"See, Anthony, you fucked up. I can see where you got the idea that you trashed us, but you were wrong. You didn't. You threw foam peanuts soaked in cat piss at us. And they landed thirty feet in front of us. Which is a spectacular feat, because you were standing two feet in front of me. So, basically you tossed backwards in your effort to hurt me. I'd be flattered and impressed, if I wasn't so gosh darn offended at the sheer level of audacity you've shown. Not only did you make shit up about insulting me, but you've also failed to apologize for the name. I want you to apologize now. I will wait.
While I wait, I want to tell you fagglettes a story. Yeah, fagglettes, like a gayer version of Chiclets. One day a group of dysfunctional mother fuckers got together, and tried to show the world they mattered. They were quickly smacked down when their leader PJ was caught trying to solicit the held of noted authority Gene Coxley McDovern for aid in his quest to blow Jeter Philmour in the bathroom of a 7/11 after downing an entire bag of the slurpee mixtures. Because, he's not smart enough to know that in order to get the full on slurpee effect, you need the Co2 as well as the slurpee syrup. Fucking dick jocket. Anyway, so PJ begs Gene to hook him up with the number for Jeter, and lo PJ begins to text Jeter all of this creepy ass stuff about wanting to taste his macaroon and stuff. Because Philmour is totally 100% Italian, and he wanted to know whether it was true about Italians having dicks like Jesus. Hung.
Gene went and talked to Jeter for PJ, but PJ wasn't satisfied, so he threw a hissy fit and begged his bois to help him get back on his goddamn legs. So, here comes Chameleon, because his name is so fucking stupid I won't try and change it for the allegory, Fagtoni, and this bald ass butt plug looking mother fucking, Frankie Titanium, actually fuck that, Anthony Steele is a much more name than Frankie Titanium. You know Frankie Titanium has actually done something fucked up in his life to earn that name. So, listen, after this PJ got mad because of the shit in the 7/11, his new team of bitches, called The Dope Show, yeah I'm not changing that either, all decided to fight Gene. But, Gene had friends to help him. Not that he needed help with these nutmonkeys, but his crew showed up anyway. He had Bugle Boi, Frodo mother fucking Smackins, and Nutsack Dangerous. Nutsack didn't do much in the fight, just shriveled up and shot jizz while telling people he was tough. Bugle Boi, Frodo, and Gene, though, they fucked the world up and destroyed shit like there was no yesterday. Yeah, bruh, no yesterday. Because fuck tomorrow.
And that kids, is the story of how I met your mother. And I'm bored of you guys being too stupid to understand my message. So, I'll shit on Fontanna for a bit. Aside from having an equally lame ass name like Fontanna, and ruining the name Freddie. Something I have worked very fucking hard to keep from happening, and yet you undid my work by not being aborted. I really hate myself for actually sitting through Fontanna rattle on with his utter bullshit life. I mean, does he honestly expect us to believe that anyone in the real world gives a shit what this glorified piece of toilet paper does? Nah, son, not a goddamn soul in the universe cares what Jobtanna does in his time off. Not even his mother. Trust me, I got it on good authority that she tells her kid that he's the cancer that's killing /b/. And of course that joke just flew over his head. Just like so many things in his life. Like when whatever poor bitch he tricks into sleeping with him talks about how they've never cum before. He doesn't piece together that they're telling him he's shit in bed. And in the ring.
Haha, did you catch the funny I made there? We all know that no one wants to sleep with Fontanna. Inb4 CJ Sharpe says he lets Fontanna marinate his face with that goopy goo all night long. But, even that would be a lie, because no one could get it up with CJ's Autism radiating around the room. Anyway, I didn't come here just to prattle on about how terrible Fontanna is. Dude is seriously dumb enough to say that I've been gone for a while. Right. Except I had a match less than a month ago. And before that, it was April. April nigga. That ain't a while. What'd you want me to do? I was in fucking Bible Camp! Did you want me to stop learning about Jesus, drinking my goddamn Fruit Punch, and come back to fuck your day up? Have a SnickerDoodle while being told about the Crucifixion and then literally put my fist straight through the ass of your jeans and up into your large intestine, to check for Polyps? Bro. There are things more important than whether or not your able to shit without waking up the neighbors. Spoiler, you won't be after I finish with you. But, don't worry, it's not your fault that you fucked up. You're just special.
Now, I know, I can't call you guys Team Special, because Team Special is an actual team here, and they win. Something I'm not sure you guys are familiar with. Since, the only one of you to win a match, won against Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt of all people. That's his claim to fame. Beating the dude who couldn't win a match if losing meant he lost his dick. And he is the only claim you have to success. Now, go lose to Tommy Wish 4 more times. You fucking joke. No one loses to Tommy Wish. Dude was a virgin until he met my daughter. A goddamned Shape Shifting Time Lord Wizard virgin. And you lost to him. New face of Hardcore my wife's cock. Which, I'd wager is bigger than all of yours."
Frodo and Crack are out doing their thing, driving around listening to Ke$ha or whatever it is they listen to while they wait for news from Katie and Sarah at the hospital. Katie was having some pains in her stomach, and what with the revelation that TJ Wallace wasn't the father, and his immediate leaving, they were concerned about the stress affecting her.
"Yo, bruh, I can't believe Wallace wasn't the daddy. I was actually starting to tolerate the idea of that."
"Yeah, I wonder who it is now. Maybe it's Jamal or Malik, or even James."
"How you know the names of the dudes she was sleeping with so well? I barely do."
"They'd hit me up for cab fare every single time after they were done. Every time. I'd be sleeping, and one of them would wake me up asking for $20."
"Oh, wow. Hey, did you two ever fuck?"
"Nah, she offered once, though. Said it'd be fine if it was anal. I turned her down."
"Cause she was your niece and it'd have been weird to ass fuck her?'
"Something like that. Yeah."
All of the sudden, Frodo's phone begins to blast the sounds of Space Cowboy's Falling Down. He pulls it out and answers.
"All right, I'll meet you in a few."
Without saying a word, he slams the car in reverse and backs that ass up all the way to the hospital. Yeah, nigga reversed his car to the hospital. He parks and rushes into the hospital. Crack is hobbling along behind him. When Crack finally arrives, Frodo is yelling at some woman in scrubs behind a desk.
"KATIE YONNICA BARCOVITZ-WARD. Where the unholy cat balls of fuckery is she? I swear to whatever god you worship today with your nutella sandwichhes, and your Sailor Jerry tattoos, and your pigskin toast and all your other hipster shit, that I will punch your taint so hard it explodes into a rainbow of confetti and failure if you do not tell me."
"Sir, I just told you. She's in room 503. The elevator will take you to the room. Calm down."
He calms down and lowers his fist.
"Yeah, bruh, I'm sorry. That's just my baby girl up there. I get protective sometimes. Want a Burrito?"
Crack watches as Frodo literally pulls a Burrito out of his back pocket, and places it gingerly on the desk. He runs over to the elevator and presses the button. Crack hobbles over to him. He whispers to the woman behind the desk.
"He didn't mean to snap. He's just under a lot of stress."
The elevator arrives, and Frodo and Crack get in. They ride up to the fifth floor.
"Wanna tell me what's going on?"
"Katie lost the baby. She's being admitted and tested. They don't know what happened. I blame Duke."
"It's always Duke's fault."
The arrive, and Frodo rushes into Katie's room, where Sarah is sitting on the bed rubbing Katie's legs. He goes and sits next to her, and hugs his daughter tightly. She starts crying into his shoulder.
"Daddy. I lost him. I lost little Freddie."
"Shhh, Princess. I know. It's ok, though. We still have you, and that's the most important thing. Daddy's here for you, baby girl. I love you."
"I love you, too. Daddy. I fucked it all up, though. I fucked it all up bad."
"How?"
" I knew Wallace wasn't the father. I lied to him so he'd stick around, cause I actually love him. I hoped when the baby was born he'd love me and the kid so much he would stay. I hoped he wouldn't agree to the test out of love. Now, I lost him and I lost the baby."
Frodo begins to rub her back as she cries.
"The worst part is that it was Frankie Muniz' kid."
"TV's Malcolm in the Middle was the father?"
"Yeah! I had Teej, and I fucked it up for a washed up child star."
"You slept with the janitor at the club? Probably made his life."
Katie keeps crying and Frodo keeps rubbing her back, until she cries her self to sleep. He pulls back, and allows her to sleep in peace. All three of the adults go into the Hallway to talk.
"Fucking Frankie, huh. I wonder if he knows."
"Who cares. Crack, handle the club for a while. Sarah, take care of our baby. I gotta answer this."[/]b
Frodo's phone is blasting music as he pulls it out and sees a number he doesn't recognize. The voice speaks and sounds like awesome.
[b]"Yeah, I'm on it Pringle Boi. I'll be there soon."
He hangs out and looks at Crack and Katie.
"The Father of Titles needs me. I'll be back soon, take care of Katie, and find a way to get Wallace here."
effort to hurt me. I'd be flattered and impressed, if I wasn't so gosh darn offended at the sheer level of audacity you've shown. Not only did you make shit up about insulting me, but you've also failed to apologize for the ![[Image: sopranos_priest.jpg]](http://www.scross.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/sopranos_priest.jpg)
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