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~~Sweet Cheapshots~~ · **04-17-2013, 10:47 AM**

{Episode 009}"The one in which our hero discovers Peter Gilmour's secret origin."

"Hello, my name is Dr. 4Gone. I am an experimental scientist specializing in the human brain. Please pardon my interruption. I was asked to come here and speak to you today about a former patient of mine. You know him well I believe. His name is Patrice Ignatius Gilmour. Code name: PIG. Patrice spent the first years of his life being raised by nocturnal animals such as raccoons while living in a garage, sleeping out of a suitcase and eating anything he could find. We believe his minor consumption of Anti-Freeze and asbestos caused the very troubling side-effects to Patrice's brain. Here at the institution we don't believe any patient is a lost cause. An associate of mine stumbled across Patrice several years later in the woods of Vermont after he escaped from the garage he grew up in. Let's take a look at the slide, shall we?"

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"Here we see Patrice on the day my associate had found him. Now, I know this picture looks scary, and is hard to look at, but believe it or not Patrice was in one of his good moods that day and was just carrying a tune in his heart. Patrice had grown an affinity for killing his dinner using an assault rifle. My associate found many bone remains, human and animal, at the small campsite Patrice was living out of. My associate was also impressed by Patrice's strength. One could argue that he was ' strong' and once had taken a deer down with just his brute strength alone. My associate was also stunned and amazed to find that young Patrice had a lot of pent up sexual frustration. Masturbating several times a day forcing his very tiny genitalia to resemble an old catcher's mitt. Patrice was perfect for the institution and we're proud of the progress we made with him. Let's see the next slide."

"This is a photo of Patrice, now going by the name of Peter, during a visit with his mother who I have circled in green. Peter had temporarily lost the use of his legs after some experiments were conducted where we tested his reaction to electro shock therapy on his rather large man tits. I've circled his therapists in red and yellow. His mother had resurfaced after a technicality in her ongoing criminal investigation for the death of a police officer in Nevada where it was believed she had escaped from a methadone clinic. We could not have been any more proud of Peter at this stage. His hygiene was improving, body hair showing up in odd places had decreased, and the desire to mark his territory was all but alleviated.. He'd cut down on sexually assaulting female and male staff members, and he had finally been able to acquire reading and comprehension skills and no longer communicated in grunts. We're all proud of how far Peter has come. It's refreshing to see him making something of himself after so many of us, including me, had our doubts. However, that's not why I've been asked to speak with you. You see I'm concerned with the number of head shots that Peter has taken in his new "profession" may cause him to revert back to that angry, sexually frustrated, imbecile of a man we found in the woods that one spring day. Please, I'm asking you a favor now. If we can work together we can save Peter before his mind is too far gone. He would do the same for you. Thank you for your time. Namaste."

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #93:
Sweet Cheapshots is the cure for the common cold.

The location: The home of a one Sweet Cheapshots Time: 4:52pm PST

We're back in the middle of the action as we find Natalie and Sweets holding up under the couch fort in the living room. Loud crashes and things being smashed in the next room can be heard throughout the house.

Joe Rogan: "Why you hiding pussy boy?"

Natalie Foxx: "Well, this escalated quickly. You know what, I'm just going to go and talk to --"

Sweets grabs her arm.

Sweet Cheapshots: "No, he might be packing heat. It's best if we lay low and hope he leaves."

Natalie Foxx: "Okay, two things. One, we're in a couch fort. Two, he's not a bear attacking a campsite."

Sweet Cheapshots: "You lost me."

Natalie rolls her eyes. She looks to her right and notices a bound manuscript of some kind laying discarded. She picks it up.

Natalie Foxx: "What is this? '101 Ways to Insult Peter Gilmour and Influence People by Mark Flynn'"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Oh, that. It's a manscript Flynn wrote and wanted me to proofread. The passage on Gilmour's erectile dysfunction is quite good. I'd have never taken him to be into pegging, but hey, different strokes for different folks, right?"

Natalie tosses the manuscript down disgusted as more crashing and banging can be heard drawing closer.

Natalie Foxx: "I'm really starting to think I don't get paid enough."

Sweet Cheapshots: "You're telling me. I've never had to wrestle someone with down syndrome before until this week."

Natalie Foxx: "That's if we make it out of this."

At that moment Joe Rogan comes stalking into the living room. He is seething mad and puts some holes in the wall with his baseball bat.

Joe Rogan: "Ohhh Sweet Cheapshots! I love it! I'm actually going to MURDER you!!!"

Sweets peeks out from around the corner of the fort.

Sweet Cheapshots: "I think this is all just one big misunderstanding."

Joe Rogan: "Misunderstanding?! You embarrassed me on live TV! You attacked me and threw me through a catering table. I'm the host of Fear Factor!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "WERE the host of Fear Factor. Maybe if you hadn't cut me in line this wouldn't have happened."

Joe Rogan: "This all started because I cut you in line? That's pathetic."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Says the guy who just broke into my house."

Joe Rogan: "Enough talk. Now come out of there before I tear this house to pieces."

Sweet Cheapshots: "I'm sorry, but your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass, Joey."

That may have sent Rogan over the edge. He starts to choke up on the bat and prepare for an attack. In the background we see Dikembe casually approaching as he chews quietly on an ice cream sandwich.

He walks up softly behind Rogan and takes a needle out of the bracelet around his wrist and gently places it into the neck of Rogan who in an instant drops to the floor in a heap.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Holy sh**!"

Natalie Foxx: "What? What happened?"

Sweets and Natalie climb out of the couch fort. Both have shocked looks on their face as Rogan lays in a pile on the floor. He's out of it.

Sweet Cheapshots: "That was... AWESOME!"

Natalie Foxx: "He's not dead is he?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "No, it looks like he's breathing. You're going to have to show me how you did that, Dikembe"

The two stare at each other for a long beat, then finally --

Dikembe: "You're out of ice cream sandwiches."

Both Natalie and Sweets' jaws drop as Dikembe casually walks out of the room as quietly as he entered.

To be continued...

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode EP009: "The one in which our hero discovers Peter Gilmour's secret origin." (RP#2)
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