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The camera is obscured in a strange, smoky effect. Nobody can make heads or tails of where anything is.

Eventually, however, the camera pushes through the smoky effect, only to find a deep, dark room. The faint look of a figure can only be barely seen, standing with his back to the camera, arms outstretched.

Finally, as if on instinct, spotlights flick on all around the room, moving around to the figure, who is revealed to be... Maverick!

"Finally.... finally.... FINALLY!" Even though his back is still to the camera, it is pretty obvious by now that Maverick is hyped. "After nearly a two month absence, returning at Relentless, say welcome back to your future Hart Champion.... MMMMMMMMAVVVVVVVVVVERICKKKKKK!"

Spinning around as if he was dancing to the faint hum of his theme song in the back, Maverick is now facing the camera. Faded clothes can be seen on his body, them being a plain grey t- shirt and jeans. Wait, why is Maverick in jeans in the middle of the summer? Eh, it must be air conditioned inside. But we digress, just like how Peter Gilmour tries to digress away when he was warned about his cholesterol levels in an all- you- can- eat chicken parm buffet.

"Yes, yes, 'tis I, the one, the only, Maverick! And it seems like in order for me to become Hart Champion, I have to go through five little shitheads. Eh, it's no problem, right? The only threat in this match is TJ Wallace, but I'm not gonna let some wanna- be gangster stand in my way! But, regardless, it seems as if my opponents have had quite the amount of shit in their daily diet. It's reflecting in their speech, what with how much bullshit they're saying. Let's begin with John Black."

"Yes, I know what you must be thinking. 'John Black? Since when does he deserve your time? When was the last time he won a match?' And yes, I do see what you're saying, but I am contractually obligated to mention ALL of my opponents, should I enter a multi- man match. So John, let us take a journey through that shitstorm of a promo, more specifically the part where you trash- talked me."

John Blac Said:X-Mav, what to say about an exact personality who likes to shit on people's bags and belts?

"Black, what to say about an exact personality who only loses? You lose in everything you compete in. I'm sure your family is the same way. Hell, I'm sure your mom lost the competition to give birth to you in an actual hospital. You are an illiterate fucktard. You can never win at anything. Most underrated man in the XWF? More like, Most likely to be defeated in this match. Your only insult is me being framed for the shitting of the X-treme title belt, even though I already presented video fucking evidence of X-Pac shitting on the belt. But even if I did shit on the title, you'd still be rehashing an insult that's nearly a year old. Like, holy shit. Are people so hard- pressed for insults that they have to use year- old insults?"

"Eh, but come on, that was just John Black, right? Surely Peter Gilmour, who has accomplished nearly everything here- oh, sorry, have to cough."

Maverick raises his arm to his mouth and releases two (obviously fake) coughs, in between managing to get out in a massive flurry of words-

"ExceptforwinningLethalLotteryandwinningtheUniversalChampionship."

"Ah, sorry. Just recovering from a nasty, horrid cough I had about a few days back. Horrible!" Maverick said as he returned his arm to his side. "But yes, as I implied, I am taking a look at what Peter Gilmour said about me."

Peter Fagmour Said:Maverick.. the ICEMAN.. I heard you say that I don't have captions in my promos. Bitch, I always have captions in my promos. I got people from other countries watching my promos so you point is invalid. It's just too bad you can't read but since I'm such a nice guy, I'll put up the rest of my promo with captions ok? Here you go asshole.

We cut back to see Mav with his face in his hands, quietly moaning from Gilmour's lack of incompetence.

"Peter fucking Fagmour, are you serious? Seriously? You couldn't even think of your own insult, so you just went and followed Ginger's lead and use something that I didn't even say in a promo?"

"WHAT FUCKING SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?! I'll tell you, none. No sense whatsoever. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're not falling back to the shitting or the Un insults, but I expected something more... original?"

"And also, you claim you have subtitles in your promos, but if that's the case, why did you just start putting in subtitles when you took off your headset? Confused? I would be too, looking through the transcript of your promo. Here, take a look."

Peter Fagmou Said:Peter talks off mic and we see what's he's saying on the bottom of the screen. TAKE THAT MAVERICK! HA! Peter then begins to turn a corner down the block. He tries hard to conceal his identity but people cheer him on some more. He just smiles as he continues to walk.

"You'll have to sit through the lack of the word 'his' in there, and use your basic logic skills on this one. It would make no sense for Gilly to apparently always have subtitles on his promos, but have it just kick in for this one. Once again, what fucking sense does that make? And, once again, it makes no sense."

"But why should I expect some fucking sense from you? When have you ever been intelligent? Lemme answer that question- never. You are a blight on the human race. You, Peter fucking Fagmour, are the exact representation of what is wrong with humans."

"Lemme lay this out for you- racism? Check. Sexism? Considering that as shown on multiple occasions, you've only shown women to be used as tools, fucking check. Obesity? Like it needs to be fucking said."



"Fucking check."

"Now, onto my favorite on by far- mental . Now, holy fucking shit. You fill the entire quota for the world's mental -- and more. You literally say things you'd find in text talk, such as 'lol' and 'rofl.' Then, there are moments where you are just so blindly fucking stupid. Hey, Gilly, remember that time you actually accepted an eight- year old's challenge-- and FUCKING LOST?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh shit, that still brings a chuckle to me to this day. Now, what else have we got? How about forgetting to donate money to Samuels when you bought money for raffle tickets when you were trying to purchase Vinnie's money? Pffft. But, I know we can go higher than that. There's always a higher ground."

"So Gilly, remember this?"

Peter Fagmour Said:u idiot my cock was hard when I came out of my mom's vagina!

We cut back to see Maverick rolling on the ground, practically dying from laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my God! Too funny! Pffft! Oh God."

Finally, after a few minutes, Mav pulls himself back up, and dusts himself off.

"But enough about Gilly, blathering on about his mental . Now, I'd get to TJ Wallace, but for some reason, seems like his promos got taken down. Shame. I would have loved to respond to him, to humiliate him, just as he did to me. And, it seems like Hot Todd could care less about the match- up, as he's hardly said two words. Once again, shame. The lack of drive you two are showing shall be the death of you."

"Now then, I believe that only leaves one girl. Miss Ginger Snaps. You know I believe you remind me of some bitch that was here back in the day..."

"Was it... Jessica Diaz? No, no, that's another girl entirely. Uh... wait, I can get this! THAT'S IT! Iris Oppenheimer. You two would have gotten along swimmingly."

"Now then, since that's cleared up and out of the way, let's get to the part of the promo where you actually mentioned me, yeah?"

Ginger Puss Said:Maverick, hi. We don't know each other, so don't say anything bad about me. I won't say anything to you if you do what's right, and keep quiet. Remember when I dominated my first match, and took Vinnie's title from him? I did it because he hurt my feelings. I hope you don't take it personal that I was invited to join the Pirate team, and Game Girl said she didn't want you on the team. What was with her poop deck joke?

Maverick has a hand of his mouth, quietly chuckling as he looks at that part of the transcript.

"Oh, Ms. Snaps. No, we don't know each other. However, we, in the XWF are trapped in a prison, filled with nothing but insults and half- witted morons charging at us, calling us slurs like ',' or, more in your case, threaten to rape you, or order you to cook them a steak. I'm sure you've had that happen to you more than a few times."

"Congratulations, you beat a worn down and emotionally drained Vinnie Lane! No, seriously, what you faced is but a fraction of the man you could have faced. Don't get me wrong, a win is a win is a win, especially when it's a title win, but don't gloat to high hell and back over a man who evidently wasn't at 100%."

"Now, that personality of yours. Evidently faked. That whole 'niceness' thing, I mean. You're evidently just a Hatriot sympathizer, and it shows in the way that you attempt to defend the three greatest pieces of shit that life has ever spawned in Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Kim Jong Un. Note, at least with the first one, they supported Hitler's holocaust, as it committed genocide against the people who follow the Jewish religion. Never could get a grasp about their views about Kim Jong Un and Osama bin Laden."

"But regardless, you dare have the audacity to defend people who killed INNOCENT FUCKING CIVILIANS?! You make me fucking sick to my stomach."

"Ugh, sorry, I just got a bit... over my head there. But, moving on, note I tried to defend you from getting kicked off the pirate crew. If it wasn't for me trying to assist you, you likely would have had your spot taken away for Bourbon's cronies. So, why would I be jealous?"

"And, for the poop deck joke... Ugh, long story. All you need to know is that I was framed for shitting on the X-title, everyone refuses to believe that I didn't do it even though I have presented video evidence otherwise, and no matter what, they will argue and say that I did in fact, shit on the X-title."

"Now that I've gone through the first wave of uninspired insults and sheer idiocy, I suppose it's time to sign off. And if your name happens to be Peter Gilmour, fuck you."