It’s awful, it smells funny, waiting for it guarantees that I have to waste an extra hour a day waiting for it to pick me up and take me home. The kids on it do nothing but pick on me. I’m the singular target on this ride to Hell, and everybody seems to jump in on the action. I’ve complained to my mom, but she says that I should stand up for myself. How does a ten-year-old stand up to a bus full of snot nosed bullies, half of which are girls? Do I try to defeat them in a verbal assault for the ages? Am I even blessed with the gift of gab to pull that off? Not likely. Should I stand up and start busting heads left and right? No, I’m sure that would end poorly for me as well. So instead, I sit there. I absorb the insults and take them into my soul. I have been feed so much hate so far in such a short life, that my soul must look as black and diseased as elderly smokers lung.
On one fateful afternoon bus ride home I had a special run in with a boy on this bus. His name was Travis. Travis was that special kind of a jerk. Fat, freckled, spiked hair on the top, and a mullet in the back. He always wore dirty jeans and ill fitting and faded t-shirts that either came from the salvation army or had been passed down from older brothers after years of use. For some reason he seemed to be well liked by a lot of people, but make no mistake, he was one of the biggest assholes that I ever had the displeasure of knowing. Any verbal shot that he could take, he took. If you had something that he wanted, he would take that too.
One day, after Christmas break was over. I had brought my Sony Walkman cassette player to school with me. Probably not the best of idea’s in retrospect, but I begged and begged for it from Santa Claus because I wanted the ability to listen to music everywhere. Those things were brand spanking new back then. Sony first released them in 1979, but it wasn’t until around this time that they were beginning to drop in price enough to be anywhere near affordable. This was a big gift for a ten-year-old to receive. My dad had paid over $100 for that thing and I know that my Mom wasn’t thrilled with the idea of spending that much on something like that for a child my age. My Mom had set ground rules, I wasn’t to take it out of the house. That kinda defeated the purpose of owning a Walkman, but I agreed, and then snuck it out of the house anyway.
Well, I’ll give you a guess at what happened the first time Travis saw that Walkman. He demanded that I let him see it. Let him see it was code for, let me have that and I’ll never give it back. Knowing this, I refused. Travis moved in close, staring down at me with a heavy brow and tightened lips. Fist clenched and his face slowly changing color to a hot shade of red. Intimidated by him, but more so by what would happen if I had to tell my mother that I had not only disobeyed her but also had my Walkman stolen, I attempted it shove it into my backpack.
At the end of the day, Travis did steal my Walkman. My mother did beat my ass, and I did cry… a lot. The point of these stories from my past has been to show you that throughout my life, I’ve never had anything handed to me. I’ve never felt like I was loved or wanted, and I’ve always had to fight to get through life. My career here in the XWF isn’t any different. I’m the odd duck, a member of the old guard around here that nobody really seems to want around. A guy who despite his age and despite his perceived skill level, continues to learn, continues to improve and managed to send a shock to the current Universal Champion that the entire roster couldn’t help but notice. I may not have the best record thus far in my return, but I’m not going anywhere. GM’s aren’t going to run me off, costing me championship after championship, and talent isn’t going to run me off trying to throw my spotty record in my face.
Instead, I’ll allow them to run my name through the mud all they want. I’ll listen as they talk and talk about how I’m not any good, how I’m at the end of my rope, and how I should just hang it up for good. Then, when the bell rings, and I beat them decisively in the middle of the ring, I’ll sit back again and listen to them try to resell the story. Try to convince people that I’m a legend, a main eventer, a big deal. I’ll listen to them suddenly change their tune, and try to convince everyone, including themselves that losing to me isn’t a big deal, Hell maybe it’ll be an honor like losing to Doc. It won’t matter, though. They can speak all of the sweet words they want to after the fact. So long as they try to put me down and undersell the match, then their words will always be true. They will have lost to a career loser who should never have returned in the first place.
NOW
Robert Main, do you REALLY believe that you can out wrestle the likes of Peter Gilmore and myself? Are you really that full of yourself that you can’t see that the ship's sinking with you on board? I’ve said at every turn that you are talented, nobody is taking that away from you, but your talent and your drive will only take you so far, and unfortunately for you, neither of those traits are going to be enough to take you into round three of Lethal Lottery. This just isn’t going to be your night kid, but chin up, your day will come soon enough. One day, when you’re no longer blinded by your own ego, I can see you going far. Right now, though, you’ve wasted too much time wondering where your partner is, wondering what Gilmore and myself have in store for you, and honestly, wondering if you can carry another career loser into round 3.
The fact of the matter is that you can’t, not against us! You defeated Chris Chaos and Gabe Reno in round one. Congratulations, but it wasn’t one on one, and it’s not like Reno didn’t REALLY win that match for you. I’ve covered this, but hey, continue to whitewash those facts. If we are going to talk about Chris Chaos, then the real accomplishment is what I did on Savage. I took the champion to another level. A level that YOU hadn’t seen before our match. Chris Chaos had to fight harder than he's had to against ANYONE else here in the XWF in a VERY LONG TIME, and even that wasn’t enough! It also took me foolishly giving up my pinfall advantage, and Colten Kato running last minute interference for Chaos to walk out of Savage with his championship status intact, but hey, you beat him in a tag team match, good job!
You're full of shit Main, maybe more full of it than your partner. You run your mouth about how awesome you are, how big you were in Japan. Then you try to tell us that our accomplishments in the past mean nothing in this day and age. When Peter points out his legendary status in Japan, you try to sweep it under the rug and act like it’s no big deal. What’s the matter, Robert? Don’t like being upstaged? Here’s the truth that you seem to want to ignore. Our past accomplishments in THIS company hold more weight than some bullshit win or unconfirmed fables about a magical Japanese career ever could. Our past proves that the two of us are bred to be champions, to be main eventers, to be legends! Your past proves that you can tell us stories that are near impossible for us to prove one way or another. Hero X-Treme uses that method as well, Robert. He’s so shit here in the XWF that his manager had made up a LONG list of accomplishments that we can’t prove or disprove, but we all pretty much know it’s all some horseshit. Same for your so called Japanese career, it’s probably just some exaggerated horseshit, but even if not, who cares? THIS is where you prove yourself, not Japan. If you can’t do it here, then nobody gives a shit about you, fact!
Justin, these aren’t games. Every word that I’ve said about you is a FACT, and you know it! You suck, you’re a bumbling idiot! You can barely produce enough brain power to form a proper sentence. No, Scratch that, you can’t even form a proper sentence, you’re promos sound like Christopher Walken and William Shatner fucking in a dumpster while reciting a monolog that even Steven Seagal would call shit! How can a guy like you possibly use that limited brain function to devise a plan to take out two legends like Gilmore and myself? You couldn’t handle Cadryn in your first match, you BARELY squeaked past Mysery and Nico LaVey, and now you suddenly think that you can deal with the 100% pure awesomeness of Gilmore and Graves teaming up for one night only!? Get outta here with that smelly horse shit, son!
There I was, primed for the spotlight, and what did I do? What in the Hell have YOU done!? Name ONE thing that you have to be proud of? What give you the right to critique my performance in the main event with the biggest dog in the XWF right now!? What would you do if you were put in my position? I’ll tell you what you’d do, you’d SHIT your pants and proceed to rip the other half of your face off! Don’t talk about how I choked when you’ve can’t even win the Heavy Metalwegiht Title.
Justin Sayn, that’s an appropriate name. You must be pretty screwed up to ever think that running off at the mouth to either myself or Peter “Fucking” Gilmore is a good idea. I’ve already explained that my time is not up here in the XWF, I’m just getting started. Peter has covered the same subject as well, but I continue to hear this tired argument
Graves mocks Sayns promo.
over and over and over and over, again and again, and again and again.
Micheal stops mocking Sayn and stares into the camera disappointingly for a moment before continuing.
Yeah Sayn, I do keep bringing up the fact that you shaved your face away with a cheese grater. I continue to bring that subject up because I can’t help but wonder, who the fuck does that man!? Who wakes up one day and decides that it’s a good idea to disfigure their face? Maybe Robert Main is right, maybe that makes you a badass. Maybe I should fear what you would be willing to do to us, but then again, why did you disfigure your face again? Oh yeah, because when Cadryn was telling you about his mother molesting him as a child, it made your feel bads act up. You sat there crying like a bitch because he reminded you of your own personal tragedy when you were a child. What was that again? Oh yeah, you fell off of your bike and got a little boo boo on your face. Remembering that
awful,
grotesque,
small,
hardly bleeding,
mama, I’m a bitch look at this nick,
little scrape on your face caused you to sit there and decide that shaving away the entire left side of your face was a good idea. You didn’t do it because you’re hardcore, you didn’t do it to make a point about how much pain you can take, you did it because you couldn’t deal with the negative emotions of getting a boo boo what, 20 years ago? Shit, by the time Peter and I are done with the two of you, you’re probably going to peel off the other side of your face, and then still not being able to cope with all the feel bads that this ass whipping of epic proportions is inevitably going to bring forth, you’ll then decide to grate off that micro dick as well. Now with no face or dick to call your own, you’ll have the perfect opportunity to reinvent yourself and give this shit another go round. We could rename you Dickless-Ghostrider! Think about it, you could wear crotchless leather pants, and set your head on fire for your entrance. It’d be great! Totally a step up in the gimmick department.
Nice burn, by the way, calling me The Dark Princess. I may just have to schedule a session with a shrink due to the mental scarring I’m going to suffer as that insult of epic proportions seeps into my subconscious and slowly eats away at my sanity. My God man, how can you be so harsh!? Let me tell you something right now Sayn, ever since I hooked up with my friend and tag partner Cadryn, all either one of us have heard is gay joke after gay joke. Maybe that’s what you’re trying to get at, maybe not, but here are the facts. Gay or not, who cares? It doesn’t change the fact that either of us possesses the ability to slap your goofy ass around the ring from the first bell to the last. Also, if I’m a princess, then I’m a fucking Warrior Princess, and just like Xena I’ll kick the shit out of 20 of you and still have time to make out with the uber cute Gabrielle. Before you make the joke about Cadryn being my Gabrielle, again WHO CARES!?
My shot at Chris Chaos goes through Sayn and Main, that’s what you said right? Well boys, get ready because I’m about to send my little engine that could into overdrive and smash right through your brick wall of bullshit on my way to Lethal Lottery round 3!
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