Robbie Bourbon is currently awaiting his trial. Confident he'd be able to make a date in Las Vegas in time, he decided to opt in for Savage. Who took him up on his challenge was none other than Vinnie Lane.

TRAUMA

We open to see Robbie sitting in a broad hallway next to his girlfriend, Blue, and their attorney.

So, when do we go in for my case?

The attorney holds up a finger to Robbie, shushing him, as she opens her purse and pulls out her phone.

Well, best representation the XWF can afford.

Honey, are you worried about what's going to happen this Saturday?

Huh? No, why?

Well, you're facing Vinnie Lane.

Oh, yeah, that. We're pals. You remember, we went to his birthday, we were partners in that one match, good times.

Uh, I don't think Vinnie thinks very highly of you.

Robbie rolls his eyes and leans in close to Blue.

Babe, that's not nice.

Robbie leans back as Blue looks completely perplexed.

Why isn't that nice to say?

Honey, Vinnie can't help it. He's traumatized.

What?

Yeah, he's traumatized. Well, I don't think that's the right way to say it. He's had a lot of head trauma.

What does that mean?

That means if I split the guy's wig open and crack his perfectly rounded skull open, I'm probably just going to find a rock. Not like "crack cocaine", no, like an agate, or some granite, a rock you'd find in the back yard.

Seriously?

Seriously. That dude has had his bell rung more times than a high school cafeteria. I mean, he was in a coma for almost two months. TWO MONTHS. I know, he woke up and won the title, and like 4 other matches, but that was after Shane set up the CCWF because congress was breathing down his neck about head injuries in the company after hearing about Peter Gilmour and he needed a means to protect his image while not outright getting rid of the champ.

One time, when I was working as a bouncer, a guy got put into a coma. Well, to be more blunt, a guy got drunk, Junior flipped out and shoved him by his face, he keeled over backwards, but like a slinky with his head leading the way, and opened his skull all over the sidewalk. It was, well, unsettling. That's to say the least. I was freaked the fuck out. Lucky for me, I didn't really have a ton of time to soak it in immediately when his friends came out and decided someone needed to pay for it. This wasn't your typical bar brawl at this point, nah. This had escalated beyond that, this was serious shit. People were crying, Junior was finishing off his rage in the club somewhere, probably with lots of whiskey. An ambulance showed up. Then reporters. See, that's when you knew it got heavy, when other folks showed up to get the story.

The guy was in a coma for five days. Five. I still remember seeing him after the fact when we had to go to court because of the law suit that was launched towards the club for just serving him, since he was just nineteen. The poor kid, couldn't walk right, his speech severely stunted, wouldn't have a normal life, and he's just coming out of high school.

See, Vinnie Lane was in a coma for almost two months. That's a long fucking time. I was nice to Vinnie, but well, Vinnie gonna be Vinnie.

Is that why he hates you now?

I dunno, I don't really care much. It was just a matter of time, the guy's a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

He said you're obese, and an addict.

Brain damaged, honey, brain damaged. He doesn't even remember I got him a gig at Woodstock. Hell, this is the guy who turned on a partner and saved Austin Fernando thinking he was the future of the company. Brain damaged.

The man literally stared at a dish of mashed potatoes for ten minutes once while muttering under his breath, something about dreams or whatever.

He said nobody likes you.

Hyep. Vinnie gonna Vinnie. I'm not really sure I'm even around to be liked; I eat brains like they're candy and little regard for the poor devils who feed me, and I do that by my own accord. I reckon that's bound to piss people off here and there, but flat out, I'm here to be Robbie Bourbon, not the prom king. I'll make sure to send him a lovely card after the match. This is if he doesn't somehow get another head injury getting a bag of chips from the store, or taking a huge dump, and presuming he can read it. I think Roxy can read it to him. She's the brains in the outfit.

C'mon, there's a Wal-Mart not far from here, we'll get his card there.


Later.

We see Robbie and Blue walking into a Wal-Mart.

Aren't you worried about your court date?

Nah, I'm Robbie Motherfucking Bourbon, I do what I want.

Robbie pulls his wallet out and shows his girlfriend his new business card.


See?

No, no I do not. Put that away, silly ass.

Robbie chuckles to himself as he and Blue walk to the section full of greeting cards.

So, uh, what kind of card are we looking for?

I dunno, I'll know it when I see it.

How about these?

Blue points to a section that says "Get Well Soon".

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. That implies there's something wrong with Vinnie, and Vinnie's pretty touchy about that. Ever go up to a drunk and start to berate them? It usually doesn't wind up pretty. Well, same thing with Vinnie and his situation. His ego can't let go of it. Even though Shane hired all those guys in the CCWF, and even gave Vinnie that special belt which was supposed to reinforce his cranium, he just keeps going out and getting his head fucked with time and again. Somehow. No reason to create a conflict with the guy, I think something simple should work.

Like a greeting card?

Well, yeah, but funny. Funnier than just "hello", you know?

Okay, what about...

Robbie immediately grabs a card from the rack. The signage says "Girls Birthday".

Seriously?

Maybe. I dunno, it's vibrant, has cute pictures, I'm pretty sure Vinnie will like it.

Honey...

Okay, okay.

Robbie puts the card back. The couple continue to peruse the bevy of cards in front of them, until finally both stop and gasp. Robbie pulls it from the rack, and on the front is a picture of a dog flying through space with a rainbow shooting out of it's ass.

That's perfect!

You sure?

Hell yeah! Who doesn't like dogs!

What does it say inside?

Robbie opens it, and shuts it again.

No, he's going to watch this, I don't want to spoil the surprise of what's in the card. He'll like it, I know.

Okay, babe. Well, let's go pay for this and get back to the courthouse. It'd be pretty shitty if you just got sent back to jail after you got Vinnie a card.

"Stop! My purse!"

Suddenly, a man bolts past Robbie and Blue holding a small blue purse. A young woman is screaming and pointing at him. Robbie hands the card to Blue and takes off after the purse snatcher. Off camera we hear a crash, a scream, a snap, and a slurp, and we see Robbie walking back holding a blue purse, his jowels coated dark red. He hands the purse to the young lady, who looks at him in horror and disgust and runs with her purse. Robbie turns to Blue.

Do I have something in my teeth?