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"Lucky No. 7" Carson Waters · **07-12-2015, 07:47 PM**

'Ey, wassup XWFam? I hope you all enjoyed the first episode of "It's Always Sunny in Los Angeles" as much the Squad and I enjoyed making it. If you haven't seen it yet, it's all over them pirating sites, check it out. It'll probably be worth it, I promise.

Way to hype your own show, Carson.

Miss Fortune, ladies and gentlebros. What a privilege it is to have you here. How's your leg?

Just fine. So, who do you and Flynn got this week?

I'm facing the Dimallisher?

Wow! You're in a match where you don't have your better half Flynn to do all the heavy lifting? Are you sure you can handle this?

Funny. And, because apparently Kirk MacClay is in the closet, the only way to win this match is to put a dildo in the other dude's mouth.

Okay yeah I take it back, you got this in the bag.

And why's that?

Because I'm certain you have more experience shoving dildos into people's mouths than Dim does.

That's pretty much what Dim's already said.

Then he isn't as dumb as everyone thinks he is.

Ha ha, very fun-- wait you know what? You're right! I'm a big old

who likes dildos in my mouth! Wow, this is a big revelation, you know why?

I'm sure you're gonna tell me.

Because it doesn't fuckin' matter in any way that helps Dim. So what if I say I'm something he hates? So what if it's all he can fucking say about me? Hell, I'll take it. It's at least a smidge more creative than "Oh, you and Flynn aren't fighting champions" or "Oh, the Brick Squad is just a bunch of potheads" like either of those things somehow don't make anyone who says them look worse than it makes us look. Seriously, it's like no one in this fucking federation knows how to talk shit to any member of the Squad so they fall on these little generic talking points. Hell, calling people

is pretty played out too.

Look Dim, I'm sorry you're mentally challenged. I really am. That shit sucks and it's something no one should have to go through. However, let me walk you through the little scenario you've created by saying that I'm a

who likes to shove dildos down people's throats.

I got the upperhand in this match. Obviously someone as heterosexual as you has no experience when it comes to shoving dildos down people's throats like a

like me does. Which gives me the advantage.

You see where that train of thought ends badly for you, right?

Good thing it isn't true. To be honest, I don't get this stipulation either man, it's pretty strange. Though I guess you can't really put it past the people who've booked matches where the objective is to bury your opponent in shit to book this kinda stuff.

Seriously, how long do I really gotta talk about this match? I mean, it's not like Dim's really come up with a whole lotta hard hitting material that either hasn't been said before or isn't completely and utterly asinine like claiming that I went to MacClay to request this match. I mean hell, it's no secret I wanna fight Dim. Hell, I offered him and his good buddy Peter Gilmour a tag title shot for fuck's sake. But a fuckin' dildo match? Nah man, that ain't the Brick Squad way.

See, we're about giving dudes fair chances, not forcing dudes to do shit they're uncomfortable with.

But of course Dim doesn't see it that way. Hell, most people around here don't. Hence the "not fighting champions" comments and all this animosity towards us. Acting like everything we've done since arriving hasn't been for the greater good of all around us. Look back at it all dudes, we show up, show some goddamn initiative by challenging the previous tag champs right away and we're looked at like we're the bad guys for having a set of working testicles.

We try to set up a huge match with the other big stable at the time (coincidentally, the previous tag champs were both members) with the proceeds going to cancer research, and then that whole stable goes and blows itself up in fear of us. Dudes couldn't even keep their shit together long enough to help find the cure for cancer! But of course if you listen to any of the Black Hand snakes, it was Brick Squad's fault there. Guess being too good at wrestling is a sin in their eyes or something.

Then after winning the titles, we offer up an open challenge for any team to step up and take us on. Because as far as we're concerned anyone's free to step up and fight us. No one has the cojones to do so except for Peter and even then it's just to say he might want to at some point. Somehow, that's our fault.

The Brick Squad has, combined across five dudes, one loss. And Dim, you're the only guy to hold a win over any of us. Not that that stopped you from ducking Flynn and I for the belts because maybe, just maybe you are actually pretty smart.

You know that holding a win over a strung out and desperately in need of help (which he did get) Bruce isn't the same as taking down two members of the Brick Squad at full strength. That you and your buddy Pete would fold up and crumple if you stood across from us.

Hell, you even know that if you succeed in jamming a dildo in my mouth that it really doesn't mean that you can beat me in an actual wrestling match, where the winner is determined by pinfall or submission.

You know you can't actually beat me, Dim.

You know it, I know it.

Just like the rest of the non-believers who don't step up. They know that if they do, they'll be put right back down like everyone else who's tried to take the belts from Flynn and I.

Now, with all that out of the way, vote Brick Squad. Because in Brick Squad's America, the moniker "Land of Opportunity" will ring true. Because there's nothing we here at the Brick Squad believe in more than opportunity. Well, that and the kush. But mostly opportunity. The Democrats, the Republicans, they're all content to keep on with their big old circlejerk where nothing gets done and we all suffer for their lack of action. So why would you keep on keepin' on, letting those crooks keep their positions in office?

Vote Alternative.

Vote Green.

Vote Brick Squad.

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