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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 2
Buzz your girlfriend, WOOF!
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Drew Archyle Offline
Apex's Weakest Link duh



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#1
07-30-2015, 05:50 AM

Are you sure you want to do this?

"You again? I thought I got rid of you after that match with Ginger? I don't need a narrator anymore. I can say what I want, when I want to who I want. That bullshit stipulation lasted only until the completion of my match with Ginger, which as you saw I won anyway despite her stipulation. And silly her for thinking that dictating what and how I say things would have anything to do with the outcome of our match. This is a wrestling company, not a poetry reading.

I can say what I want, when I want, to who I want...you sound like a little child you know that?

"Whatever you say voice in the sky. I don't need you anymore. Consider our working relationship terminated effective immediately."

You can consider it whatever you want but you aren't my employer. The XWF is. You got a problem then I suggest you take it up with them. But seeing how they handled your Hart Title reign and hearing what your manager recently had to say I can't imagine that the XWF powers that be are going to be in a rush to do anything you ask of them. Ever.

"Yeah...well...whatever. Just keep quiet. Only speak when spoken to."

Yessa massa. By the way, you never answered my question by the way.

"Which was?"

Are you sure you want to do this?

"Why would you even ask me that? Of course I'm sure."

As the words leave Drew's lips the camera pans backwards to reveal Archyle standing in of "Molly's Place Rescue", an animal rescue shelter located in the middle of no where U.S.A. The building is painted a vibrant shade of blue. The shade of blue that when you drive by it you think to yourself "what the fuck were they thinking?" In no way is it subtle as most buildings are. No, that would be too easy and maybe that's the point, they are trying to get animals rescued so lets paint the building a color so awful people are guaranteed to notice. And in this case it worked to perfection because it is the facades bright blue color that drew Archyle in. That and his love of animals. Specifically dogs. And horses. And wolves. He really loves wolves but apparently it is not legal to own a wolf. Not sure why, it works in Game of Thrones.

Drew reaches forward and grabs the black handles located on each of the glass doors in front of him and pulls them towards himself. Once through the doors he is left to stand in a small enclosed in area with another pair of glass doors in front of him on which is located a sign that informs all those that hope to enter the building that they can not do so until the outer glass doors are closed. Once that happens the inner glass doors will be unlocked automatically and the visitors may enter.

Drew turns around and pulls the doors behind him closed and as that happens he hears a buzzer going off and then the quick sound of the inner doors locking mechanism releasing. The inner glass doors now swing open, an action accompanied with the sound of dozens of dogs barking. A few of which quickly approach Drew as he makes his way through the doors. Once inside a few young girls who seem to be "Molly's Place" staff grab the rogue dogs and place them back in the areas set aside specifically for dogs of their size.

Once Drew finally makes his way through the sea of fuzzy noisemakers he approaches a middle aged woman located behind a counter. The name tag on her shirt reads "Grace." She smiles at Drew and then puts her index finger up at him indicating that the call she is on should be over soon.

While he waits for the call to end Drew stands in place and looks around the room, surveying all the various dogs. There is a section towards the front of the room that is housing all the bigger dogs, some of them you can tell are older simply by the way they walk. Caddy corner to that area is a smaller section that contains all the small yippy dogs most commonly found in the arms of upper class white women who only drink Vodka and Michelob Ultra. Off to the far side of the room is a circled off area that contains mostly medium sized dogs. Bulldogs, Cocker Spaniels that sort of thing.

As Drew finishes surveying the room he hears the click of the phone's headset hitting the receiver and so he turns around and is again greeted with a smile from "Grace."

"Hello and welcome to Molly's Place. I'm Grace and how can I help you today?" Grace says as she looks past Drew to see that a small dog has escaped his little area and is now micturating on the tile floor.

"Shannon. Shannon." Grace squawks at one of the staff.

A young girl, maybe 16, 17 spins her head around so fast you'd think the thing was on a spring and she looks over in the direction of where Grace is pointing.

"Can you take care of that for me please I'm with a customer?" Grace asks in way that is more indicative of a directive than an actual question.

The girl says nothing, instead she walks over to a supply closet and pulls out a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle that most likely contains some type of chemical deodorant and then walks over to the scene of the crime.

"I'm sorry about that, where were we?" Grace says as she tries to take her attention away from the almost neon yellow puddle on the white tile floor.

"I''d like to buy a dog." Drew responds, baring his pearly white teeth as he does. An action designed to help defuse the tension in the room.

"We don't call it buying here. We call it adopting." Grace fires back, finally turning her attention to the man standing before her.

"You're right. Pardon my ignorance. I would like to adopt a dog, a best friend really. I really want a best friend." Again with the smile but this time Drew tilts his head ever so slightly.

"Well that's what we love to hear." Grace responds as she fumbles through some paper work. "Did you have a particular dog in mind?"

"I really prefer bigger dogs. Rottweiler's especially. I used to have one but then I had to go away for a little while. I asked my friend to look after her but I haven't heard from him in months. I also like German Shepherds, I'd even take a Pitbull." Drew says as he again starts surveying the area that contains the bigger dogs.

"I see. Well we don't have any Pitbull Terriers here at the moment but we usually get some in every week if you want to wait. If not we have some German Shepherd puppies both male and female. We only have one Rottweiler, a male about 2 years of age. Not sure if you are looking for a puppy or an older dog or something in between?" She says as she pulls out a piece of paper and places it on a plastic clip board. She then grabs a pen from a small plastic cup on the far end of the counter and places the pen on top of the piece of paper.

"What's this?" Drew asks as he pulls out a pair of lensless glasses and starts inspecting the paper.

"This is just some background information that we need. We will use this to run a background check."

"A background check? I'm trying to buy...I mean, adopt a dog. Not work in a school. I'm not allowed near those by the way, silly misunderstanding." Drew says in hopes that Grace didn't even hear the part about not being allowed near schools.

"Why aren't you allowed near a school?" Grace says as her eyes shot upward to meet Drew's.

"Like I said, it was a misunderstanding. But anyway, I see on this form it says name. Does that mean my Government Name or the name I go by?"

"Are they not one in the same?" Grace asks inquisitively.

"They are not." Drew responds as he continues to survey the paper in front of him. He stops about midway through and puts the pen down. "Social Security Number? What kind of background check are you running? I'm not sure I am comfortable with giving you my social security number. What if someone took that information and stole my identity?"

"I understand that Mr...?"

"Archyle. My apologies, how rude of me." Drew says as he extends his hand outward for Grace to shake. "I'm Drew Archyle. Pleased to meet you Grace."

"Hi." Grace says as she shakes Drew's hand and then quickly pulls her hand back and then crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"We use the background check to see what kind of criminal record you have, if any. We do not want to place any of our animals in their forever home only for their new family to have people with records that indicate that they may not be most qualified pet owners."

"So you are looking for people with a history of violence is that it?" Drew asks as he picks the pen back up and starts scribbling some information down on the form in front of him.

"Yes mostly we are looking to see if the applicants have a history that indicates that pet adoption might not be the thing for them."

"Well that's great because that is not a problem for me. I wouldn't hurt a fly."

"That's wonderful to hear. That means the Background Check should only be a formality."

"Good. But I have to be honest, I did beat up a woman a few weeks ago. Actually woman might be a little disingenuous. She's more like a naive little girl."

"You what?" Grace says she rips the form out of Drew's hands.

'Oh, sorry, let me clarify. I am a professional wrestler and I had a match a few weeks ago with a young lady. It was totally on the up and up. Nothing illegal there I promise."

"You are a professional wrestler?"

"Yes ma'am. Like I said. I would never hurt a fly. Though there was that one time though that I accidently put a cat in the microwave but like I said that was an accident. And I was like 12."

"Get out!!!" Grace screams.

Every head in the building suddenly turns in unison to see what the commotion is all about. The dogs which had already been barking at an annoying level kick it up a notch as Grace points towards the exit her face a vibrant shade of red. You can almost see the smoke emanating from her ears.

"You're a cat lady aren't you? Damn it!! I should have known. I had a feeling but I thought that since I only saw dogs here that I was in a safe zone. Was I mistaken?"

"GET OUT!!" Grace screams again, this time at a decibel level that almost shatters the glass windows that make up the storefront of Molly's place.

"So when should I expect to hear back about my background check?" Drew asks as he slowly backs away from the counter and towards the doors.

Grace picks the form up off the counter and rips it in half and then into quarters and finally she tosses the pieces of paper up into the air where they slowly give way to gravity and fall to the floor.

Drew continues to back his way out of the building his hands up in the air in a "Don't Shoot" type gesture which he lowers once he get's through both sets of doors and finally makes it outside.


     "Drew? Did you get a jar of peanut butter and your first thought be, 'a dog will lick it wherever its placed!', too?"


Drew turns around to see his partner for this week's match, Glisten standing there, the fingertips of his latex gloves slowly and methodically rubbing his chest as the screen fades to golden glitter.


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Former:

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w/ Robert "The Omega" Main and and James Raven "Apex" Longest reigning tag team champions in XWF history at 241 days.
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