The scene opens to find the XWF’s resident teeth-kicked, shit-slurping, drug addiction-recovering, closet-homosexualing, leader of all interviewing, man who’s been murdered and resurrected multiple times-aning… Steven L. Sayors.

How do we know his middle name begins with an L? I guess we don’t, we just assume things, that’s just what we do. Just like we’d all assume that any twit doing an interview with Steven L. Sayors would be an absolute hentai-bating newb who will be likely eliminated in the first round of the Lethal Lottery tournament.

But none-the-less, we see Steven L. sitting down across from the man known as ‘Buronan’, for a one on one, X-clusive Interview.

Steve: Ladies, gentlemen and Trump supporters of the XWF Universe, please welcome my guest for tonight’s program… B-Ber? Burning man? No, Buronan. Please welcome Buronan.

Buronan quirkily waves to the camera.

Steve: Well, Buronan, welcome to the XWF! How does it feel? Is this some sort of lifelong dream of yours to make it to the best business in the entire Wrestling Industry?

Buronan: …………..

Steve: Buronan? Are you okay?

Buronan: What type of shit question was that, Stew?

Steve: Which question?

Buronan: The first one.

Steve: How does it feel?

Buronan’s mind wanders for a moment.



Buronan: No, no, no! The stupid fucking question about dreams and shit, Stan. Buronan hasn’t dreamt in a long, long time. Dreaming is for the weak, dreaming is for the idealists, dreaming get's you shot on a hotel balcony in Memphis.

Steve: I don't think that's appropriate...

Buronan: Oh, appropriate's ass, Sid! Buronan is a do-er, not a dreamer. When opportunities present themselves, I either take the chance, or I don't depending on which is best for Buronan. In this case, when word of the Lethal Lottery started making the airwaves in the third world country where I was staying, I decided that it was time for me to enter the business.I'm a world class fighter, and in fact, the XWF has had their eye on me for a long time, why else do you think my contract went through and was finalized so quickly? Vinnie Lane knows that Buron-

Steve: Well, in fact you are correct that your contract went through in a fashion almost as mysterious as yourself, but to your second point, I happen to be the part of the eyes and ears of the XWF scouting team, and I have never heard of you- it's almost as if you just appeared out of thin air.
But this brings me to my next point, the vignette that you had aired on the XWF website was very interesting and mysterious in it's own right. Can you tell the XWF Universe a little more about you? Who is Buronan? What do you stand for?

Buronan: Not much really. Buronan just want's to make a fuck-ton of money, beat some ass, smoke some fine dope, and have Roxy Cotton sit on my face. I don't think I'm some sort of enigma. Don't you believe the XWF has just about enough of the dark and mysterious? I mean there's an absolute plethora of deeply tortured souls who have these lightbuld illustrations balloon up above thier heads while listening to Stone Sour in their Mother's basement. Take for instance Ghost Tank who's recently resurfaced to capture the XTreme Title, then there's Shade and Witch Doctor and LeSlave and Dr. Satan- can't we just take a break from all of the edgy dark shit?

Steve: Really? But that kind of negates the entire video we watched, where you were this dark vigilante who helped free a population from the slavery of a global drug regime. Is Buronan a type of social justice warrior?

Buronan: Fucking-right. A real women's marcher. Please hand me some safety pins so I can pierce my fucking eyelids with them. Let's get one thins straight, had it been those dirty, non-educated savages killing and raping innocent white people, I would have destroyed them without hesitation as well. Let's not make this crap so political okay? It's not about left and right, it's about right and wrong.

Steve: Interesting. Moving on now, how do you feel about your debut match, two Wednesdays from now where you will be teaming with Trax to take on Game Girl and Hero XTreme 7.9?

Buronan: Really? Is this all we're going to do?

Steve: I'm sorry?

Buronan: Are we just going to sit around jerking off, you asking me redundant questions that no one really gives a shit about? Steve people want real answers, to real questions, about the real workings of the universe:

What's the meaning of life?

Do birds pee?

Is Game Girl a virgin?

How did the T-Rex stand back up?

Is the T-Rex and the T-Rax related?

Is Game Girl sexually available?

Who killed Joan Bennett-Ramsey?

Howbow dah?

Why are cucumbers a pickle substitute at Chili's?

Do atheists blaspheme Hero XTreme 7.9?

How did the Headless Horseman know where he was going?

All of that other shit no one really cares about. Much more important are issues involving weather Buronan is a Deadpool knock off.

Do I look like a Deadpool knock off? Because I don't really know Stewart, I don't read comic books and critique them with Marvel movies and such, fuck I didn't even know what a Suicide Squad was! I figured it was some form of Japanese Air Brigade.

Steve: Well see Suicide Squad is actually D.C.

Buronan: See! This is what I'm talking about! No one really cares. I'm wearing an authentic Kylo Ryn mask, not a Deadpool mask.

Steve: Well, you're right. The XWF has had a very revered competitor before who did actually look a lot like Deadpool, you? Not so much-

Buronan: WAIT! WAIT! THAT'S RIGHT! Don't tell me... Ummm errrr...

Buronan begins gyrating his leg and snapping his finger like an autistic boy about to go on a numbers rant,

Buronan: SHANE !

Steve: No...

Buronan: THEO PRYCE! STEVE DANIELS! JOHN MADDISON! DOLLY WATERS!

Steve: ....

Buronan: MATTHEW OAKTREE! SEBASTIAN DUKE! THUNDERCUNT! SHIT DILDO CONDOM MAN!

Steve: It was Gator...

Buronan: GATOR! Damnit I was so close. Ya' know and I bet behind some sort intangible denominational wall of who-gives-a-fuck, Gator would have an 32 bit alter ego that manifests from some neurotic child hood fantasy of reading Marvel comics and masturbating to Scar-Johan while God's invisible manager whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

Steve: And you wouldn't know anything about this entire, "alter-ego" thing either? Being has you um...

Buronan chokes and gags on a glass of milk, spilling some on his shirt and accidentally shattering the glass on the floor as he begins kicking around in his chair and erratically grabbing at his chest.

Buronan: FUCK! FUCK NO, STEVE! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

Steve motions over to the camera crew to cut the embarrassing image from the interview. The camera pans back over to Buronan who is suddenly calm and sitting upright, his legs folded ever so properly and his hands sitting dainty on his knee.

Buronan: How is this Steve? Is this more like Deadpool? Would you like me better if I were Deadpool?

Steve: Uhh, umm ?? Err?

Buronan: Listen, let's wrap this up because I feel like our dialogue would be reading like a really long McDonalds menu right now. I'm Deadpool, and now I'm going to humor you by saying some things actually productive and relevant to the Lethal Lottery.

Steve: Great! So how do you feel about your ma-

Deadpool: There's not much to really "feel", Sean. I'm not in the match yet. My partner, Angry-Black-Guy is an established champion, a real world class athlete and was really close to be crowned a two-time Universal Champion at Wildcard. I like our odds. We're going to win...

I mean just look at our opponents, you have God who is obviously decorated, I mean outside of the Arc and the splitting the Red Sea and knocking up a virgin and all, let's list off some of his accomplishments:

Star of The Month February 2002
Three Time Blood Bleeding Champion
XWL European Champion
SOW World Champion
BBCXR Champion
RXW X-Divi-

Steve: Wa-wa-wait. Buronan, none of those accolades are officially recognized by the XWF.

Deadpool: OH HORSESHIT STEVE! Have you seen God in the ring!?! He does a Double Powerbomb/Buckle Bomb/Bronco Buster/Shooting Star Press! IN ONE FUCKING MOVE! I mean granted he lost all of the fucking time when he wrestled here in 2015 and his manager is basically Casper with tourettes... that's still pretty impressive.

And Let's face the facts about Game Girl, she, through some really fancy, time consuming vignette's and awesome cheat codes and shit in the ring, was able to knock of David Duke, a known Alt-Right Neo-Nazi Trump supporter who was a former Universal Champion...

Steve: We may need to fact check some of that...

Deadpool: Alternative facts, Shaun. Check those ones. Either way, Angry-Black-Guy and I are going to win the first round match, and I wouldn't be surprised if we both end up in the finals of the Lethal Lottery, where I plan to unleash my master plan to-

Deadpool's phone rings, it's one of those old Nokia phones with enthralling 1-Bit games like, Snake, which God's manager has eaten. Game Girl is 31 bits better than Buro- I mean Deadpool's phone. Is this a bad oman?

Deadpool: HELLO!!?!?!?!?!?!

Steve jumps back and holds his ear while for whatever reason, Deadpool screams into the phone.

Deadpool: WHO?!?!??? HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER!?!?! OH!!!!! ANGRY-BLACK-GUY! I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU!


Steve: Is, is that Trax?

Deadpool: HOLD ON BLACK-GUY! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SCHEMIN SHAUN SPICER OVER HERE IS TRYING TO DILUTE ME WITH ALTERNATIVE FACTS ON GOD!

Deadpool abruptly stands and exits the interview.