn gets back up clutching his face. Obviously the meth has him acting not himself..

Cadryn: AH, GOBLINS!

Out of nowhere, Cadryn shoves Graves into the wall and takes off running towards the door of the hotel room and out into the hallway. Frantic, he sprints down the hallway, suddenly out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jim Caedus opening his hotel room door. He stops dead in his tracks in front of Jim’s door looks at Jim and says..

Cadryn: FUCK JIMMY, THE GODDAMN GOBLINS ARE AT IT AGAIN..

As quick as he stopped, he was on the run again. Apparently, he’s running from some goblins. Cadryn pulls out a 1999 Nokia Cell Phone, and begins talking into it. Okay, let’s be honest, it’s actually a banana. I don’t know where he got the banana, but it’s definitely a banana and not a phone.

Why?

Because meth.

Cadryn: Random, you’re an idiot. I honestly have no words to explain to you how I feel about that last promo you decided to cut. You’re lucky the Goblins have me pinned down right now. If I had a little bit of cover fire, I’d break out of here and come bust your ass earlier than Anarchy. That picture looks like it was drawn by an autistic 8 year old. And, that looks nothing like me. It looks like you just posted a picture of Kevin Bacon’s face over that shit. Lame. But honestly, you might beat me, Random. Because, if the Referee reads any of that, he’s gonna have fucking down syndrome and start the count with 3 instead of 1. That was the most incoherent piece of trash I’ve ever seen. Like I said, aside from an obvious drug abuse problem and lack of any type of intelligence whatsoever, you have nothing. You’re nothing, and you’ll always be nothing. So, keep riding Busey’s Big Dick Bonanza, because that’s the only free ride you’re going to get. Christ, that promo was so incoherent, stuttering ass Rainman could have done something more easily understandable. All you ever do is shit on yourself and suck off whatever under talented, out of work celebrity will have you. Speaking of “riding coattails” you’ve done nothing but fed off of my career since we first met. Your obvious stalkerish behaviour and incoherence are your only 2 commendable traits, and they aren’t even commendable! So before you talk about anyone riding anyone's coattails, maybe you should take a look in the mirror, sweetheart. Except, you’re not going to like what you see, because what you see, it’s just not me. And if you’re not me, you just can’t win, baby. You just can’t win..

Cadryn passes out, banana in hand, why?

Because meth...

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