FUCK YOU, THOMAS GIRARD! YOU UPPITY LOOKIN' PIECE OF SHIT! I'M GONNA FUCKIN' DEAL WITH YOU LATER! I GOT BIGGER, SMELLIER, DUMBER FISH TO FRY!

BITCH, YOU MUST BE MOTHERFUCKIN' BLIND, DELUSIONAL, OR BOTH! I MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN' KNOCKOFF G.I. JOE! I'M FUCKIN' 7 FEET TALL, YOU FUCKIN' ! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SMART! GOD DAMN IT!

I'LL FUCKIN' RUN YOU THE FUCK OVER WITH THIS "BIG WHEEL" AND THEN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! I'LL MAKE YOU NOT JUST MY BITCH, BUT MY FUCKIN' MOTORBIKE'S BITCH TOO! THAT'S HOW MUCH I FUCKIN' HATE YOU! SWEET BENNY IS LESS OF A BITCH THAN YOU, AND HE'S MEANT TO BE PEOPLE'S BITCH!

WAY TO FUCKIN' INSULT YOUR OWN DAMN COUNTRY, YOU COMMIE FUCKTARD! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED YOUR COUNTRY! YOU'RE ALWAYS RAVING ABOUT HOW FUCKIN' AWESOME IT IS, AND HOW AWESOME KIM JONG UN IS, BUT YOU JUST FUCKIN' INSULTED IT BY INSULTING THE CHILDREN! JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE STUPIDER THAN A BOWL OF MOLDY ALPHA BITS! EXCEPT THE ALPHA BITS COULD PROBABLY MAKE A BETTER INSULT THAN YOU!

ALSO, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME BEFORE? I WAS BORN OUT OF A BOWL OF BROWNIE MIX! I HAVE NO PARENTS! YOU'RE DEAF, STUPID, FRAIL AS SHIT, AND CAN'T EVEN MEASURE HEIGHT CORRECTLY! JUST FUCKIN' KILL YERSELF!

Jerkbeast roundhouse kicks NKWC and then grabs him off the ground to give him a triple powerbomb, the third being through the nearest pane of glass. Then he climbs onto the windowsill and gives NKWC a Senton Bomb off of it. He goes for the pin.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

The red plush creature lands with a squeak on NKWC's chest, not quite weighing enough to break through the table. Immediately NKWC's chest is filled with warmth and rainbows.

"Hey! My little buddy's back!"

"Aww, and you have a whole new series of cute catchphrases."

"I'd love to know what your backstory is. Brownie Mix, you say? So are the homosexual world's answer to the Pillsbury doughboy?"

"If I tickle your stomach, will you sassily snap your fingers three times and demand equal marriage opportunity?"

"In that case, I better hold off."

NKWC snuggles his '7-foot' friend close to his own '8-foot-15 inch body.

(Check NKWC's roster page, True (Korean) Believers!)

"I think the Korean child that inserted your voice chip needs to have his arms lopped off, though."

"How did I insult North Korea, tiny friend?"

"By implying our children work 20 hours days? By mentioning that we abandon our baby girls? Little friend, those are things that make True Korea great!"

"In True Korea, we have no playground cootie epidemic like in your American territories because we liquidated most of population that spreads that affliction."

"Our working-class children have jobs! Like... That pay money. Doesn't that blow your tiny American fluff brain, stuffed animal companion?"

"An American child goes through 12 years of inferior American public school, 4 years of ineffective American higher education and 2 years of even less effective American higher HIGHER education to sleep on their parents' couch and accumulate interest on $120,000 of debt."

"A Korean child with fingers and the ability to run on 3 hours of sleep a night has gainful employment AND A GUARANTEED (forced) 30+ year career!"

"How is Korea not the very best? We don't have little people like you OR the disabled! We don't have to avoid ANYONE'S eye contact!"

NKWC ties a balloon around his best friend's wrist.

"It's always fun chatting with you, Jerkbeast."

"But I need to go back to fighting off real challengers. Y'know, non-midgets. People with deep voices and the right to vote and SOULS."

"And I know you might have missed this lesson I n your failing American brownie-mix schools."

"But it's important that we all take turns."

NKWC releases the balloon. And Jerkbeast begins gently floating into the air.

NKWC waves a tearful goodbye as Jerkbeast reaches 30... 40 feet now!

Jerkbeast pops the balloon with one of his talons, and hands on NKWC, breaking the ground underneath him. He then starts punching NKWC's face, causing a lot of bleeding.

NOT SO FAST YOU FUCKIN' PRICKBAG!

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT GOOD? IT SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKIN' HELLHOLE! AND OBVIOUSLY THEY DON'T KILL ALL OF THE DISABLED, CAUSE YOU'RE STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF ME! THEY CAN'T EVEN COMMIT FUCKIN' GENOCIDE CORRECTLY!

HERE, WE DON'T SEND OUR KIDS TO FUCKING SWEATSHOPS SO THEY CAN HAVE FUCKED UP LIVES! WE LET THEM FUCK UP THEIR OWN LIVES! YOUR COUNTRY LITERALLY FORCES FAILURE! NO WONDER WE HATE YOU COMMIE BASTARDS SO MUCH!

YOU THINK I'M A PLUSH DOLL? THEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET FUCKIN' MURDERED BY A BEANIE BABY! HOW FUCKIN' PATHETIC! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH! YOU'RE JUST A FUCKIN' SKIDMARK IN KJU'S 30X UNDERWEAR! AND YOU'RE FUCKIN' PROUD OF IT, AREN'T YA? GO GET YOUR MANDATORY FACESITTING SO YOU CAN SUFFOCATE ON HIS SHIT AND DIE!

Jerkbeast picks up the heavily beaten NKWC and effortlessly throws him into a wall multiple times. He then whips him against the wall and body checks him through it. He goes for another pin.

1...

2...

2.99999999...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

Jerkbeast?

You're all right, you know that?

You're all right.

(03-19-2016, 12:30 PM)Mini Morbid Said: Jerkbeast?

You're all right, you know that?

You're all right.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT TOO!

Jerkbeast says mid pin.

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

KICKOUT! NKWC can’t help but giggle while hanging out with his teddy bear companion.

"Haha... Just dawned on me: you're from Hell AND a batch of brownie mix? Are you just spewing gibberish or were created by a batch of Hell brownies?"

"Are Americans so fat even their eternal torment comes with complimentary high-carb desserts?"

"Fat garbage unemployed Americans. You’re right. You don't force your children into sweatshops, you just let them live their dreams and fall into fake careers as street performers and food bloggers."

"And they slowly run out their parent’s money, starving on the streets pursuing their 'dreams' spawned by mental illness and children's television. En masse, they drain the government’s resources, which then causes the government to invade other countries to seize short-term wealth. More leech do-nothing Americans are born and the cycle of dream-generated destruction perpetuates into infinity."

“And yet Korea is the problem.”

"How do you make sense of that? The DPNK’s the hellhole but America's the country where the people who dress in fur suits with dick holes DON'T get shot on sight? That’s your claim... and you're calling me backwards?"

"Wait a second... Where’s 'here'? For someone ‘from Hell’, you sure are defensive of America?"

"WHICH IS IT, JERKBEAST?!? A brownie mix from Hell or a Brownie Mix from KENYA!?!?"

"I can't believe this is the third opponent in a row with questionable origin, but I need to see this stuffed animal's birth certificate."

"Doesn't the Build-A-Bear Factory give one to your owner? Was your tiny plush heart inserted in MEXICO?!?"

"Honestly, Jerkbeast? I love you, tiny dwarf comrade, but you're done."

"You're done. And everyone knows it."

"This belt has a little mercy rule implemented... When a fight is just so apparently one-sided that the contest becomes less of a competition and more of a televised mugging?"

"Girard steps in and calls it. Count to 3. And then tries to avert eye contact as the loser that got massacred quietly scoops himself off the floor and reconsiders his life choices.”

"And one back-n-forth in?"

"The bell rang. Girard, the same guy who let Robbie Bourbon leak ten gallons of a blood-drool-glue hybrid as I just wailed on his defenseless face for almost 24 hours. Called it off in the interest of not ending your career."

"See? That's the problem. Security's trying to escort off the mic. And you've handcuffed yourself to the podium."

Quote: I WASN'T FUCKIN' DONE!

"Yeah, you were, Jerkbeast."

"You were done the moment you took your lame-ass 'swearing-makes-me-tough' and 'random-words-make-me-funny' act."

"And ran it against the most dominant NORTHKOREANWARCRIMINALWEIGHT CHAMPION of all-time.”

“Don’t want to get mistaken for a children’s toy? Don’t get played in 30 seconds.”

“Want me to stop laughing? Stop being a joke.”

“Now pack up your Polly Pocket suitcase, move back into Barbie’s Dreamhouse.”

"And get the fuck out."

NKWC stuffs his stuffed bear friend into a packing crate and ships him back to the Toys ‘R Us he came from.

(03-19-2016, 04:28 PM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: KICKOUT! NKWC can’t help but giggle while hanging out with his teddy bear companion.

"Haha... Just dawned on me: you're from Hell AND a batch of brownie mix? Are you just spewing gibberish or were created by a batch of Hell brownies?"

"Are Americans so fat even their eternal torment comes with complimentary high-carb desserts?"

"Fat garbage unemployed Americans. You’re right. You don't force your children into sweatshops, you just let them live their dreams and fall into fake careers as street performers and food bloggers."

"And they slowly run out their parent’s money, starving on the streets pursuing their 'dreams' spawned by mental illness and children's television. En masse, they drain the government’s resources, which then causes the government to invade other countries to seize short-term wealth. More leech do-nothing Americans are born and the cycle of dream-generated destruction perpetuates into infinity."

“And yet Korea is the problem.”

"How do you make sense of that? The DPNK’s the hellhole but America's the country where the people who dress in fur suits with dick holes DON'T get shot on sight? That’s your claim... and you're calling me backwards?"

"Wait a second... Where’s 'here'? For someone ‘from Hell’, you sure are defensive of America?"

"WHICH IS IT, JERKBEAST?!? A brownie mix from Hell or a Brownie Mix from KENYA!?!?"

"I can't believe this is the third opponent in a row with questionable origin, but I need to see this stuffed animal's birth certificate."

"Doesn't the Build-A-Bear Factory give one to your owner? Was your tiny plush heart inserted in MEXICO?!?"

"Honestly, Jerkbeast? I love you, tiny dwarf comrade, but you're done."

"You're done. And everyone knows it."

"This belt has a little mercy rule implemented... When a fight is just so apparently one-sided that the contest becomes less of a competition and more of a televised mugging?"

"Girard steps in and calls it. Count to 3. And then tries to avert eye contact as the loser that got massacred quietly scoops himself off the floor and reconsiders his life choices.”

"And one back-n-forth in?"

"The bell rang. Girard, the same guy who let Robbie Bourbon leak ten gallons of a blood-drool-glue hybrid as I just wailed on his defenseless face for almost 24 hours. Called it off in the interest of not ending your career."

"See? That's the problem. Security's trying to escort off the mic. And you've handcuffed yourself to the podium."

Quote: I WASN'T FUCKIN' DONE!

"Yeah, you were, Jerkbeast."

"You were done the moment you took your lame-ass 'swearing-makes-me-tough' and 'random-words-make-me-funny' act."

"And ran it against the most dominant NORTHKOREANWARCRIMINALWEIGHT CHAMPION of all-time.”

“Don’t want to get mistaken for a children’s toy? Don’t get played in 30 seconds.”

“Want me to stop laughing? Stop being a joke.”

“Now pack up your Polly Pocket suitcase, move back into Barbie’s Dreamhouse.”

"And get the fuck out."

NKWC stuffs his stuffed bear friend into a packing crate and ships him back to the Toys ‘R Us he came from.

Jerkbeast busts through the crate and nearly kicks NKWC's head off. He then grabs him by the neck and goes to the fourth deck of the warehouse they broke into. Jerkbeast chokeslams NKWC off it through multiple stacked crates full of porcelain and glassware, leaving NKWC even bloodier than before.

BITCH, HOW IS THAT HELL? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HELL IS DO YA? THAT DEAD-ASS COMMIE BASTARD KIM IL SUNG BANNED RELIGION! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT HELL!

AND YES, KOREA IS THE PROBLEM! ON TOP OF ALL THAT BULLSHIT, WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHITTY LEADER'S CONSTANT HISSY FITS! LET ME REPHRASE THAT; YOUR ENTIRE COUNTRY'S HISSY FITS! YOU'VE HELD A GRUDGE FOR NEARLY 80 YEARS WHEN WE HAVEN'T DONE JACK SHIT TO YOU OUTSIDE OF THE KOREAN WAR! AND WE DIDN'T EVEN START THAT!

I'M BORN OUT OF A BOWL OF BROWNIE MIX, BUT I GREW UP IN HELL! GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKIN' THICK SKULL! I'VE KILLED SO MANY PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO HELL WHILE STILL ALIVE! I'VE SEEN DEMONS AND PEOPLE GETTING FUCKIN' TORTURED! YOU THINK I'M FUCKIN' AFRAID OF A COMMIE BASTARD WHO HAS RIBS I CAN SEE THROUGH HIS FUCKIN' SHIRT? NO! IT JUST MAKES ME HUNGRY FOR RIBS!

IF YOU WANT ME TO BE MORE SPECIFIC, THE BROWNIE MIX WAS IN ISSAQUAH, WASHINGTON! THE STATE, NOT THE D.C, YOU UNEDUCATED FUCKTARD!

THEY'RE GONNA NEED THAT MERCY RULE AFTER THE FUCKIN' BEATING I'M GONNA GIVE YA! YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE IN PYONGYANG SUCKIN' KIM JONG UN'S TRIPLE D MAN TITS!

AND HOW THE FUCK IS IT AN ACT? YOU THINK I'M MAD? BITCH, I'M HAVIN' A GOOD DAY! YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE NEAR ME WHEN I'M ACTUALLY PISSED! MY NAME IS LITERALLY JERKBEAST! I'M A BEAST THAT'S A JERK! SWEARING IS KIND OF WHAT I DO!

WHEN I'M DONE BEATING YOUR ASS BACK TO THAT COMMIE SHITHOLE, I'M RENAMING THIS BELT THE JERKWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN FUCKIN' DO ABOUT IT!

Jerkbeast throws his ID and Passport at NKWC's face before hitting a foot stomp to his groin from the balcony. He goes for another pin.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

NKWC kicks out! He laughs at the toy's ridiculous misunderstandings.

"Haha... Aww. You poor stupid misfit toy."

"Believe it or not, tiny doll boy, I've heard of Hell before. I travel with the XWF so... I've stumbled across a hotel bible before.

"Great read. Loved the part where the Magic Socialist that shot free healthcare out of his hands and advocated for equal distribution was executed."

"Can see why it's so popular in your United States. So true to the real world that people with good messages get murdered by capitalists afraid of losing their money."

"I've also heard of the state of Washington."

"State with the 3rd most asthma. 4th most disabled people. Great American state. Great target for nuclear warhead testing. The most hilarious site we could think of."

"Of course I've heard of Washington."

"It's so easy to pretend your opponent is stupid when you make believe he's misunderstanding simple concepts."

"I'M GOING TO PIN YOU. NO, NOT LIKE A SAFETY PIN, YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID."

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU. AND NO, I DON'T MEAN LIKE A GROUP OF CROWS I MEAN LIKE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. HOW COULD MIX UP THOSE THINGS, YOU FUCKING IDIOT."

"What a great strategy, Jerkbeast! Since you couldn't beat your actual opponent, you made up an imaginary one that is somehow dumber than you."

"Now that's a powerful imagination. And congratulations! You went from dead last to 2nd place out of 3."

"What an improvement."

"Did I ever say you were mad? Nope. Just another thing your imaginary friend said I guess."

"I think you're sad. Not emotionally. I think your existence is sad."

"I think the fact that you came here all the way, crawled from the depths of Hell itself. Murdered a lot of people. Found your way into the XWF."

"And now, after building that impressive resume..."

"Immediately lost a fight you started via ambush. With an 'emaciated North Korean'."

"Now? Twice."

NKWC starts stomping the teddy bear until fluff starts flying into the air.

"Call it, Girard. This toy's boring."

(03-19-2016, 09:26 PM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: NKWC kicks out! He laughs at the toy's ridiculous misunderstandings.

"Haha... Aww. You poor stupid misfit toy."

"Believe it or not, tiny doll boy, I've heard of Hell before. I travel with the XWF so... I've stumbled across a hotel bible before.

"Great read. Loved the part where the Magic Socialist that shot free healthcare out of his hands and advocated for equal distribution was executed."

"Can see why it's so popular in your United States. So true to the real world that people with good messages get murdered by capitalists afraid of losing their money."

"I've also heard of the state of Washington."

"State with the 3rd most asthma. 4th most disabled people. Great American state. Great target for nuclear warhead testing. The most hilarious site we could think of."

"Of course I've heard of Washington."

"It's so easy to pretend your opponent is stupid when you make believe he's misunderstanding simple concepts."

"I'M GOING TO PIN YOU. NO, NOT LIKE A SAFETY PIN, YOU FUCKING MONGOLOID."

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU. AND NO, I DON'T MEAN LIKE A GROUP OF CROWS I MEAN LIKE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. HOW COULD MIX UP THOSE THINGS, YOU FUCKING IDIOT."

"What a great strategy, Jerkbeast! Since you couldn't beat your actual opponent, you made up an imaginary one that is somehow dumber than you."

"Now that's a powerful imagination. And congratulations! You went from dead last to 2nd place out of 3."

"What an improvement."

"Did I ever say you were mad? Nope. Just another thing your imaginary friend said I guess."

"I think you're sad. Not emotionally. I think your existence is sad."

"I think the fact that you came here all the way, crawled from the depths of Hell itself. Murdered a lot of people. Found your way into the XWF."

"And now, after building that impressive resume..."

"Immediately lost a fight you started via ambush. With an 'emaciated North Korean'."

"Now? Twice."

NKWC starts stomping the teddy bear until fluff starts flying into the air.

"Call it, Girard. This toy's boring."

OVER HERE, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS!

NKWC realizes he was stomping carnival-sized plushie of Clifford the Big Red Dog. He turns around to see Jerkbeast on his motorbike with Sweet Benny riding behind him. Jerkbeast guns it towards NKWC, and smashes a glass bottle against his head while riding by him. He then gets off the bike, grabs Sweet Benny, who puts his goggles on for safety, and gives him a monkey flip. Sweet Benny uses the momentum to hit a 450 Splash on NKWC. Jerkbeast then drags a box of glassware over to NKWC, straddles him, and starts smashing the glasses in the box against his head one-by-one.

I WAS OKAY WITH YOU UNTIL YOU INSULTED WASHINGTON! I HATE THE FUCKIN' PEOPLE THAT LIVE THERE, THEY'RE FUCKIN' HIPPIE/HIPSTER DIPSHIT TRASH, BUT I LOVE THAT FUCKIN' STATE!

I'M SURPRISED AS HELL THAT YOU KNOW WHAT A MURDER OF CROWS IS! CONGRATULATIONS, THAT'S THE FIRST COMPETENT THING YOU'VE SAID IN YOUR WHOLE FUCKIN' CAREER! MAYBE NEXT, USING THAT "SUPERIOR" COMMIE SUMBITCH BRAIN OF YOURS, YOU CAN ACTUALLY LEARN HOW TO FIGHT!

YOU'RE STILL COMPARING ME TO A STUFFED TOY? NEWS FLASH, WALTER CRONKITE! YOU AREN'T FUCKIN' FUNNY! IF ANYTHING, IT'S MAKING YOU LOOK BAD! A STUFFED TOY IS MAKING YOU BLEED LIKE KIM JONG UN'S POPPED HEMORRHOID! THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE! YOUR PIECE OF SHIT LEADER IS A CLOSE SECOND!

I ONLY LOST THE FIGHT BECAUSE GIRARD IS A FUCKIN' ! I HAD THAT SHIT, BUT THEN HE FUCKIN' WALTZED UP AND CALLED IT IN YOUR FAVOR WHEN I WASN'T EVEN HURT! I BET YOU SUCK HIS FUCKIN' DICK JUST SO YOU CAN KEEP THAT BELT! IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME WITH HOW WELL YOU SUCK YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY'S DICK!

Jerkbeast then drags NKWC over to the nearest wall. He picks up NKWC's arms and starts kicking the back of his head into the brick wall, leaving what looks like skull fragments. He then stops, steps back, and lets Sweet Benny give NKWC a knee to the face from the motorbike. He goes for yet another pin.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

Taking a page out of X-Treme Champion Austin Fernando’s playbook, NKWC no-sells that bullshit attack and kicks out!

“Thanks for the recognition! It took a lot of hard work and dedication to my craft to say ‘one competent thing’!”

“I mean, it’s truly tragic that to an American, knowing basic animal terminology qualifies one for ‘competence’, but I’m honored that you would acknowledge my effort!”

“Maybe some day you’ll get there yourself! … But with you repeating the same shit over and over without any originality or nuance? It doesn’t look like it’s going to happen today.”

“Did you think that ‘KIM JONG-UN SUCKS!’ and ‘YOU’RE A COMMIE!’ and ‘YOU SUCK KIM JONG-UN’S DICK!’ was head-turning, game-changing, earth-shattering trash talk? Did you really think you ‘had that shit’ when you’re saying the least clever shit already said by the challengers that came before you? The ones with actual material and functioning brain cells? All got knocked the fuck out. I mean, Jesus. You’re the 4th person out of 6 unique challengers to say I suck Kim North Korea’s dick. Tommy Wish was #1.”

“Let that sink in, Jerkbeast. You’re three degrees of originality below FUCKING TOMMY WISH.”

“Although, that’s not even the most unbelievable thing about this fucking encounter.”

“The most unbelievable thing about this whole thing is this moronic giant puppet creature with the education of a first grader and the humor sensibilities of a mentally challenged first grader thinks that I’m the dumb one for treating him like a ‘stuffed toy’.”

“Me? stupid? I’m the one between the two of us who knows that the word ‘fucking’ has a ‘g’ at the end and not an apostrophe, you clod.”

“I’m sorry, you want me to knock off the ‘stuffed toy’ game? Were you really expecting anyone here to take this stupid bullshit seriously? You’re a giant weird mascot entity that hosted a Seattle public television show 13 years ago that no one cared about. You’re right, I’m the loser here. I’m the one who looks bad for calling you a ‘stuffed toy’”

“And if you’re saying I’m not funny, you must be right about that. After all, you’re a walking punchline and a cosmic joke. You must be an expert on humor.”

Quote: A STUFFED TOY IS MAKING YOU BLEED LIKE KIM JONG UN'S POPPED HEMORRHOID!

Quote: NEWS FLASH, WALTER CRONKITE!

Quote: IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME WITH HOW WELL YOU SUCK YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY'S DICK!

“…Jesus Christ. I can’t even pretend you’re funny sarcastically.”

“Stomach cancer is funnier than you.”

“My grandmother’s death was funnier than your wacky comedy.’ At least my grandmother’s passed quickly.”

“You’ve been shitting the bed here trying to talk trash for FUCKING 16 hours now!”

“Girard… I’d even take Gladiator at this point… Please send this kid home.”

“If he had anything worth putting out, he’d have put it out by now.”

NKWC sets Jerkbeast’s weird puppet body on fire.

(03-20-2016, 01:38 AM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: Taking a page out of X-Treme Champion Austin Fernando’s playbook, NKWC no-sells that bullshit attack and kicks out!

“Thanks for the recognition! It took a lot of hard work and dedication to my craft to say ‘one competent thing’!”

“I mean, it’s truly tragic that to an American, knowing basic animal terminology qualifies one for ‘competence’, but I’m honored that you would acknowledge my effort!”

“Maybe some day you’ll get there yourself! … But with you repeating the same shit over and over without any originality or nuance? It doesn’t look like it’s going to happen today.”

“Did you think that ‘KIM JONG-UN SUCKS!’ and ‘YOU’RE A COMMIE!’ and ‘YOU SUCK KIM JONG-UN’S DICK!’ was head-turning, game-changing, earth-shattering trash talk? Did you really think you ‘had that shit’ when you’re saying the least clever shit already said by the challengers that came before you? The ones with actual material and functioning brain cells? All got knocked the fuck out. I mean, Jesus. You’re the 4th person out of 6 unique challengers to say I suck Kim North Korea’s dick. Tommy Wish was #1.”

“Let that sink in, Jerkbeast. You’re three degrees of originality below FUCKING TOMMY WISH.”

“Although, that’s not even the most unbelievable thing about this fucking encounter.”

“The most unbelievable thing about this whole thing is this moronic giant puppet creature with the education of a first grader and the humor sensibilities of a mentally challenged first grader thinks that I’m the dumb one for treating him like a ‘stuffed toy’.”

“Me? stupid? I’m the one between the two of us who knows that the word ‘fucking’ has a ‘g’ at the end and not an apostrophe, you clod.”

“I’m sorry, you want me to knock off the ‘stuffed toy’ game? Were you really expecting anyone here to take this stupid bullshit seriously? You’re a giant weird mascot entity that hosted a Seattle public television show 13 years ago that no one cared about. You’re right, I’m the loser here. I’m the one who looks bad for calling you a ‘stuffed toy’”

“And if you’re saying I’m not funny, you must be right about that. After all, you’re a walking punchline and a cosmic joke. You must be an expert on humor.”

Quote: A STUFFED TOY IS MAKING YOU BLEED LIKE KIM JONG UN'S POPPED HEMORRHOID!

Quote: NEWS FLASH, WALTER CRONKITE!

Quote: IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME WITH HOW WELL YOU SUCK YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY'S DICK!

“…Jesus Christ. I can’t even pretend you’re funny sarcastically.”

“Stomach cancer is funnier than you.”

“My grandmother’s death was funnier than your wacky comedy.’ At least my grandmother’s passed quickly.”

“You’ve been shitting the bed here trying to talk trash for FUCKING 16 hours now!”

“Girard… I’d even take Gladiator at this point… Please send this kid home.”

“If he had anything worth putting out, he’d have put it out by now.”

NKWC sets Jerkbeast’s weird puppet body on fire.

Jerkbeast completely disregards the fire and starts throwing flaming punches at NKWC.

DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK COMPETENCE MEANS? IT DOESN'T MEAN "INTELLIGENCE", IT MEANS "ABILITY TO DO SOMETHING EFFICIENTLY!" JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN EFFICIENTLY USE ANIMAL TERMINOLOGY DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING ELSE! OBVIOUSLY! YOU CAN'T FIGHT WORTH A DAMN!

AT LEAST I'M FUNNIER THAN YOU, FUCKTARD! IT'S BETTER TO BE NOT FUNNY THAN PAINFULLY UNFUNNY! STOMACH CANCER IS FUNNIER THAN ME? GOOD, BECAUSE YER GIVING ME STOMACH CANCER JUST LOOKIN' AT YA!

I'M NOT TRYING TO BE ORIGINAL! I'M JUST TRYING TO GET YOU TO FUCKIN' ADMIT IT! IT'S 2016! IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY NOW! AND BECAUSE YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT, KJU WONT KILL YOU FOR SAYING IT!

ARE YOU REALLY MAKING FUN OF ME FOR THE WAY I FUCKIN' TALK? GOD DAMN IT, JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANY MORE ! I COULD MAKE FUN OF YOU FOR YOUR ACCENT, BUT THERE'S SO MUCH ELSE TO MAKE FUN OF THAT I DON'T FUCKIN' HAVE TO!

I'M THE FUCKIN' LOSER? I MANAGED TO BE MORE ENTERTAINING ON THAT PUBLIC ACCESS SHOW THAN YOU ARE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! AND GUESS WHAT? I'M GETTIN' THE SHOW BACK ON THE AIR! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY SHIT ON A WEEKLY BASIS!

GLADIATOR, BECAUSE GIRARD IS PROBABLY TOO HIGH OFF HUFFIN' EXHAUST TO CALL THIS MATCH PROPERLY, END THIS MATCH BEFORE I FUCKIN' KILL THIS BASTARD!

Jerkbeast gives NKWC a flaming spear which sets him on fire. Sweet Benny then puts him out, and Jerkbeast picks up NKWC to give him a pumphandle piledriver into the glass-covered floor. Sweet Benny then hits a standing moonsault on him with a simultaneous double stomp to the head from Jerkbeast.

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

"...impressive attack."

"If only you'd remembered to pin me. Or even thought to put out that fire, you fucking buffoon."

NKWC watches the puppet's parts melt and liquefy in the crackling flames.

The metal heats, the papier-mâché and styrofoam twists and blackens, black smoke circles into the air.

From his coat pocket, NKWC retrieves a tiny scroll. He unrolls it and begins reading.

"I came not to bury my dear friend, Jerkbeast. I came to roast him."

"What can you say about Jerkbeast that couldn't be said about herpes simplex A."

"They're both red..."

"Tiny..."

"And mildly irritating but ultimately harmless."

"Jerkbeast was an artist in this game of violence we all play."

"But not a good artist."

"Like a day-care operator's artist. When she walks into a room and one kid spilled glitter on a paper plate, and another kid ripped their plate in half and a third kid is choking on a bottle of Elmer's glue."

"And she looks at this discordant chaos and parrots 'MY MY, A CLASS FULL OF ARTISTS.'"

"That's the caliber of technical mastery Jerkbeast brought to the XWF."

"All true artists are stricken with a curse. Beethoven was deaf. Roman Polanski was so clumsy, he fell into a 12 year old girl's vagina penis-first."

"Jerkbeast's art was wrestling. And his curse was being terrible at wrestling."

"Jerkbeast was his actual name."

"'Jerkbeast' sounds like an idea for a superhero a developmentally-challenged 3rd-grader would say 'needs fleshing out'."

"Jerkbeast is to failing at professional wrestling as Eric Clapton's son was to falling from a window."

"Sure, both were tragedies in the moment. But I'm sure in time, just like the latter, the former will become hilarious in retrospect."

"Unlike Eric Clapton's son though, Jerkbeast's failure at life will never actually be funny."

"More like Jerkbeast funny."

"That sad 'wow-you're-trying-so-hard-this-is-sad' kind of funny Jerkbeast will be remembered for perfecting."

"Jerkbeast was a simple brownie-mix creature. But he always stuck to his guns."

"Just like he stuck to his classic mainstays of 'SUCK MY DICK' and 'YOU SUCK DICK'."

"If Jerkbeast could be here, at his own Viking funeral, all of us that knew him know he'd say 'THIS SUCKS DICK.'"

"Jerkbeast would act like his opponent was an idiot was targeting things like his appearance, behavior, intelligence, wrestling ability, the way he talked and the fact that he was a poor speaker."

"Because true trash talkers only accuse their opponents of homosexuality... and nothing else."

"He'd then obsessively describe all the different ways his adversary has performed oral sex. Without irony."

"Truly an innovator in the game of trash talk, he not only pioneered brave new ways to say one thing over and over, he found a fresh, new way to do even that."

"By never saying anything of substance or even merit."

"Rest in Peace, Jerkbeast. Born on a day I didn't look up. Died the day he decided to cross someone better than him."

"Good night, stupid prince. And a flock of angels take thee back to the Hell from whence you came. This time, certainly dead."

NKWC rolls up the scroll again and flings it into the growing fire.

A single tear rolls down his eye.

(03-20-2016, 10:14 AM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: "...impressive attack."

"If only you'd remembered to pin me. Or even thought to put out that fire, you fucking buffoon."

NKWC watches the puppet's parts melt and liquefy in the crackling flames.

The metal heats, the papier-mâché and styrofoam twists and blackens, black smoke circles into the air.

From his coat pocket, NKWC retrieves a tiny scroll. He unrolls it and begins reading.

"I came not to bury my dear friend, Jerkbeast. I came to roast him."

"What can you say about Jerkbeast that couldn't be said about herpes simplex A."

"They're both red..."

"Tiny..."

"And mildly irritating but ultimately harmless."

"Jerkbeast was an artist in this game of violence we all play."

"But not a good artist."

"Like a day-care operator's artist. When she walks into a room and one kid spilled glitter on a paper plate, and another kid ripped their plate in half and a third kid is choking on a bottle of Elmer's glue."

"And she looks at this discordant chaos and parrots 'MY MY, A CLASS FULL OF ARTISTS.'"

"That's the caliber of technical mastery Jerkbeast brought to the XWF."

"All true artists are stricken with a curse. Beethoven was deaf. Roman Polanski was so clumsy, he fell into a 12 year old girl's vagina penis-first."

"Jerkbeast's art was wrestling. And his curse was being terrible at wrestling."

"Jerkbeast was his actual name."

"'Jerkbeast' sounds like an idea for a superhero a developmentally-challenged 3rd-grader would say 'needs fleshing out'."

"Jerkbeast is to failing at professional wrestling as Eric Clapton's son was to falling from a window."

"Sure, both were tragedies in the moment. But I'm sure in time, just like the latter, the former will become hilarious in retrospect."

"Unlike Eric Clapton's son though, Jerkbeast's failure at life will never actually be funny."

"More like Jerkbeast funny."

"That sad 'wow-you're-trying-so-hard-this-is-sad' kind of funny Jerkbeast will be remembered for perfecting."

"Jerkbeast was a simple brownie-mix creature. But he always stuck to his guns."

"Just like he stuck to his classic mainstays of 'SUCK MY DICK' and 'YOU SUCK DICK'."

"If Jerkbeast could be here, at his own Viking funeral, all of us that knew him know he'd say 'THIS SUCKS DICK.'"

"Jerkbeast would act like his opponent was an idiot was targeting things like his appearance, behavior, intelligence, wrestling ability, the way he talked and the fact that he was a poor speaker."

"Because true trash talkers only accuse their opponents of homosexuality... and nothing else."

"He'd then obsessively describe all the different ways his adversary has performed oral sex. Without irony."

"Truly an innovator in the game of trash talk, he not only pioneered brave new ways to say one thing over and over, he found a fresh, new way to do even that."

"By never saying anything of substance or even merit."

"Rest in Peace, Jerkbeast. Born on a day I didn't look up. Died the day he decided to cross someone better than him."

"Good night, stupid prince. And a flock of angels take thee back to the Hell from whence you came. This time, certainly dead."

NKWC rolls up the scroll again and flings it into the growing fire.

A single tear rolls down his eye.

Jerkbeast hits NKWC in the back of the head as he burns the same Clifford plush from earlier.

DID I SAY I WANTED TO PIN YOU? I WASN'T DONE KILLIN' YA YET!

IF I'M HERPES, THEN YER FUCKIN' LICE! YOU'RE TINY, ANNOYING, AND MAKE ME WANT TO SCALP MYSELF! AND YOU CAN AT LEAST MAKE HERPES HURT LESS! LICE ARE A FUCKIN' BITCH TO GET RID OF!

IF I'M REALLY THAT BAD OF A FIGHTER, THEN YOU'RE EVEN MORE PATHETIC THAN I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU THIS WHOLE TIME! A DAY CARE OPERATOR IS GOING TO MAKE YOU NEED TO PICK GLASS OUT OF YER FUCKIN' BACK!

I THINK YOU MEANT TO SAY NKWC, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT DOMINANT THIS WHOLE FIGHT, WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN BEATEN INTO A WALKING PULP! IF YER GONNA INSULT ME, AT LEAST MAKE IT HARD FOR ME TO PROVE WRONG! ALL I HAVE TO DO IS FUCKIN' LOOK AT YA!

I'M TRYING TOO HARD? YOU'RE THE ONE THAT INSISTED I WAS A FUCKIN' BEANIE BABY WHILE GETTING YOUR BRAIN TURNED INTO PUDDING! ALL I'M DOIN' IS KICKIN' YER ASS! I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO FUCKIN' TRY!

I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU TO SUCK MY DICK A SINGLE FUCKIN' TIME! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN LISTENING THIS ENTIRE FIGHT, HAVEN'T YOU? WHY THE FUCK NOT? YER SUPPOSED TO BE INSULTING ME! IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME, YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO INSULT ME FOR!

YOU ARE THE SINGLE STUPIDEST, FRAILEST, WEAKEST, LAMEST, LEAST INTIMIDATING HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER FUCKIN' LAID MY EYES UPON! WHY THE FUCK HASN'T GLADIATOR CALLED THIS MATCH YET?!

Jerkbeast running knees NKWC in the face, knocking him to the ground with a thud. He then stomps his head multiple times, before picking him up and giving him a bridging German Suplex.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

NKWC kicks out! He lifts himself off the ground and dusts his arms, less and less interested in this fight.

"Facts incoming."

"You've suplexed me, executed multiple double-foot stomps, piledriven me..."

"And I've put up no resistance... except setting you on fire."

"And while I've suffered no visible negative effect and am only finding it easier and easier to kick out."

"You're still on fire."

Quote:Jerkbeast completely disregards the fire and starts throwing flaming punches at NKWC.

"Even if I mistook you for a Clifford toy, you haven't put out the fire."

"Idiot. Who looks like a bitch in this fight? The guy taking all these bullshit attacks and getting back up after each and every one of them?"

"Or the guy that somehow gave himself brain damage DELIVERING wrestling moves?"

Quote:A DAY CARE OPERATOR IS GOING TO MAKE YOU NEED TO PICK GLASS OUT OF YER FUCKIN' BACK!

"What? What the fuck does that mean? Is the fire making you hallucinate, did giving ME a piledriver give YOU a concussion or are you just getting dumber by the second?"

"I know your mind-numbingly trash talk is killing my brain cells but I figured you'd be immune."

"This has gotten so bad, you've forgotten 3rd grade English."

"...Allow me to apologize to anyone else listening with 2 or more brain cells. Sorry a large percentage of my promos is explaining literary devices to uneducated circus chimps."

"Does XWF get tax credit for employing the mentally non-functioning?"

"To clarify, I'm generalizing."

"Generalization- abstraction of a general idea, principle, or pattern from the observation of objects, events, or experiences."

"So, no, Jerkbeast. Your promos are not literally 'SUCK MY DICK' over and over again."

"Instead, it's things like YOU SUCK HIS FUCKIN' DICK."

"YOU SUCK YOUR SHITHOLE COUNTRY'S DICK!"

"SUCK SATAN'S DICK."

"SUCKIN' KIM JONG-UN'S TRIPLE D MAN TITS!

"SUFFOCATE ON HIS SHIT AND DIE!"

"Repetitive. Meaningless. Stupid. Filler phrases attempting to disguise the fact you have nothing of essence or substance left to share."

"Hence 'SUCK MY DICK', the umbrella generalization for the mindless obscenities you spew without cleverness or wit."

"And that's all you've said from the beginning."

"We've gone back and forth six times now and the only new wrinkle you've added is demanding someone end this match."

"Which you blatantly stole from me."

"The reason Gladiator isn't ending this?"

"Laziness. He let a fight between Robbie Bourbon and I go until Robbie's pulverized face could legally be sold to American public schools as Bologna. Gladiator could officiate a fight between Mike Tyson and a quadriplegic 8 year-old and he'd still let it go to a judge's decision."

"Why won't he end this fight in YOUR favor?"

"You're losing... Embarrassingly badly."

"You've been saying the same shit for a day now and it's only illustrated how impotent and one-note your offense is."

"Go ahead. I'm begging you. Do something new."

NKWC holds his arms straight out, inviting attack.
"
"Prove me wrong."

Jerkbeast gets out of his defensive stance and laughs.

DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT? WHY WOULD I NEED TO? YOU'VE BEEN MAKIN' THE SAME MISTAKES THIS ENTIRE TIME! BUT I'LL HUMOR YOU, NKWC! INSTEAD OF JUST SAYING THAT YOU SUCK, I'LL TELL YOU WHY YOU SUCK!

FIRST OFF, YOU INSIST THAT YOU ARE A GREAT WRESTLER, WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HAD AN ACTUAL FUCKIN' MATCH YET! ALL YOU'VE DONE IS COMPETE FOR THE LOWEST LEVEL TITLE IN THE WHOLE COMPANY! I'M COMPETING FOR IT BECAUSE I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT TRASH TALK! I COULD ACTUALLY MAKE IT SOMEWHAT RELEVANT!

SECOND, YOU ALSO SEEM TO THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU HOLD IT, THIS TITLE IS NOW THE BEST IN THE COMPANY! IT FUCKIN' ISN'T! THE UNIVERSAL TITLE IS! AND I AM 100% SURE THAT IF YOU WERE IN THE RING, STANDING ACROSS FROM VINNIE LANE, EYES FULL OF THE DESIRE TO PARALYZE YOUR ASS WITH BLACK LABEL DRIVER, YOU'D SHIT YOUR GODDAMN PANTS!

THIRD, FINALLY, AND MOST IRONICALLY, YOU INSIST ON ASKING FOR PEOPLE'S BIRTH CERTIFICATES! YOU LITERALLY GO BY NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL! I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME THING AND HAVE THE NATIONAL GUARD ON YOUR ASS FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "DEMILITARIZED ZONE!"

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU'RE REALLY NORTH KOREAN! YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'VE SPOKEN CANTONESE YOUR WHOLE LIFE! YOU WANT OUR I.D'S? WE DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR FUCKIN' NAME!

ALSO, I THINK YOU MAY HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD WHEN I SAID

Quote: Sweet Benny puts him out...

I MEANT HE PUT ME OUT! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S STILL ON FIRE!

I'M FROM THE FIRE PITS OF HELL! YOU REALLY FUCKIN' THINK FIRE AFFECTS ME? JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE ONE DUMB FUCKIN' SACK OF SHIT!

Jerkbeast then superkicks NKWC so hard that NKWC spits blood and teeth. You can hear his lower jaw disintegrating. After he falls, Jerkbeast goes for the pin.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

NKWC KICKS OUT! DESPITE BLEEDING FROM THE MOUTH, HE IS MORE ENERGIZED THAN EVER!

“THERE WE GO!”

“SOME MOTHERFUCKING POINTS.”

“FIRST TIME IN YOUR XWF CAREER YOU’VE MADE A GODDAMNED POINT.”

“…”

“I mean, your points are all factually incorrect.”

“But, thank God.”

"You’ve been TALKING for like 33 hours. And finally you SAY something.”

“Point #1. I just wrestled my first match on Shove-It. Last night. So, wrong there. Bad start. Now who hasn’t been paying attention?”

"Not only that, I won it single-handedly in a North Korea vs USA match. The only other people in the match were three Americans that I pummeled into goo. More on that later.”

“Meanwhile, you haven’t had a match here. You just started pestering me and… that’s been it for you. Not only that, you haven’t even declared yourself an XWF superstar. You don’t even have a fucking roster page yet. Who the fuck are you to imply someone hasn’t done enough here to merit relevance? Are you going to make this belt more relevant by featuring it prominently on your Seattle-only public access show?”

“Point #2. I beat Peter Gilmour, current Universal Championship #1 contender AND Undefeated superstar Travis McCoy by myself. Well, Maverick was on my team but that’s more of a detriment than just a two-on-one. Subsequently, I have rightful claim to being #1 contender for the Universal championship. So, Loverboy Vinnie Lane is next on my hit list. As is the XWF Universal championship.”

“I’m out for the top title. This current belt is a stepping stone to get there.”

“I’m not the best because I hold this belt. This belt is the best because I hold it. I was the best the moment I signed on the dotted line."

“Now we’re for 0-for-2 on Jerkbeast talking points.”

“Number 3. Are you disputing my heritage? I'll run it down for you.”

"I’m here on a work visa as an international XWF superstar. Green card and everything.”

“My name is North Korean War Criminal.”

“First name North, after the terrible Rob Reiner movie.”

“Middle Name Korean War because I was conceived in the middle of that conflict.”

“And Criminal is a family name.”

“My father murdered that family and took it as his own.”

“So… three swings. Three misses for Jerkbeast.”

“Maybe you should have stuck to ‘SUCK MY DICK’, because actual trash talk? The stuff you just tried? You fucking suck at it.”

“You want to keep talking Hell, fuckface? My boss blew me up with a fucking tank in front of an arena full of people and no charges were ever pressed. It’s the closest Shane ’s ever come to a humanitarian award nomination.”

“Last night, I was hung by a rope by a hillbilly Klan member from Mississippi. This chain of events started a USA chant from every single audience member in the arena.”

“So, sorry if your Hell tourist backstory doesn’t impress me. Don’t you fucking pretend you know what Hell is, you Sesame Street puppet bitch. I know Hell. I live Hell.”

NKWC throws off his jacket, engulfed in flames. He stutter steps forward and punts Jerkbeast square in the face. Jerk beast’s cardboard face collapses inward.

“Come on. What else you got?”

Jerkbeast is glad to get an actual fight out of NKWC.

ABOUT GODDAMN TIME YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO FIGHT ME! TOO BAD YOU SUCK AT
IT WORSE THAN YOU SAY THAT I DO!

WAY TO WAIT FOR THE RESULTS OF YOUR MATCH BEFORE YOU REPLY, JACKASS!
WHEN I MADE THAT POINT, YOU HADN’T EVEN HAD THAT MATCH YET! ALTHOUGH, I’LL
GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE, AND SAY GOOD JOB IN THAT MATCH. IF YOU’VE
NEVER SEEN A WRESTLING MATCH BEFORE! YOU USED A FLAMETHROWER AND
THEN GOT FUCKIN’ LYNCHED! YOU GOT LYNCHED, AND YET YOU STILL CONSIDER IT A
FUCKIN’ WIN? OH WAIT, I FORGOT, NORTH KOREA ALWAYS FINDS A WAY TO SAY THEY
WON!

AND YOUR NAME IS LITERALLY NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL? YEAH, AND MY NAME
IS BULL FUCKIN’ SHIT! BULL AS IN THE ANIMAL, BECAUSE IT MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH
SENSE AS NORTH, FUCKIN’ BECAUSE I LIKE DOING IT, AND SHIT BECAUSE I DO THAT
EVERY MORNING!

HOW THE FUCK DOES NOT HAVING A ROSTER PAGE MAKE ME ANY LESS RIGHT?
YOU STILL SOUND LIKE A CHINESE PERSON INSTEAD OF A KOREAN! WAY TO AVOID
THE FUCKIN’ QUESTION AT HAND!

OH BOO HOO, YOU GOT BLOWN UP AND LYNCHED! YOU HAVE ME TO FUCKIN’ DEAL
WITH NOW! IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE WAS HELL BEFORE, I’D BE SENDING YOU DOWN
A FEW LEVELS!

YOU REALLY THINK THAT WITH THE XWF’S BUDGET THAT I WOULD KEEP THE SHOW
ON PUBLIC ACCESS? NOPE! WE’RE GOIN’ NATIONAL, BITCH! REGARDLESS, SHOWIN’
THE TITLE ON PUBLIC ACCESS WOULD GIVE IT MORE RECOGNITION THAN IT HAS
WITH YOU!

YOU REALLY EXPECTED THE DRUNKEN BASTARDS OF THE SHITHOLE CITY OF LAS
VEGAS TO CHANT AT SOMETHING WORTH CHANTING FOR? JESUS CHRIST, YOU’RE A
FUCKTARD! AND YOU CALL A VOCAL MINORITY OF 30 TRUMP SUPPORTERS THE
ENTIRE AUDIENCE? THE REST OF THE AUDIENCE LEFT! OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY
REASON THEY WERE THERE WAS TO PLAN THE WHOLE THING! AND WHY ARE YOU TELLIN’
ME THIS? I AIN’T FIGHTIN’ FOR AMERICA! I’M FIGHTIN’ FOR MYSELF!

Jerkbeast trades blows with NKWC, eventually cornering him so he can mudhole stomp him
against the wall. He picks him up into a torture rack and then runs him into the wall headfirst,
followed by a Burning Hammer. He puts his foot on NKWC’s chest for the pin.

1…

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

NKWC rolls a shoulder off the ground!

"...The match was on Saturday. 48 hours ago. The fuck do you mean, 'post'?"

"Like, 'post' the results on xwf.com? Can you not afford fucking DIRECTV to watch it live? Wait, sorry. Public Access star. Of course you can't afford basic amenities."

"Sorry I was in the fucking hospital with respiration issues and unconsciousness. I GOT FUCKING HUNG ON A ROPE BY A MISSISSIPPI MORON. I HAD TO RELEARN HOW TO WALK AS MY SEMI-FUNCTIONING LUNGS LEARNED MY LIMBS WEREN'T GONE FOREVER."

"My bad if I had to remember my victory by RECOVERING REPRESSED MEMORY. What the fuck is your excuse?"

"Yeah, I won. I got lynched BECAUSE I won. Because you garbage Americans so desperately want to silence me. Even after North Korea wins, you whine like a rotten, ill-tempered child and cry no fair, the Sun was in your eyes."

"Don't like my methods? X-Treme rules, shithead. Blame Peter Gilmour for not bringing fire to a flag burning match."

"Don't like that the USA lost? Fuck you."

"It's a W in the books and don't you fucking forget the day a filthy, emaciated North Korean won 3-vs-1 and burnt the stars and stripes into cinders. The better red, white and blue flew that night."

"How am I the one who was legally dead for 3 minutes Saturday and you're the one having auditory hallucinations."

"I'm speaking perfect English, fuckwad. You want to talk accents?"

Pictured below, vocal simulations of Jerkbeast's accent as if read as text.

"How am I supposed to hear this shit clearly? Your words slur together like the Micro Machines guy crawled inside a tequila bottle, your words rush and compress so tight that consonants bleed into each other."

"ANY TIME YOU TRY TO SAY THE LETTER 'L' I HAVE TO RE-THINK THE WORD FIVE OR SIX TIMES."



"What is a 'pian'?"



"What is a 'w-hole thing' and why are 30 Trump supporters pianning it?"



"A Fiamethrower? I can contextualize out that whatever it is, it throws fiames... what are fiames?"

"I'm the Asian, shouldn't I be the one having trouble with 'L's? You racist, non-articulating fuckhead."

"You lisp like you're deaf, appropriate considering you CAN'T SEEM TO HEAR HOW FUCKING MORONIC YOU SOUND."

"You want to claim that with North Korea in the news, testing warheads and announcing target cities... Instead of taking advantage of the American public's fear and panic, XWF should have one of its belts on someone unsigned with their flagship weekly program whose only previous credit is 'Seattle-only public access star'?"

"Sorry. Not wanting the belt on me and taking advantage of that national outrage viewership would be as stupid as a major network giving your upcoming Jerkbeast show longer than a half-season."

"Don't worry. I'll tune in."

"Just like the fans of your original show. I'm not here for comedy."

"I'm just starting to enjoy watching you fail at everything you do."

NKWC kips up, grabs Jerkbeast by his fucking underbite-exhibiting lower teeth and starts kneeing him in the face over and over until his head is cracked in half!

Jerkbeast doubles over in laughter.

YOU'VE RUN OUT OF THINGS TO MAKE FUN OF ME FOR, HAVEN'T YA? ALL I SAID WAS THAT YOU SOUNDED CHINESE INSTEAD OF KOREAN, AND YOU FUCKIN' BLEW IT OUT OF PROPORTION! AND AT THE END OF IT, YOU STILL DIDN'T FUCKIN' TELL US WHY YOU SOUND CHINESE!

I SAID EARLIER THAT I'M NOT FIGHTIN' FOR AMERICA, I'M FIGHTIN' FOR MYSELF! DESPITE THAT, YOU'RE STILL TRYIN' TO PAIR ME WITH AMERICA! BETTER YET, YOU'RE PAIRIN' ME WITH RACIST FUCKTARDS! I MAY BE A JERK, BUT I SURE AS HELL AIN'T RACIST! I BELIEVE IN PREJUDICE EQUALITY! EVERYONE EQUALLY DESERVES TO GET SHIT ON!

AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU BABBLIN' ON ABOUT? I SAID ALL THAT SHIT PROPERLY! WATCH IT AGAIN! I NEVER SAID "PIAN", I SAID PLAN! I NEVER SAID "FIAMETHROWER," I SAID FLAMETHROWER! YOU'RE LITERALLY MAKIN' STUFF UP ABOUT ME IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A , WHEN ALL YOU'RE DOIN' IS MAKIN' YOURSELF LOOK LIKE A !

BACK ON THE TOPIC OF RACISM, HOW THE FUCK IS MISPRONOUNCIN' "L" CONSIDERED RACIST? THAT IS THE SINGLE MOST IDIOTIC THING YOU'VE SAID THIS ENTIRE FIGHT! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROUD COMMUNIST! YOU SOUND LIKE AN ANGRY TUMBLR LIBTARD!

YET, DESPITE ALL OF THESE OBVIOUS MISTAKES, YOU STILL HAVE THE GALL TO SAY I'M THE ONE THAT'S A FAILURE? JESUS CHRIST, DO I EVEN NEED TO FUCKIN' TELL YOU WHY THAT'S ?

Jerkbeast does the splits Johnny Cage-style and starts rapidly punching NKWC in the gut until he starts puking up blood. He then quickly leaps up from the split and uppercuts NKWC on the way up, sending him flying across the room, where Sweet Benny catches him with a Backstabber, an audible crack being heard. Jerkbeast walks over and hooks the leg.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

NKWC forces a shoulder into the air! He rub his temples in frustration.

"...Are you actually deaf? Can you not hear yourself? It sounds like you're saying the exact same word. EVEN NOW YOUR SAYING 'THIS NOT THAT' WHEN THIS AND THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME."



"THEY SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME."



"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're right. Maybe you're not racist. You might be too stupid to be racist. Did the brownie mix you came out of drink while it was pregnant? Did someone in Hell drop you on your head?"

"Racism itself is the belief system of a fool but requires some prior historical knowledge or even a base understanding of globally-held stereotypes."

"Jesus, have you not heard the one about Asians pronouncing their L's like R's?"

"Being ignorant of racism doesn't make you innocent of hate, it makes you an unaware idiot. You're still part of the problem."

"Have I run out of targets, Jerkbeast?"

"No."

"I haven't touched on the actual content of your garbage public access program."

"Exemplifying the improvisational skills of two idiots with a phone yelling at other idiots."

"You only lasted two seasons. ON PUBLIC ACCESS."

"Let's Paint TV, where the host paints, runs on a treadmill and makes mixed drinks at the same time ran for SIX YEARS."

"Spirit of Truth was just a man fueled by cocaine and the Lord in front of a green-screen forst and that got FIVE."

"How bad are you at being entertainment when you only get to do public access for TWO SEASONS?!!?"

"I've let go uncommented on your stupid underbite. Can you not visit a fucking dentist and take care of your mangled, crooked teeth?"

"Or that you literally haven't gone three sentences without making an error since we started."

"Or that you're pulling a page out of Peter Gilmour's playbook and bitching with button clicks every time I take you down a notch verbally. You pathetic whining prick."



"I'm sure I'll be seeing this again in a moment."

"I haven't even touched your pathetic grade school intelligence, exemplified by your thoroughly limited vocabulary. For someone who challenges his viewers to outdo him in creative cursing, seems like you only stick to one technique. You've said the word 'fuckin'' 101 times."

"Which is 100 more than the number of people that have willingly touched your penis."

"No, Jerkbeast. I've still got plenty of ammo. You're an easy fucking target."

"How about you? Do you have anything new to present to the class? Or are you going to keep directly responding to the content I've laid out, running on fumes, hoping I eventually stop hitting you harder and harder."

"Like you've been praying this entire time."

"Do I have to beg you every time it's my turn to STEP UP? FUCKING COME AT ME."

NKWC takes Jerkbeast to the ground and starts stomping his ankle. The sound of this stomp goes from muscle-tearing to bone-breaking to blood-squirting. Jerkbeast is severely hobbled!

(03-21-2016, 11:27 AM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: NKWC forces a shoulder into the air! He rub his temples in frustration.

"...Are you actually deaf? Can you not hear yourself? It sounds like you're saying the exact same word. EVEN NOW YOUR SAYING 'THIS NOT THAT' WHEN THIS AND THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME."



"THEY SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME."



"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're right. Maybe you're not racist. You might be too stupid to be racist. Did the brownie mix you came out of drink while it was pregnant? Did someone in Hell drop you on your head?"

"Racism itself is the belief system of a fool but requires some prior historical knowledge or even a base understanding of globally-held stereotypes."

"Jesus, have you not heard the one about Asians pronouncing their L's like R's?"

"Being ignorant of racism doesn't make you innocent of hate, it makes you an unaware idiot. You're still part of the problem."

"Have I run out of targets, Jerkbeast?"

"No."

"I haven't touched on the actual content of your garbage public access program."

"Exemplifying the improvisational skills of two idiots with a phone yelling at other idiots."

"You only lasted two seasons. ON PUBLIC ACCESS."

"Let's Paint TV, where the host paints, runs on a treadmill and makes mixed drinks at the same time ran for SIX YEARS."

"Spirit of Truth was just a man fueled by cocaine and the Lord in front of a green-screen forst and that got FIVE."

"How bad are you at being entertainment when you only get to do public access for TWO SEASONS?!!?"

"I've let go uncommented on your stupid underbite. Can you not visit a fucking dentist and take care of your mangled, crooked teeth?"

"Or that you literally haven't gone three sentences without making an error since we started."

"Or that you're pulling a page out of Peter Gilmour's playbook and bitching with button clicks every time I take you down a notch verbally. You pathetic whining prick."



"I'm sure I'll be seeing this again in a moment."

"I haven't even touched your pathetic grade school intelligence, exemplified by your thoroughly limited vocabulary. For someone who challenges his viewers to outdo him in creative cursing, seems like you only stick to one technique. You've said the word 'fuckin'' 101 times."

"Which is 100 more than the number of people that have willingly touched your penis."

"No, Jerkbeast. I've still got plenty of ammo. You're an easy fucking target."

"How about you? Do you have anything new to present to the class? Or are you going to keep directly responding to the content I've laid out, running on fumes, hoping I eventually stop hitting you harder and harder."

"Like you've been praying this entire time."

"Do I have to beg you every time it's my turn to STEP UP? FUCKING COME AT ME."

NKWC takes Jerkbeast to the ground and starts stomping his ankle. The sound of this stomp goes from muscle-tearing to bone-breaking to blood-squirting. Jerkbeast is severely hobbled!

Jerkbeast gets up on his broken ankle to have Sweet Benny put a tourniquet around it. He then gives NKWC a superkick with the broken ankle to show he doesn't give a fuck.

BITCH, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S FUCKIN' DEAF! HOW COME EVERY OTHER TIME I SAID THE LETTER "L", YOU DIDN'T CORRECT ME ON IT? HOW COME YOU DIDN'T ASK WHY "LYNCHED" SOUNDED LIKE "IYNCHED?" BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKIN' BAD LIAR!

AND YES, I HAVE HEARD OF THAT BULLSHIT STEREOTYPE! IT'S FUCKIN' ! BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU CALLED ME A FUCKIN' RACIST! I NEVER USED THAT STEREOTYPE ON YOU! I NEVER ASKED WHY YOU SAY KOREA AS "KOLLEA!" BECAUSE YOU FUCKIN' DON'T! YOU'RE LITERALLY BEING RACIST TOWARDS YOURSELF!

WE DIDN'T GET CANCELLED! WE STOPPED! AND THEN WE MADE A MOVIE IN 2005! WE STOPPED BECAUSE WE WERE FUCKIN' TIRED OF DUMBASSES LIKE YOU CALLIN' IN AND TRYIN' TO BE SMART! THEY WEREN'T AND NEITHER ARE YOU!

I'M DIRECTLY RESPONDING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKIN' WRONG! AM I NOT ALLOWED TO CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR BULLSHIT? YOU'RE TOO FUCKIN' EASY A TARGET! ALL YOU'VE DONE IS BEEN WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING THIS ENTIRE FIGHT!

WAY TO BE A HYPOCRITE, YOU FUCKTARD! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID THAT ALL I'VE DONE IS TELL YOU TO SUCK MY DICK, AND NOW YOU'RE MAKIN' FUN OF MY PENIS SIZE! ARE YOU FUCKIN' SERIOUS?! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THE IRONY?

DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKIN' TRY TO SAY I NEED TO STEP UP! WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' IS EQUIVALENT TO SAYING THAT YOU'RE ATTACKIN' MY FIST WITH YOU FACE! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, YOU AND YOUR PETTY COUNTRY COULD GET FUCKIN' NUKED AND TAKEN OVER AND YOU'D STILL FIND A WAY TO SAY YOU WON! I DON'T NEED TO STEP UP, YOU DO! GIVE ME AN ACTUAL FUCKIN' FIGHT BEFORE I GET BORED AND CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD ON YOUR ASS!

Jerkbeast grabs NKWC by the legs and puts him in an Inverted Indian Deathlock. Sweet Benny then simultaneously applies a Hell's Gate.

GUESS WHO, MOTHERFUCKERS?

Marty appears on the third level balcony above the battle. He climbs up onto the balcony and hits a senton off of it to NKWC's back, causing NKWC to nearly puke his heart out.

TAP, YOU ASSHOLE!

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

WILL HE TAP… WILL HE TAP!!?!?!?!

…

NO! NKWC stomps Sweet Benny in the throat causing him to roll off hissing in pain.

Then, he slips his emaciated arm out of Jerkbeast’s fat clumsy fingers.

“Wrong about everything.”

“Except when I've been right.”

“You know, most of this fight.”

“The part where I called you out for missing my first match."

"Forgetting I had beaten the Universal Championship #1 contender.”

“Or where I called you out for stealing my ‘END-THIS-GM’ trademark closer.”

“You haven’t done it since then, which feels like an admission of guilt, asshole.”

“Or where you said I didn’t know anything about religion and I proved you wrong immediately.”

“Or when you literally interpreted a generalization and I had to teach you 3rd grade English.”

“Or when I had to point out to you a representative of the nation attempting to bring about the apocalypse...

"Was a bigger interest generator than a fucking local Seattle celebrity from 2002."

“Or that time you had a stroke and kept trying to trash talk through it.”

Quote:A DAY CARE OPERATOR IS GOING TO MAKE YOU NEED TO PICK GLASS OUT OF YER FUCKIN' BACK!

“Or all those times I made a comment that hit."

"I knew they hit since you’d call me and say only an idiot would mention that afterwards so I’d get off that point."

"Like when I hit on your speech impediment or your repetitive speech patterns or your obsession with dick-sucking.”

“I have no problem with dick jokes.”

“I love dick jokes.”

“I hate one-note performers. I hate one-trick ponies.”

“And like I’ve been saying since the beginning, your trash talk, your public access show, your personality.

"It’s all thoroughly underwhelming how one-dimensional and limited it is in scope.”

“Meanwhile, I’m trying to evoke a… a sort-of mural.”

“A diorama of the failure that is your life and aspirations."

"Crafted and forged it with a myriad of concepts."

“Illiteracy.”

“Your stupid speech patterns."

“Your unimpressive genitalia.”

"Your patheticly small number of romantic conquests."

"Your brownie mix origin."

“Your random Mad-Lib-generated ‘wacky' jokes."

“Your pathetic excuse of a career.”

“Your film where even the producers themselves advertise their documentary as covering ‘the worst rock band ever’."

"Those were people looking to profit off your story. THEY think you suck."

"Just like the people giving you your show back think you suck."

"They just know they can make money filming failure. And that’s what you bring to the table."

"Constant, ironically funny failure.”





“All these facts unite into an amalgamation of mediocrity and disappointment that is irreconcilably tragic & uniquely you.”

“But no. Keep sitting there and doing your one thing: Providing minor fact-checks and pretending it’s leading to victory.”

“I’ll just keep working on my in-progress verbal masterpiece: Portrait of Jerkbeast as an Underachieving Loser."

NKWC crane kicks Jerkbeast in the fucking throat, caving in his clavicle.

Jerkbeast slowly chokes to death on his own throat.

He collapses to the ground clawing at his breathing tube until he passes out.

NKWC takes a seat on the ground and waits for him to inevitably get back up and do more.

He glances at his watch and shakes his head.

He pulls out a sheet of notebook and draws 4 intersecting lines and doodles an X on the middle square.

The paper drops onto Jerkbeast's unconscious body.

"If we're waiting on a GM to end this, we're gonna be here a while."

(03-21-2016, 04:51 PM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: WILL HE TAP… WILL HE TAP!!?!?!?!

…

NO! NKWC stomps Sweet Benny in the throat causing him to roll off hissing in pain.

Then, he slips his emaciated arm out of Jerkbeast’s fat clumsy fingers.

“Wrong about everything.”

“Except when I've been right.”

“You know, most of this fight.”

“The part where I called you out for missing my first match."

"Forgetting I had beaten the Universal Championship #1 contender.”

“Or where I called you out for stealing my ‘END-THIS-GM’ trademark closer.”

“You haven’t done it since then, which feels like an admission of guilt, asshole.”

“Or where you said I didn’t know anything about religion and I proved you wrong immediately.”

“Or when you literally interpreted a generalization and I had to teach you 3rd grade English.”

“Or when I had to point out to you a representative of the nation attempting to bring about the apocalypse...

"Was a bigger interest generator than a fucking local Seattle celebrity from 2002."

“Or that time you had a stroke and kept trying to trash talk through it.”

Quote:A DAY CARE OPERATOR IS GOING TO MAKE YOU NEED TO PICK GLASS OUT OF YER FUCKIN' BACK!

“Or all those times I made a comment that hit."

"I knew they hit since you’d call me and say only an idiot would mention that afterwards so I’d get off that point."

"Like when I hit on your speech impediment or your repetitive speech patterns or your obsession with dick-sucking.”

“I have no problem with dick jokes.”

“I love dick jokes.”

“I hate one-note performers. I hate one-trick ponies.”

“And like I’ve been saying since the beginning, your trash talk, your public access show, your personality.

"It’s all thoroughly underwhelming how one-dimensional and limited it is in scope.”

“Meanwhile, I’m trying to evoke a… a sort-of mural.”

“A diorama of the failure that is your life and aspirations."

"Crafted and forged it with a myriad of concepts."

“Illiteracy.”

“Your stupid speech patterns."

“Your unimpressive genitalia.”

"Your patheticly small number of romantic conquests."

"Your brownie mix origin."

“Your random Mad-Lib-generated ‘wacky' jokes."

“Your pathetic excuse of a career.”

“Your film where even the producers themselves advertise their documentary as covering ‘the worst rock band ever’."

"Those were people looking to profit off your story. THEY think you suck."

"Just like the people giving you your show back think you suck."

"They just know they can make money filming failure. And that’s what you bring to the table."

"Constant, ironically funny failure.”





“All these facts unite into an amalgamation of mediocrity and disappointment that is irreconcilably tragic & uniquely you.”

“But no. Keep sitting there and doing your one thing: Providing minor fact-checks and pretending it’s leading to victory.”

“I’ll just keep working on my in-progress verbal masterpiece: Portrait of Jerkbeast as an Underachieving Loser."

NKWC crane kicks Jerkbeast in the fucking throat, caving in his clavicle.

Jerkbeast slowly chokes to death on his own throat.

He collapses to the ground clawing at his breathing tube until he passes out.

NKWC takes a seat on the ground and waits for him to inevitably get back up and do more.

He glances at his watch and shakes his head.

He then pulls out a sheet of notebook and draws 4 intersecting lines and doodles an X on the middle square.

He then drops it on Jerkbeast's unconscious body.

"If we're waiting on a GM to end this, we're gonna be here a while."

Jerkbeast pretty much no sells his clavicle being crushed, and throws NKWC off of him. He then proceeds to knock out NKWC with a monstrous right.

YOU REALLY THINK THAT TELLIN' THE GM TO END THE MATCH IS YOUR TRADEMARK? NO WONDER YOU'RE SO FUCKIN' LAME! IF SAYIN' TO END THE MATCH IS YOUR TRADEMARK, WHY THE SHIT HAVEN'T YOU ENDED THIS ONE YET?

DONALD TRUMP IS NOT A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE NATION! HE'S A FUCKIN' XENOPHOBIC FUCKTARD! AND YOU TRIED TO FUCKIN' PAIR ME WITH HIS SHITTY SUPPORTERS, WHEN I HAVEN'T SAID A SINGLE RACIST THING THIS ENTIRE FIGHT!

DON'T EVEN TRY TO PULL THAT SHIT! YOU COMPARED ME TO A DAY-CARE OPERATOR! I MADE A COMEBACK, AND YOU TOOK IT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT! YER WORSE THAN FOX FREAKIN' NEWS!

HOW THE SHIT DO I HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT? LET ME REPLAY WHAT I SAID TO YOU, AND YOU TELL ME IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT!



YOU KEEP BRINGING THAT UP WHEN YOU'RE COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT IT!

WE DIRECTED THAT MOVIE! ME AND SWEET BENNY BOTH! WE'RE THE ONES THAT CALLED IT GARBAGE! AND IT IS! BUT IT'S GOOD GARBAGE! GARBAGE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY FUCKIN' LIKE! 7/10 ON IMDB AND 100% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES! YOU TRY MAKIN' BETTER, FUCKTARD!

GOD DAMN, YOU ARE A DELUSIONAL MOTHERFUCKER! I THINK YOU'RE STILL FEELIN' THE EFFECTS OF THAT LYNCHIN'! AND BEFORE YOU CALL RACISM, IT'S BULLSHIT THAT THAT HAPPENED TO YOU! I'M GENUINELY SORRY THAT SOME MISSISSIPPI DOUCHETARDS TRIED TO KILL YA! BUT YOU REALLY THINK WHAT YOU'VE DONE HERE IS A MASTERPIECE? ALL YOU'VE DONE IS CALL ME A STUFFED TOY, MISHEARD WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING, TRIED TO CALL ME RACIST WHEN I HAVEN'T BEEN, KEEP BRINGING UP MY SHOW WHICH WE CANCELLED OURSELVES, AND INSIST CONSTANTLY THAT YOU'RE WINNIN' WHEN YOU AREN'T! AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY I'M WINNIN' EITHER! THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN SAY WHO WON IS A GM! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Jerkbeast starts punching NKWC while he's down to ensure he stays down. He goes for a pin, but thinks back to earlier.

Quote: The red plush creature lands with a squeak on NKWC's chest, not quite weighing enough to break through the table. Immediately NKWC's chest is filled with warmth and rainbows.

WAIT A COTTON PICKIN' MINUTE! YOU NEVER DID KICK OUT! DISQUALIFIED, MOTHERFUCKER!

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

Girard raises an eyebrow as he suppresses a chuckle at the Jerkbeast's claims.

"This... this is true. North Korean War Criminal, you are hereby DISQUALIFIED!"

Girard rips the NorthKoreanWarCriminal FEDERweight Championship away from North Korean War Criminal, tittering at him as he does and awards it to Jerkbeast!

Winner and NEW FEDERWEIGHT Champion: Jerkbeast!

OOC: I mean, I don't think a pin on a table is legal?

Quote:The red plush creature lands with a squeak on NKWC's chest, NOT QUITE WEIGHING ENOUGH TO BREAK THROUGH THE TABLE. Immediately NKWC's chest is filled with warmth and rainbows.

Honestly, I'd rather have this stop and go to judgment based on someone reading the fucking novel we just wrote back-and-forth than end because of a miscalculated technicality. But, yeah, Jerkbeast is (EDIT: fucking) awesome, so I don't mind dropping it to him. (EDIT: Wanted to add, probably some of the best trash talk I've seen in the years I've been on XWF. Don't want to bore people and talk too much shop about what you did right, but all the things. You did all the things right.)

Love ya, bud. Great job.

(03-21-2016, 07:54 PM)NorthKoreanWarCriminal Said: OOC: I mean, I don't think a pin on a table is legal?

Quote:The red plush creature lands with a squeak on NKWC's chest, NOT QUITE WEIGHING ENOUGH TO BREAK THROUGH THE TABLE. Immediately NKWC's chest is filled with warmth and rainbows.

Honestly, I'd rather have this stop and go to judgment based on someone reading the fucking novel we just wrote back-and-forth than end because of a miscalculated technicality. But, yeah, Jerkbeast is (EDIT: fucking) awesome, so I don't mind dropping it to him. (EDIT: Wanted to add, probably some of the best trash talk I've seen in the years I've been on XWF. Don't want to bore people and talk too much shop about what you did right, but all the things. You did all the things right.)

Love ya, bud. Great job.

Actually, I never did put you on a table. You made the table appear. There should't have been a table there. But nevertheless, thank you. Long Live Jerkbeast!

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

OOC: Huh. So I did. lol objection retracted. Long live Jerkbeast.

"Well what do you know, you were able to beat a cowardly Korean. Jerkbeast, you will have your absolute squash.... I mean match on Friday. Bring your best, because even your best can't even make me break a sweat."

OOC: That was one of the best Federweight exchanges I've seen in awhile! MAY JERKBEAST REIGN FOREVER!

0-0

Accomplishments (Not that they mean much in this shitty promotion):

Former X-Treme Champion (Although I never should have lost it): 3/16/16-3/16/16