In the LaVey estate, Mrs. Ophelia LaVey is sitting at her desk doing her business. She is the wife of Nico LaVey. She handles keeping face with the community despite their openness towards Satanism. This means public events, recruiting, and covering up their tracks. And being a group of hardcore Satanists, they have a lot of tracks to cover. Missing persons, missing animals, drugs, vehicles, you know, the evildoing works. As she stares intently at her computer screen, messaging back and forth with their representatives around the world. When suddenly, she gets a notification for a new email. When she opens it, she laughs heartily at what she is watching. Still laughing, she stands up and brings her laptop with her to Nico's office.

"Nico, that Roxy girl has uploaded a promo."

Nico is sitting in his chair, asleep, with a copy of Thompson Cigar monthly draped over his face. Of course, Ophelia rolls her eyes, but smiles and goes to wake up her beau. She takes the cigar magazine off his face and shakes him to wake him up.

"Come on, sleepy head! It's time to wake up!"

As she shakes him, Nico starts to slowly open his eyes, to see Ophelia's cleavage shaking back in forth in front of his face. He smiles slightly.

"I'm up, sugar. What do you need?"

Ophelia stops shaking him and pulls her shirt up higher.

"Roxy Cotton has put out a new promo. I've watched it, and I think it's hilarious. I know you will love it. Perfect fodder for you to cut your own promo."

Ophelia hands Nico the laptop and opens it up for him.

"She's honestly rather pathetic, laying there whoring for likes. But then again, that IS what she does for a living."

"Thank you. I'll try to wrap this up quickly."

Ophelia turns around and leaves, her wide hips swaying and black hair moving with each step.

Nico takes out a camera and starts recording.



Well, Miss Lane, I see you have decided to follow through with our match on Madness. I hope you know what you are dealing with. Yes, I lost. But I lost to a champion. May I add a dominant one. You are a champion too, but I have a feeling you aren't as dominant of one. Well, let's see if I can understand you through all the cum you have swallowed today.

Quote:“Look baby. Hashtag Sleeping Beauty. Hashtag Hello Nurse. Hashtag Sleeping It Off. My hashtag game is on fleek right now. Did you know “#LoverboysComa” has been trending all week? My followers love you, baby, and so do I.”

Nico holds back the urge to puke at what he had just heard. He successfully does so and spits what little puke did come out into a bucket.

Ugh, what a degenerate! I just lost what little respect I had for you. I mean... fuck! Your... I dunno, husband, or boyfriend or whatever he is to you IS IN A FUCKING COMA. That's about as low as taking a selfie in front of your dead grandma. Hell, I bet you would buy an outfit that's just barely too small just for the selfie later. You fucking disgust me. Even more so than when I just thought of you as a whore. I mean, that's sorta taboo, but it's a living! But now, you are just proving my earlier statement that you probably still fuck Vinny while he is IN A FUCKING COMA! Does that register with you? He's teetering on the edge of death! He could be this way for decades! He could die without ever seeing you again. I bet you money that he is going to be pissed at you when he wakes up. You're lucky that you have a pretty face.

Quote:Eventually I get tired of listening to my own voice...

That makes two of us, Roxy. That makes two of us.

Quote:I kick off my heels and lift my newly-pedicured feet up onto the bed next to Vinnie and start swiping my way through various apps. This is the way I learn about the real world. The mobile-friendly version of real life. I keep up with current events 140 characters at a time and usually only see a sunset through a Mayfair filter.

Oh, you don't go outside or read the paper once in a while? Who would've guessed that someone like you could only read 140 characters at a time or else your brain shuts off from all the hard work it was doing? I mean, I expected you to understand even less that that! I'm frankly shocked that you can even read! Ok, that's enough insults for now. Let's continue with the promo.

Quote:That’s what life is in 2015. We spend hours making ourselves look perfect, take dozens of pictures of ourselves to get the right angle, the right lighting, the right curve to our lips and the right gleam in our eyes – all so we can upload them to an audience that’s doing the same thing in return. The great big world is almost empty because everybody’s inside, watching everyone else’s life through tiny electric screens.

We’re all locked in rooms alone, and the walls are made of websites - but at least we’re pretty.

#DigitalWitnesses

I knew you were going to do that. Try to make some pseudo-meaningful quote at the end. Try to make it about how we should all start going outside more, and ignoring our phones, computers, and tablets. Oh, but before you do that, be sure to like it, share it, comment on it, instagram it, snapchat it, tweet it, post it, kik it, reblog it, and you know what? Let's just all fucking stay inside. You know, it's foggy outside (like it always is in Frisco), and you could get a cold.

Maybe you can walk to Starbucks and buy an iced mocha latte with no whip but extra sugar, but that's about it. Then, you can walk back home and complain about how cold you are while drinking something that likely causes cancer in large enough doses. Then you could go home, wrap yourself up in blankets, open up your computer, and watch YouTube all day. Ooh, VSauce just uploaded a video about some weird shit about time! Let's watch all of it! Oh, but don't forget to go out and be social! Fuck you.

Quote:I’m sure you just put on a show to try and look tough in front of the other boys, and you thought you could maybe get a little cred by trying to slut shame me.

Can you not be so redundant? Slut and shame in the same category of words. You can't have the word slut without the word or idea of shame being close behind it. I mean, normally people use that term during "slutwalks" as a way to sort of categorize what I would call "common fucking sense," but you just used it un-ironically to describe me calling you what you are. I don't get it. You show your tits and ass for a living, yet you expect people to treat you with respect and dignity. Choose one. I don't understand how people can't get that through their skulls. Don't expect respect when you have done nothing to earn it.

Quote:...It’s been tough for you. Abandoned by your poseur father and yet you still grew up to be just like him, didn’t you?

No, it hasn't. And no, I haven't grown up to be just like him. My dad was a good man, but he didn't know how to stay on people's good side. It was always "oh no, that Anton guy is so evil." He abandoned me because he thought I was "too dangerous," but I know exactly what he meant. I was going to outshine him, and he didn't want that. So far I have outshined him, I have kept up a good reputation with the San Francisco community, while still doing the same things he did. There are frequent checkups of my estate by the SFPD, and you know what? The police are on my side now, unlike when my dad was in control. Also, I should clarify, I wasn't abandoned as in locked in a tower, I was abandoned as in my dad basically lost hope in me. He was going to leave the family's earnings and estate to my younger brother, Xerxes. But, the salty old bastard had a change of heart, and now I have the earnings and the estate. I was just as successful as he thought Xerxes was going to be. And now, Xerxes is doing some office job somewhere, no longer using the LaVey name. In the end, he knew I was the best choice.

Quote:And to think… it all starts with a loss to a girl.

Why would that be a bad thing? XWF has a great women's division. You just aren't a part of them. You are a valet that I hurt simply because you were there. You are good at being a valet. You have a pretty face, and a nice amount of sass to your promo's. You just aren't really cut out to be a wrestler. I mean, if you have the poor judgement to take a selfie with your husband who potentially may never wake up and then add millions of hashtags, then your in-ring judgement must be horrible. I suppose we will find out.

Overall Record: 2-8-1.

1x Federweight Champion.

Shitlist: Izzy Ravenwolf, Nate Higgers.

“We have never heard the devil's side of the story, God wrote all the book.”
― Anatole France