Ted & Dave - vs - Mike hunt and Jack Hoff Tornado Tag 3 RP limit JTC - vs - Fontanna - vs - Madison Monroe Triple Threat 3 RP Limit Ghost Tank - vs - Reeve Alexandra Gordon Volcano Cage Death Match of Doom. They fight in a cage locked above a Volcano, that's constantly spinning and rotating. Weapons are shot in at random via cannon 4 RP limit Equinox - vs - shade ketchup match Fighters fight over a pit of ketchup. Loser is whoever falls into it. Quiznos subs and paint guns will be at ringside for use. 4 RP limit Jon Willis - vs - Marilyn Starr - vs - Trax If Trax wants to win, he has to pin both of his opponents at once. Everyone else is single pinfall winner. Winner gets a shot at a match for a title shot. 4 RP limit The Union Chris MacBeth and Felix Braddock - vs - The Resistance Makaveli and Peter Fucking Gilmour SPECIAL REF:Unknown Soldier Tag Title Match. Standard Tag match. 8 RP per team limit MAIN EVENT Unkown Soldier - vs - Tony "15 packs" Santos Xtreme Title Match. Blood letting match. Loser passes out from blood loss Ropes replaced with razor wire 7 RP limit

Erik Phrost is standing around making threats and challenges. Suddenly spurs jangle, and someone walks up to him.

Shade: ''I'll be your huckleberry.''

Shade tips his hat, and walks off. Spurs jangling as he does.

Ted & Dave - vs - Mike hunt and Jack Hoff Tornado Tag

Ted and Dave are standing in the ring looking like fools in their Mankinis and waiting for the bell to ring. Hoff and Hunt are chest bumping each other and trying to pump each other up by screaming in each other's faces. The bell rings, and Dave runs towards D-Prep, and trips. He stumbles down and smacks his forearm into them, which separates them. Ted comes running over to help his buddy up, but is caught by an elbow to the bridge of the nose by Hoff, which staggers him back. He looks on as Hunt grabs Dave's face, and begins to hump it with extreme authority. Ted gets to his feet and rushes to save his friend! Through sheer determination he manages to spear Hunt to the ground, and begins to... slap him while screaming. Hoff pulls Ted off of Hunt, and begins to twist his nipples. Ted is howling, and Dave is pulling himself up and screaming at Hoff to leave his friend alone. Hunt responds by giving a backhand to Dave's face.

Dave stumbles back and hits the ropes, before rebounding towards Hunt and Hoff. He slams into them, and the four of them collapse onto the mat. Hunt is laying on top of Ted, and Dave is on top of Hoff. The referee is confused as to whether or not he should count the pins. Before he gets the chance, Ted flails and pushes Hunt off of him. The ref slams down and begins to count.

1


2

Kickout. Hoff shoves Dave off of him, and gets to his feet. All four men are now standing and looking at each other in the ring. They go together and begin a slapping circle in the ring. Ted slaps Hoff. Hoff slaps Dave. Dave slaps Hunt. Hunt slaps Ted. Ted slaps Dave. Dave looks hurt. Ted apologises, and then they double slap Hoff. Hoff goes down, and both Ted and Dave collapse on top of him. The ref goes for the count.

1


2

Hunt pulls Dave off.

3

??????????: Your winners are Ted and Dave

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I WANNA ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The screaming wail of guitar along with the well-known intro vocals from Twisted Sister light the crowd up and get them onto their feet as “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, XWF owner and Universal Champion, struts out from behind the makeshift entranceway of tiki torches and floral curtains in his Hawaiian shirt and shorts. Multiple leis are placed around his neck by scantily clad hula girls as he prances down to the ring in flip flops, holding the XWF Universal Championship title belt over his head for even more cheers.

As he gets to the ring, Loverboy motions for a mic to be tossed up to him by a crewman. He catches it in midair and spins to the center of the ring, posing and preening for the adoring Wannabes in the crowd. Finally, after soaking it all in for a good few moments, Loverboy brings the mic to his lips.

“XWF Universe… WELCOME TO HAWAII!!!”

Another burst of cheers from the crowd as Loverboy smiles wide and plays it up.

“You know, since buying this company from Shane , a really good dude and personal friend of mine, I’ve learned a lot about business and about keeping the fans happy. I mean… I always kept MY fans happy, but this has been an experience. There’s a lot of balance and a lot of work that goes into running the greatest promotion on the fucking planet, dude!”

Loverboy pauses and nods his head while the crowd chants "XWF! XWF!"

“One thing is… in order to keep this place running like a well-oiled machine, you’ve got to keep the talent happy. We here at the XWF are always trying to give the fans as well as the performers what they want! And we also intend to give them what they DESERVE. So on the next Warfare, we are giving Ghost Tank the shot he earned at the Hart Championship… IF he survives the brutal Volcano Cage Match of DEATH he’s in tonight!”

Loverboy stands back and gestures as a large curtain behind the crowd opens up, revealing a massive, smoking volcano with a cage dangling over it! The crowd gasps in horror as they see the cage rocking in the breeze as well as the weapons catapults surrounding the bottom of the volcano, poised to launch all sorts of horrors into the cage for use in battle.


“That match is going to start VERY SOON, dude, and we’ll all be watching to see how it plays out throughout the show… but before we do that, we need to take care of a little business. As I said, Ghost Tank will be getting that shot next Warfare, and he might even walk out of the arena as the next Hart Champion… but first things first, he needs to get past the CURRENT Hart Champion. And the current reigning Hart Champion just so happens to also be the APRIL XWF STAR OF THE MONTH! So put your hands together and welcome the Hart Champion, the Tag Team Champion, and the NEW XWF Star of the Month… CHRIS MACBETH!!!”

Macbeth’s music and light show hit and the crowd goes ballistic as the British superstar walks out from the back wearing a Union Jack Hawaiian shirt along with both of his title belts, one on each shoulder. He walks confidently to the ring and enters through the ropes, posing in the corner while the crowd cheers him on, except for a handful or hardcore Peter Gilmour fans who scream at him to suck their dicks.

Macbeth mouths off to the haters and then walks up to Loverboy, shaking his hand. Loverboy smiles and holds Macbeth’s arm up, pointing at him and motioning for the crowd to give him another round of cheers. Finally, Loverboy brings the mic back up.

“Macbeth dude, you had a hell of a month! Look at all that gold, dude, you’ve got it made. You earned this special moment, and that’s why I wanted to bring you out here to make sure you got it before you gt in the ring to defend those tag team titles later on in the night.”

Loverboy leans the mic over to Macbeth, who simply says:

“Thanks, mate.”

Loverboy waits a few more seconds, but it seems that’s all that Macbeth plans on saying. Loverboy laughs nervously and then brings the mic back to his own mouth, seeming a little annoyed that Macbeth didn’t get into the swing of things.

“A man of few words, ladies and gentlemen, what can I say? Oh… I know what I can say! Chris, as a special bonus for winning the Star of the Month award, we are giving you 50,000 XBUX! Congratulations, du .. WHOA!!”

Loverboy dives off out of the way as a chair comes crashing down on top of the skull of Chris Macbeth! The Star of the Month is sent to the mat hard, and we soon see the massive, beastly form of Ghost Tank breathing heavily and clutching the steel chair. Tank drops the chair and grabs Macbeth, lifting high over his head… TANK TRACKS!!!! The triple set of powerbombs leaves Macbeth unconscious in the center of the ring, and the crowd is losing their minds chanting “Holy Shit! Holy Shit!”

Then, before leaving the ring, Ghost Tank grins an evil grin and looks right into Loverboy’s eyes as he bends down and picks up Macbeth’s Hart Title belt… and leaves the ring with it!

Ghost Tank just stole the Hart belt!

“Well folks, I think that’s enough drama for one show opening don’t you? Let’s get it going with our first real match! Oh man…”


Loverboy hunches over and grabs at his stomach before leaving the ring while the scene fades away to commercial.

"WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND."

The show comes back to Frodo's face screaming into a camera.

"Thomas Girard's ass is paying the Xbux to MacBeth, or he gets raped on Television. With no lube. You have 23 hours, Girard. 23 hours."

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Frodo is sitting outside smoking crack when the mystery man from last Warfare walks over to Frodo.

??????????: Hello, Frodo.

"Dewey, take the mask off."

Dewey removes his mask.



Dewey:The name is pronounced Doy Go Bell Kwo.

"Whatever, Gobblecoque. Listen, you might be our new announcer and interviewer, but I'm trying to get blitzed. Go do your job."

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We are outside the arena for tonight's show. Fontanna has arrived and is carrying his bag into the arena when he is approached by a few of the local Hawaiian fans. They places a handful of lays on his neck stopping Fontanna dead in his tracks...

Fontanna- what in the fuck are you doing?

One of the fans speak up...

Fan- it's tradition sir for foreign talent to wear Lays when they do shows here.

Fontanna- last time I checked Hawaii is apart of the USA which means I'm far from a foreign talent!. Get this shit off me!!!

Fontanna rips off the lays and throws them on the ground. The fans seem dejected by this...

Fontanna- now make yourself usefull and find who took Nikki Haven or get the fuck away from me you dipshits!

Fontanna storms off and enters the building....

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JTC - vs - Fontanna - vs - Madison Monroe Triple Threat

Fotanna and JTC lock up in the ring while Madison stands on the outside looking at them. She starts to move to break up their lock up, but she gets an elbow to the face from JTC. She falls down, and hits the mat hard. Fontanna takes the chance to grab JTC and drop him with a Short Arm DDT. JTC is down, and Madison charges at him to stomp on him, but the ref comes out and drops her with a spear. She's down and the ref is helping JTC get to his feet. JTC and the ref grab Fontanna and drop him with a double choke slam. With Fontanna on the ground, and the ref on his side, JTC goes for a pin.

1
2
Kick to the back of the head from the ref. JTC hits the mat, and the ref helps Fontanna up to his feet. The Ref helps dust off Freddie's shoulders and points him at Monroe, who is starting to stir. She gets to her feet, and is met with a superkick to the face from the rocking ass leather boot of Freddie mother fucking Fontanna. She hits the ropes hard, and slumps down. The ref rushes over and does the John Cena "You Can't See Me" shit, he laughs as JTC comes up behind throws a punch to the dome of Fontanna, which seems to anger Fontanna as he turns angrily and looks right at Cross, right as Cross throws another fist right into his face. Fontanna stumbles back, and almost trips over Madison. He gets an idea, and grabs her shoe, and rips it off. Freddie is used to making sure people can't use their shoes. He throws the shoe right at JTC's face. It pops him in the eye, and forces his hands up to his eye in defense. Fontanna is on the move, and charges toward his foe, leaping and throwing a superman punch that sends JTC into the ropes. Fontanna keeps throwing punches to Cross' face. The ref comes over and begins to slam his fist into Cross' torso as well. Freddie backs away and the ref continues the assault. Freddie charges at Madison, as she begins to get to her feet. He grabs her, and locks in a sleeper hold. She's trying to fight it off, but can't. The referee is too distracted beating the hell out of Cross to notice, so Dewey slides into the ring, and raises her arm, and releases. It collapses, and then another time. It's done, she's out.

Dewey: Your winner is Fontanna


Reeve has stepped into the cage, and Tank is about to follow suit... when BLAM!!! Tank is attacked from behind by a clubbing blow! He turns around to find Kid Kool putting up his dukes. SUDDENLY, Tank is assaulted from behind by a wrench that Reeve kept in his pants. Reeve and Kool lay in the boots, before a third man arrives on the scene; Tony Santiani!!! The dark prophet descends upon GT, laying in a few fists to the side of his skull. And now a fourth man follows in the form of Ophelia McVeigh, who is flanked by his girlfriend, Ann-Thraxxx McVeigh, and KK's girl, Christina Nash. All six people are completely decimating the fallen Ghost Tank, with forearms, fists, kicks and stomps, along with a few wrench and bat shots. Finally, Reeve grabs a microphone and speaks into it.

"Tank, allow me to introduce you to my FAMILY... not by blood, but by choice. These men and women have followed me to this volcano after traveling along the roads XWF has led us down. Now, we forge our own path... The Reev-olution! We're dead set on ridding the world of XWF's recent bullshit, and returning this company to a time when it actually MEANT something! A time of legends like Azrael Erebus, Mystica, Sincere Lee Wild, Eli the 4th, Mr. Radio, Minxs and Alexandra Callaway. This company has seen better times... and it will again. You RUINED the debut of MY show, Anarchy, and now? I'm gonna ruin YOU." Reeve turns to his friends, "Thank you fam, I can take it from here. Watch from down here as I tear this bastard apart. I died once and rose from the grave..." Reeve turns back to GT, "This so-called physical embodiment of death will be a CAKEWALK compared to the literal hell I've traversed. Ghost Tank? It's showtime."

Kid Kool, Tony Santiani, Ophelia and Ann toss GT into the cage, before Reeve follows in, laying in the boots. Reeve's comrades watch on as the cage is lifted above the volcanoe...

Ghost Tank - vs - Reeve Alexandra Gordon Volcano Cage Death Match of Doom. They fight in a cage locked above a Volcano, that's constantly spinning and rotating. Weapons are shot in at random via cannon

Both Tank and Reeve get into the cage, and the door is locked behind them. It's raised up to the air, and Tank and Reeve begin to circle around each other. Reeve charges at Tank, but Tank side steps it right as a cannon fires a baseball bat into the cage. The bat hits Reeve in the back of the head, and knocks him down on his knees. Oswald walks over to him, and grabs him by the back of his neck, and lifts Reeve to his feet. Reeve kicks Os in the stomach which causes Os to drop Reeve, and he falls and hits the ground. Tank is holding his stomach while Reeve pops to his feet and grabs the bat. Tank looks up just in time to the see the bat smack him in the jaw. He steps back, and throws his hand to his jaw while growling. Reeve swings back, and sends another hit directly into Tank's ribs. Os growls again as he lumbers towards Reeve, who drops down to the ground, and slams the bat into Tank's balls. Os collapses to the ground, and Reeve is up right behind Oswald with the bat raised high in the air. He swings it down as hard as he possibly can.

Tank rolls out of the way, growls and gets to his feet in time to catch Reeve's arm before he can raise it again. Reeve attempts to free his arm from Tank's grip, but Oswald has other plans. Ghost places his other arm on the top of Reeve's arm, before jerkin them both in opposite directions. There's a loud crack, and a bone begins to pop through the skin right below the elbow. Reeve attempts to stifle a scream, but Tank pushes the arm broken arm backwards, and slams Reeve into the cage. Oswald lifts Gordon up to meet his eyes. Both men are staring each other down, with Tank's massive frame imposing on the injured man, until Tank reaches his head out and slams his head directly into Gordon's face, repeatedly. Reeve is busted open and bleeding from his eyebrows, but he just laughs it off as he reaches out with his head and bites Tank right on the cheek. Tank's cheek is gushing blood and he steps back, dropping Gordon. Reeve laughs as he begins to get to his feet. He grabs the bat, before snapping it in half. The cannon fires a bandanna into the cage. Reeve ties it to the bat to this arm making a splint for his arm.

Tank turns around and sees Reeve standing there with his make shift splint raised. Both men move towards each other and Reeve drops the arm down on Tank's shoulder, splint side down. Tank brushes this off as he grabs Reeve around the waist and lifts him into the air, and slams him directly into the cage floor. The whole cage shakes as it turns on its side, sending the men falling down. Reeve aims his leg so that his knees fall directly into Tank's sternum.

He applies as much pressure and weight to the midsection of Tank's frame to impede any more of the monster's movement.

---

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We see a food truck parked outside of a local homeless shelter, and Robbie Bourbon is standing right next to it.

America, sometimes you gotta do the right thing and feed the homeless. In honor of tonight's luau, I will be serving Hawaiian.

We see Robbie step into the food truck, where on the floor is a man in a floral luau shirt and tan shorts, one of his legs missing and a pool of blood, congealed and sticky, resting underneath him, a few of Robbie's bootprints here and there in the pool creating a silver contrast and on the cleaners parts of the floor creating a red contrast on the steel. The camera pans up to show a large roast sitting on a spit with a skewer through the bone itself, the cut of meat looks somewhat like ham only with a tribal tattoo above a very human knee. Robbie starts carving portions of it off the bone and serving it, hot and juicy, onto corn dusted kaiser rolls with a slice of marinated and grilled pineapple and a tasty rosemary aioli. The underpriveledged seeking help here, mostly elderly women and underage mothers with several children, all line up. The first sandwich goes into the hands of a young mother who takes a healthy bite while tearing off a small portion and handing it to her toddler, who quickly consumes it. The woman is obviously overwhelmed by hunger and possesses no knowledge of the source of her meal, in a compartment and rotting less than three feet away from her.

How is it, ma'am?

The woman smiles and nods while taking another bite, silenced by the succulent flavor of roasted meat.

That's the best pork money can buy. Delivery guy, a real Hawaiian named Tad, he was almost certain they were out of pigs, and I ordered on too short a notice. He found me the meat I needed, though.

Robbie turns and looks at the camera, then down at the body, then back at the camera. He rolls his eyes, and glances towards a framed document on the wall. The camera zooms in to show it's Robbie's court authorized licence for malicious ultraviolence. It turns back to show Robbie chewing a piece of meat.

Hmmm. Not bad for my first try. Vinegar next time.

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Maria Brink is in her private powder room putting lipstick on as she leans over the table with her tits popping out of her blouse. Once she's applied her layers of lap stick she tilts her head and puckers at the mirror to admire her work. All of a sudden, SHE IS ATTACKED FROM BEHIND BY A MAN! The man is big, probably 6'5 and 250 pounds. He's wearing a Barack Obama mask and his hands are coated in black paint. The man is smothering Maria with a rag that's been soaked in chloroform! Maria kicks and screams, trying to yell out or Peter, but the motor in Peter's electric shaver is too loud! Oh no!

The masked man waits until Mara is passed out in his arms and carries her away. Where is he taking her?!

2 seconds later, Peter walks into the room after manscaping his gorgeous body.

Peter: Maria? Babe?

Dim bursts through the door at that very moment! He's out of breath like he just finished running a 100 meter dash, and he's wearing socks on his hands.

Dim: Peter!

Peter: Hey bro... have you seen Maria?

Dim: I did! She said she needed to go have a girl's night.

Peter: What?! Are you serious?

Dim: Yeah, what a selfish asshole! She knows how important this match is to us.

Peter: I have to find her, bro. I can't fight without her being in my corner

Dim: No, no, Peter. You stay here and stretch yer' legs out. Do some splits and take pictures so I can check yer' form later.

Peter: Uh, no I'm good...

Dim: I'll find Maria myself.

Peter: Oh... Are you sure?

DIm: Yeah, Peter. I know where she went and I know I can convince her to be by your side tonight.

Peter: Well... alright, thanks bro!





In Peter's match:


Peter is standing in the ring wondering where his lovely manager Maria Brink is. He's scratching his balls trying to figure it out. All of a sudden, Nickelback's Greatest Hits album plays and out comes Dim with a microphone and tighty whities on. Peter is confused along with the rest of the crowd.

Dim: It's okay, Peter because I've come through. Ladies and gentlemen... the lovely... talented... sexy... talented... MARIA..... BRRRRINK!

Dim runs behind the curtain as "Whore" by In This Moment plays.

10 seconds later, Dim comes out on stage wearing all of Maria Brink's clothes with lipstick and eyeliner smeared all over his face. He also has a big puffy wig that looks like Maria's hair style. Dim is embracing his inner Maria as he moves suggestively down the ramp. He lifts his skirt for everyone in the front row and then for Peter. Peter is speechless. Dim grabs Peter by the small of his back and tries to pull him in for a good luck kiss but Peter pushes him away! Dim loses his balance being in high heels and all, and twists his ankle! OH MY!

Dimia: Peter! I'm hurt, baby!

Peter: You're not Maria!

Dimia: Come tend to my injury!

Peter: WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, DIM?

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Equinox - vs - shade ketchup match Fighters fight over a pit of ketchup. Loser is whoever falls into it. Quiznos subs and paint guns will be at ringside for use.

Shade and Equinox are standing in the middle of ring, that is suspended over a pit of ketchup with a small table attached at every side. On two of the tables are Quiznos subs, and on the other two are paint guns. Shade moves quickly to get to the paintgun, but Equinox is quicker and grabs a sub. Right as Shade turns around to fire at Nox, a sub, with a bite missing, comes flying and whacks him in the head. It bounces off of Shade's mask, and he fires the gun. The ball hits directly in the centre of Nox's chest. Nox looks down at his chest to see a pink splatter there. He wipes it off, and then makes his way over to Shade, who fires another round from the gun into Nox's chest. This time it's an orange splatter, which doesn't show up as vibrantly as the pink one. Shade keeps firing into Equinox, who just ignores them. Shade then raises the pistol to smack Equinox with it, but Nox grabs the gun from Shade and begins to whip him with it. Shade quickly pulls another gun from his belt, and places it directly under Equinox's chin. He cocks the hammer back, and Nox puts his hands in the air, dropping the pistol.

Shade laughs a loud and ominous laugh. He points his pistol away from Nox, and pulls the trigger. *POP!* It was a cap gun, clever Shade. He picks up the paint pistol that Equinox dropped, and raises it back to Nox. But not quick enough, and Equinox throws a knee into Shade's stomach, which doubles Shade over, allowing Equinox to grab him, lift him up, and drop him with a massive Falcon Arrow. Shade is down on the ground, and Equinox is stomping on him. Luca is on the sidelines cheering for Equinox, and dipping fries into the ketchup. Shade is coughing and wheezing, but he does manage to get his hands on the paintgun, and send a couple of rounds directly into Equinox's jewels, which causes Nox to pause, and allows Shade a chance to get to his feet. Both men are looking each other up and down as Shade is wheezing and Nox is now ranibow coloured. Nox shakes himself off, and charges at Shade, who dodges out of the way and throws the pistol at Equinox. It hits Nox in the stomach, and he doubles over. Shade takes two steps, and throws an uppercut directly into Equinox's face, which sends his head snapping back.

Shade throws a massive spin kick directly into Equinox's chest that forces him to step back. Shade runs at him, and jumps for a superman punch. Equinox drops under the fist, and pops up with an uppercut that drops Shade on the ground, and shakes the whole ring. Nox staggers to remain balanced as the ring has a mini earthquake, but being asian, he's smart enough to keep balanced enough to charge to the ropes, and use them for stability. Shade gets up, and runs at Equinox, who steps out of the way, causing Shade to hit the rope. Nox then shoves, and uses the swaying of the ring to finish pushing Shade into the ketchup.

Dewey: Your winner is Equinox.

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Reeve, using his shape shifting abilities, realizes the need to transfer to a heavier weight class and effectively transforms himself into Rikishi. It's effective momentarily, until Oswald can finally muster up enough of his massive amount of strength to send fat butt flying off of him. Well, not necessarily flying and more of just rolling over. An actively running chainsaw is shot out of the cannon and into the metal cage. Ghost Tank catches it midair with his good hand which is super bad ass, and then starts waving it around menacingly as if he were Leather face. Reeve transforms back into his original form quickly so he can avoid the rotating blades of destruction by leaping out of their way. Oswald has no choice but to throw the running chainsaw at Reeve, who isn't able to completely dodge it as it nicks a portion of his shoulder. Not lethal or anything, but it does begin to trickle blood without any signs of stopping.

The chainsaw jumps around in a spastic seizure sort of way on the opposite side of the cage, chipping away at cutting through weak areas of the cage. Reeve reacts to his wound with little to no reaction, it's as if pure adrenaline fuels him through the pain. It appears as Ghost Tank may have expected a reaction as he is instead caught off guard by a drop kick from Reeve. Ghost Tank falls to his knee but is not completely knocked down. Reeve winds up again as he runs up the side of the cage this time and then delivers an even more vicious drop kick than before, this time sending Ghost Tank to the cage floor. Too much movement from this ruckus inside the cage has tossed the chainsaw all over the place. Coming dangerously close to both Reeve and Ghost Tank on numerous occasions. Eventually it cuts through a portion of the cage, leaving a massive opening on one end, where if either were to fall, they would certainly meet a fiery doom inside the volcano. Reeve notices this and senses immediately that this could be the advantage he needs to take out the oversized monster. The cannon fires a scythe into the cage. Unfortunately for Ghost Tank, his preferred weapon of choice has been fired while he is still down, and this time Reeve is able to grab it first.

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Backstage, we cut to a scene of Jon Willis in his locker room, preparing for his big match with Trax and Marilyn Starr. He has one foot up on a bench, tugging up his knee pad into place, and then begins to wrap athletic tape around his fists and wrists.

Then, from outside the closed door, there is a commotion. XWF owner and Champion, “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane, can be heard shouting over several gruff voices.

“Dude, dude, DUDE! What’s going on here? I own the XWF, I’m in charge!”

“Not of this you’re not, BRAH.”

Then, the door is violently slammed inward. Willis pops up and squares his shoulders to the door, ready for an attack, but instead he sees the cartoonish but imposing form of none other than…




… Dog the Bounty Hunter!

“Jon, dude, I don’t know what’s going on, these guys just barged in…”

“I’LL tell you what’s going on, DUDE. This is a wanted man! And any wanted men on MY island get taken into justice by the DOG!”

Dog shoves past Loverboy, who stands and shrugs as one of Dog’s goons hands him a warrant. Vinnie looks it over and, in a Mavericky way, just says:

“Seems legit, dude.”

Dog grabs Willis by the shoulder, but Willis shrugs him off and throws a wicked haymaker! Dog is taken off guard and flies back, crashing into some lockers and knocking over a trash can.

“Oh, you’re gonna wish you didn’t do that, BRAH. Get him, fellas!”

Loverboy hops backward out of the way as the three men there with Dog rush into the locker room. By now, a smallish crowd has gathered by the door, including a smiling Nico LaVey.

“Wait a minute, dude… is this because of you?”

Nico just laughs and nods his head slowly, then pulls a big marble out of his pocket and starts tossing and catching it in his hand while the scene continues to unfold.

“That’s right, BRAH, this man Jon Willis is on parole, and he assaulted and nearly killed Nico LaVey on Savage Saturday Night! We all saw it! That marble was used as a deadly weapon, and Jon Willis, you are under arrest for ATTEMPTED MURDER!”

LaVey laughs again and holds the marble up, waving it mockingly as the three goons circle around Willis… who immediately throws one of them back into Dog, knocking them both back into the lockers and spilling over the upturned trash can!
Willis ducks under the second goon, grabbing him by the waistband and the neck of his shirt, then throws him headfirst into the wall, loosening several tiles.
The third goon throws a punch but it’s much too slow and Willis catches the fist in his hand, twisting the arm of the goon back and driving an elbow strike into the back of his head, dropping him.

Seeing the opening, Willis charges toward the door and Nico LaVey, but Nico throws the marble on the floor! Willis steps on it and slips, falling backward and cracking his head on the bench he had been using as a footrest moments earlier.
As Jon Willis grabs his head in pain, Dog the Bounty Hunter pulls a Taser from his belt and ZAPS Willis with it! Willis convulses on the floor, twitching uncontrollably until Dog lets off on the juice, and by then the three goons have sufficiently recovered enough to pounces and restrain the Anarchy Champion, forcing him onto his belly and restraining his wrists with some zip ties before pulling him to his feet and heading to the door with him.

As Willis is dragged past LaVey, the two engage in a staredown that could melt the ice caps. Nice breaks his gaze away after a long few moments and walks away smiling from ear to ear as Dog and the others drag Willis down the hall.

“Dude, I swear, we’ll look into helping you, man… we’ll get you a lawyer and everything! Stay strong, Jon! Hang in there, dude!”

The scene ends with Loverboy watching the men drag Willis off, then clutching at his rumbling tummy with an uncomfortable look on his face.

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We are at the luau which is being hosted by XWF Owner and Universal Champion Vinnie Lane. The camera shows some of the superstars of the XWF partying it up as Hawaiian music is being played. Hula girls begin to entertain the crowd doing their native dance and making the men almost bust in their pants.

Coming into the scene is none other than the RESISTANCE consisting of the Dimallisher, Makavelli, Equinox and the demonic couple of Peter Gilmour and his lovely wife Maria Brink. Peter is wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt and black shorts to try to fit in with the others as Maria is in a red shirt tied up near her very voluptuous tits and has blue dungaree booty shorts on which doesn't leave much to the imagination. Damn that woman is HOT! But we digress. Both of them have tons of leis around their neck. Wonder how they got them. We can only imagine.

The demonic group look on at the festivities as the have a big night tonight with Peter and Makavelli going for the Tag Team Titles against Chris Macbeth and Felix Braddock of THE UNION. The group settles into the luau as the party seems to be really picking up now. We see a pig being roasted over a gigantic fire pit as some men begin to do a fire dance and one member of the group spits fire high into the sky which excites Peter.
Peter sees Chris Macbeth in the crowd of people holding his XWF Hart and XWF Tag Title over his shoulders. Peter looks at him with revenge on his mind but Chris can only give a mocking wave of the hand as he pats his hands on the titles making Peter very angry. He tries to go to fight Chris but Makavelli holds him back. Peter does not look happy.

Peter: Let go of me!

Makavelli: Not now Peter. Let's wait until the tag title match to get your revenge. Time is on our side now. They can have their fun now but come the title match, we will be the ones having all the fun. Those tag titles will be ours and the RESISTANCE will begin the takeover of the entire XWF. We will get all the gold and become the greatest faction to ever step foot into the XWF. Just stand down now Peter. You'll get your chance.

Peter begins to calm down as we see Dim getting plastered by the bar and acting like an asshole trying to pick up the hula girls by humping on their legs. Peter tries to go over and help his best friend but he too gets humped by Dim. Peter is hitting Dim over the head with a bamboo stick but Dim doesn't seem to want to let go of his best friend. Eventually Peter frees his leg and kicks Dim so hard in the mouth that his teeth almost come out. He then goes over to the hula girls to make sure they are ok.

Peter: You ladies ok? I'm sorry about my friend. He tends to get a little rowdy when he drinks. Please allow me to buy you ladies a drink or we can have our own fun.

Peter winks sadistically as he pulls up his shirt showing his rock hard abs. The girls almost have convulsions under their grass skirts as they begin to melt right into Peter's hand. They then surround him and caress him all over. Maria gets involved and begins to caress the girls as well. I think you all know where this is going. Peter, the girls and Maria then begin to head out to do whatever they are going to do, but Makavelli stops him.

Peter: Hey man sorry about that shit with Dim. I just can't stand him sometimes. It's like I'm his play thing and he always wants to hug me, hump me, it's getting to the point I want to beat the shit out of him. I think bringing him into the RESISTANCE was a bad idea. I know he's my friend and all but.. I don't know. Hell, I'd rather have UNKNOWN SOLDIER as my partner since me and him are very close. Though we've had some problems lately. But I just think he would've fit in better than Dim. Anyways, after I get done with these beautiful women, let's talk about our match with McBitch and Braddox ok?

Makavelli nods his head as we see Peter, the girls and Maria about to leave. But Dim comes back and begins to hump Peter's leg again. It's like he's a dog in heat. What the fuck is his problem? Peter looks up and rolls his eyes as he feels embarrassed by what's happening. Peter drags Dim over and finds a large coconut. He then picks it up and bashes it over the skull of his best friend. It shatters into a million pieces as the coconut milk gets drenched on poor Dim's unconscious body. Peter wipes his hands clean and then goes back over to the hula girls and his wife Maria. They begin to walk out as we see Peter grab one of the hula girls asses as he puts his arm around a few others as Maria does the same.

Dim is still knocked out on the floor as Makavelli looks over at MacBitch and Braddox signaling that he and Peter will become the Tag Champs tonight. Will they? We shall see as we fade out to a shot of the luau still taking place.

[/divide]

Jon Willis - vs - Marilyn Starr - vs - Trax If Trax wants to win, he has to pin both of his opponents at once. Everyone else is single pinfall winner. Winner gets a shot at a match for a title shot.

Marilyn Starr is already in the ring.

"You're Da Man"- Nas plays

Trax walks down to the ring in his wrestling attire and a black trench coat that reads "Mr FN' Dominance" and shades, he looks around at the crowd pointing and beating his chest smiling. Before he walks to the ring like a man with a mission and climbs the ring steps before climbing onto the turnbuckle. He raises his right arm into the air in a clench fist before jump off the turnbuckle into the ring. He takes off his shades and coat places them both into the corner before walking to the middle of the ring shadow boxing as he does, he then stands in the middle of the ring and raises his arm once more in a clenched fist, before backing up into the ring corner and shadow boxing some more and bouncing up and down on the spot waiting for the match to start.

The bell rings and Trax goes right on the offensive, battering Starr with a flurry of quick strikes that rock the smaller woman, knocking her off balance and sending her into the ropes. He does not let up however, even as the ref begins his count. He whips her into the opposite set of ropes and tosses her like a ragdoll with a belly-to-belly suplex that sends her crashing to the canvas. Trax then follows up with a big kick to the ribs, before dropping down atop her and pummeling her with forearms to the face, not stopping until he hears a sickening CRUNCH and sees the blood leak from her nose like a broken water main.

Satisfied with his handiwork, he lifts her up to her feet and whips her into the corner before setting up... TRAP SILENCER!

The superkick lands flush, but Starr is tangled up in the ropes, which forces her to stay standing!

ANOTHER TRAP SILENCER!

If anything, she's even more tangled now!

A THIRD TRAP SILENCER!

Incensed, Trax rips her from her predicament in the ropes and sets her up...

ODE TO MACHINE!

He puts one foot on Starr's chest and smirks.

1




2




Three!

Dewey: Your winner is Trax

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The Italian National Anthem suddenly blares out around the arena.

"What the..."

Ted and Dave walk out onto the ramp wearing the full Italian soccer kits. Ted is pushing what seems to be an mobile pizza oven and Dave is carrying a big sign on a stick which reads... Free Pizza!

"What are these two up to now?"

Dave reaches into the pizza oven and pulls out a few slices and hands them to the hungry crowd members lining the side of the entrance ramp.

Upon reaching the ring they walk around to commentary.

"What are you guys up too..."

Ted: "We're in Hawaii the home of the Italians, we figured why not have a party, free pizzas for all."

Dave reaches into the oven a pulls out a few more slices and tosses them into the crowd, one of the slices connects toppings first directly into the face of an elderly woman who is sitting in the front from wearing an I heart Peter Gilmour apron. The two can't help but laugh before leaning in and striking a pose whipping out their selfie stick and taking a quick snap with the pizza covered old biddy.

"That's pretty disrespectful their you idiots and Italians aren't from Hawaii, pizza is not an Hawaiian meal."

Ted looks at Dave and rolls his eyes.

Ted: "Uh stupid, take a look at this..."

Dave reaches into the oven again grabs a slice and slaps it across the commentators faces.

Dave: "Ham and Pineapple Bitch!"

Ted: "Most commonly known as the Hawaiian. Have that!"

Dave: "Bitch!"

The pair laugh hysterically until a group of midgets rush from the back and grabs hold of their pizza oven and runs back up the ramp with Ted and Dave taking light after them.

---

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A camera cuts away from one area of the party to the next. The scene unfolding in front of us now is at a Hawaiin style tiki bar where Unknown Soldier and Peter Gilmour are sitting next to one another at the rail of the bar. Both are in gigantic oversize Hawaiin t-shirts, sandals, and leis. It's just the two of them now as they escaped the party for a moment to discuss their super evil, seductively sadistic, and ultra massive wicked plans for their matches this evening. Gilmour is drinking a Budweiser bottle while Unknown Soldier has one of those tall slender glasses that looks like it should be holding a female foo foo drink. It's a slim chalice full of blood, type (O -), the hardest and rarest to find, garnished with a pineapple and coconut. Soldier gingerly holds it in his hand while taking a sip and listening to Gilmour rant about only SATAN! knows what... Let's have a listen...

Peter Gilmour: "So, this really shouldn't be much of a problem, Makaveli is going to hit Felix the with the Mak Attack, and then I kick MacBeth in the dick, after I cover him you make the quick three count. BAM! New tag champions."

Unknown Soldier: "But, I thought we were gonna be the new tag champions?"

Peter Gilmour: "Chill out bro, I told you The Resistance..."

Soldier interrupts Peter mid sentence by slamming his drink on the table, showering blood and broken glass all over the nearby area.

Unknown Soldier: "The Resistance is for ! Donald Trump is a fucking con artist Peter, and Dim is literally shitting on you. It's no longer a figurative thing anymore, the dude took a fucking dump right on your lap. As for Makaveli, he's black, HE'S FUCKING BLACK PETER! And you and I both know that being black is just an even darker version of being a Muslim! For SATAN! sake Peter, fuck those guys!"

Peter Gilmour: "Calm down jesus christ."

Unknown Soldier: "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SPEAK THE WORD OF CURSE!"

Soldier flips over a nearby table full of drinks. They shatter everywhere and the rest of the party is becoming attracted to the scene he is making. Vinnie Lane begins slowly approaching the bar, curious as to what all the ruckus is all about.

Unknown Soldier: "You know what Peter, I've always wanted to tell you this, but Maria Brink is nothing but a pig covered in tattoo ink instead of mud!"

Peter smashes the beer bottle on top of the bar top and lunges at Soldier with the broken beer bottle end.

Luckily, "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane happened on the scene just then and managed to get in the way and catches his hand in mid air before he can strike.

Loverboy looks wary of Soldier, keeping his distance from the frightening X-Treme Champion, but he keeps eye contact while backing away.

Vinnie Lane: "Easy you two, if both of you died before your matches tonight we wouldn't have anything to watch."

A loud, gutteral groaning sounds, and Loverboy clutches at his midsection.

"Pete, dude, I think I've got a case of mud butt... you know where to bathroom is?"

Gilly points to the back area and Loverboy runs off grabbing at his bubbling gutswhile Pete and Soldier stare each other down.

The scene begins to fade. What kind of friction is brewing here between these two 'supposed' friends?[/divide]

The Union Chris MacBeth and Felix Braddock - vs - The Resistance Makaveli and Peter Fucking Gilmour SPECIAL REF:Unknown Soldier Tag Title Match. Standard Tag match.

Macbeth and Gilly start off the match, pacing around the ring. Both look ready to go as the match gets underway, both Braddock and Makaveli cheering their partners on from their respective corners. The two men opt for a test of strength, in which Gilly wins as sends Macbeth to the corner. Gilly lands a harsh right knee from this position, causing Macbeth to double over. Gilly pushes Macbeth's head up and nails a solid right uppercut, causing him to fall back into the corner.

Gilly goes for an irish-whip into the opposing corner as Macbeth goes running into the corner. Gilly goes running after him for a clothesline, however his head bounces off the top turnbuckle, allowing Macbeth to go for an early School-Boy roll- up.

1...




2.....




Kick-out.

Gilly goes running after Macbeth, however he manages to make the tag to Braddock. Braddock goes through the ropes and ducks under Gilly's attempted clothesline before going off the ropes and hitting a solid Flying Forearm. Gilly lands on the mat hard as Braddock nails Makaveli, getting him off the ring apron. Soldier winces as Makaveli hits the padding floor. Braddock then gets Gilly up and proceeds to hit an open-handed slap! Gilly flushes red with rage as he proceeds to BEAT DOWN Braddock! Punch after punch! Braddock tries to muster up some sort of defense, but it keeps getting batted away by Gilly! Irish-whip by Gilly! As Braddock bounces of the ropes, Gilly catches Braddock in a suplex position! Gilmour turns him around, looking for a Falcon Arrow, but it gets stopped by Macbeth, who comes in and lands a dropkick! Gilly falls over as Braddock manages to skillfully land on his feet. The partners nod at each other in respect as Braddock goes for the pin. Soldier slides in...

1...




2.....




Kick-out.

Braddock hits the mat, picking up Gilly only to quickly drop him again with a solid snap suplex. Gilly tries crawling over to Makaveli, who is reaching for a tag. Braddock laughs right in Mak's face and kicks Gilly right in the gut, stopping him from making the tag and eliciting quite a few boos from the audience. Braddock drags Gilly all the way to the Union's corner. Braddock tags in Macbeth. Braddock plants his boot right on Gilly's back and holds out one of his legs, allowing Macbeth to hop over the ropes to stomp both feet down on the leg. Gilly cries out in pain as the Union laugh.

Macbeth picks up Gilly and lands a HARD knife-edge chop. Soldier simply looks on as Gilly gets sweeped underneath his bad leg by Macbeth. Macbeth then proceeds to put the boots to Gilly as Braddock starts taunting away at Mak, who's simply trying to reach out to Gilly for a tag in the opposing corner. Macbeth then drags Gilly over to near Makaveli is, and then sits in the middle of the ring, waiting for Gilly to tag in Makaveli. However, there's no response from Gilly, who's just out of Mak's reach. Even if he wanted to, Mak can't tag himself in.

"Gilly..." Macbeth starts chanting, as he's starting to get the crowd pumped up. The crowd is starting to follow Macbeth's example, cheering for Gilly.

Gilly... Gilly... Gilly...

Macbeth stands up, his voice getting slightly louder. Again, the crowd follow his example as Gilly is starting to stir.

Gilly! Gilly! Gilly!

Macbeth then bends over to where Gilly's head is, as he's finally come to. Gilly is outstretching his hand to tag to Mak. Macbeth is now shouting as he's chanting for Gilly to tag. The chant now is deafening, as its being heard throughout the stadium.

GILLY! GILLY! GILLY!\

Their fingers are about to touch...

GILLY! GILLY! GILLY!

NO! Macbeth punts Gilly's head right as he was about to tag Mak! The fans are now erupting in boos, and Macbeth soaks it all in. He goes over and tags in Braddock, not bothering to move Gilly at this point. While Soldier is calling the tag, Mak is shaking his head and moves Gilly over to him while the ref's back is turned! With that done, Mak tags in Gilly, right in time for the ref to see the tag! Braddock and Makaveli then meet in the center of the ring, staring at each other eye-to-eye and talking some smack to one another. After a brief period of time, however, they both raise their fists, similar to a boxing match. Mak hits a few crisp jabs, however Braddock quickly impairs Mak's ability with a few 'accidental' eye pokes! Braddock looks to press his advantage with a snap suplex, however Mak counters, moving his body over Braddock's shoulders! Mak then separates himself from Braddock's hold and lands a MASSIVE low-blow! Braddock crumples to the mat as Macbeth looks on in disbelief. The crowd is currently littering the ring in cheers as Soldier laughs. Mak then picks up Braddock and hits a solid right elbow, however Braddock responds with a punch of his own, followed by another, and another.

Braddock irish- whips Makaveli into the corner. Braddock gets a sick smile on his face as he goes into the opposite corner, getting ready to charge at Makaveli. Braddock then goes running full speed towards Mak. However, Makaveli elbows Braddock in the face, halting his advance. Braddock tries again, going for a big clothesline this time into the corner, however he receives a kick into the gut from Makaveli for his troubles.

Braddock retreats towards the ropes, only to get intercepted by Gilly, who gives him a HUGE jawbreaker over the top rope! Gilly gets off the apron as Macbeth is begging for a tag from the downed Braddock. Mak lets out a small chuckle as Gilly is laughing it up on the outside.

Gilly goes over to Meredith, Felix's wife at ringside and begins chatting her up, all the while staring at her breasts. Meredith doesn't look interested, but Pete is persistent. Come on, Pete, you've got a girlfriend watching you! But this narrator digresses.

A man calls out to Gilly and says, "Stop being a lecherous pervert you fucking cuntbag." Gilly laughs and pushes the fan aside, which causes him to take action! The fan grabs a nearby soda cup from a little kid, who cries at his food being stolen. The fan then splashes Gilly with the soda, taking his attention away from the girl!

Gilly goes wide-eyed as the fan hops over the barricade and starts beating his ass with the help of the steel chair he was sitting on! Gilly's face gets hammered from that massive chair shot as he gets leveled. Mak looks to Soldier, who simply shrugs in response. Mak then starts mouthing off to the newcomer, only to get blasted from behind by Macbeth, who got tagged in by Braddock! Macbeth starts putting the boots to Mak as the fan throws Gilly over the barricade. The fan then starts directing traffic, having Macbeth perform a MASSIVE backbreaker to Mak. The fan then has Braddock slaps Macbeth on the back, thus tagging him in. Braddock then ascends to the top rope and performs a double axe handle, causing Mak's body to contort in a wretched way. Braddock then sizes up Makaveli and hits the Goodnight, Sweet Prince! (Curb Stomp) The pin by Braddock!

1...









2.....









Kick out! Mak is out, and rushes over to tag Peter into the ring. He rushes in, and charges at Braddock, and destroys him with a Gilmour cutter, before lifting him to his feet and throwing him to the ropes. MacBeth tags himself in and runs towards Peter. Gilly thinking quickly grabs MacBeth and drops him with the ENDGAME (Package Piledriver), which utterly destroys MacBeth. Peter goes for the pin.

1

2


3!!!

Dewey: Your winners are Peter Gilmour and Makaveli! The Resistance has done it!


Chris and Felix escape the aftermath of the match immediately, Makaveli and Peter on the other hand, are nearly unconscious and stumbling to regain their strength in the ring. The match must have taken a lot out of them. When all of the sudden, the big dick manga Manager frodo smackins comes flying down to the ring. Before Peter can get up to his feet frodo lays him out with an elbow drop. Sending Peter's face smashed back into the ring. frodo lays down another elbow drop as Soldier stares on in awestruck. The Gilmour-o-holics are pleading with Soldier to stop frodo from pummeling Peter. Soldier approaches the fight, frodo looks up at him and backs away, most likely expecting Soldier to attack him....






but instead....




















Soldier drops an enormous leg drop right on top of Peter! OH HELL NO! He's turned his back on his best friend! frodo looks on, laughing gleefully with Soldier as they take turns alternating elbow and leg drops on top of the defenseless Peter. Makaveli attempts to save his partner, but is eventually leveled by Soldier who saw him coming with a massive clothesline. frodo slides underneath the bottom rope quickly, easy for him to do in no time thanks to his small stature, then reaches over into the audience and tosses a chair in the ring for Soldier. Soldier uses the steel weapon to smash Makaveli on the back of the head and then Peter. Keeping them both out of commission. Before the massacre can continue suddenly...




































I WANNA ROCK!


























Vinnie Lane, Dim, Donald Trump, and Madison Monroe comes flying down to the ring, immediately with their presence both Soldier and frodo slide back under the ropes, standing outside the ring while still inside Vinnie brings a microphone to his lips.

“"Whoa dudes, if you think you're going to get away with this you're sadly mistaken! As for you Soldier, if you think your little Benedict Arnold stunt you just pulled on Peter is going to go by without repercussions, and a chance for Peter to get revenge, then your in for a big surprise. Because next week, right here on Warfare, Xtreme Championship or not, it will be Unknown Soldier vs. Peter Gilmour!"

The crowd goes crazy in anticipation of this match. frodo gets pissed and grabs a headset from one of the nearby ring commentators.

"Well, well, well Mr. Lane, it seems you may have forgot that despite you owning the company, I still pull the strings according to what happens here on Warfare. Which means, you can have this little match of yours, but it will be under my rules here on Warfare, and since Soldier is the champion it will be under his match stipulations, should he remain the champion after his main event with Tony Santos this evening, which I'm almost certain he will. Just as certain as I am that these stipulations will greatly favor him in his match next Warfare against Peter."

“"What kind of unfair match stipulation do you two sick fucks have in mind?"

Soldier grabs the headset from frodo.

Unknown Soldier: "This fight will be a 'Mega Menstrual-cycle Match of Madness!"

“"Dude, are you fucking serious? What the hell is that?"

Unknown Soldier: "In fact, this match won't be unfair at all Vinnie. Both sides of the ring will be given a bath tub and will need to provide a menstruating woman of their own choice. So, if Peter uses that fat over sized vagina slob Maria Brink, he should actually have an advantage. In order to win the match, the winning side's woman has to provide an entire bath tub full of her lost ovaries and secreted blood, and then the winning wrestler will have to submerge the loser in said bath tub until they drown!"

Lane is shaking his head no, and the fans are gagging at the thought.

"Lane, if you don't agree to this, I will seriously rape every dude on the roster until Soldier gets his way. Starting with Dim."

Frodo pulls his dick out and begins to thrust it in Dim's general direction.

“"Sounds both abhorrent and disgusting, yet intriguing and creative, well Gilmour dude, if you want that Xtreme Title back around your waist your really going to have to really prove it. But no fear my man, for I will be the one guest refereeing these shenanigans so that what happened here in this match tonight ,doesn't happen again and also because I'm not afraid to get a little period blood on me!"

Dim goes over to help Peter to his feet, stepping on top of Makaveli along the way. Peter then is shown barfing over the top rope and on top of Dim, who was trying to help him to his feet. Just even hearing and thinking about the match stipulation is making him sick. Soldier throws the headset at Vinnie who is still in the ring, the XWF owner just takes a step to the side to avoid it and watches it smack Makaveli in the face who was just reaching his feet. Soldier and frodo make their way up and out the ramp walking backwards, keeping an eye on all those in the ring that may try to attack them. They exit and the scene cuts to commercial.

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Oswald looks pissed as he demands that Reeve give him the weapon as it belongs to him. Reeve chuckles and instead waves it at Ghost Tank in a mocking sort of way, then attempts a stab that Tank quickly dodges. Tank then runs towards Reeve, who was still trying to react after swinging the scythe, and clotheslines him viciously, so hard in fact that he rolls backwards twice and falls directly down the open part of the cage. He reaches out with one final glimmer of hope with the scythe and hooks it on the back of Ghost Tanks pants. The momentum of his fall, and the weapon now attached to Tank’s backside, brings both contestants in the match through the hole. Ghost Tank as a last ditch effort before both of them fall into the volcano grabs the side of the cage just before falling. He holds on tightly as Reeve dangles underneath him, inches away from hot magma, clinching the end of the scythe that was still hooked to the back of Tank's pants. Oswald attempts greatly to shake him in any means possible, but it is too difficult a task and too risky to try much, less risk himself falling into the fire himself.

Swinging back and forth above the hellish heat, Tank manages to reach down and back, grabbing ahold of the scythe stuck into the back of his waistband while hanging on to the cage with his other hand. The spinning of the cage actually works in his favor here, as it gives him just enough momentum to pendulate his body, then swing the body of Reeve up into the air… just as Reeve begins to transform into Yokozuna! The move by Reeve completely backfires as he’s now over the top of the cage and weighing over 600 pounds… and he CRASHES into the roof of the cage!

Ghost Tank now, scaling the side of the cage with that scythe gripped between his teeth, and he gets on top of the structure just as Reeve comes to his senses. A catapult launches a pile of detritus and weapons onto the cage roof! One of the items shot out, GT would catch and see, is a coconut, he grins, waiting for the opportune moment and then slams it straight into Reeve's skull.

"How's that? That feel like a good Roddy Piper thing to do?"

Wait… one of the blimps used to film the match is getting close… someone threw down a ladder! Reeve is grabbing on and attempting to escape the volcano… but Tank’s got him! Tank’s got the Yokozuna form of Reeve by an ankle, and the blimp can’t pull him away! How god damn strong is Ghost Tank?!?!?

Ghost Tank pulls and strains, and the blimp lowers a foot or two… Tank now has his hands around the huge waist of Reeve… POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!! SWEET FUCKING CHRIST, GHOST TANK JUST POWERBOMBED REEVE AS YOKOZUNA ON THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!! But wait, what’s this? He didn’t let go! HE’S LIFTING HIM UP AGAIN!!! A SECOND POWERBOMB ONTO THE CAGE ROOF!!!! AND TANK STILL ISN’T DONE!!!

The entire cage structure is groaning and twisting in its moorings… Ghost Tank lifts Yoko-Reeve over his head for a third powerbomb…and he RUNS FORWARD, HITTING THE THIRD BOMB OF TANK TRACKS AS A RUNNING, JUMPING, SPINNING, SIT-OUT POWERBOMB!!! THE CAGE HAS BROKEN FREE OF THE CRANE IT WAS HANGING FROM!!!

The cage structure crashes down into the pool of smoldering magma, and as the metal begins to glow with infernal heat, the unmoving flesh of Reeve Gordon begins to smoke and sizzle! He’s frying! Ghost Tank is quickly climbing the side of the cage as the volcanic rock begins to bubble and rumble… THE VOLCANO IS GOING TO BLOW!!! IT’S GOING TO ERUPT, WE NEED TO VACATE THE AREA!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!​!!!!

A geyser of lava shoots straight up from the mouth of the volcano, raining down fireballs and ash all around.

But what’s this?

As the hellfire and brimstone begin to fade and the volcanic eruption comes to a close, we can see the nude, muscular frame of Ghost Tank standing atop the summit, holding the hot, glowing scythe in his hand and over his head.

Why didn’t he burn? How is it possible? Is he dragonborn?!?!

Ghost Tank has risen from ashes to win this match!

Dewey: Your winner is Ghost Tank!

Ghost Tank and Reeve are slowly gathering themselves after a hard-fought battle, when suddenly the lights go out...


...before returning.

Ghost Tank stands above a broken and battered, bloody body, the fallen Reeve Gordon. The paramedics rush down to the ring to cart him away on a gourney... oddly, a peculiar expression is on Tank's face, as if he had nothing to do with the attack. Which is odd for a guy who's randomly attacked pretty much everyone on the damn roster. GT scratches his head before the lights shut off once again and an extremely weird and slightly disturbing video begins to play on the X-Tron.



The video cuts out, and one word is left on the screen in crimson;

"prepare"

[/divide]

MAIN EVENT Unkown Soldier - vs - Tony "15 packs" Santos Xtreme Title Match. Blood letting match. Loser passes out from blood loss Ropes replaced with razor wire

The bell rings, and Santos walks right up to Soldier, trying to go nose to nose with him but being stuck several inches away due to Soldier’s Satanic erection.
Santos jaws with Soldier for a moment, then makes the universal ‘belt’ gesture around his waist before shoving Soldier back by the chest.
Soldier smiles and slaps himself in the chest as well, again and again, raising large red welts on his pale flesh. Laughing, Soldier wastes no time at all getting the stipulations of the match involved and begins to run the razor wire ropes! He opens deep gashes in his back and shoulders, which immediately begin to ooze blood while Santos stands perplexed in the center of the ring.
Soldier gestures to Santos to do the same, but as Santos runs to the ropes he stops, changes direction, and levels Soldier with a huge discus clothesline that bounces the back of the X-Treme Champion’s head off of the canvas! Santos jumps on top of the supine Soldier and starts bashing him into the face with hard forearm shots. Soldier’s nose collapses and geysers of blood shoot out from his nostrils! Santos doesn’t waste any time and gingerly climbs the wires in the corner, leaping off towards Soldier and landing a picture perfect flying leg drop!
Santos gets up and Soldier slithers away on his belly like a serpent retreating into a hole… Santos grabs a mass of his hair and pulls him up to his feet, then spins into a standing leg lariat! But Soldier ducks! Santos hits the mat hard, and Soldier leaps onto him right away with a jumping frog splash, taking the wind out of the challenger.
Soldier gets a sadistic grin on his face and he pulls Santos up… Irish Whip! No, Santos puts on the brakes just in time before hitting the razor wire!
But Soldier runs at him and hits a pinpoint accurate spinning heel kick!
Soldier jumps up and runs to the razor wire… springboard Asai moonsault onto Tony Santos! He gashed himself open even more, and Soldier’s blood splatters all over the mat as well as his opponent as he crashes down on top of him!
Soldier pops up again and starts laying in vicious stomps all over the body of Tony Santos… he gets him right in the face, and it looks like finally Santos’ blood is starting to flow as well!
Soldier gathers Santos up, throwing some knees into the challenger’s bloodied lip for good measure. Once again he goes for a whip into the razor wire, but this time Santos reverses! Unknown Soldier flies into the razor wire but he runs right back out! Bits of flesh hang from the wires but Soldier is unfazed as he runs right at the shocked Santos and hits a hurrican… no! Santos catches him… RUNNING POWERBOMB INTO THE RAZOR WIRE!!!
The wires halfway collapse under the weight and force of that powerbomb, and blood is running from the body of Soldier in thick rivulets, draining like tributaries into reservoirs of blood on the canvas below! The wires are wrapped around Soldier’s arms, he’s tangled and defenseless!
Santos smells blood, literally and figuratively, and he moves in, pummeling Soldier’s body with strong savate style kicks. He spins and lands a back heel kick to the temple as well! Soldier goes limp, hanging from the razor ropes in a messianic pose… Santos grabs some of the slack! He’s wrapping that slack razor wire around Soldier’s forehead, pulling it tight enough to split open his own palms with the force! Soldier’s scalp and forehead quickly dissolve like rice paper, splitting open and pouring with a cascade of crimson blood down the champ’s face. The blood loss is severe, but Soldier is somehow still conscious!
Santos now, gathering more of the excess slack from the loosened razor wire… he’s got it coiled around his fist! Santos hammers Soldier in the face and midsection with a series of sickening punches, each one causing a new gushing wound. One half of the canvas is almost entirely painted red with Unknown Soldier’s blood!
Santos grabs the limp body of Soldier, whose erection is almost entirely gone now. He yanks the body forward and drops Soldier onto his front, leaving him prone in the ring but still tethered to the ring posts by the wire cutting deeply into his wrists and forearms. Santos scales the corner and takes a step out onto the top wire perpendicular to Soldier… 450 SPLASH!!!
Santos hits Soldier with enough force to send fountains of blood spraying out from every direction, as if he’d landed on top of a blood-filled water balloon instead of a person!
Santos gets up and wipes away smears of Soldier’s blood from his own face and chest, then raises his arms in victory as he stands over the unmoving body of… but wait… Soldier stirs!
Soldier peels his blood-soaked face from the mat, leaving behind a Cheshire imprint on the formerly blue canvas! Soldier SMILES up at Tony Santos, and his devilish laughter begins to fill the arena!
Santos can’t believe what he sees! Unknown Soldier is getting to his knees, and then his feet!
Soldier still laughs, his arms still bound to the opposing posts behind him, but he seems to be reveling in the pain and the blood loss that he’s suffering!
Santos runs at Soldier… he hits a huge dropkick that sends the X-Treme Champion flying backward out of the ring… and the razor wire breaks loose from the ring posts! Soldier bounces across the concrete floor right in front of the announcer’s table… but he doesn’t stay down long.
Santos still looks wary in the ring, but he knows he has to dig deep and put the demonic champion away… he runs toward the open end of the ring and leaps forward with a somersault plancha… NOBODY HOME!!! Soldier moved out of the way at the last possible second, and Santos crashes straight into the barricade!
Soldier’s still got those strands of razor wire around his forearms… he pulls one of the cables into his hand and snaps it like a bullwhip! Then he does the same with his other arm! Unknown Soldier is duel wielding razor wire whips!
Santos is on all fours recuperating, and Soldier whips him across the back like a runaway slave! Tony Santos’ back splits like the San Andreas Fault, and blood pours out from his ruptured flesh!
Soldier with another whip across the back of Tony Santos! And another! All Santos can do is crawl away, but he gets hit repeatedly with razor wire whips across his back as Soldier laughs, his own blood pouring from his mouth due to certain internal injury.
Santos struggles but finally heads for sanctuary, rolling back into the ring. Unknown Soldier is moving slowly, undoubtedly his body is beginning to shut down after losing several pints of blood… but Soldier does eventually follow Santos into the ring.
Santos’ face is twisted in anger and anguish, but he’s crouched and ready to pounce as Soldier rolls into the ring and gets back to his feet… Santos runs in with a stinger splash onto Soldier in the corner…SOLDIER FALLS OUT OF THE WAY!!
Santos hits the turnbuckles hard and clocks his head against the steel ring post… he wobbles and turns around… Soldier whips his razor wire sideways at Santos, and it wraps around his midsection, lassoing him in the metal!
Santos tries to loosen the wire around his belly, cutting himself deeply, and Soldier does the same maneuver with his other whip… wrapping it around Santos’ neck!
Blood trickles down between Tony Santos’ fingers as he desperately tries to pull the metal razor wire away from his throat… and Soldier stands before him, fully engorged and turgid once more.
Unknown Soldier flings his arms to his sides, pulling his hands as far apart as possible and spinning the body of Santos like a dreidel! Santos’ belly rips open and a deluge of blood pours forth from his gaping abdomen, his entrails barely encased in the soft tissue beneath! And his throat is ripped open as well, a jagged tear across his windpipe that quickly drains his head of all its blood!
Tony Santos drops to the mat, his face going pale with blood loss and his eyes rolling back into his head… that’s it! Santos can’t go on! Referees and medics charge to the ring to try and stop the severe bleeding shooting profusely from Tony Santos! Will he ever be able to wrestle again after such a severe injury??

Dewey: Your winner is Unknown Soldier

---

---

---

“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane is sitting in his Owner’s Tent being fanned by several Hawaiian Hula girls with large palm fronds while sipping a drink from a coconut with an umbrella in it.

His bright pink and white Hawaiian shirt is almost as loud as his purple tiger striped shorts, but it matches his flamboyant pink bandanna better.

Grabbing his cell phone from a small table next to him, he looks over to where the show is continuing, observing the delectable slow-roasting of several pigs with apples in their mouths rotating on spits over open flames. The massive spread of delicious food gives him a queasy look on his face, though, as he dials the phone.

“Yeah… he dude, can I get an appointment for when I’m back in Vegas next week? My belly’s been aching like a motherfucker ever since the match with Gilmour, dude. I think something was in that shit other than just… like… regular human shit, you know?”

As if to reinforce the fact, Loverboy rubs at his distended stomach while grimacing and trying to choke down more of his drink.

“What? No, dude, I can’t wait for a month! This is serious! I have to wrestle and run this company, I can’t wear diapers and buttplugs like Shane did all the time, I have to have an asshole that functions properly and not leave a trail of juicy shit everywhere I go!”

Another few moments go by and Thomas Girard walks up to the tent, knocking lightly on one of the entrance tent posts, causing Loverboy to hold a finger up and gesture for him to wait.

“Perfect, dude. Yes. Yes, right after Warfare I’ll hop on a plane to Nevada and be there sharp on Thursday. Absolutely. I need to know ASAP what kind of alien is living in my guts or whatever the fuck. Thank. Bye. YES, Girard? Don’t you know how to fucking knock?”

“I… uh, I did, but…”

“Shut up. What do you want.”

Girard looks uncomfortable, obviously feeling a little out of sorts considering the power trips he’d tried to ride the waves of at the behest of Frodo Smackins and Tyrone Jackson before him. He hems and haws, breaking a sweat on his forehead.

“I, uh… I had an idea? Maybe? For the Universal Contender?”

“You had an idea? How did that happen? Did you fall asleep in the men’s room and let someone smarter piss one into your mouth?”

“………….. no.”

“Well it’s probably terrible then, and I’ve got my own ideas anyway, dude. I know what it takes to be champion around here. I know the struggle, man. The struggle is real. We need a contender that can really handle pressure and come up big in a big moment. We need… ugh… oh man…”

“Whoa, Vinnie, are you okay?”

In response, Loverboy’s face reddens as he lets loose a noxious fart that backs the fanning Hula girls off a few paces. He has a momentarily panicked look on his face as he grabs a napkin and jams it down the back of his shorts, then pulls it out and inspects it, sighing in relief.

“Oh thank god, I thought I shitted myself.”

Just then, Warfare GM and notorious party animal Frodo Smackins walks up to the tent in his best banana hammock, sipping on a coconut like Vinnie’s and smearing a refresher of zinc oxide onto his nose underneath his wide-brimmed sun hat.

“Hey . Anyone want a dick in their mouth?”

Frodo wiggles his pelvis for emphasis and the Hula girls look at one another, concerned.

“Jesus. No, Frodo, I’m trying to work here. I’ve got a stack of paychecks to sign and a show to oversee! Plus, I think someone poisoned the shit you guys made me swim around in during the match with Gilmour. If I find out it was you, I’m not going to be happy.”

“Wasn’t me, Li’l Dick. I shit in a litter box. Everyone knows that.”

“Whatever. What do you want anyway, dude?”

“Got an idea for the Uni contender.”

“Me too!”

“Shut up, Girard.” “Shut up, Girard.”

“Okay…”

“Look, I’ve already got an awesome idea for a new number one contender, Frodo. It’s gonna be awesome, and it’s gonna happen right here on Warfare, next show!”

“Damn right it is, but we’re doing it my way. I’m the General Manager of Warfare.”

“I OWN Warfare! And I own your contract!”

“Yeah, but I still have creative control. Read the fine print. I’ve got good lawyers.”

“Fine… we can work together. We both want the same things anyway… to make the XWF as awesome as possible. I can deal with your smug ass long enough to book a show. But trust me, once you hear my ideas, you’ll think yours suck!”

“It’ll be great. We’ll get Soldier involved, he’s a big time player, he deserves a shot…”

Loverboy blanches at the mention of Soldier’s name, but quickly regains his composure.

“Soldier? Why him? Why not focus more on Gilmour? He’s the founding father of the XWF!”

“Vinnie, are you afraid of Soldier? Is it because he drinks blood? Or because he’s a brain eater? We can’t all be pussy vegans like your bitch.”

“Shut the fuck up, wee man. I can book you against Gilly and we can see what happens again.”

“Or I can just book you against Soldier.”

“What about Trax?”

Loverboy and Frodo both turn their heads and stare at Girard, who somehow is now wearing a grass skirt and dancing along with the two hula girls.

“What about him, dude? He’s on a losing streak. Couldn’t even beat Tupac’s hologram.”

“Well, MY idea was for Trax to go through…”

“Shut UP, Girard. The grown-ups are talking here. Vinnie, you need to face facts. Soldier is the X Champ. You already gave Peter a shot. There are others who haven’t gotten an opportunity.”

“Whatever, dude. I’m not just going to hand out title shots like they’re Halloween candy, or STDs at the Smackins household. The shot needs to be earned in the toughest way possible, that way there’ll be no question that the contender is completely legit and that he or she deserves to be in the ring with yours truly, the Megastar. If someone wants to be the face of the company, they’ve got to work.”

“Agreed.”

“NO, Frodo, we… wait, what?”

“I said I agree. The number one contender needs to earn his stripes by going through the wringer and standing tall over the rest of the roster. My idea is going to make sure that happens on the next Warfare.”

“No, MY idea is going to make sure that happens.”

“Well, guys, I had an idea too, and…”

Loverboy throws his coconut at Girard, causing him to shriek like a woman and duck behind one of the dancing girls.

“Frodo, this is what’s happening. You need to stay in your lane and keep your eyes on your own paper. Next Warfare, Peter Gilmour is going to be placed into –“

“Unknown Soldier will enter a brutal, harrowing, life-changin –“/[b]

“You guys mean TRAX. Trax can get in there and run roughshod over the roster in a –“

[b]“Gauntlet!” “Gauntlet!” “Gauntlet!”

The three officials look at one another uneasily, none of them quite sure how to combat the others’ ideas, since they are all the same thing.

“So… wait… THREE gauntlets?”

“Girard, suck a dick, that’s the dumbest fucking idea…”

“I think it’s a GREAT idea. THREE gauntlets. Simultaneous gauntlets. We have the regular card first, then follow it up with a roster-wide trifecta of gauntlet matches… and the three winners close the show in a triple threat match to determine the number one contender!”

“That’s… actually pretty good, Lome. You’re not bad at this.”

“I know!”

“But guys, it was my idea too!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, GIRARD!!!!”


"Oh, and we're putting Ginger Snaps in one of them."[lightblue]

"Ok, but why?"

[lightblue]"Either she competes, or she she sucks my dick."

"She competes. We don't need that lawsuit."

"Shut the fuck up, Girard. Go pay MacBitch."

All My Wins!


Hank Lane
Ezekiel
Dimallisher
caliban
Levi Storm
Michael McBride
Mandii Rider
Mastermind/Jasmine
Matt Damon
Joey Hawkins
Mark Flynn
Maria Brink
Adam Cabana
Gary, of the Mafia Men
Vincent, of the Mafia Men
Randalf, of the Mafia Men
Zak Misery
Ariel Knight
He's not really a knight
More like a walking vagina.
Michael McBride, again.
Vinnie Lane
Mastermind, again
Gator
Ezekiel, again.
Ghost Tank
Aerial Knight, twice.
Justin Sane
Jack. TP Mummy!
Steve Kesslar.
Woe
Joey Hawkins. I'm done with that bitch.
Ferrari Punk. Told ya.
Caroline O'Hara Burchill
Ally Callaway
Lane, again. That's three lanes on my list.
Ruben Mitchell. Pussy.
Shane
raYne
Goat faced bitch
CM Punk, the dickless pussy

Another win for Fontanna! There is still one question though who took Nikki and why was the Ref helping me out. Frodo....next week on Warfare I demand you get to the bottom of this! Meet me in the middle of the ring and tell me what XWF management is doing to find Nikki!!!!!!!

Look at me, walking around looking like rainbow sherbert. Perfect opportunity to shout out to the new sponsor, Baskin Robbins. 31 flavors of delectable awesomeness, act now and receive a jumbo bucket of your choice when you mention my name, limited time offer.

He then notices Fontana and his conundrum.

Hey guy, don't be so glum, LucaNox won't rest until your hottest is found, ain't that right Mr. Torchwick? Chillax and let's hit up the nearest rave, I'm up for some blacklight, fuzzy walls, and sweaty college chick's looking to climb the summit of Mount Lemmesukyahoohaa. Who's with me?

Ghost Tank grinned backstage, chuckling softly, holding the Hart title he stole from Macbeth,

"First, Reeve. Not only did I conquer your champion at Anarchy, and became the champion of your shit show, but tonight, you pulled all the stops, didn't you? You tried to have me lose in your show, but I won. You tried to get your family to do the work for you before our match. Look how well that worked out for you. You even tried to shapeshift in order to beat me. You, like most of the locker room, will never understand my strength. I guess that's for the best. Maybe you'll think twice from now on, whom you fuck with. Or maybe you'll try to pick another shot at me. I'll only put you down again, and again, and again.

Now for you, Macbeth. I'm going to hold on to your title until we face off. I'll keep good take care of it. Not a single scratch shall befall upon it. So don't you worry about it. Sure, you'll miss having it next to your side, but, you have the tag team ti-

Oh... wait... You don't even have that.

See you at the next Warfare."

Suck my dick! 5 time tag champ!!

Me v soldier?? Bring it on. Ill cripple his death.metal ass
And drown him in pool of his own bllood and become xtreme champ for the 14th time!!

But now three gauntlets?? Ill win that too..

I will get more gold for the resistance

SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion

This is bullshit!!!

That son of a bitch Ghost Wank stole my Hart Title Belt but only after blindsiding me and leaving me distracted from my Tag Team Title defence.

Because of you GT them twats in The Resistance are now the Tag Team Champions.

Fucking fuck Nugget.

Well you big chunky monkey cunt twat, you better watch your back because I'm coming for my belt and if somehow you do manage to avoid me until the next Warfare I'm going to do to as I did before and beat you hairy backside all over the arena and take it back anyway.

Great job, Tank.

See you on Anarchy.

--r.g.