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Christopher Isles · **09-05-2015, 08:21 PM**

Oh hey, it's you! I've been waiting for ya for most of my acting career! Welcome to Johnny Cage's island paradise. The name's not final, but it'd be called something like that. Anyways, now that you're here, what wouldja like, an autograph? As long as I'm alive and my face still looks good, I can sign anything you want me to!

No autographs, huh? No big deal! You're my best fan, I'd expect ya to have hundreds of my autographs! Maybe an exclusive sneak preview at my newest movie would tide ya over? You'll love it; I play as a lone wolf that fights an alien menace after they steal all of our women. And then when I board their ship, They explode into more aliens that I have to shoot down until I kill the queen and have an orgy with all the female actresses involved. The ones that are still alive, of course.

You're saying no to that, too? You're sounding exactly like Sonya right now, ya know that? Well if ya don't want an autograph or a sneak preview, what do ya want?

An interview? Well I guess I can do that. I mean, you did just fly all the way to this island fortress just to see me, so it's the least I could do. Where'd ya like me to begin? The humble beginnings? My first movies? My involvement in the tournaments and how I became Earthrealm's champion?

Ya wanna know what I did after I gave my flesh and blood the title, huh? Yeah, I can tell you all about that.

So, after I did what I just said, I asked Raiden to find me a nice and relaxing place for this old man to retire for the rest of my life. He directed me towards Shang Tsung's old island fortress, the one we're currently standing on and talking about. Shocking, I know. Anyways, I had to walk over here for what felt like 500 miles just to get to the temple. Normally, I'm used to having people fly or drive me there, but Hollywood doesn't want to spend anything on me anymore. They said that I'm too old to be considered silver screen material. Hell, that movie I just described is being made by some teenager who calls himself the next Ed Wood.

I mean, yes, my hair's starting to turn gray and yes, I married and divorced Sonya Blade, Earthrealm's current and greatest general, but I still have a few surprises left for those paying customers. Not to mention, I have a few hat tricks for all of my female fans out there. You know who you are. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Check this out; I found a book that reveals the secret to Edenian long life. If it worked for Old Man Tsung, I'm willing to wager that it'll work for me too.

No, I'm not an Edenian, but why should that matter? All I have to do is follow what's on this book and I'll get all the Oscars, all the women, and all the glory as the greatest fighting actor Earthrealm has to offer. Sure I might not be the 'prettiest face' according to the producers, but do ya really expect the best fighter to have a young face all the time? I mean come on, as attractive as I look, there's no way a face like mine can look like those Cassie and Jacqui are gushing over, ya know?

Besides, I don't think I can pull off the lesbian look, especially at my age.

If you'll excuse me, I'm about to make a few calls to some top Hollywood directors and see if they'll take me back.

Hey again. Apparently they don't want me back because I'm somehow a horrible actor and sight for sore eyes.

Sucks for them. They missed out on a golden opportunity.

Anything else you want to talk about? Maybe you'll try to boost my confidence after that phone call? Honestly I kind of need one right now.

A new Mortal Kombat tournament? Really? Well, I suppose winning another one would boost my image to where Hollywood would have to let me back in. My daughter might be Earthrealm's champion, but I taught her everything she knows. And trust me, that's saying a lot about my abilities not only as a father, but as a fighter as well. Besides, I still know how to use my raw fighting energy to fight for me, and as long as I have that, and my balls punch, I'm pretty much set.

I'd say the interview is just about over, right?

You want to have dinner with me?

I don't know about you, but I'm not really hungry. Thanks anyways, though.

Say, where's this interview going anyways?

A wrestling website? I see.

Hey, before you publish it, lemme call my agent. I gotta tell him that I just did an interview with a dedicated fan.

...

Okay, so I'm not really calling my agent.

What I am going to do is-

I am not appearing on a wrestling federation. I ain't washed up like everyone else.

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