Christopher: What's that, brahs? Team Victory Forever: Electric Boogaloo doesn't feel like trying anything anymore? Well fuck them and their lack of effort! If they aren't gonna even try ta fight back, then why should I try to add in any fancy editing shit for this promo? Let's do this old school style then! Let's go down the list of fuckers that I'm fighting against one by one and nail their dick to a cross. Yo Dustin, ya have the card loaded on the phone or not?

Dustin: Yeah, brah, it just finished loading up the photo of Shane's huge fucking castle. Fuckin' scary, that thing is.

Christopher: Scarier than Dim fucking Peter with that bull cock?

[Dustin pauses and audibly gags in his mouth. Chris chuckles a bit, realizing that what he said was, in fact, fucking disgusting, but it became funny; since his friend is close to vomiting and it's about as ridiculous as Yosemite Sam raping Porky Pig.]

Dustin: Okay, maybe it's not that scary, but it's still scary.

Christopher: Nothing will be scarier than that, ya hear? Nothing.

Dustin: Not even Morbid Angel running around buck naked on the streets killing people?

Christopher: Not even that, brah. I mean, seriously, He's been too busy injecting himself with either heroin, even more roids, or whatever the fuck Manbat juiced up with to even focus on what we had to say. News flash, ya brain dead monster, killin' people ain't that scary anymore. Maybe back in the seventies and eighties, but now? The act of killin' on it's own ain't that scary. Nah, brah, 'sall 'bouth the method now. You just ripped a man open, and that shit's been just 'bout done ta death; not literally, of course.

Nowadays it's about how creative people can be, at least in the horror movies that you're paying tribute to. Peeps aren't satisfied with just a stab in the heart. They want ta see things get more creative, more needlessly complicated. Why do ya think Final Destination is so popular, brah? The deaths are about as violent as they can be while being as stupid as possible. You're just a slasher movie villain that tries way too fuckin' hard to scare people. So, ya know, all of them.

Y'know, I'd like to see him put up his promo at the last fucking minute before the plane comes to pick him up. Watch him mention his muscles and how his immortality automatically makes him a badass because he's a God and never lost a match. And since I won't have the ability to prove him wrong later on, I'll just say the first names that pop into my head. Gator's one guy. Vinnie Lane is another. I heard Ghost Tank beat ya, even if it was in a tag match with I don't know who. Hell, those are the people off the top of my head. I'm sure I can name some more if I actually wanted ta, but if you aren't tryin' then why should I?

Dustin: Did any of his teammates try ta discredit ya, dude?

Christopher: Only Dim. The rest of 'em didn't say much, if at all. Hell, I can pretty much repeat their promo's main goal in a few sentences!

Dustin: No fuckin' way, brah.

Christopher: Hell yeah I can, dude! Listen! Bjorn was all like; "I'm gonna make my debut at War Games! RAAAAAAAWRRR!" And Bobby's all like; "I came back from whatever fucking retirement I was on to join team Morbid! Team Isles sucks because I said so!" Now the Reverend was a little late, but he popped on and said; "I think team Isles sucks because I'm with the captain who won at the last War Games. I'm an emo loving jackass that can't say anything clever because I'd come off as a whiny school girl who didn't get One Direction tickets!"

[Dustin is heard laughing from behind the camcorder.]

Christopher: Yeah, that was my reaction too, brah! I had no idea what Morbid saw in those guys, but whatever it was, I bet it was nothing like the shit they put out. Now the last minute surprise entry? The Dimallisher? That's the only one that wanted to win, from the looks of things. Hell, just today he put up another promo! Guess what? It was the exact same shit as the last one! In both promos, he called me an atheist and said that he'd put his cock in my ass for God. Not only is that still massively gay, but he had God do most of the shit for him again!

It's only worse because the slow motherfucker snapped and started talking to a giraffe and a sock like they're people! It's gobne beyone being sad, it's up to the point where we have to put the dumb bitch down like Old Yeller. So ya know what? My team's gonna do it with no signs of remorse! Why do ya think I picked three of the most cold blooded wrestlers of the entire federation? Because I wanted to take 'em out for ice cream? Fuck no! I picked them so we can slaughter these guys with the greatest of ease!

Oh hell. let's go over those three reasons that you told me why I can't win this match, just for the fuck of it. One, he says I'm a . Yes, even though that guy grabbed Peter's ass and wants to fuck me in the ass ta get rid of my 'demons', I'm clearly the bigger here. You see how fucking stupid that is? Even if I did like ta fuck dudes, why would that stop me from beatin' ya? Hell, I said it before, and I'll say it again, since ya love repeatin' yourself. This drilled your head into the ground once before, and he'll have no fucking problems doing it again.

Two, he says I'm an atheist. Sure, I don't believe any form of God and Madison's hands aren't going to convince me any time soon, but what the fuck does that have ta do with my abilities? Nothin'! It's just some bullshit that you had t make up just ta convince those southern hillbilly rednecks that worship yas ta hate me! And ya know what, dude? They won't do shit ta help ya! Even if they did, good luck gettin' them in the cage. You'd end up killin' more than Trax did.

That's what Christian's do, right brah? Make fuck all sense while starting fights with people who won't accept some mythical sky daddy into their life and asses? If Dim was fucked by a pastor in his early childhood, it'd 'splain a lot.

Dustin: What about the third thing, brah?

Christopher: He said that I didn't win shit. And that's the biggest fuckin' lie of 'em all. He clearly didn't see that I beat his fuck buddy and DMX in a triple threat and he sure as fuck didn't see me take that Intercontinental belt away from Paige. I have a seven/four record here in the XWF, and he'd know that if he actually wanted ta insult me properly. Hell, when he bleeds out in that ring, maybe then he'd realize that not only did yet another '' fuckin' prove him wrong again, but also to a druggie like me. What's that Dim? Your druggie of a captain didn't do shit ta help ya? Well maybe next time ya shouldn't have said that you're gonna carry him while fucking that giraffe with a filthy fuckin' sock.

Ya know what, fuck it. I've put in more effort than those lazy motherfucks put in one week. I'm just about done here. I'll see ya in the ring. Don't forget ta stand there like a fuckin' idiot while doin' so.

[With that, the scene cuts to black.]