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Cadryn Tiberius · **02-09-2017, 10:23 PM**

@&#$&@&#:$&#&@!!!!..

HE TOUCHED IT..

I ASKED HIM NOT TO, BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN..

MAMA DONE TOLD ME BOUT’ TRIFFLIN HOES..

Cadryn pauses for a moment. His breathing has become erratic and inconsistent. His thoughts racing, his body shaking...

CT: Actually, it may have been Puff Daddy that warned me about the ho’s..

At that moment Cadryn seemed to have found clarity in a moment so cold. It seems his breathing has regulated, his mind is at ease. He continues walking down the steps of the Super 8 motel. In case you haven't heard, Satan Gravy stole his car and left him stranded. Cadryn seems to be dragging something large, wrapped in what appears to be a king size bed sheet. Slowly shuffling down the stairs, the mysterious package bouncing along behind him.

Oh..Hey..

Cadryn drops the neatly wrapped cargo at the bottom of the staircase before smiling that quirky little smile he often smiles..

So I imagine you're wondering what's in the sheet?

Well…

Cadryn is interrupted by the front desk clerk of the motel. It's obvious that she is in a state of mental displacement after watching him drag a large sheet wrapped surprise down a flight of stairs.

Clerk: Sir, um, is that one of our sheets?

CT: Um..

It's obvious at this point that Cadryn trying his best to formulate a lie.

CT: It is not, young lady. See, I'm what you would call a germaphobe. So with the recent national outbreak of bedbugs and pubic lice, I typically bring my own sheet to sleep on when I stay in unfamiliar places. It also makes a damn good suitcase!

The clerk, who unfortunately for Cadryn, has been forced to pull a double. Drew, the co-worker who was scheduled to work the shift after her called off. Apparently he did a copious amount of cocaine, and decided to move to Ohio in the hopes of becoming a factory worker. Something about being the guy who packages goldfish crackers. Thus, she was there when he checked in. This can only mean that she saw that he had no personal items on him when checking in for his room.

Clerk: Sir, I was here last night when you checked in. In fact, I checked you in. You didn't have a single possession on you. You tried to pay me with a Michael Graves trading card before being forced to pay with your Credit Card. So, I'm going to assume that everything inside and including that sheet is property of this establishment.

At this point the clerk begins reaching for her telephone. Assumably, to call the police and report Cadryn for larceny.

CT: Whoa, whoa, there Baby cakes. No need to do anything drastic. I admit, I have been lying this whole time. This isn't my sheet. I already have pubic lice, there is no need to protect myself against it. If I'm going to be honest, I'm just going to throw it all out there. Inside of this sheet is the body of a 250 lb male masseuse named Jared, who tried to touch me inappropriately.

An alarming silence fills the room. The two individuals stare at each other for a moment. A moment passes before the motel clerk breaks the awkward silence.

Clerk: Did you just say you have pubic lice? This is totally unacceptable! I need to call my boss and let her know so that we can take the proper steps to keep the lice from spreading to the other rooms!

Cadryn looks completely dumbfounded by what the clerk has just said.

CT: Seriously? That's what you took away from this entire conversation? The fact that I have pubic lice?! You know what, that's fine. You're right. I should have told you prior to staying in your fine motel. I'm going to go ahead and leave all this “stuff” that I tried to “steal” right here and just be on my way.

Cadryn quickly walks out the door. Cadryn has never been the greatest of navigators, but because Graves stole his car, his phone, and Fravey, he has no choice but to walk the rest of the way to the arena. You'd think that the camera man following him around would have a vehicle, but apparently the XWF doesn't pay that well. Cadryn begins walking out of the parking lot and down a busy city street in hopes of finding his way to El Paso.

CT: I swear, that girl pays attention about as well as Jim Caedus. During the entirety of my last promo, all Jim could see was little ole me, throwing insults left and right. He of course took offense, and felt the need to release a hate filled rant in an attempt to discredit everything that I said. Well Jim, you fell right into Cadryn's little trap now didn't ya? I wasn't trying to make a point with all of the things that I said. In fact, making a point is usually the last thing I'm trying to accomplish. No sir, I was just trying to rile you up, and throw you off your game. I believe the internet community refers to it as trolling.

“Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet, generally on message boards.”

CT: I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up as a success. Although, I haven't heard much from Robbie as of late. He's probably just going to ride Caedus coattails through this entire situation. Typical. I've got a long walk ahead of me. Truthfully, I have no idea where I am. From what I can recall, Graves and I had just entered Texas before he abandoned me at the Super 8. It's fine though, I can use the time to reflect. Lord knows, I definitely need to do that. I typically use Fravey as my reflection partner, but Graves has him, currently. I'm just going to have to improvise.

Still walking through the city, Cadryn reaches down and unzips his pants. He pulls the dick hole on his Mighty Morphin Power Rangers briefs to the side, and out comes the cock. Yep. That's right. He literally just whipped out his penis in the middle of a city sidewalk. As you may well have guessed, the rest of the citizens in his immediate vicinity are mortified. Mother's covering children's eyes, old women falling off their Rascals, you name it. And needless to say, it's not an impressive penis by any means. Well, that isn't entirely true. The shaft itself looks more like a bendy straw than a penis, curving towards the sky. The tip however, is as big around as a tennis ball. It's by and far, the strangest penis that has probably ever existed. Anyways, enough about his dick. Still walking through the crowded streets, Cadryn begins talking to his dick as if Fravey were still upon it..

CT: I just don't understand it, Alfred Stiffcock.

Oh, yeah. Alfred Stiffcock is what he calls his penis when they're alone.

CT: I don't understand what got into Jared. He seemed like a nice fellow. I mean, his parlor was called “Jared's House O’ Happy Endings” I thought a happy ending to a massage was a hug, and maybe going for a slice of pizza. Boy was I ever wrong. Let me explain to you what went down, Alfred. Seeing as for the majority of the massage you were buried underneath the weight of my body.

CT: So as I'm standing outside of the motel in shock at what just transpired with Graves, I notice a small building across the street. As it turns out, it's a massage parlor. So I go inside the Motel and check myself in for the night. I'm extremely stressed and just overly tense. It's been a long week dealing with crazy ass Graves and all of his personalities. Anyways, I get up to my room and find the phone book. I use the phone in my room and make a call to the massage parlor. As luck would have it, they make “house calls” it just costs an extra $100. So all in all, I figure what the hell. I give them my credit card number over the phone and they finalize the payment. They then proceed to ask if I'd like a male or female masseuse Obviously, I don't enjoy women touching me at all. So I opted for the male masseuse As it turns out, Jared, the owner of the parlor is the only male masseuse on staff. I give them my room number here at the Super 8 and they tell me it'll be about 20 minutes before he'll be here. I said that's fine and hung up the phone.

CT: Albert, this is where it starts to take a turn for the worst.

CT: So right around 20 minutes goes by, and there's a knock at my motel room door. By this point, I've already stripped down, the only thing covering my man bits was a motel room towel. Okay, it was actually a washcloth that I just held over you, Albert. So I open the door, and as poorly dressed as I was, you won't believe what Jared was wearing. This man was dressed as Jon Snow from Game Of Thrones if Jon Snow was fat and quite possibly

]

[color=#00BFFF]CT: I honestly froze. I had no idea what to do. Should I let him in? Does the King in the north really have time to rub me down? Is he going to feed me to Ghost? I honestly didn't know what to do, so in typical Cadryn fashion I looked at him and said:

“Come on in, I've been waiting for you.”

CT: The fact that this man walked in my room, dressed as he was, while I was dressed as I was, should have been a strong indicator of things to come. So, he comes in and he starts talking to me about how he just came back from comic con, and all this other non sense that I truthfully had no interest in. So finally, after rambling for a few minutes, he tells me to lay down on the bed face down. Now, as you would guess, this is awkward for me. My little butthole is about to be exposed, because, I'm only wearing a washcloth. But, I do as he says. I already paid for the service, may as well get my monies worth. Jared breaks out the lotion and begins rubbing it all over his hands, between his fingers, etc.

Before we get too far in to the story, let us not forget that currently Cadryn is walking down the side walk, dick in hand, looking down at it, and carrying on a full conversation with it. If the cops haven't been called by now, I'd probably shit on myself.

Anyways..

CT: So at this point he has the lotion spread across his hands, and heated up from friction. He places his hands on my shoulders and begins the massage. Now, believe you me, it felt amazing. This man, with his hands, made me feel things I've never felt before. Especially from the touch of another man.

CT: Fast forward about half an hour.

CT: I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. He stuck a finger in my butthole. I was just laying there, minding my own business enjoying my massage when all of a sudden, wham. Finger in the butt..

CT: So I freak out. I jump up and I start screaming at the top of my lungs about how uncool it was to slip a finger in my poopchute. It was at this time that I realize, in the midst of all of this, Jared stripped down to his birthday suit. He's standing in front of me, dick just swinging from side to side like a pendulum. It was mildly unsettling.

Did he just say “Mildly unsettling”? …

CT: Not only that, but I was actually standing on the bed. Being that high up, it basically put me dick to eye level with this man. That was also mildly unsettling.

THAT'S MORE THAN MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE, CADRYN.

CT: I didn't know what to do. I freaked out and smacked him in the lips with my dick. Looking back on it, it wasn't the best judgment I've made as of late..

CT: He stumbled back slightly, the whole time smiling from ear to ear. And this is where it gets mildly out of hand.

Oh, really? Is this where it gets out of hand, Cadryn? This moment right here?

CT: He reached up, and he grabbed you, Albert. He grabbed you so hard in the middle of your slender frame, that I think he actually caved in your rib cage. I panicked. I broke the death grip he had over you, and I leaped from the bed, towards the door. Before I made it to the door, he tackled me. He threw himself on top of me and begin trying to tickle my taint with his man stick! It was awful, Albert. For some reason, you just kept getting bigger during the whole situation, but we'll talk about that later.

Christ, if he's not gay, then I don't know what gay is apparently.

CT: So as he's laying on top of me trying his best to have his way with me, I had such bad flashbacks to what mother used to do to me. All those cold nights, laying in the snow, her pretending to be the abominable snowman, me, a helpless reindeer in Santa's brigade. I just couldn't take it anymore. And in some unbridled rage, I threw him backwards off of me. Well, as it turned out, he smacked his head off of the edge of the bed and was out cold. I quickly got dressed, wrapped his big ass in a sheet, and drug him downstairs. And that's how this all started.

Suddenly, sirens ring out in the background. It appears as though quite a few people have called the police on Cadryn. Cadryn begins sprinting down the sidewalk, dick still in hand. It seems as though we'll have to pick this up in the near future...

To Be Continued..

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