The Pest is standing in a basement, with Robbie Bourbon hanging from the ceiling. Chains rattle as Robbie swings his weight. A loud uproarious chuckle escapes his blood filled mouth.

I am American Justice. The people will remember me, Pest.

Pest: The Pest is certain that they will, Robert. The Pest has every intention of making them remember you. BOY!

A light shines from the corner behind the Pest, and a young boy walks in. No older than ten. He moves over towards Pest, and hides behind the man. The boy is in a pair of clean dark blue jeans, a black dress shirt, and black canvas shoes. The Pest is adorned in a simple black and white window pane suit. A cigarette dangles between the first two fingers on his left hand, the right holds a golden zippo as he strokes the boy's hair. Left hand raises to meet the Monster's lips, and the right strikes the lighter ablaze as it moves to his lips.

Pest: Robert, this is my son, Aaron. Aaron, this is Pest's friend, Robert. Say hello, son.

Aaron: Hi, Robert. I'm Aaron.

Hi, Aaron. I'm Robbie Mother fucking Bourbon.

The Pest throws his arm to his side, and a steel rod falls into it. One more snap, and the full length of the rod telescopes out to reveal that it was a spring loaded telescopic baton, which he raises and smacks across the face of Robbie Bourbon. The Masked Man spits a tooth and some blood on the floor.

Pest: Do not swear in front of the boy.

A puff of his cigarette.

Pest: Apologize to the boy.

Your dad's a monster

Another swing of the baton to Robbie's face. He goes limp. The Pest chuckles, and the father and son leave, letting Robbie swing in the dark.

A light shines, and Robbie's eyes wake up. The God of Emptiness stands there, shining a bright light directly into Robbie's eyes.

Pest: Why are you fighting this, Robert? You and I are more alike than you care to admit.

I'm nothing like you. You're a disgusting monster. I am Robbie Mother Fucking Bourbon.

Pest: We are not so different, you and I. You poisoned a group of children for your own satisfaction. What did you do with the children once they were gassed and asleep?

I went to buy Xboxes.

Pest: And why did you have the children in the first place? Is it because deep down, like me you prefer the company of those beneath us in years?

I'm happy with Blue. Yeah, she's younger than I am, but not in a creepy way. I had kids looking for a new sidekick.

The Pest brings something up to the throat of Robbie Bourbon and a loud zap is heard. Bourbon ignores the pain of the taser, as Pest holds it there.

Pest: Why do you fight me, Robert? Fight beside me instead. Take the place of My Michael.Stand by my side, and together we can do great things.

The Taser is removed from Robbie's throat, and he coughs out an answer.

I fight for the people. I am the hero America needs.

Pest: I am an American Hero, Robert. I served my country when they needed me. I keep the monsters of this country at bay. When these weak thugs on the street playing at being badmen hear that I will come for them, they tuck tail and hide. You, Robert, do not have that effect. People do not fear you, Robert. They fear the Pest. They fear the God of Emptiness. I can help you get that effect. I can make you the hero you were always supposed to be.

Are you promising to make me Superman, Slick?

Pest: You are already bulletproof, are you not? Let us avenge your brother the proper way.

You're the one who burned down the Dojo and killed him, though.

Pest: Only because he was crossing lines that should't be crossed. The Pest had to curtail the trouble in this country. If you assist me in curtailing it, we shall never have to burn another Dojo. Help me clean up America. The right way.

That involves sleeping with teenage girls, doesn't it?

Pest: Yes. Does that bother you?

It does defeat the point of trying to fight crime if we rape kids, doesn't it?

Pest: It is not rape. The girls always agree to it.

Stud, if you beat them until they agree it's rape. Can you let me down now?

Pest: Will you fight beside the Pest?

I mean, I guess. I'm just kind of hungry.


The Pest lowers the chains, and Robbie's feet touch the ground for the first time in two weeks. He looks around as he takes the chains of his wrists. Rubbing each wrist and surveying the surroundings he gets curious. A meaty paw scratches the top of his head, through the mask.

So, where are we?

Pest: Basement of the Dojo. Do you not recognize your own basement? For Shame, Robert.

Robbie shrugs his shoulders and looks around. Eh, who cares, he's hungry.

Oh, here. Put this on if we're going up. Until we explain things, hide your identity.

Robbie tosses Pest an Orange Bourbon mask, and the Pest adorns it.

---

Pest: Hello, XWF. It is the Pest, the truest Monster of the XWF. Are you prepared to see what my partner and I have in store for the two unfortunate souls they have us facing? The question should rather be stated as, are they prepared? I would suspect not, given the level of intelligence that Brian Lance has shown prior. No, they are vastly unprepared. They would better off by simply not showing up to face us. Just turn and leave, do not look back, and do not ask for me to sign an autograph for you on your way out of the door. I will take you to a world of misery that you are far from prepared for. One, I doubt you will ever be prepared for. Trust me when I say that the Pest is more than a man you should be concerned with.

Brian Lance, you speak of the Pest as if you know even the slightest of information about him, while admitting you do not. Allow me to inform you of somethings. The girl you watched perform fellatio on me? She was 15. You called me a Chester the Molester, was it? And claimed I try to hide my proclivities for young girls. No, it has never been hidden. It would behoove you to know your foes, lest you make them from those well above you. The Pest is far above you, very far. Your legacy means nothing to the Pest. You are regaling the Pest, and those who are unfortunate enough to listen, with tales of years past when you were of some consequence, but the Pest fails to see that when he looks at you. Do you know what he sees? He sees a fat miserable piece of trash that washed ashore after a terrible storm. You are less than the dog shit that runs into the gutters during a downpour. You are foreign trash that found its way to our shores amidst a hurricane. Something that even a refugee who had been travelling for thirty days straight with no rest would want.


That will be the legacy you leave once you run from the XWF crying again. The legacy of unwanted refuse. Even the lowest of the low do not wish to consume your shit and drivel. You could publish your entire promo history and offer it up to those suffering from insomnia as a cure, and they would turn it down; lest they get from experiencing you. Should we offer your promos up to those looking for the courage to kill themselves? They would surely cease those thoughts, lest they be forced to watch your work in the eternal life. Some may choose to life just to punch you in the face. Please, take this constructive criticism for what it truly is. A reminder of how godawful you are. This Warfare will be true lesson there. You will see one thing, the ceiling of the arena when the Pest has you laid out. After the Pest breaks your will to win, and the will of Ardin Jones to not let you take the fall, the Pest will sit in his corner and relax as Robert pins you. Did you catch that? I told you the name of my partner. Shall I repeat it for you? Slowly even? ROBERT BOURBON. Robert Bourbon will be walking into Snow Job as contender for the Tag Titles. He will walk out with one of the belts. Do you know why, Brian? Because the Pest will ensure that you do not walk into that match, and then he will ensure that Luca Arzegotti and Austin Fernando do not walk away with the belts.

Why would the Pest do this? Because it is fun for him to take people and elevate them to the status of champions. Pest made Jack a tag team champion, and then Jack vanished when he made an enemy of Pest. Pest helped shape Maverick and Michael to become Tag Team Champions, and then he demanded that Maverick give up his title, and what happened? Maverick lost the belt. He was forced out of Pest's light, and withered. Until he lucked into winning the Hart Title, which he lost very quickly, in an embarrassing way. You, Brian Lance, will be the stepping stone that Robbie will use to elevate himself. And what happens after you are out of the way? That is where your story truly begins. Where the legend of your misery starts. Would you like the Pest to predict it for you? It will be his pleasure.

After a humiliating loss to an old man and his partner, you will circle the drain in the opening matches for months on end, way too long. After this continues, you will begin to lose friends and loved ones. People will abandon you when they see whatever draw you thought you had is gone, and that will hurt you. Your life will become a perpetual episode of Cops, with you eventually ending up in a rehab institute for dependency on alcohol and narcotics. You will achieve cleanliness and live well for about 3 years before breaking down and getting drunk at a bar with your friend. This will lead to a downslide that ends with you ending your life leaving a note with a single word written on it. The word? Pest. And everyone will understand that you ended your life because you chose to step into the ring with me years ago. Do you truly want that to be your life? If not, then retract yourself from this event and allow your partner to suffer in your place. Although, the same advice goes to him.