Somewhere in midwest, and on our way to Disneyland. We are traveling in an older white van. I'd be afraid of this van if it didn't say First Baptist Church on the side of it. Actually it still kind of scares me, as does Darren Zirado. He's kind of weird with his love for Jesus. The camera switches views to the inside of the van, and we see Zirado driving, Cadryn riding shotgun, and me, sitting in the back reading an issue of PWI.
”Are you boys excited?”
Cadryn's eyes light up like a child on Christmas morning.
”I AM!!”
Micheal doesn't really react. Without removing his eyes from his magazine, Micheal responds with an unenthusiastic...
”Sure”
Zirado picks up on this and feels the need to investigate.
”You don't sound excited Micheal, what's the matter, don't you like Mickey Mouse?”
Micheal softly chuckles to himself as he sits the magazine down on the seat beside of him.
”Sure, Mickey's cool I guess. It's just, dude I'm in my 40's, Disneyland doesn't really do it for me.”
Cadryn looks shocked at this revaluation as he turns around in his seat to look back at Micheal.
”How can you not like Disneyland?! Everyone loves Disneyland, I love Disneyland!!!
”Yeah boy, I'm excited to see the mouse. Disneyland is a place where the child in your heart can come out and make you feel like a kid again.
Micheal raises an eyebrow at Zirados remark. Is he serious with that?
”Darren I'm just more concerned with my shot at the Universal Title. I'm not sure if I can get into the mindset to have fun at an amusement park.”
Suddenly something catches Darren Zirado's attention. It's a billboard advertising Garden of the Gods.
”Boys did you see that!”
Micheal and Cadryn look to each other, confused as to what Darren is talking about.
”They got them a place called Garden of God, and they have horse riding! I think we gonna make a pit stop boys!”
Micheal and Cadryn both quietly sigh and rolls their eyes in unison. Suddenly the low fuel light begins to flash as the van makes an annoying ting ting ting sound.
”UH oh boys, looks like we need to stop and fuel up first. Or we won't be going anywhere.
”Can I get some big league chew?!
Micheal facepalms.
”Dude why ya asking him, you've got your own money and you're not a child.”
Darren glances back to Micheal.
”Actually I've taken control of Mr. Tiberius's finances for the time being. I felt it best to ensure that he doesn't spend money on any more sinful things, like them awful weapons he was carrying around.”
”My Dildo-Chucks were awesome!”
Darren quickly, but softly backhands Cadryn in the mouth.
”Don't talk like that son, those things were sinful and vile. Especially if your story about their origin was true.”
Micheal's interest seems to be peeked at he leans forward to get closer to his two travel companions.
”What's the origin story on those things?'
Cadryn just passively responds.
They used to belong to my mother.
Micheal flies back into his seat in both shock and disgust.
”Dude, you had me carry those fucking things in my gym bag!”
”Yeah so?”
”N... Nevermind, I'm glad that you broke them, Darren.”
Darren turns off the road and into a Conoco gas station. Darren gets out of the van to pump gas, Cadryn runs in to buy candy, and Micheal decides to use this time to address his opponent for Savage.
”Do I want a cookie for challenging people above me? Yes please, I love cookies. Got any Chewy Chips Ahoy? As far as me not actually beating those guys. I may have lost those matches, but you need to realize that I've been taking those matches for a reason. I've been trying to shake 12 years of ring rust in an effort to challenge YOU for your Universal title. I may have come up short in two of those matches, but I came out of each of them with a lesson learned. Lessons that will serve me well when it comes to shocking the world and taking that title from you. You think that Bourbon and Thaddeus aren't in your league? Well, I assure you that they both have the ability to beat you, Chris. Not only are both of those guys very talented between the ropes, but you need to remember that even the losers get lucky sometimes. I'm what now? 3-3-0 now in the new era of the XWF? I think that's right. Though I've never really been one to keep a running tally on my record. I've always had a similar thought process as you when it comes to what matters in this business. It's not the fact that I haven't wrestled 28 matches or whatever. Nobody cares who you've beaten in the past. They only care about... how did you put it? What you're doing right now. Right now I'm coming off of an impressive showing at LL, where you claim D'Ville carried me to a victory. Well Chris go back and watch that tape again. It was Doc that fed on my scrapes, not the other way around. I'm also sure that Doc appreciates getting a free pass to the second round of LL. Next week his partner is Donald Trump, so he's going to have to work for it this time. Back to us and how this is a what have you done for me lately business. I've won two matches back to back and suckered the Universal Champion into a championship match that is going to prove to be more than he was prepared for. You, on the other hand, you've begun to slack off of that grueling schedule that you're so proud of, and you've just came off a crushing defeat. Don't talk to me about my win-loss record when you have found out first hand just how easily an upset can happen in this business.
August 6th
Savage
Fatal 4 Way Xtreme Rules vs Shade, Drake Knight and Ursula Areano
Loss: Pinned by Knight
1-1
August 31st
Warfare
Intercontenental Title Match
Hospital Room Brawl vs Dilinger
Pinned by Dillinger after being hit with Fire Extinguisher
Loss: 2-2
November 23rd
Warfare
Triple Threat: vs. Robbie Bourbon vs. Mr. F'n Dominance
Pinned by Bourbon
Loss: 14-3-2
[red]”Oh wait, I thought he wasn't in your league bro!?! These are all guys that I'm sure you thought had NO CHANCE at beating you, and they are all guys that still came to the ring and managed to get the job done. Sure I'll give you credit, you win more than you lose, but so would I if I were facing the likes of Drezdin, McBride, and Snow on a weekly basis. You're good Chris, fuck, I'd even go so far as to say that you're great, but you aren't untouchable. You can be beaten, even when that belt is on the line, and I'm looking to be the guy that does it. You released a promo that pushed the notion of facing facts. Well, Chris, you need to face some facts as well. You need to face the fact that I am a much bigger threat to your title run than you want to admit. You need to face the fact that I'm far more hungry for this win than you are to even keep that belt at this point. You think you're ready, but your not. You're at the breaking point, Chris. You know it just as well as I do, even if you refuse to admit it. Just look at what you did to poor Steve Sayors. That's not the actions of a man that has his shit together. That instead is the actions of a man that's teetering on the edge, and I'm about to push you over.
You did your homework on me? Well good for you Chris! I've been watching you since you won the title back in December. I've listened to every promo, and I've watched every match. I've been paying attention this entire time, and do you know what I have noticed? I've noticed that with all of those shows that you opt in for, with each passing week, you get more and more worn down. With each passing week, the amount of effort that you put forward drops. When you faced Reno and Nixon on Warfare, I knew that it was time for someone to strike. You were struggling to keep up, you were worn down and broken. I saw weakness in you at the point Chris. A weakness that you try to deny is there. Your ego doesn't want to accept that you have limits, but you do. Just look at your performance at LL. You can blame Reno all you want. He hit you with a chair, oh boohoo. That chair shot isn't what put you down Chris, it was the fact that your mind and body is worn out. You've been pushing yourself too hard for too long, and only now are you beginning to realize your limitations, but it's too late. You have to defend that Universal Title in an hour-long Iron Man match, and on top of that you have to beat me by at least 2 falls. 2 falls Chris, let that sink in. Most Ironman matches only have a handful of falls in them, to begin with, and you have to win the lion's share of them. Good luck, because on any other day, you may be better than me, but on February 25th, I'm going to be better than I ever was before. You claim that the title being on the line pushes you to go into a completely different zone. I wouldn't expect anything less from any champion but consider for a moment what that title being on the line does for a guy like myself. If you think for a moment that I'm not going to find a gear that I never even thought existed, then you're a bigger idiot that I had you pegged for. I don't care if Paul Heyman believes in me. I don't need his favor to break you down and walk out the victor of our match.
”He doesn't stand a chance against our awesome strength.”
Micheal looks horrified at what just happened. Did the demon really just make its return?
”No... no, it can't be, Jesus Christ himself exorcised you!”
Micheal's demeanor quickly changes as his brow drops and his nostrils flare.
”Not even Jesus possesses the power to prevent me from obtaining my ultimate goal Micheal. First I will help you destroy this Chris Chaos, and then I'm going to destroy you once and for all!”
Micheal drops to his knees and buries his head into the palms of his hands, sobbing.
”I... I can't do this... I can't fight you off, not again!”
Micheal looks up with a sinister smile on his face.
”No you can't, but I cam promise a victory over Chris Chaos...”
Micheal stares into the camera for a moment before bursting into laughter.
”I'm just fucking with you, Chris!
Micheal hops back up to his feet with a playful smile on his face.
”You're struggling to keep up with me buddy, as far as that Demon goes... neither of us needs that kind of negativity in out lives!”
Micheal takes a short moment to collect himself and get serious again.
”You asked what the fuck I even am. A demon? A human? Well, Chris, I'll tell you what I am. I'm the guy who has spent the majority of my run here in the XWF so far making sure that nobody would take me seriously. I wanted to make sure that the first time that I had a shot at this Universal title, that whoever I faced for it, be that you or anyone else, would make the mistake of thinking that I'm just a joke. Part of my game plan from the beginning was for you to take one look at me, and see a cartoon character that wasn't in your league. A guy that isn't worth your time or attention. That way I could come out and blindside you both in a battle of words, and in that ring. Don't believe me? Think I'm just trying to cover up for stumbling through the last month of my career? Go back and watch the footage of our interactions Chris, check out what was said when Blackcoat put the XWF on notice. Shit dude, just take one look at the positions that Cadryn and myself find ourselves in on Savage. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, it should be obvious, even to someone as dense as you, exactly what game I've been playing. Keep in mind Chris, this match has been in the works for roughly a month. That's an entire month of me letting myself look like a nonthreatening goober. Go back and watch the promos against Robbie Bourbon and line up the dates from when I became a “demon” and jerked it with some Bologna compared to when I first called you out. It's funny how those two events coincide so well, isn't it? So the short answer Chris, yeah I have problems up here.”
Micheal taps his head a few times.
”Always have, but I'm getting help from someone more qualified than Doctor Sayn. However, there NEVER was a demon processing me. I'm really wondering how you could have bought into that shit, to begin with. I bet that you're sure that was actually Jesus in my promo's too right? Spoiler alert, that was a guy that I met on the streets named Lucas. Lucas had fallen on hard times and was in need of a little cash. So I hooked him up with a gig to play Jesus in a few of my promos. Now I hear that he's going to play Jesus once again in a stage version of Passion. Good for Lucas, I wish him the best.
”Hey son, are you done yet? We need to get back on the road”
Micheal gives Zirado an approving nod, turning his attention back to the camera.
”Well Chris, as much as I'd love to stand here and continue pointing out how big a chode you are, we've got a Disney adventure to get to. So in closing, Fuck you, Chris. Fuck your XWF record, fuck your ego, fuck those fucking travel guide promos that I'm sure we'll be seeing soon, and go fuck yourself, because fuck it, why not right?
With that Graves runs over to Darren's big white church van and climbs in the back, closing the sliding door behind him.
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