WITH A HOLLOW VICTORY OVER A RESPECTED (IF SOMEHWAT UNSTABLE) COLLEGUE BEHIND HIM, OUR HERO KILLJOY FINDS A NEW OBSTACLE IN HIS PATH TOWARDS HIS COVETED XWF TOP 51 SPOT…

???: I am sorry mister…Joyeaux? But, I am afraid this simply isn’t going to work…

THAT…that doesn’t sound like Killjoy…

???: Hey, you came highly regarded kid. You can’t expect me to believe that yours truly is enough to stump one of the world’s best tailors…

???: It’s not so much what you want me to design for you Mr. Joyeaux. Believe me, I have a very…eccentric clientele. This is tame compared to some of the things I have created…

We are in the Killjoy Kave, but it is obvious that the Prince of Pranks is not alone. Our hero stands before a tall mirror, hold what appears to be several cloth samples to his chest. Standing nearby appears to be…

???: Um, Mr. Joyeaux…who is speaking? I had been under the impression that we were alone here…

KILLJOY: That’s just the narrator. You don’t need to worry about him. Oh *looks up and around* This is Hamphries. Willhelm Claymore Hamphries…a major mover and shaker in the clothing industry. Turns out he has a shop near here, who knew…

MR. H: Erm…hello…?

KILLJOY: I told you Mr. H, just ignore him. *looks up, a mild look of annoyance on his face* Get back on script…

The…tailor…store employee…the gentleman attending Killjoy…

Mr. H: Gentleman…goodness…

Ok, I’m sorry but I lost my place…

KJ: Honestly…

…

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Mr. H: Er…I have had some stage training. If I may?

KJ: Go for it…

Hamphries: Mr. Joyeaux, or Killjoy as you folks seem to prefer to call him, has requested a new outfit to wear to commemorate his up-coming wrestling match. He seems, for reasons I cannot fathom, to be fixated on wearing a mask of all things. While I certainly won’t question a lot of this scenario I can’t help but be stumped as to why he would choose to hide such a noble profile.

KILLJOY: OK, I thought we went through this once already: I can dig the whole “customer service” gig, but it feels like you are trying to suck up to me. If it is anything I can’t tolerate next to egotistical people are people who suck up to others…

MR. H: My apologizes sir…

KJ: I’m not planning to wear this during the match. I just want to see what the appeal is. I mean, it seems Whiskey Bob aka ROBBIE BOURBON has made a reasonably good gimmick of it. I don’t have anything against masks, but it doesn’t add up…

HAMPHRIES: Add up sir?

KJ: Look, I know you don’t have any real knowledge about professional wrestling. No offense intended, but this type of male soap opera doesn’t seem to be like the type you’d be into.

MR H: None taken sir. I did a bit of the more physical part of your vocation in my youth, though I didn’t have nearly as many folks watching me as you do…

KILLJOY: I have always felt that wrestling is nothing more than a fun house mirror held up to the world: distorted, but still recognizable. We, and I mean guys like myself and WHISKEY BOB, are nothing more than what the average person wants to be.

…well, me.

MR H: I take it you don’t approve of this…er…Whiskey person?

KJ: Approve? The only thing I really feel towards him is sympathy.

MR H: Sympathy?

KJ: The man feeds off the kids in the audience, yet I can’t shake the feeling he really doesn’t care for them. I think his previous stint in politics may have made him a bit too dependent on popularity polls. Whiskey Bob strikes me as the “give us your honest opinion of me, don’t mind the fact I have a gun to your head while you do” sort of guy. Me, I love the people. And considering how many seem to be behind my #KJXWFT51 movement, they like me back. That is because they can relate to me…

MR H: Relate to you?

KJ: Nobody likes a show off. Do you like show offs Mr H? I can call you that, Mr H I mean?

HAMPHRIES: I’ve been called many things in my years of retail sir. Some not fit for polite company. Mr. H is practically tame…

KJ: And for the record you can call me Killjoy. I don’t care for this ‘sir’ stuff. I leave slightly ungracious platitudes to guys like Whiskey Bob…

HAMPHRIES: As you wish…er…Killjoy.

KJ: Show-offs are the kind of people that guys like me live to prank. If I can knock someone off their high horse, then I consider that my good deed for the day. But something like a prank isn’t going to cut it in this situation. Not only am I in a tag match with a partner I have no experience with but I am facing off against a pair of guys that, to be blunt, seem to be running roughshod in the XWF right now…random pairing my butt…

HAMPHRIES: You do seem to be in quite an uphill battle…

KJ: Uphill is a nice way to put it. And because of this I’ve decided the time has come for me to employ some strategy. I read somewhere that the best way to beat a guy was to be the guy, or something like that. If I can get into Whiskey Bob’s head, figure out how he thinks maybe I can figure out how to beat him. But I am not about to try to get superpowers or run for office…or even go after that title he is wearing. *pulls out a small notepad and pen* Note to self…ask that Heyman guy to stop…putting me on his…title shot lists…

HAMPHRIES: Ah, I think I am beginning to understand what is going on. Now, while I admit I don’t watch wrestling I do vaguely recall Mr. Bourbon’s stint as the president. And I believe he wore a mask like one of those performers from Mexico or Japan…

KILLJOY: Exactly. I have nothing but respect for lucha guys or kids from overseas. The masks are traditional and they make them work. But have you seen the size of Whiskey Bob? The guy has his own zip code for crying out loud. He isn’t going to pass for a high flyer any year soon. And I hope he isn’t going to try the “it hides my broken nose” excuse. That would be just petty and wrong. Even with it on you can tell the guy’s schnozz has been busted more than once. No, I think that he thinks it is just a cool accessory.

MR H: And you wish to see if that is indeed the case?

KJ: I’ve never been about cool Mr. H. Quirky maybe, but not cool. But this Lethal Lottery thing is a big deal, and I figure a strong showing can only help my cause. That reminds me…hey, put up the graphic for about thirty seconds.

AS IF BY MAGIC, THE FOLLOWING IMAGE SUPERIMPOSES ITSELF ON THE SCREEN:

#KJXWFT51

MR H: It is amazing what they can do with computers and televisions today…

KILLJOY: If you don’t give the production guys something to do they will edit just about anything into these promos. Now, if I want to get into the head of Whiskey Bob I have to mask up. So, enough stalling Mr. H, give me what you got…

MR H: Very well.

MR HAMPHRIES MOTIONS TO A NEARBY TABLE WEAR A HEAD DISPLAY SITS. ON THE BUST SITS A GLORIOUS PURPLE AND PINK MASK RESPLENDENT OF SEQUINES AND TASSELS

KJ: Ohh…fancy…

MR H: Do not let the various attachments and accents on this model fool you. The material is a special blend that is remarkably durable and almost impossible to rip or tear. It is made to fit and provides some of the best peripheral vision on the market. Very useful in your line of work hmm?

KILLJOY: Oh baby. I got to try it on…

MR H: Of course, sir. And you will be happy to know that unlike a lot of products this most assuredly will not ride up with wear…

KILLJOY RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER EAGERLY AS MR HAMPHRIES REMOVES THE MASK FROM ITS DISPLAY. THE PRINCE OF PRANKS TAKES THE MASK IN HIS HANDS AND SLOWLY PULLS IT OVER HIS HEAD. AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF STRUGGLE TO GET IT AROUND HIS CHIN, HE IS FULLY COVERED…

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TO BE CONTINUED