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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "WAR GAMES 2015" RP Board
Kentucky Bourbon: There Is
Author Message
Prof. Bobby Bourbon Offline
Mad Scientist



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
09-12-2015, 10:29 PM


Robbie Bourbon, who's name you will always remember, is going to war.

KENTUCKY BOURBON: THERE IS

We open to see the seat of Rowan County, Kentucky, center for controversy. On one side of the street we see a grouping of people with rainbow flags, and on the other, we see a smattering of supporters of Kim Davis. A news reporter stands on the scene. She sets into looking at the camera.

Hello, I'm Eva Lane, channel 5, Knoxville. I'm here to talk to protesters who have gathered outside of the Rowan County Courthouse both in support of and against Kim Davis, who recently was put in jail for contempt of court for denying marriage licenses to same sex couples, which was federally mandated by the Supreme Court earlier this year.

With that, behind Eva, who's sandy blonde hair and thin Irish lips, beset by her big doey hazel eyes have a way of dominating the screen, we see the would-be anomalous sight of an A-Team van painted to look like the Ghostbusters car tearing down the block, the tires screeching as the brakes are applied and the van pulls up right behind her, sideways, a maneuver that even the boys in Hazzard County would be impressed by. The driver's side door opens and we see Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, hop out and run to the back. As he does this, we see the side door open, and Robbie Bourbon steps out. He walks straight toward Eva.

Uh, hello, and you are?

Eva has a curious smile cross her lips, drawing the skin taught on her distinctly rounded point of a chin. Eva, the Irish beauty, holds the microphone towards Robbie.

Hello, ma'am.

Hi, I'm Eva Lane, Channel Five news, and you are?

Robbie M. Bourbon, and I apologize. Hello, Eva, and HELLO AMERICA!

Well, hello Robbie. What does the M. stand for?

MotherfCENSOREDing.

You can't say that.

Okay. Again, I apologize, Eva. My name is Robbie Bourbon, and I am a member of the XWF, and I'm here to actually get the scoop on what the hell is going on around here with all this bullsCENSORED.

You can't say that, either.

Well, how about I take you out to dinner to make up for it?

Eva blushes brightly as she looks down and back at Robbie. She brushes her hand down the length of his arm, and back up it again, squeezing the knot of muscle that makes up his upper triceps. Robbie giggles and bites his lower lip, glancing back at Eva.

So, Eva, what do you think about Shane ?

Who?

Eh, fCENSORED it.

Eva lets out a loud belly laugh before regaining her composure.

So, Mister Bourbon...

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant Bourbon? Are you in the armed forces?

Nope, I was drafted to fight in a wrestling match named after war and just adopted it. I, uh, I kinda wanted to sound more important to you.

Eva giggles and squeezes the same part of Robbie's arm again.

Well, we'll talk about that over dinner. So, Robbie, why would a professional wrestler be coming to Rowan County? Are you here to apply for a marriage license?

Heh, not so much, Eva, I have yet to encounter any evidence that marriage is an institution I'd ever consider. I'm not saying it's bad, mind you, but there's never really been that motivator that I absolutely had to put a ring on someone's hand and make a kid, you know? Well, besides making a kid, because the supreme court decreed that marriage is no longer solely the function to create babies. It's defined as a pact between two adults to represent unity and love. Sounds sweet and all, but frankly, I've never met anyone I could marry.

Robbie's eyes go wide as he gawks at Eva with a sheepish grin.

But, but that doesn't mean I don't think people should be allowed to be married. So, to present my own, and by no means the official XWF, stance on the issue. I am here because my girlfriends want to get married!

Eva's face goes deadpan.

Girlfriends? Plural?

Yeah, I'm kinda polyamorous.

Well, no wonder you aren't married.

Eva rolls her eyes and looks sardonically at the camera. Robbie rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Look, that's, hurgh, look, I really do want to take you out to dinner, and it's not just some dominance play or thing, I really do think you're quite charming and have left a remarkable imprint on me, and besides, my girlfriends are getting married, and they'll want some privacy, I reckon.

You don't want to be there for the honeymoon?

What? Well, uh, I'd always feel embarrassed, since one of the girls was like a brother to me, never saw her as any kind of physical pleasure, but they like each other, and they'll see hella tax breaks and benefits. Ladies?

Both Blue and Ash hop out of the van and kiss each other. They giggle, then slap at each others tits, and kiss each other again. Eva's jaw has hit the floor. They start walking towards the courthouse.

See, it's a shame that people like Kim Davis exist as far as I'm concerned. In the wrestling world we have a guy who's a lot like her, goes by the name of Dim. Dim walks around thinking that because God told him to do something, he literally must do it no matter how irrational or hurtful or wrong he is. The shameful thing is he's not just an abomination to southerners, not just to Americans, but even to the religious themselves. Honestly, men like him and women like Kim Davis are the reason I stopped going to church a long time ago, Eva. See, I've read the good book cover to cover, and for every instance of wrath there are dozens upon dozens of instances of wisdom, love, compassion, and sex. A loooooot of sex. If you read the King James version, each time you read the word 'begat' just replace it with 'boinked someone and produced' and you'll carry an exacter rendition of the events. Furthermore, there are instructions for sperm in the book. It's wonky, and you have to know what to take from it. As such, I carry a message. Leviticus, nineteen, verse seventeen. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor, and not suffer sin upon him. Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am the Lord. See, that right there? That's the word of God. Not what this clown Dim wants to pass off as holy, not what Kim Davis treats as a reality of any sort, and not what Mike Huckabee even can remember in the simplest way possible. I don't even hate the guy, I really wish he'd get some kind of wild science done to make him smarter than a fifth grader at some point... THAT'S IT! Cyberjaw! We need a Smart Dart! We'll start work on it after War Games.

War Games? Is that your next match?

Yeah! It's going to be, well, graphic.

Graphic! How about that! And, what is a 'Smart Dart'?

In the planning stages. I have a dart gun.

Eva giggles again.

Oh, come one pretty eyes, I know I'm not being that funny right now.

Eva clears her throat, sucking her bottom lip for 3/10 of a second before looking back at the camera.

So, you interrupted your training for the match because your belief in this cause is so great that your significant others are getting married.

Heh, it ain't like I'm their husband. Well, anyhow, since I reckon I don't hate people, and I want all this ballyhoo to chill out, I had one of two options. Option one was to create some calamaty of catastrophic proportions that would make people absolutely forget about the issue ever fucking happening, and then we'd never discuss it again until it was a problem again. No fixes found, we just let the problem wash away from view without addressing it. Since that's horrifying, I'm going to bend the media a different direction by making a cameo on what will become Pulitzer prize winning material as I, Robbie M. Bourbon, get things calm and settled in Rowan County.

Cyberjaw has long set up a propane grill behind Robbie. Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd, sets a cooler on the ground.

Since this is a wedding party after all, I reckon it's time I started cooking up a meal for the reception afterwards! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I AM ROBBIE BOURBON. I AM NOT HERE TO HARM YOU. FOR YOUR SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF OTHERS, I WILL BE SERVING FREE GRILLED SALMON, CHICKEN, AND STEAK. I ONLY HAVE ONE TABLE. TO SIT, YOU MUST THROW WHATEVER SIGN OR FLAG YOU ARE HOLDING AND SIT AT THE TABLE WITH THE PEOPLE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET AND EAT A MEAL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THIS IS FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE SAFETY!

The people in this rural Kentucky town all murmur amongst themselves, not really sure of what to do, or even make of Robbie at all.

IT'S FREE FOOD! FREE FOOD! FREE FOOD! FREE FOOD! C'MON, GET YOUR YUMMY FREE FOOD! LOW CARB! NO GLUTEN! LET'S EAT FREE FOOD, YUM, YUM, YUM YUM YUM! LET'S EAT FREE FOOD, YUM, YUM, YUM YUM YUM!

The people all look around and shrug, dropping their propaganda, their stances, and their identifying signs to the sidewalk. Robbie starts doling out the food that the Bourbon Men had been preparing.

That's amazing! Well, this is Eva Lane, and...

Before she can finish, Robbie has walked back over to her.

Woah, woah, woah, come on now. The people need to know, and because I was a jackass and asked on live TV, you kind of have to answer on live TV. Look, I know this is all really kooky, and over the top, but that's just how I deal with things, to the nth degree. Besides, Miss Lane, the reporter and me, a superhero. Are you still on for dinner?

She looks at the camera and smirks.

Sure, fCENSORED it.

[Image: DtUCPfZ.png]
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