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[PLAY]

[Dustin is seen frantically searching for something in his room while Christopher holds the camera with one hand. He tears through drawers, his bed (blankets, sheets, and pillows included), and any other space that he may have missed. The room looks completely trashed thanks to his rummaging for whatever item he's looking for. This continues on for a moment before Christopher turns the camera over to his face, where we can only see one eye and eyebrow. He looks rather worried for his friend as he destroys his room from the inside out.]

Christopher: This has been going on for a half hour.

Dustin: It woulda been less if ya put the fuckin' camera down!

[Chris turns the camera back towards Dustin, who clearly looks frustrated at his friend for not helping him find whatever it is he's looking for.]

Christopher: Dude, I dunno where you keep your things. You should remember where your own damn wallet was.

[Dustin is seen lifting the mattress up on it's side, thinking that the wallet might've slipped into the box springs when he wasn't looking. He looks around for about ten seconds before letting it drop. He looks back at Chris and shakes his head. Guess the wallet wasn't there.]

Dustin: I've checked every possible place, brah! My wallet just isn't in my room!

Christopher: Could it be in the kitchen? I mean, you do sleepwalk quite a bit, brah.

Dustin: Nah, dude. I usually walk out with stuff from the kitchen. I don't carry stuff into it.

[Dustin scratches his head in confusion, thinking about multiple possibilities as to where it could have gone. He stands in silence for a few moments, really deep in thought. Just then, he slowly raises his head up in realization as to where his wallet has gone. He snaps his fingers before turning to Chris.]

Dustin: Stolen!

Christopher: Stolen?

Dustin: Stolen, brah! That bitch of a woman Alice fuckin' stole my wallet!

[Chris can be heard groaning from the other side of the camera.]

Christopher: You're always blaming her for stuff she more than likely didn't do. Like yesterday, you blamed her for burning your toast.

Dustin: You know she over cooked it, don't ya try to bullshit me.

[Annoyed, Dustin brushes past his friend to go after his cellphone. Chris follows him from not too far behind. His friend grabs the phone from the couch and begins to dial the police. Chris, noticing the problem with this, grabs the phone and puts it in his pocket. Dustin looks at his buddy, who is clearly aggravated right now.]

Dustin: Why the fuck do you keep defending her, brah!? She's no good for you or for anyone else!

Christopher: She'd be better off in here than some fuckin' jail! You might not wanna admit it, but she's changing for the better, Dustin!

Dustin: Oh fuck off, dude.

Christopher: I'm serious, brah! She's changing for the better! Ya wanna know how I know that?! Just last week she promised me that she won't brawl with ya anymore. Guess what? She hasn't has she!?

Dustin: No, but-

Christopher: You need to end this grudge you two have with each other! It's been five fuckin' years and she needs to adapt to life away from Skid Row! You're just helping her with reasons to go back! I lost one person close to me before, and I'm sure as fuck not going to lose another one because of some petty feud you guys built up!

[Dustin is silenced. Not because he's stunned by his points, but because he never wants to piss Chris off more than he usually is. Chris pants for a few seconds before taking a deep breath to calm himself down.]

Christopher: By the way, you left your wallet in my room last night. You might wanna get that before ya call the fuzz.

[With that, Chris sets the camera down and walks out of the room. Dustin sits down on the couch, wondering if it's really worth ending the fighting with Alice. As he's still pondering, the scene proceeds to fade into something else.]

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Christopher: I see ya got ta Japan early, brah. What, you wanted ta see everyone's reaction to tha man who'll get his face beaten in tomorrow? I mean, you deny it, but it'll happen. That's what happened to some other overconfident douchebags like Gilmour and Game Girl. They talked big game, but got their asses handed back to them quicker than they could say "I fucked up". Don't think you're any different, brah, I'm too hyped up for my return in the XWF ta let everyone down.

Of course, you like ta claim that everyone else you beat in that gauntlet has lit your fire, but no one really gives a shit about them to make your wins credible. Hell, I don't give enough of a shit to say their names again. The crowd only started to pay attention to the match when, let's face it, I returned to the ring. You can keep lying about how much your wins matter to you and how you should be the one to fight Gilmour, but we all know how much of a flat out lie that is.

You like to bitch about how a skinny "cunt sniffer" beat ya when you were tired., don't cha? Well you're getting a chance at him again, this time at your best. I'm willing to bet that you still can't get the job done, even when you're feeling as fit as a fiddle. That ain't bullshit, brah, that's pure confidence. You want bullshit? Try having a former cripple tell me I'm suffering from Cerebral Palsy, even though that couldn't be farther from the truth.

The more I think about it, the more you could be the best fucking liar in the entire fed.

I feel like I'm on fire now, but lemme get Dustin ta boot up your promo, just so I can use your own BS against ya.

[Dustin does just that.]

A Synonym for Ass Said:"Any man who is content on being beaten has no place speaking to me or being in this company."

Christopher: Well guess what, shithead? Here I am talking to you like ya fed a baby to a dingo. Here I am saying that admitting defeat means that you acknowledge mistakes were made and you can learn from them. And what exactly were you doing when you lost? Bitching and moaning, trying to get people to sympathize with you because you just didn't have enough talent to defeat a former backyard wrestler at your worst?

I ain't going anywhere until you understand that just because you were able to stand up and grow a fucking pornstache, you can't win off that alone. If you really think that's the case, then go back to the seventies, because you clearly don't belong here.

Some Jackass That Works for Mountain Dew Said:"So you go through all the accolade of the people I beat in that gauntlet match. Guess what? You care a lot more than I do. I don’t give two shits and a flying fuckmobile 2000 how important they are. Guess what, they are still wrestlers and I beat six of them before putting up a fucking huge fight against a seventh one which just so happened to be you."

Christopher: I don't care if you put out ten of them, beating six nobodies in a fucking gauntlet doesn't mean shit if they never took ya to your fucking limit like I did. One of them can't even be considered a wrestler! That fat fuckin' mongoloid could barely fit through the fucking ropes, let alone stand up! So you only beat five wrestlers and one fatass that won a raffle to be in the match.

You like ta mock my move, don't ya? You like to say that I tripped over absolutely fucking nothing in order to make a new bowling ball sized indent into the ring? Well guess what, brah? It fucking worked! It knocked you the fuck out and made ya see stars flyin' over your face! I don't care how you think I pulled it off, the fact that ya failed to kick out of my "pathetic" move makes your complaints about it fucking null.

It's boring? HAH! Watching any match with you in it is fucking boring! I could see the crowd falling asleep before my entrance music hit! Anti-climactic? Bullshit it was! I slipped out of your fucking spike just as you set it up, how the fuck is that anti-climactic? The only problem I can see with that move is how I didn't do it again, just to get you to stop fucking talking!

Dustin: Oh this is so fucking original. He says that he was wrong about you being a virgin. He says that you're basically a because you like ta put your dick in men.

Christopher: I see ya went to the Dimallisher school of trash talk. If all else fails, call your opponent a . Great job, brah, you've shown me that you can remember shit. Besides, I can show you a video of me and Alice fucking in Dustin's bed right now if ya wanna see it. It'll have absolutely fucking nothing to do with our match, but I can show ya.

At least I'm fucking trying to be creative. Here you are saying the same ol' shit that every other fuckin' loser on this fed has said about me, not caring if it affects me or not. Let me guess what you're going to say next. ? Suck my dick? My cock was hard when I came out of my mom's vagina? Hell, quote an entire promo made against me for God's sake, what's the worst that can happen!?

Wheels Said:"YOU agreed to a submission match and YOU agreed to have your finisher stripped, whether or not it’s advertised as a two out of three falls match.

Christopher: I know what I agreed to and why I agreed to it. The problem is, they knew that stipulation would be complete bullshit. They knew that by following that stipulation, they'd lose ratings. No one likes submission matches and no one wants to wait thirty fucking minutes to see some fuckhead work an arm. But I'll humor you for a little while. I won't use my move that knocked you out the last time. In fact, I'll finish the match off with a submission, just like ya want it to.

Just don't complain when you can't even beat me that way either.

Some Dumbass That Doesnt Know How Birthdays Work Said:"Where’s that fucking hunger? You don’t have any appetite apart from pricks, dicks, cocks and spit-shined sticks. I can rhyme and I can’t even tell the time! Oh wait, yes I can, it’s half past your fucking prime and you haven’t even made a year in this company. "

Christopher: So me being twenty two, going on twenty three, means that I'm almost past my prime now? Did you even get past basic math, brah? Next thing you're going to tell me is that the Earth is flat and Nightmare on Elm Street is real. Shut the fuck up and get back ta school, you fourth grade drop out. I've tossed comeback after comeback at your bullshit, and the most you can throw at me is "ha ha, I'm gonna win because I look neater than you."

Oh look, the ball is back in your court again. It turns out we were playing doubles. Hit it again if you can, ya bitch.

[After that, the scene cuts to black.]