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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (02-20-2016)

Dear XWF,

I am writing this under an appreciable mental strain, since by Sunday night I shall be no more.

That is, if you've been listening to the fuccbois I'm set to be facing and are too fucking stupid to know any better. Truth is, they aren't gonna humble me. They aren't gonna end me. Shit, they can barely speak my name without getting a knot in their throats and rethinking their whole strategy because they know if they decide to go down that rabbit hole in the fuckin' slightest they're gonna be steady murked by that Jabberwock boy.

So instead they go with them weak ass jabs, tryna set up some kinda weaksauce offense. See, these fuccbois are tryna go the distance; running around and avoiding confrontation on their way to steady gettin' that decision because real talk it's the only way they can hope to beat the young legend (and I do mean young). Meanwhile, I'm swinging for the fucking fences tryna get that knockout every time. No fear. What do I got to be afraid of? That I'm going to tarnish my legacy or some shit?

Nah, don't give a fuck about that.

Hell, tarnishing my legacy sounds fun. I think after this match I'm gonna call out LeStrange and lay down for him, just so I can rub it in the faces of everyone I beat. LeStrange beat me and you couldn't. It'd be great, and the only way LeStrange would win anything ever. But sure, man, keep on acting like you're a badass.

A real badass who pulls up pictures of cartoons to make his points for him. Like, really my nigga? That's the hot fire you're gonna come at the God Squad (featuring Maverick) with? Fuckin' cartoons? Shit man, you're even worse than we thought. Cleanup in aisle six, we got #TeamFuccboi's chances of winning leaking all over the floor here.

Way to go LeStrange, you just went straight up on that Albert Contiello shit and gutted yourself. Shit, and I didn't even have to bring my gun. This fuccboi just dropped to his knees in a ditch and slowly fucked off into the great black oblivion that is death.

Like a true LeStrange, he went out with a whimper, not a bang.

Awww, look LeStrange; you got blood all over that cartoon magic matching gear you got for all of your little teammates! Spell it with me now, Robbie, because spelling it ain't the same as saying it and you can still be the good guy there. F-A-G-G-O-T.

AKA LeStrange. A big old

and wannabe edgelord who's gone and done fucked off and died. Like a bitch.

Speaking of bitches, let's segue right into Rebel Star spitting some of that good old internalized misogyny this totally real girl, not synthetic at all (oh you best believe I'm getting to that since you oh so kindly gave us them sparknotes to your origin). Right, what was some of that hot flame you spit at my boy Austin?

I believe it went a little something like this:

"You stupid fucking twat. Yeah, you're a twat cause from what I hear, you're sounding more like a woman than any actual free range woman ever has." - Rebel Star, 2016.

Wow, Rebel. Way to throw the gender you were totally born as under the fuckin' bus! Shit, I'm supposed to be the bad guy, ain't I? The guy who makes misogynistic, homophobic, and slightly racist remarks? But no, now I'm playing feminist and gay rights activists to the real scumlords here: Rebel Star and Robbie Bourbon. Get your shit together, you

cunts.

Can we just skip right to the synthetic crack because fuck me this is some funny ass shit. This crazy Plasticine sex doll claimed, after (well, before technically or something, that shit all kinda blended together to be honest) again, giving us that good sparknotes shit, that she wasn't synthetic.

And now it's time for a rousing edition of "What Do Words Mean?" starring your buddy ol' pal, Luca Arze-fuckin-gotti. What does synthetic mean? Well, in layman's terms; some man made shit that's tryna play itself off as something natural.

You know, like Rebel Star's own admitted account of her origin?

Way to go, you test tube twat. You done fucked up on the point you were trying to make. You fucking robot. Yeah, I'm still going with it because Jesus Christ you aren't even on some Pinocchio shit, all like "am I a real girl" because you're too busy acting like some caricature of that girl who just ain't like all the other girls. Who throws her own gender under the bus without any hesitation or remorse. Just think of all the young, naturally born ladies who might be looking up to you in spite of your miserable failure against Chris Macbeth (hey what up dude? Gonna fuck you up real soon my nigga. For old time's sake and shit). What about their self-esteem?

Or do you not care? What kinda good girl are you? Wait, you're one of them indecisive cunts aren't you? The type that think straddling the line between hero and villain is a mark of badassery and not just the epitome of complete and utter typical #fuccboi behavior. Or should I say #fuccgurl behavior? No, I'm sure you wish Daddy Eugenicist created you with a dick.

Synthetic cunt.

Synthetic, robot cunt.

Yeah, I'm keeping on the robot train since I can keep calling you it and get this; people will believe it. I have a gift for bullshit. I say one fabricated, bullshit line, and all of a sudden people are spreading it around like it's the word of God or some shit. It's crazy.

Stick to dealing with robberies, honeybot.

And what about Robbie?

Well, shit my nigga I gotta say "what about Robbie?"

What's this nigga gonna say? Did you guess "literally the same shit he thinks has been working up to this point?"

Then you'd be right as fuck, my nigga. I mean what else can he really say? He's gonna beat me up? Because he's had that opportunity before, and he got #rekt #shrekt #murkt and there's only so much posturing he can do when he didn't do anything he promised he was gonna do. He didn't break me. He didn't humble me. He just proved how much of his body mass is concentrated #fuccboi and let me tell you there's a lot of that. Dude's gotta be like 93% pure unfiltered #fuccboi. But he hasn't said the word

so that makes him 100% not homophobic. And of course I'm just being overly sensitive and seeing homophobia everywhere.

It isn't like every single zinger he's made about me has been something in the vein of "Austin and Luca are gay laugh at them for being gay but don't question the amount of thought I put into these hypothetical situations because I'm totally straight as fuck bro". Spoken like a true man of the people.

Give me a break.

Love already won, #fuccboi. You think if Austin and I were fucking behind closed doors we'd be all private about it and shit? No man, we ain't on that insecure, shooting cap guns from the fuckin' hip type shit bro. We're men who act like men. Maybe you should be doing some of that instead of speculating about our sexuality like some woman who should be in the kitchen if you listen to Robot Synthetic's backward ass philosophy.

Step out of the closet and suck my throbbing faglord erection because like I said, this shit talking shit gives me a fuckin' hard-on that could drill through the Earth and give Xi Jinping the Vlad the Impaler treatment.

Oh shit goin' back to that old school Commie shit. Flash back Friday to like three years ago.

Yeah, three years ago.

Hey Vinnie. Funny you should mention everyone goin' all "NUH UH" to shit you say because, get this; even though you're the big man (that's right ain't it or are you giving up any pretext of that in my presence?), no one on your team including you has the balls to even give me any of that shit.

But yeah, you caught me with that shit bro. I picked Maverick as a partner. It was all on me. Nice pick with LeStrange there bro, that looks like it's gonna work well for you.

Fuckin' idiot.

But hey, I should give the fuccboi a break, shouldn't I? After all, for all his posturing, talking shit was never his strong suit. Shit, even when he talks now, from that even bigger pedestal he's put himself on since winning the Universal title, all I can hear in his voice is that same bitterness I heard the first time I faced him. That same dumbfounded awe when he saw that the washed up part timer facing him was, get this, younger than him.

This is what it's really all about.

Vinnie's bitter. Letting that salt get the best of him, that's why he's gotta reiterate that he's won two matches where I was facing off with him. Never pinned me, which you think would be easy as fuck considering back in 2014 I was a washed up part timer. And in 2015 I was much of the same. You'd think that if he was really as good as he says he is he would've pinned me by now without any effort. But he didn't.

Because he couldn't.

One on one? This fuccboi would never last. Not against 2013 me. Not against 2014 me. Not against 2015 me. Not against 2016 me.

I'm a legend and I'm just now in my mid 20s. Lane's 31 and really just now hit the top.

That should tell you all that you need to know.

Am I mad at Vinnie for being such a bitter little #fuccboi? No, I get it. I do. When you see someone with an insane amount of talent and acclaim fuck around because he's bored and doesn't have the same priorities you do, it can be aggravating.

Shit, I'm not even going out of my way to get the titles and I just kinda stumbled my way into one. Sure, I'm teaming with lowkey the best dude in the federation and that includes the delusional champion despite his delusions, and I'm still the one making the pins.

This "old dog" hasn't lost a step, as much as Vinnie prays that I would. He hasn't lost his bite, leaving scared little bitches to tuck their tails and hope their bark is big enough.

Too bad they're steady yipping like Chihuahuas.

You're welcome XWF. You're all welcome.

I know you're thanking me for coming back. To inject some fuckin' life here. To make wrestlers into marks (what's up Mason?). To do what I do best; fuck around and do me the way no #fuccboiimitator could hope to mimic.

Like I said and I've been saying; the XWF needs me more than I need it.

Sincerely,

Your #MemeQueen

4 x Better Luca Arzegotti.

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