The enchanted forest of Sherwood stood in front, the tall, talking trees can be seen raising high up into the purple sky chattering away amongst themselves. The conversations mostly disappear in the other sounds of the enchanted forest, the animals, the woodland elves, the ogres and the vampires. All of these were the people who called Sherwood home.
Ted and Dave look to each other than back towards the small parting in the tree's in front of them beforeslowly walking towards the entrance of Sherwood. Nerves had formed within the pair but the excitement of their goal helped them to push on past the giant bat that sat atop a low branch guarding the forest entrance, obviously the inhabitants of the fort did not see our two heroes as a threat.
You would think during the middle of the night the forest would be a dark' gloomy place but not Sherwood, no Sherwood had a bright mystical feel to it, hundreds of glowing fairy's flying between tree's above their heads seemed to pefrectly light a path for Ted and Dave to continue their journey.
What is the journey our heroes are undertaking?
Well simple really, they are looking for none other than the treasure of the lost lamp. Many had believed that the lost lamp was locked away in some old duck looking twat's safe in the town of Duckburg however it had been brought to the attention of Ted and Dave that the lamp and all of its mystical power was actually being guarded by a fire-breathing dragon by the name of Smaug. Many have apparently tried and failed to locate the lamp and of those who have eventually made it to the site of the lamp have in the end fallen short by losing the final battle with the dragon himself. Famed treasure hunters Nathan Drake, Indiana Jones, Nicolas Cage and Lara Croft have all attempted and failed, amazingly the only one of these to make it as far as the lamp as Nicholas Cage but his time was cut short when Smaug barbecued him before biting his fucking head off. So as you may tell this isn't an easy task of our heroes but... who you gonna call?
As the approach a clearing the glow of a camp fire can be seen so Ted and Dave duck down behind an old rusty shopping trolley to avoid being seen and focus their vision on the what was happening the clearing. A centaur could be seen resting its hoofs as a Hobbit played what sounded like the Jurassic Park theme on a flute. across from the Hobbit is a group of dwarfs, Ted holds his hand out and begins to count them using his fingers... 1...2...3...4....5....6....7. 7, there are 7 dwarfs, I've never seen seven dwarf's in one place in my whole life Ted thinks to himself. Dave just looks on in awe as he spots what appears tobe some kind of half man half spider in a red suit laying back on a hammock which appears to be made out of web that he is shooting out of his arse. Amazing stuff. Amazing as it is Ted and Dave didn't really want to get in the middle of the party so decided to quietly make their way around the clearing rather than passing through, although the marshmallows that the brown bear in a green hat was roasting on the fire did smell lush.With the clearing and the party now behind them the pair pushed on through the forest.
Ted:"What the fu..."
Ted notices something sticking out of a tree, as the pair approach they notice it is an arrow. "Who the heck would be firing Arrow's in the forest?" Dave said as he pulled the arrow out of the tree which let out a slight grown in pain before thanking the pair and explaining where the arrow had come from. Apparently Sherwood Forrest was the home for a group of Out-side chance Olympians who had been practicing their archery before heading off to Rio for the summer olympic games. Ted, Dave and the tree stood, smoked a joint and chatted for a few minutes before pushing on their quest for the lost lamp.
The sound of water flowing can be heard up a head and Ted and Dave feeling a little thirsty high-five before picking up the pace in search of the holy water. As they push through the dense foliage a pink glow begins to fill the area. The source of the glow is soon made known when they finally arrive at what they hoped would be a running river of fresh water, unfortunately though it instead appears to be a running river of pink slime. The pair are startled when none other than Dan Aykroyd runs out of nowhere...
Dan: SLIME!, IT'S A RIVER OF SLIME!
Dan then runs off and disappears out of sight. Ted and Dave look at each other in shocked disappointment before dropping to their knees and screaming to the skies above, Dave drops onto his back and fakes shooting a gun into the air whilst continuing the scream. He eventually stops when Ted taps him in the shoulder and points a little farther up the river when an old bridge crosses over.
Getting to their feet the approach the bridge with caution as the ground was slippery and they did not want to take a tumble into the thick moist slime. Taking a step onto the bridge they are startled again as a little goblin looking midget jumps out of nowhere and blocks their path.
Goblin Looking Midget: FUCK OFF MY BRIDGE....TWATS!
Ted: Are you a Troll?
Goblin Looking Midget: Do you suffer with the Diff?...prick.
Dave: We just need to pass, were looking for the lost lamp.
Goblin Looking Midget: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Twats, what makes you think that you can find the lamp. So many better people have searched and failed before never to be seen again, why do you two think your special.
Ted: Never seen again?
Goblin Looking Midget: Yeah never seen again, where do you think Elvis and Michael Jackson went?
Dave: Neverland?
Unknown voice from behind: Did someone say neverland?
Ted and Dave turn towards the voice just in time to see a well dressed pirate fellow with a hooked hand stood in front of them.
Unknown voice from behind: The names Hook, what do you know about Neverland?
Dave: Uh, It's where Elvis and Michael Jackson are.
Hook: Who?
Ted and Dave instantly broke into the Thriller dance, joined by the Goldin Looking Midget. Hook didn't seem impressed and walked away muttering about crocodiles and clocks. Ted, Dave and the midget though were having a fantastic time. So much so that the little dude agreed to go with them on their quest.
End of Part 1
To be continued...... at some point.
Savage Saturdaty Night. We are facing Beritney Spears....
Caldwell!
Sorry, Caldwell I mean, we are also facing Chris Pratt....
Chaos!
You right Dave, it will be Chaos.
No...dick.... were facing Chris Chaos, not Chris Pratt.
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